


And the Clock Kept Ticking

by Forever_in_Your_Heart



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Romance, canon compliant-for part 1, madge centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 15:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 137,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4227471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_in_Your_Heart/pseuds/Forever_in_Your_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because if there's anyone that knows what it feels like when a heart breaks, it's Madge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghosts Across My Heart

_Part 1-Ghosts Across My Heart_

It starts when she's born to a mother with a broken heart and a father too weary to carry them both. She comes into the world in a house shadowed in painful memories and haunted by the ghost that shares her mother's face. Heartbreak is coded into her DNA and she learns early that hearts are fragile, breakable things.

Madge's heart breaks before she even knows such a thing is possible.

* * *

Heartbreak follows her into childhood, falls in step with her at school.

Children from the Seam watch her, watch her with accusation and hostility and resentment. They avoid her, keep their distance, but always their gaze sticks to her, like needles in her skin. They hate her but she is young and doesn't understand. She doesn't understand why, just that it hurts.

She tries to make friends, to endear them to her. She buys them cookies and hands them out after class, but the older kids glare with such force it almost sends her to her knees. _We don't want your charity_ they spit and she shakes her head _, because it isn't charity_ , she swears it isn't. They kick dirt at her, laugh at her dress, accuse her of thinking she's better than them, of lording her money over them. It isn't true, none of its true, but they don't listen, too busy hating her for things she can't control. They throw her cookies on the ground, crush them with their feet and she can feel the tears prickle at her eyes.

Madge doesn't bother trying to make friends after that.

The town kids aren't much better. They aren't as bad as the Seam, but her clothes always outshine theirs and her food always outclasses whatever they have. They watch with narrowed eyes as she eats pretty meals and they crunch on stale bread and spotted fruit. They're polite but distant and Madge sits alone, a class unto herself.

 _She'll never be reaped_ is whispered through the halls, _never go hungry_.

_She doesn't understand, she'll never understand_

_Buddy-buddy with the Capitol_

_thinks she's so much better_

_we're starving and she wastes money on pretty little hair ribbons_

_fuck her_

Madge builds armour around her heart but it isn't to keep her safe, it's to hide her broken heart from the rest of the world.

* * *

She goes home in tears and falls into her father's arms, her words a blubbery mess. He strokes her hair, whispers soothing words and finally she calms enough to tell him about school. Tells him about how they hate her, how alone she is, how much it hurts. His face is sad, so terribly, horribly sad and she realizes it's her fault.

She keeps her mouth shut from then on, smiles and says school is fine, everything's okay. Seeing her father that sad breaks her heart in ways nothing else could. She resolves to be strong because her father's already carrying too much. She won't let her heartbreak be a burden for him to bear.

Instead she carries it herself, the weight growing familiar on her shoulders.

* * *

And then comes Katniss. She's resigned herself to a life on her own, quiet and kept apart from the other students. But then comes lonely, closed off Katniss Everdeen and Madge's heart starts to feel almost mended. They sit together at lunch and even though they don't talk much, she feels warm just having someone there. They pair up in class and make a good team, falling into rhythm with ease. They walk together sometimes and companionship feels like a balm to her fraying edges. They're quiet and alone and they fit together better than most.

Madge has her very first friend and it feels nice, incredibly so and she feels smiles come naturally to her lips. School becomes okay, becomes bearable because she isn't doing it alone anymore, Katniss is facing it with her.

And Madge begins to think, begins to _believe,_ that broken hearts are a thing of the past.

* * *

But Katniss brings heartbreak with her, drags it behind her until Madge is floundering in it.

Katniss is Madge's best friend, her only friend, but Madge isn't hers. Katniss' best friend is Gale Hawthorne and Madge knows it, knows she'll never be as important to Katniss as Katniss is to her.

She meets Gale for the first time one day when Katniss brings her fresh strawberries from the woods. Katniss stands by the back door, the basket in hand and Gale stands beside her, eyes darting each and every way, posture ready to flee as if expecting a Peacekeeper ambush at any moment. He meets her eyes for barely a second, but she can see in his gaze that he doesn't trust her, that he expects an ambush because he expects her to sell them out.

Madge feels the sting straight through her bones but doesn't react because if there's one thing Madge is used to, it's being hated. And hate her he does.

His body stiffens any time they're in the same general space, his lips curl, eyes narrow. His words are biting, cold and full of venom. She knows he hates her with every breath, hates her for what she has, for what he doesn't have. She understands and doesn't blame him, knows he's simply drowning in a life that refuses to give him a break.

But still, it hurts to see his looks, hear his words and know she'll always be second best to him so she bites back, never as harshly but still with enough edge to give him pause. He hates her and she's jealous of him and she knows he'd hate her worse if she ever said the words aloud.

Gale Hawthorne is hurt and angry and poised like an arrow ready to shoot straight through Madge's heart.

And shoot he does.

* * *

Sometimes she thinks she has nothing left to break, but she is always, always wrong.

Reaping day dawns bright and hazy and Madge readies herself for one of the worst days of the year. She hates it, hates it so much she feels like she's burning alive. She is forced to stand and watch two children from her district be reaped, be dragged away to be slaughtered and she can do nothing.

Her chances of being reaped are incredibly slim, which everyone loves to remind her of, as if she could ever forget. No, she does not fear being reaped, she fears the helplessness she feels when she sees others reaped. She wants it to stop, wants the Capitol to burn, wants death to stop haunting their every step.

She wants to save them all but even though she's the mayor's daughter, even though they all think she has the privilege to do whatever she wants, she can't, can't help them, can't save them.

She can't do anything at all.

* * *

The day begins with strawberries and Gale's cruel taunts.

She retreats inside after they've left, puts the basket on the counter and prays for them both. Katniss is her dearest friend and Madge prays she'll be spared from the reaping, prays she'll be safe for another year. And even with his harsh edges, Madge knows Gale is a good man, knows he is loyal and brave and caring. Knows he takes care of his family, knows he helps whoever he can, knows that beneath his anger is a loving heart. She prays he'll survive his final reaping, prays his family will never lose him.

Hopes and prayers cannot save everyone, but she hopes she can at least save them. _Please, please, please s_ he whispers and then it's time to go and she presses her fingers to Aunt Maysilee's pin on her dress and promises she'll be brave.

But then Primrose Everdeen is reaped and there isn't enough bravery in the world for this.

She has a moment of horror, of sick terror creeping through her veins before the cracks in her heart burst apart.

Katniss Everdeen has volunteered.

* * *

Tears burn her eyes as she watches Katniss on stage, watches her best friend try and hide her quaking fear. Prim's screams echo in her ears and Madge clenches her hands so tight she draws blood.

 _It isn't fair! Not Katniss, not Katniss, not Katniss! Why? It isn't fair!_ Her mind wails but then, it's never fair.

* * *

Madge fidgets in the Justice Building waiting for her chance to say goodbye and she thinks she may vomit. She can see the Mellarks nearby and her heart aches for Peeta. He is so sweet, so kind and he doesn't deserve this.

Nobody deserves this.

She knots her hands in her dress and Gale looks everywhere but at her and she thinks that it should hurt that even now, now when they are both preparing to say goodbye to Katniss, he cannot stand her but her heart's too broken to care.

Her body shakes when it's her turn, but she cannot fall apart. Katniss needs her to be strong and she presses her fingers to the Mockingjay, swearing to keep it together.

Katniss can win this. And Madge will lend her strength, will give her all the courage she can.

Her fingers tighten on the pin.

* * *

There is a recap of all the reapings that day but Madge doesn't think she can bear to watch it alone. Her mother's too ill to leave bed and her father's in the town square with the other officials and Madge's house feels much too empty.

She gets up and leaves, heads quickly for the Everdeens' house in the Seam. Curious eyes watch her from dirty windows and she can feel their gazes following her, a mix of surprise and accusation and hostility. _You don't belong here_ their faces whisper but Madge ignores them, walks steadily ahead.

She knocks on the Everdeens' door, hands shaking and then Prim answers, eyes red. Madge's heart snaps a little at the sight and she wants nothing more than to wrap the poor girl in her arms and hug away the hurt. But she knows no hug can fix this.

"Madge?" Prim asks, voice scratchy and Madge feels her insides sag.

"Hello Prim, I was just wondering if you and your mother wanted to come over to my place to watch the Games tonight," she whispers it and wonders why she's being so quiet, but something in her balks at being too loud.

"Actually, the Hawthornes are coming here," Prim tells her and Madge feels herself deflate. It makes sense, makes perfect sense that they would and she feels stupid for not figuring it out on her own.

"But you can stay too if you want," Prim continues and for a moment Madge thinks of saying yes, thinks of staying but she knows she can't. She doesn't belong here and the Hawthornes certainly wouldn't want her intruding on their grief, Gale especially.

She won't be a burden, won't force her way into their home. They deserve to mourn together without a girl they barely know hovering in the background. She smiles as best she can at Prim and shakes her head.

"Thank you very much but it's alright. If you ever want to come by though, you're always welcome." And then she leaves, dark eyes glaring from every direction. She can't go home, can't sit alone in her living room so she heads for the town square where there's always someone.

It might not be real companionship but at least it's something. She settles in at the edge of the crowd when she arrives, takes in the large screen displaying the reaping of District One. Her eyes drift around the square, catching on Gale Hawthorne.

His arms are crossed and his face angry and she realizes that of course he'd be here. He wouldn't want to be confined in the Everdeens' tiny sitting room, surrounded by Katniss' family and his. He seems the type to want to deal with his emotions himself, to want to always appear strong. He's hiding from his family, hiding any emotions that may slip past and Madge imagines holding his hand. She imagines telling him he isn't alone, that she understands how it feels to have to watch his best friend, to watch Katniss.

She knows it isn't the same, knows his friendship is deeper, knows he cares for Katniss as more than just a friend, knows he wouldn't want her empathy.

Still, she imagines them suffering together. Imagines them holding each other together.

But they suffer alone, so close but always too far away.

* * *

She alternates between her house and the town square in the next few days, watching the boring interviews and the chatting amongst past victors. She won't see Katniss again until the parade and she hates listening to the commentators talk about her, hates how they laud her bravery but scoff at her chances.

Gale hates it too, she can tell as she catches sight of him watching in the square, recognizes the hatred in his body language.

Katniss is more than just the foolishly brave and she wishes she could shout it across all of Panem. Instead she watches in silence, her hatred for the Capitol growing with every breath she takes.

She thinks sometimes of walking over to Gale, of standing with him.

She never does.

* * *

She finds herself in the town square the day of the parade.

Katniss and Peeta are incredible, burning with a fire she can feel in her heart. The crowd loves them and Madge feels long dormant confidence start to rise. Katniss can do this.

Katniss can win.

She finds Gale in the crowd and wanders over, blood thrumming with conviction.

"She can win," she tells him firmly and his jaw clenches.

"I know," he snaps but he doesn't move away and they watch the rest of the broadcast in silence.

They watch it together.

* * *

It becomes a sort of routine, the two of them standing beside each other as they watch the Games.

It isn't much but it's enough, enough to have someone who loves Katniss standing with her. She slowly rebuilds the walls around her heart and sends Katniss all the courage she can.

_I'm with you_

Gale never says a word but Madge is grateful for him, for the strength his presence gives her and she knows, somehow, that he's thankful too.

* * *

Sometimes it takes her awhile to realize when her heart starts to crack.

The training scores are revealed and Katniss receives an eleven. Madge feels her jaw drop, because this is the best score she's ever seen. For a moment, she is jubilant. Sponsors will love this, will be clamoring to lavish her in gifts. An eleven!

Gale's eyes are wide but lighter than they've been since this started and hushed murmurs slither through the crowd. An excited bubble builds in District Twelve.

Katniss Everdeen received an eleven in training.

Katniss Everdeen can win.

She should be happy, but something horrible occurs to her. She looks at Gale and he looks back, his face grim. They've both come to the same conclusion.

Katniss received an eleven in training.

Katniss has a target painted on her back.

She finally recognizes the feeling of her heart fracturing.

* * *

For the first time since this started, they walk together.

"They did this on purpose," she whispers to him in a rage, her voice strained with all the emotions she can barely contain. "They knew it would make the careers target her." She pauses, breathing ragged. Katniss, _Katniss_ is now top of the careers list. It doesn't matter why, just that she is, just that the judges did this, those monsters sitting safe in the Capitol. They've condemned her and Madge feels tears start, filled with anger and frustration and heartbreak.

_It isn't fair._

 "I _hate_ them," she hisses and it's dangerous to say things like this, to even think it but she doesn't care, too infuriated with the Capitol to feel any fear. Gale looks at her, shock in his eyes and she wants to laugh and cry and scream. He's always thought he knew her and _this_ is when he starts to realize he's never known a thing.

"I hope she wins. I hope she makes them look like idiots. I hope she proves them all wrong."

The cracks in her heart hold together and for the first time in their lives, Gale Hawthorne looks at her with something like respect.

* * *

It only gets worse from there.

They stand closer tonight, arms brushing and the anticipation humming through all of District Twelve makes everyone jittery and ready to burst. No one speaks through the first few interviews, everyone too caught up in the idea that this is it, tomorrow it begins.

Finally the boy from District Eleven steps off the stage and Madge holds her breath. Gale tenses beside her and she wants to squeeze his arm in reassurance, in solidarity. She doesn't.

Katniss steps out and Madge gasps. She looks stunning, looks brilliant. Gale's eyes widen and his stance slackens, a whisper rising through the crowd. They're all captivated by Katniss, every single person in Twelve and, Madge realizes, everyone in the Capitol as well.

Katniss isn't Katniss throughout her interview, except her sweet moment about Prim. Her giggling, her twirling, it hardens Gale's face but Madge understands. It's a ploy, a strategy, a chance to win sponsors. Gale knows it too, but she thinks it makes him angry that it has to happen at all. That Katniss has to play someone else, and maybe even that she's giving in. The Capitol, controlling everything, even your personality.

Katniss leaves the stage with a smile and then out comes Peeta, smiling with an easy charm that seems to warm the audience immediately. As much as Madge wants Katniss to win, she can't help but root for Peeta, can't help but smile softly as he works magic with Caesar. They love him. Gale notices her expression and scowls but she doesn't care. Katniss will always be her first choice but that doesn't mean she wants to condemn Peeta.

And then he drops the bomb that breaks all their hearts.

Caesar asks him about a special girl back home and something twinges in Madge's chest, warns her of oncoming danger. Peeta's smile is sad enough that the audience is already extending their sympathy and then he says it, says the one things none of them ever expected.

_"She came here with me."_

The square is dead silent and Madge covers her mouth with her hands. Gale is stiff beside her and Katniss' face is shocked and surprised and totally caught off guard. It's a ploy she tries to tell herself, a play for sympathy but she knows, deep down, that it isn't. She feels it like a knife in her chest.

_Peeta, oh Peeta_

Gale stomps off without a word and she watches his back with tears in her eyes.

_Oh Gale..._

Their hearts break like dominoes.

* * *

The Hunger Games begin on a Sunday morning, cool and fresh.

Madge stands in the town square and is surprised when Gale joins her. He doesn't look at her, his face resolutely forward and she has to force herself not to reach out and take his hand. Peeta's words reverberate in her head and she's sure it's been even worse for Gale. She wonders how Katniss feels about it, if she even believes it. Maybe it's better if she doesn't.

The tributes rise to their starting positions and Madge barely hears the announcer, her eyes focused on Katniss. A glint of gold assures her that Katniss is wearing her pin and Madge clasps her hands tight above her heart.

_Keep her safe Aunt Maysilee, please keep her safe._

And then they're running, each of the tributes sprinting for the Cornucopia and Madge holds her breath. Katniss nearly gets a knife to the back and Madge's heart stops beating. It doesn't start again until Katniss is safe behind the tree line and Madge can feel a cautious sort of relief flow through her. A glance at Gale tells her he is just as on edge and again she has to stop herself from reaching for him.

She turns back to the screen and takes a deep breath.

It's begun.

* * *

Gale walks slightly in front of her as they leave the square, just enough so they're not walking together. She watches his back, wonders how he feels and if he talks about it with anyone or if he keeps it bottled up tight like she does.

"She was wearing your pin," Gale mentions, still looking straight ahead. Her eyes widen, surprised he noticed.

"It was my Aunt's," she starts and pauses. She sucks in air through her nose and tries again. "It was her token when she was reaped." She can't see Gale's face and she's glad, not sure if she wants to know what he's feeling.

"My mother gave it to me at my first reaping. She made me promise to wear it, insisted that I'd always be safe if I did. She said Aunt Maysilee would protect me." She stops again, the memory swimming in her eyes. "It's the most lucid I've ever seen her. I know it's stupid and silly to believe in superstitions like that, but...I just wanted Katniss to come back. I just wanted to do whatever I could to keep her safe." Gale doesn't say a word but stops walking, waits for her to catch up.

They walk the rest of the way together.

* * *

Nothing in the world has ever hurt like this.

Day in and day out, Madge is forced to watch Katniss fight for her life. She watches her almost die of dehydration, watches her burn, watches her chased up a tree, watches her be stung over and over by tracker jackers, watches her pass out, venom in her veins.

She tries not to think about Peeta, tries not to think of him bleeding out, tries not to think of him dying after warning Katniss to safety.

She goes to the bakery and buys as much as her allowance permits, wanting to do what she can for the Mellarks. She gives some to the Everdeens, wants to make them feel better. She goes home and plays the piano as loud as she can, trying to drown out the terror in her head.

It never works.

* * *

Katniss makes an ally of the little girl from eleven, Rue, and Madge knows it won't end well, can't end well.

It's been a week of this, of living on pins and needles. Peeta's dying and Katniss is setting herself up for heartbreak and _please, please let this be over soon._

_Please_

* * *

Her heart thuds against her ribs as she watches Katniss and Rue enact their plan to take out the Careers' supplies. Gale stands beside her, fingers digging into his arms and his jaw clenched tight.

"You can do it Katniss, you can do it..." she whispers and Gale nods slightly with her words.

_We're with you, Katniss_

And then it all goes up in flames, a giant burning inferno swallowing the careers' food and weapons and sending Katniss hurling backwards. Madge gasps and grabs a hold of Gale without thinking, her fingers twisting in the material of his shirt. He doesn't pull away or shrug her off and they draw closer as Katniss crawls beneath a bush to hide.

For the first time, Madge begins to truly feel like they're in this together.

* * *

They come to interview them then, all of Katniss' friends and family.

Madge smiles and talks about how much she loves Katniss, how brave she is, how smart. How sweet she is with Prim, how Madge is inspired by her and is ever confident she'll come home. It's a bunch of fluff to enchant the Capitol, to make them love Katniss and support her, sponsor her. It's stupid and tastes bitter on her tongue but Madge is willing to do anything to bring her back.

Gale is less inclined to play ball, especially when they call him her cousin. It's a lie to keep the Capitol's favourite love story alive, to eliminate any potential threats. He is furious and forced to the back, a scowling, silent figure without a voice.

But why should today be any different.

* * *

Rue dies the next day.

Madge watches Katniss' heart break and wants nothing more than to reach through the screen and hold her. Katniss sings to Rue as she dies, comforts her but there is no one to comfort Katniss.

Madge feels the tears burn her eyes and she feels useless. Stupid and pathetic and good for nothing.

Gale's hand finds her shoulder, squeezes. She grabs his hand, squeezes back.

They can't be there for Katniss, so they'll be there for each other instead.

* * *

On Day 10, the game makers twist her heart in knots.

They announce the rule change, how both tributes from one district can win together. Can go home. The District comes alive at the announcement, because both Peeta and Katniss are still alive. District Twelve can have both their lost children come home.

Except Madge knows it's a lie. She knows the Capitol is doing it to try and force Peeta and Katniss together, to get more mileage out of the "star-crossed lovers".

It's disgusting.

It's _infuriating_.

Gale knows too, his eyes burning with rage and hatred like she's never seen before. They'll probably revoke it at the last minute, because there can be only one winner. They won't let two people walk away, won't let the Districts have this small mercy. It isn't how they work. No, they'll change it. If the boy from eleven or girl from five win, it won't matter but if the last two standing are the two from District Two or Katniss and Peeta, they'll suddenly announce that the rule's been changed back. It will be cruel but the Capitol will devour the drama.

She has never hated anyone more.

"Peeta!" Katniss breathes out as soon as they announce the new rule and Gale looks away, eyes dark. Madge watches him sadly.

No one gets a happy ending. Not when the Capitol's involved.

* * *

Peeta is dying.

Katniss finds him but his wound from Cato is killing him. They both know it too. Katniss tries to tend to him, tries to make him better, but she can't save him. Maybe it's better this way. If he dies of his injuries, Katniss won't have to kill him.

Madge wonders if she's an awful person for thinking like that.

Katniss kisses him, kisses Peeta for the first time and Gale tries to be angry but Madge knows he isn't, not really. She presses to his side, hopes he takes whatever comfort he can. She knows this isn't easy but if it brings Katniss home, she'll hope the star-crossed lovers set the Capitol aflame.

They do.

* * *

Katniss and Peeta play true love well and Madge watches as it rips away at Gale. She knows there's nothing she can say to make it better so she settles for holding his hand throughout. She doubts he wants her sympathy but he never pulls away and she's glad he lets her help, at least a little.

And even though her heart aches for Gale, she cannot help but support their act. It gets them sponsors, gets them food and gives them a chance.

_Come home Katniss, I don't care how. Just come home._

They always did say be careful what you wish for.

* * *

The Feast is a bloody, awful disaster.

Katniss risks it all for Peeta's medicine and Gale's heart breaks a little more. The girl from two has her head bashed in and her partner begs her to stay with him.

It isn't fair.

But then it's the Hunger Games, it isn't meant to be fair.

* * *

She thinks she might be starting to get sick of the way the Capitol forces Katniss and Peeta's love story. Nowhere near as sick as Gale, but sick nonetheless.

She wonders what will happen when Katniss comes home. (Not if, _when_ ). She realizes she doesn't care, just as long as Katniss comes back.

* * *

Only three left.

Katniss, Peeta, Cato.

Madge knows how she wants this to go, who she wants to kill who, knows who she wants to come out on top.

_I'm sorry Peeta. But Katniss, you have to come home. You have to._

* * *

On Day 18, Peeta and Katniss are the last two standing.

Madge knows what's coming next and she's right. The Capitol announces the rule's been rescinded, Katniss and Peeta can no longer come home together. Gale spits at the ground, the square gasps and shouts and curses and Madge closes her eyes to try and stay calm.

_Monsters. Every one._

But Katniss won't play their game, not this time. She pulls out nightlock berries and she and Peeta plan to take them together. The Capitol can choose, two victors or none.

Everyone holds their breath and Madge prays the Capitol bends. And they do.

Katniss wins the Hunger Games.

Peeta wins the Hunger Games.

Madge can feel Gale's veins humming. A match's been lit. And soon, someone'll have to burn.

* * *

The Capitol spins their failure as best they can.

They claim Katniss did what she did out of love. That she was so consumed by foolish, senseless love that she couldn't bear the thought of living without Peeta.

It's a lie but then, The Capitol's a kingdom built on lies.

And one day, they'll all come crashing down.

* * *

Katniss comes home and Madge stands by the station ready to welcome her.

She wants to pull her in her arms, hug her and never let go. Gale the sullen cousin stands behind her and sparks flitter through the Districts.

Madge doesn't think there's enough glue in the world to keep them all together through what's to come.

* * *

Katniss comes home with heartbreak like a cloud over her, raining down on each and every one of them.

Madge has her best friend back and she knows it's horrible of her to be anything other than ecstatic. But there are shadows in Katniss' eyes Madge can't reach, nightmares she'll never understand. The Districts are blooming with rebellion, growing from the seeds Katniss inadvertently spread and Madge can do nothing but try and fight away the demons clawing at Katniss' door.

They spend more time together than ever before, Madge even tries teaching her the piano. Katniss' fingers fumble over the keys, never quite getting it and soon she gives up. She listens to Madge instead, an almost calm look on her face and Madge would play until her fingers bled if it would make things better.

If only it were that easy.

Katniss takes her out in the woods and she's surprised to find it so invigorating. She feels lighter, freer. The air smells fresher here and heartbreak falls away like dying leaves. Even Katniss seems calmer, less on edge. They don't speak much, but there's a strength in togetherness. She watches Katniss hunt, watches her skill with breathless awe. Madge tries her hand as well and she knows she'll never be as talented as Katniss but she starts to feel less clumsy, the bow feeling surer in her hands with each and every outing.

The mayor's daughter, learning to hunt beyond the fence. What a scandal that would make.

She doesn't see Gale around, but then, she isn't surprised.

* * *

The Victory Tour draws closer, looming over them and Madge feels it like a hand against her throat.

She needs something, _anything_ to keep her busy, to distract herself. She wanders through town without a purpose, buys baubles and bits from random shops and then one day she stumbles across Posy Hawthorne salivating at the bakery window. Her hands press against the glass, her eyes round, mouth open in a perfect circle. Madge knows she'll be in horrid trouble if Mrs Mellark sees her, catches her anywhere near the shop. Mrs Mellark hates everyone but Seam kids especially.

Madge starts to head over but Hazelle Hawthorne arrives and pulls Posy away. She casts a last longing long at the bakery and Madge feels something inside of her squeeze. She sees her again the next day, dawdling behind her mother so she can stare in the shop window and Madge finally decides what to do.

She goes to the bakery early the next morning and buys a dozen of their prettiest cookies. She steps outside and nibbles one, thinking of how Gale would hate it if he knew what she was planning but Gale's never scared her before. She eats her cookie and waits, something like anticipation scuttling beneath her skin.

Madge waits and waits and waits but Posy Hawthorne doesn't walk by today.

* * *

 She presses her ear against the door to her father's study, hears reports of violence in the other Districts.

Katniss has started something, something ready to set Panem ablaze.

Madge wonders if they'll live to see what rises from the ashes.


	2. Gravity Pulls at You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orbits drawing ever nearer

_Part 2-Gravity Pulls at You and Me_

The Victory Tour is almost upon them and Madge, having grown used to watching the Games with Gale, decides she won't settle for watching the tour alone as she usually does.

She thinks maybe she'll try and watch with her mother, try and coax her downstairs but the minute she suggests it, her mother closes her eyes, presses her hands to the side of her head. She moans softly, whispers about the pain, the terrible, awful pain. Madge gives in, helps her mother take her dose of morphling and tries not to cry when she hears her mother's voice call after her.

"Thank you, Maysilee..."

Maybe she'll watch them alone after all.

* * *

 

The Victory Tour arrives and for once, Madge's life gets a spot of sunlight.

She's walking through town, catching up on a bit of shopping when she bumps into Prim, who smiles sweetly, looking pleased to see her.

"Oh Madge! I was hoping I'd run into you," Prim tells her and Madge is surprised, feels a kernel of warmth in her stomach.

"I was hoping you'd come over and watch the Victory Tour with us." Madge is completely caught off guard and more than a little touched. Someone actually wants to watch with her, it's like something out of a dream.

Unlike last time, she says yes. She knows them better now, feels more comfortable sharing their grief and Katniss isn't fighting for  her life (at least not obviously).

The day of, she kisses her mother goodbye on the cheek, picks up a pie at the bakery because her father's always taught her it's good manners to bring something when you visit someone and starts the walk to Victor's Village.

Every house is dark and empty save one and something about that makes her feel a little lonely. She climbs the steps to the Everdeens' front door, the only house with lights in the window and knocks lightly, feeling nervous for reasons she doesn't understand. Prim answers the door with a smile and Madge tries to reciprocate, tries to keep the anxiety in her stomach from showing on her face. Prim coos over the pie and leads her to the living room, Madge trying to calm her tingling nerves.

Madge is surprised, and surprised that she's surprised, to find the Hawthornes seated around the television. Hazelle sits beside Mrs Everdeen on the couch, Posy nestled in her lap, Vick and Rory lounge about the floor and Gale sits stiff and awkward on the far armchair. Madge hesitates, unsure of where to sit, when Prim takes the remaining seat on the sofa leaving Madge to make her way to the armchair across from Gale.

Madge hasn't seen him in weeks and she feels like she should say something but she has no idea what. Instead, she watches him and how uncomfortable he looks, his face wired tight as he glares at the television. She thinks he might feel her eyes on him, because he turns, his gaze catching hers. She gives him a small smile and he looks startled, unsure of how to respond. He settles on an odd sort of nod and she bites her lip, smile widening at the edges.

Rory shoots his brother a mischievous look and leans over to Vick, whispering something in his ear. Vick sniggers and Gale gives them both a dirty look, clearly having overheard. He leans over to give Rory a smack on the back of the head and then sits back, glowering at them both. Hazelle rolls her eyes, Prim giggles into her hand and Madge can't help her smile.

This is nice.

* * *

 

It never lasts.

They've just finished her pie, everyone paying her compliments except Rory, who tells her it's good, just not as good as his friend Peony's (Rory! Hazelle snaps with a shake of her head and a look of apology at Madge, who shakes it away with a smile). Even Gale thanks her for bringing it, though she can't decide if it's because of  his mother's stern look or because he genuinely means it. He won't meet her eyes but she smiles anyway.

"It was my pleasure," she tells him and he nods a little jerkily, settles deeper into his chair.

"Shh!" Prim insists as Peeta and Katniss step on stage in District Eleven. Madge buttons her lips but shoots the occasional glance at Gale, not that she's exactly sure why.

Of course, that's when everything falls apart.

Katniss speaks up, tells a tearful tale of Thresh and Rue and kind hearted Peeta offers their families a potion of his winnings. Madge feels her stomach drop, knowing the Capitol will never allow that. An old man raises his fingers in salute and chaos descends, Peeta and Katniss being pulled away, Peacekeepers descending on the crowd. The television cuts out soon after, Posy questioning them all in confusion.

No one answers her, a faraway gunshot ringing in their ears.

* * *

 

Hazelle insists Gale walk her home, after all, it isn't right for a young girl to walk alone so late at night. Madge tries to tell Hazelle it's fine, that she'll be okay, but she'll have none of it.

And so they walk.

They're quiet at first, neither saying a word and, strange as it is, Madge enjoys the silence. She chances a look at him and notices for the first time how tired he seems. He looks weary and worn down and Madge feels awful for keeping him from bed.

"It's alright, you know. You can go home, I don't mind. I won't say a word."

"It's fine," he replies, voice curt and she gives up, knowing there's no point. Gale's as stubborn as a mule.

They walk the rest of the way in silence but she draws closer and he doesn't pull away, and maybe, she thinks, maybe there's hope there after all.

* * *

 

"You look happy, sweetheart," her mother says and Madge smiles.

"I am," she affirms, and it feels so good to be able to say that and mean it. Her mother takes her hand, squeezes softly.

"I'm so glad, sunshine."

Madge isn't sure if it's the fact that her mother's usually glazed eyes are clear or that she's called her a nickname she hasn't heard in years or maybe a little bit of both, but Madge just knows today is going to be a good day.

She hasn't felt this optimistic in ages.

* * *

 

They fall into a sort of pattern.

Katniss and Peeta are well behaved, reading perfectly rehearsed speeches and rebellion starts to flicker and fade.

Madge sits with the Everdeens and Hawthornes every night, watches the Victory Tour with a heart slowly growing warm and whole.

She and Prim grow close, sharing secrets and teaming up against the Hawthorne boys and their silly antics. Prim is kind and cheerful and Madge imagines this might be what it feels like to have a sister.

Hazelle is warm and caring and treats Madge like any other girl, not the mayor's daughter. They trade sewing tips, discuss town affairs, make each other laugh. It fills the hole in her chest, yearning for a mother who isn't bedridden and impossibly sad.

Vick is always filled to the brim with eager questions, cheeks turning pink every time he looks her way. He fumbles over his words, tells her tales of his wild imagination, looks at her like she's made of sunlight. Rory showers her with jokes of his own invention, teases Gale rotten, boasts and brags and always does his very best to impress her. He makes her smile, makes her laugh and she thinks she'd love to have brothers like these.

Sweet little Posy is her favourite, Madge absolutely adores her and Posy always wants to sit with her, wants to play with her hair and have Madge play with hers, always wants to tell Madge about her day. They play dollies, have imaginary tea parties and Posy pays her silly little compliments, makes Madge's heart flutter with happiness.

She loves them, loves each and every one and for the first time in her life, Madge feels like she belongs.

And Gale, well, Gale is something else entirely.

* * *

 

They have their own routine.

Every night he walks her home and every night they never say a word, simply walk side by side in the darkened streets.

Madge watches him sometimes, watches how the moonlight makes his silver eyes shine. Watches as he carries heaviness in his bones, watches as he walks with his head held high, because if there's one thing Gale Hawthorne's always been, it's proud. She watches him and sometimes, sometimes she catches him watching her back.

He darts away his eyes as if he wasn't doing anything at all, but she's seen it, seen his eyes taking her in. She wonders what it is he's looking for.

She wonders if he's found it.

* * *

 

"You mean it?" Posy asks, eyes perfectly round. Madge nods with a smile.

"Well, it is your birthday isn't it? I want you to have it." Posy squeals in delight, flinging her arms around Madge. Madge laughs and hugs her back, feels bubbles of joy drift up from her stomach and through her whole body. Posy lets go, clutching her new doll and rushes over to her mother. Hazelle lifts Posy up with a smile and listens as she excitedly spouts off her new doll's name, her personality and what the other dolls will think of her.

Gale catches Madge's eye then and she expects some sort of hostility, some sort of anger or scowl, disapproval at her gift. Instead there's an expression on his face she can't quite read, a look in his eyes she doesn't understand. Before she can even start to puzzle it out, Vick and Rory tumble in front of her, a ball of flailing limbs. Madge scoots back in her chair, eyes wide and startled and Rory seems to get the upper hand, squashing Vick beneath him.

"You know, my birthday's coming up soon," Rory tells her, voice much too innocent.

"Not true!" Vick shouts, voice muffled. Rory looks down with a scowl reminiscent of Gale's and tries to cover his brother's mouth with his hand. Vick pinches Rory's leg and squirms free, knocking Rory back against the coffee table. Prim squeaks in surprise and Hazelle turns to them with a frown.

"Boys," she warns, voice stern and Rory sits up with a chastised look, rubbing his leg.

"He's lying, his birthday's not for another year," Vick tells her earnestly. Madge gives him her sweetest smile, his cheeks turning red.

"Shut up, Vick," Rory mutters, mindful of his mother's careful gaze. Madge grins at them both.

"I'll be sure to mark my calendar," she promises and Rory looks relieved. He elbows Vick lightly.

"Way to tattle, Vick, I mean, I know you like her and all-" Rory never finishes, Vick leaping at him, his entire face beet red.

"Rory!" He squeals, voice higher than normal and clamps his hands over his brother's mouth. Rory pitches backwards, narrowly missing the corner of the table and Hazelle's had enough. She marches over to them, pulls them apart with practised ease and orders them into the kitchen. They wilt under the force of her glare and shuffle after her, pulling faces at each of other the entire way.

Posy, having lost her mother's attention, quickly rushes over to Gale.

"Gale! Gale, look! Isn't she pretty? Isn't she?" She bounces up and down in front of him, holding the doll close to his face. He looks down at it with narrowed eyes, tapping a finger against his chin.

"Hmm..." he says, making a big show of examining the doll from every angle, scrutinising the fabric of her dress and even the curls on her head. Posy tries to keep an impatient expression on her face through Gale's pondering but giggles begin to break through as he lets loose yet another exaggerated 'hmm'.

"Gaaaaaale," she whines through her laughter and he finally nods, having come to a decision.

"I guess," Gale shrugs and Posy pouts, puffing out her little cheeks, "but nowhere near as pretty as you," he finishes, tapping her on the nose. Posy beams, clearly liking his answer and clambers up into his lap, telling him all about her plans for the doll. Gale listens intently, nodding along and Madge watches them, her chest feeling warm.

* * *

 

There's something in the air tonight, something lying in the space between them as they walk.

Madge assumes Gale will give her some sort of speech about charity, about not needing her help, so she decides she'll give him a speech of her own before he has the chance.

"It's brilliant really, the way the Capitol divides us." Gale snaps his head in her direction, incredulity in his eyes and offense creeping in at the edges. Madge smiles softly as she looks up at the stars.

"Think about it. None of the districts ever interact, they can't. No one's allowed to travel and we don't really have any means of inter-district communication. The only time we get any real sort of contact is the Hunger Games, where we're pitted against each other. It's a clever set up, one district alone can't cause much trouble, but together..." They've stopped walking now and he's staring at her, but she doesn't look away from the sky, not quite sure she's ready to see the expression in his eyes.

"They've made sure we're on our own, because we're no threat then." If the Peacekeepers get wind of what she's saying, she'll be lucky to get away with her life. She shouldn't be so bold, shouldn't be so open. This is talk for hushed whispers and safe locations, not poorly lit streets in the middle of town.

Madge wonders why she isn't afraid.

"It's the same thing here, in the Districts. Have you ever wondered why the class system is so rigid? Why everything's so unfair? Why there's no real chance to improve your life? It's to keep us fighting amongst ourselves. We're too busy hating each other to focus on them, too busy being bitter, and jealous. Every district is divided amongst itself and that's just how the Capitol wants it."

Her eyes trace patterns in the sky. _We're all under the same stars_ she thinks and then she looks at Gale, finally meets his eyes. He's staring at her, watching her with eyes burning bright like the moon. There's a mix of emotions across his face, in the scrunches above his nose, in the corner of his mouth, in the space between his eyebrows.

He's seeing her, she thinks, seeing all of her and not just glimpses, for the very first time.

The smile he gives her is tentative, not quite sure, but it feels like sunrise.

* * *

 

They reach her house and he looks up at it, his face bathed in porch light.

He looks serious, looks like he's thinking and she can't help but find him handsome. She hesitates by the door, not quite ready to go inside and he turns to her, an apology in his eyes.

"Pretty dress," he murmurs and this time, she can tell he means it.

* * *

 

Madge always brings something to share when she watches at the Everdeens, but today she brings far more than manners demand.

She takes a basket from one of the kitchen cabinets and lines the bottom with a dozen well-dressed cakes, powdered sugar clinging to her skin. She fills a little container with vegetables, a variety of sorts because she has no idea what anyone's preferences are and finishes off with a handful of flavoured tea bags ordered from the Capitol. She tells herself that's all, she's probably already stepping over a few lines, when she passes her desk. There's a stack of neat white paper, never touched and a set of fancy drawing pencils, never used. She really shouldn't but Posy's little face swims before her eyes and she caves, placing them both in her basket.

This time it really is it, but then she comes across her ruined dress, the pretty purple fabric shouting out at her. She picks it up, examines the irreparable hole in the front from getting caught on the fence last time Katniss took her to the woods and imagines all the things Hazelle could still do with fabric like this. She balls it up and throws it in, feeling a little guilty.

She stops a few steps from her house, thinking of Gale and the progress they've made, and how this might well undo it, but then she thinks of Posy, of Vick, of Rory. She thinks of Gale and tightens her grip on the basket, walks straight to the Everdeens without looking back.

* * *

 

She doesn't really know what she expects, but it certainly isn't this.

She has a moment of hesitation when she arrives but pushes through, it's much too late now anyway. She places the basket on the table and smiles, tries to act like nothing's going on. The cakes are accepted as her usual contribution, no one batting an eye as she sets them up on the table. She pulls out the vegetables then, making up a story of how she hadn't had a full supper but didn't want to be rude by only bringing some for herself, so please, help yourselves. She doesn't meet Gale's eyes as she says it, trying not to feel bad. They're hungry and she's got food to spare, it really shouldn't be that big a deal.

She feels better about the tea bags, because she doesn't even have to make something up. Her father had ordered the wrong sort from the Capitol and no one in her house, including Merrie the cook and Mrs Sparrowsaw the housekeeper, liked the strange flavours. She'd brought them here in the hopes one of them might, as they're just going to waste in her cupboard.

Hazelle, Prim and Mrs Everdeen all agree to try one and Madge heads to the kitchen to start a kettle, Gale following after her. She watches him, unsure of what he wants and he picks up one of the packets and holds it up to his eye.

"So, what flavour are they?" he asks and Madge is relieved that he doesn't sound upset. She pauses and tries to remember the name printed on the garish box they'd come in.

"I think...diamond desire?" Gale lowers the bag and looks at her like she's lost her mind.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Madge shrugs, just as lost as he is. Gale frowns and mutters something rude, causing Madge to lift an eyebrow.

"Does that mean you won't be having any?"

"Not much of a tea drinker," he replies dropping the bag back onto the counter. She nods, wanting to ask why he'd come in after her, but can't seem to find the words. She expects him to leave but he doesn't, merely leans against the counter. She doesn't know what to say, so she focuses on preparing the tea and she swears she can feel Gale's eyes on her, but every time she looks up, his gaze is drifting around the room.

She feels self-conscious, feels hyper aware of every breath he takes and she's so focused on him that she jumps when the kettle whistles. She's embarrassed, cheeks turning pink and she shakes her head to clear it. She reaches for the cupboard, but Gale is quicker, pulling out three cups and setting them down on the counter. She's surprised and tries to meet his gaze but he's staring at a spot of wall slightly above her head.

Madge picks up the kettle, starts to pour the water and he hovers just beside her shoulder, making her skin feel tight all over. When she finishes, Gale scoops up two of the cups and she looks at him in question. He catches her look and shrugs.

"You can't carry all three of these yourself," he mutters without looking at her and while that's true, somehow she doubts that's the reason he followed her. She picks up the remaining mug and walks behind him, eyes focused on his back.

Back in the living room, he seems to have decided that they've had enough contact and sits stiffly in his arm chair, face fixed on the screen showing Katniss and Peeta in District One. Madge watches him with curious eyes but he doesn't turn to her, choosing instead to scoff at the names of District One's fallen tributes, Glimmer and Marvel.

Posy and Vick are thrilled with the paper and pencils, Hazelle accepts her ruined dress and there's something going on inside of her that Madge doesn't understand. There's a feeling she can't quite peg as she watches Gale, her eyes lingering on the line of his jaw, the set of his shoulders, the fall of his hair.

And when stormy gray eyes finally turn to hers, she feels her cheeks turn hot and something in her blood start to boil.

* * *

 

Madge feels a kind of lightness in her bones as she walks home with Gale.

She feels at ease, feels like the weights usually holding her down have drifted off. Their arms almost touch as they go, streetlight catching in their eyes. She watches him with a smile and almost laughs, because who would've imagined they'd ever be here. Who could have possibly guessed she'd spend her nights beside Gale Hawthorne, that they would ever smile at each other and mean it. Who'd have thought she'd find a place to belong with him and his family.

Gale notices her look from the corner of his eye and raises an eyebrow. "What?" he asks, lips quirking up ever so slightly and Madge feels her heart swell the tiniest bit.

"Nothing, I was just..." she bites her lip, changes her mind about what she wants to say. "Thank you," she tells him sincerely and he stops, turns to face her in confusion.

"For what?" She looks down, suddenly feeling shy.

"For watching with me." She fidgets her fingers, knotting them together and though she's always been quiet, she can feel words start to rise within her. "I've always had to watch the Games alone. My father has to go to the square and my mother's always at her worst, she can barely get out of bed until they're over. I've always hated it, having to watch alone but, this year, when I thought-when I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, because of Katniss, you were there. Just standing beside you, having someone there who understood how I felt, it...it meant the world." She takes a deep breath and chances a look at him. There's surprise written across his features and something else too, something in the gray of his eyes, in the turn of his lips that she can't quite pinpoint. She continues, feels confidence start to bloom in her blood.

"And now, with the Victory Tour, watching with your family and Katniss', I feel...I feel like I belong. I've always felt like I was on the outside looking in, but for the very first time, it was like-like I was a part of something. I've never had the chance to be seen as...as anything other than the mayor's daughter, but watching with all of you, I feel like I can be me, be just Madge. I feel so embarrassed, telling you all of this, but I just want you to know how much it means to me." She laughs a little, tucks hair behind her ear. "You probably think it's silly or stupid, but honestly, it means everything to me. So, thank you." She feels so flushed, having said more to him than she's probably said to anyone in her entire life. He's staring at her like he's seeing someone completely new and she starts to feel a little self-conscious, tugs nervously at her dress. He looks away suddenly and she thinks she must have imagined the sadness in his eyes.

"You don't have to thank me," he mutters, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Maybe not, but I want to," she tells him with a smile, but when he looks her, there's a frown on his face.

"You shouldn't, I've been an ass to you since the day we met." He turns away, staring off down the street and Madge doesn't understand the stuttery feeling in her chest.

"I've never held that against you Gale, I've always understood why you felt that way." He shakes his head.

"When you pointed out that the Capitol wanted us to hate each other, I realised I was doing exactly what they wanted me to. I played right into their hands and I've never felt so _stupid_." He sounds so angry at himself and she feels awful, she never wanted that.

"I think we're all guilty of that. And it's not like I just took it, I always bit back. And for worse reasons." He looks at her in question and she sucks in air through her nose, prepares to finally confess.

"I was jealous of you."

 " _Jealous?_ " He sounds like he might laugh, her claim so outrageous to him. She nods.

"Yes, jealous. You were handsome, everyone seemed to like you and  you had no shortage of admirers. You had a family, a real, functioning family and...you had Katniss." She takes another deep breath, fights down the tears she can hear in her voice, "I was always alone, growing up. Katniss is my first, my only, my _best_ friend, but I always knew she meant more to me than I did to her. You were her best friend, on top of everything else, you had to have Katniss too. I was so, so jealous of the way people looked at you, how easy is was for you to make friends and how Katniss would always think of you first. When you were rude, it stung so much. I was angry I had to take that from the boy who had everything I wanted. It was horrible of me, but jealousy made me bitter." Gale is speechless, eyes wide and she feels so strange, having admitted everything.

"Every time I think I have you figured out, you prove me completely wrong."

She's afraid of what that means so she looks up, counts the stars in the sky. "I hope that's a good thing."

He doesn't answer right away and she can hear her heart pounding in her ears.

"It is."

No, she doesn't think anyone could ever have imagined this.

* * *

 

She closes her eyes in bed, whispers into the gloom.

_Goodnight Gale._

He stops at the end of the street, turns and looks back at her house.

She doesn't know it, but he whispers something of his own into the darkness.

_Goodnight Madge._

* * *

 

The sunlight is faint when Madge steps outside Sunday morning, basket in her arms.

She stops suddenly, half way down the steps when she recognizes Gale standing just outside her gate. _What's he doing here_ , she thinks and there's a squirming in her stomach. She reaches him with questions in her eyes but he just plucks the basket from her arms and starts to walk.

 _Is he walking her_ to _the Everdeens'?_

Her eyes are wide and her heart may or may not be fluttering. _This is new._

She smiles and hurries until she's caught up with him.

She thinks she could definitely get used to this.

* * *

Everything's been going so well, she should've known it would all come crashing down.

Madge kneels on the floor, braiding Posy's hair. The little girl had begged the moment she and Gale had walked through the door and Madge couldn't possibly say no. Rory sits beside them, telling Madge an embellished tale of something he, his friend Peony and Peatey Lignit had gotten up to and Vick keeps darting his eyes to her nervously, as if afraid she might buy in to Rory's story. She can't help but smile, and she thinks her cheeks might start to ache from all the smiling she does around them.

Katniss and Peeta chat with Caesar Flickerman in the Capitol and Madge feels like there are bubbles in her veins when Gale looks over at the four of them on the floor, shaking his head with a grin.

"That's not actually what happened," Vick interrupts his brother's story, sounding very concerned that Madge might actually believe Rory.

" _Vick_ ," Rory says in annoyance but Vick shoots his brother a frown.

"Peony told me what happened, said you almost got caught by Ms Cassowary." Rory's frown deepens.

"You're making that up," Rory insists, but even Madge can tell he knows Vick's telling the truth.

"She was laughing, told me how funny it was when you realized Ms Cassowary was headed your way. She said you panicked when you tried to run, tripped and almost landed face first in a mud puddle." Rory's cheeks tint pink and he looks outraged that Peony would have told Vick the embarrassing truth. Madge giggles a little and Gale laughs, clearly having overheard.

"I knew I liked Peony for a reason," Gale comments and Rory's cheeks darken.

"Shut up, Gale, that's not what happened," Rory is adamant but no one looks convinced. Gale meets Madge's eyes over Posy's head and they share a smile, her stomach tying in knots.

"Peony's really nice, you should marry her," Posy says, completely out of the blue and Rory flushes even further.

"What? Posy-no. No!"

"You're marrying Peony?" Prim asks, wandering over and Rory looks at her in shock, like he can't believe she's joining in on this.

"No," he grumbles at the same time Posy says "Yes!" Prim giggles and Rory turns red all over.

"No, no, just no. No. Shut up!" He snaps at his snickering brothers.

Gale smirks, "Lucky girl." Rory buries his head in his arms.

Prim pats him on the shoulder. "Don't worry Rory, I think you'll make a wonderful husband."

He mutters something, muffled by his arms and before anyone can respond, Mrs Everdeen gasps from the sofa. The mood drops immediately and they all turn to the screen, fearing the worst.

Instead, they all witness Katniss joyfully accepting Peeta's marriage proposal.

* * *

(what none of them know, what none of them will ever know, is that Katniss and Peeta have successfully convinced President Snow they're just two people in love and nothing to worry about.

they've just changed history and no one will ever know)

* * *

 

She doesn't expect Gale to walk her home that night, expects him to want to be alone.

But Gale is waiting at the back porch when she leaves the Everdeens, a hurricane written on his face. The silence between them as they walk is heavy, sick and she wants desperately to ease the pain of Katniss' engagement.

"I'm sorry," she whispers and Gale's face closes down, his shoulders narrowing.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter," he mutters and she bites her lip, heart stumbling.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I'm here if you do." She knows it isn't enough, but oh, how she wishes it could be.

"I said it's fine." His voice is hard, eyes flashing and she nods.

"But, if you ever-"

"It doesn't matter!" he snaps but she knows it does, knows it matters enough to break their hearts.

They don't say a word the rest of the way home.

* * *

She crawls into bed beside her mother, aching for comfort.

Her mother looks up, blinks with hazy eyes and smiles softly.

"Maysilee?" she whispers and Madge shakes her head, tears wet on her cheeks.

_No, Mama, it's me, it's Madge._

She doesn't say anything, rests her head on her mother's chest, lets her stroke her hair.

They both want someone else when they're together and if that isn't the saddest thing, Madge really doesn't want to know what is.

* * *

The Victory Tour is over until Katniss and Peeta reach 12 and Madge sits in her living room, watches the empty space just beyond her gate and hopes that maybe, just maybe, she'll see Gale.

She doesn't.

* * *

 

It's late, the lights are low and Madge's fingers ghost across the piano keys.

Katniss and Peeta will be home tomorrow and she's thrilled to see them, but she can't help but wonder what happens next. There's still a rebellion hovering just off the horizon and of course, there's Gale.

She hadn't thought much about his feelings for Katniss throughout the Victory Tour, but when she had, it had been about how she'd thought he was over it. Maybe not completely, but at least mostly. Thought he'd put it behind him.

His reaction to Katniss' engagement made it clear she'd been wrong. She couldn't help but wonder what it meant. What it meant for him and Katniss, what it meant for him and...

"That's beautiful," her father murmurs, taking a seat beside her on the piano bench. "A little haunting, but beautiful. What is it?"

"Oh...just something I made up."

His arm finds its way around her and she rests her head against his shoulder, plays a sad song written just for her.

* * *

Madge kisses her mother goodbye on the forehead and tries not to flinch away from the lack of recognition in her morphling dazed eyes.

She walks with her father to Katniss and Peeta's homecoming and resolves to put all her worries aside. Her best friend is alive and safe and that's all that matters.

It's a little too easy to focus just on that and Madge wonders if that's a good or bad thing.

* * *

Her father goes to stand with the other officials and Madge is alone in the crush of people.

She holds her own hand and tells herself it doesn't matter, she's used to being alone. _Katniss is coming home_ she reminds herself and something a little like a shooting star flashes across her mind. Madge grabs a hold of it, doesn't let this little pinprick of joy slip away.

_Katniss is coming home, Katniss is coming home, Katniss is coming home_

She repeats it until her little light starts to grow, until her blood is warm with it.

She isn't alone, not really. She has Katniss.

That's all she needs.

* * *

When she first sees Katniss, Madge feels so relieved she's lightheaded.

_She's here, she's safe, it's over._

Except she knows it isn't, knows it never will be.

Their whole lives might as well be one big game for the Capitol to play.

* * *

Katniss and Peeta make their speeches, smiling and in love for all of Panem to see.

Madge can't help but think of Gale.

She has to remind herself again that there are no happy endings, not when the Capitol's involved.

* * *

Katniss finds her in the celebration that follows.

Madge is enjoying the atmosphere brought on by the Harvest Festival when Katniss arrives, eyes tired and worried. Madge gives her a smile and a hug, tells her how happy she is she's back but Katniss doesn't return it, feels stiff in her arms. Madge pulls back and Katniss presses something cool into her palm.

"I can't keep this anymore," Katniss whispers, as if afraid someone might hear and Madge looks down at her Aunt's pin.

"It was a gift, I want you to keep it," Madge insists, but Katniss shakes her head, face a little frenzied.

"I _can't_ keep it, I can't." And then, perhaps sensing Madge might argue, she flees, leaving Madge horribly confused. Why can't she keep it? Why did she sound so terrified?

(what Madge will never know is her mockingjay pin is a symbol, a symbol Katniss can't afford to be. She's succeeded in convincing Snow she's in love with Peeta and no threat and that's how she intends to remain)

Madge looks up from the pin in her hand and tries to find Katniss in the crowd but she's vanished.

Instead she sees Gale Hawthorne, angry, sullen and looking like he's trying to escape unseen.

* * *

 

She catches him by the back of the shirt.

"Don't go."

He doesn't turn around.

"Why not?"

_Because I don't want you to._

She lets him go.

He stays.

* * *

 

Gale walks her home from the Harvest Festival.

She peeks at him every few minutes from the corner of her eye and feels silly but unable to stop. He kicks at a rock on the road and sighs heavily.

"I'm sorry about the other day, I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was an idiot." He sounds guilty and annoyed with himself and Madge wants to reach over and take his hand.

"It's fine," she assures him but he shakes his head.

"It isn't," he insists and she can feel her knees weaken at the burning in his eyes. "I keep blaming you for things that aren't your fault and it isn't fair. You don't deserve that."

Madge stares at him as the wind picks up, rustling the leaves in the trees and blowing both their hair across their faces.

It's in this moment right here that she realises she's fallen for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we've officially hit AU territory!  
> Also, I'm not overly fond of this chapter, something about it always feels off to me. Either way, thanks so much for reading!


	3. Falling Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My light in the dark

_Part 3-Falling Into You_

Her heart's squeezed so tight she's afraid it might burst.

She wraps her covers around herself, buries herself beneath them and tries to think about anything other than Gale Hawthorne. But he's everywhere, in every part of her and she has no idea how to get rid of him. Madge can feel him in every heartbeat but that isn't good, not at all, because Katniss already has him.

No matter how often she thinks of his smile, it doesn't matter, not really, because he'll never be hers.

Heartbreak's so much a part of her she isn't even surprised when it strikes her this time.

* * *

 

She's afraid bitterness will well up inside her anytime she sees Katniss, but it never does.

Madge is so relieved she almost falls over and she and Katniss spend more time together than ever before. She visits almost daily and is surprised she never sees Gale, wonders if it's on purpose that they never run into each other. She scolds herself for being so paranoid but can never quite shake the feeling. She almost asks Katniss about him but she's afraid to bring him up, which is ridiculous, but it almost feels like an unspoken rule, like it goes without saying that no one mentions Gale.

It's only after Prim mentions Rory, laughs at something he said about Gale that Madge gathers the courage.

As soon as Gale's name leaves her lips, Prim's face drains of colour and she turns to Katniss, an apology in her eyes. Katniss stands, looking both ill and sad and Madge knows something is wrong. She follows after Katniss as she rushes out into the yard and finds her standing with her arms around herself and her back to the house, breathing deeply.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Madge asks quietly and whatever she feels about Gale doesn't matter, not nearly as much as whatever Katniss is going through.

"I haven't seen him since I came back," Katniss begins, voice wavering and Madge is confused. Is Gale avoiding her?

"I can't," Katniss continues and suddenly Madge understands.

The Capitol is on fire with preparations for Peeta and Katniss' wedding and the announcement's gone out that it will take place immediately after the quarter quell, as a sort of cap to the celebrations. Katniss doesn't like to talk about it, so they don't but Madge can guess Snow's made it clear that Gale's a complication they cannot afford. They made him a cousin but maybe they don't think it's enough, maybe they want to make absolutely sure nothing comes between their star-crossed lovers.

Madge doesn't know what to say but she gives Katniss a hug, tries to tell her without words that they'll get through this, that Madge isn't going anywhere.

She doubts it's enough, but it's all she can give.

* * *

 

She hovers outside the Hob on Sunday, ignores the pointed looks and waits for Gale.

When he finally arrives, he is startled to see her and she forces herself to remain calm.

"Madge?"

"Hi," she manages to get out and tries her best to keep her breathing regular. "I just wanted, um, to let you know, that if you want to talk about Katniss, I'm here." He doesn't answer and she's afraid to look at him, afraid she's stepped over a line and angered him. But as soon as she'd realised what was going on, she'd needed to do something. She'd sat with Katniss and had known Gale must have been just as bad if not worse, and she'd wanted to offer her help.

Maybe she shouldn't have.

"Sure...thanks." She looks up at him in shock. There's a weariness in his face and an old anger in his eyes, but she can also see that he appreciates her offer.

She smiles.

Maybe, if they lean on each other, they'll make it out of this okay.

* * *

 

She bumps into Vick as she's leaving school.

"What's wrong?" she asks, noticing his downtrodden expression. He shuffles his feet and chews his lip before sighing.

"I'm not doing very well in history." She smiles.

"Would you like my help? History's my best subject, I could tutor you." He snaps his head up, looks at her like she's made of stars.

"Really?" She nods, smile widening at his enthusiasm.

"Thank you!" He practically squeals and then turns pink.

"Come on Vick, we've got to get home, you can talk to your girlfriend tomorrow," Rory calls and Vick blushes a deep, dark pink.

Madge smiles.

She loves these boys, she really, really does.

* * *

 

"They shouldn't be able to tell us who to love, who we can and can't be friends with! They can't...they can't just run our entire lives!"

Madge nods, listens as Gale rants, wishes there was more she could do.

"Fuck, _fuck_! It isn't right, it isn't _fair_."

"No," she whispers, "no it isn't."

* * *

 

Vick comes home with her after school three days a week for tutoring.

She helps with anything he needs, not just history and feeds him more than she should. Gets him something to drink, fixes him snacks of all varieties and tries not to feel bad. It's the least she can do, after everything they've done for her.

Vick shines bright like a light bulb and Madge adores spending time with him. He makes her feel like nothing bad could ever happen and she wonders if Gale knows how lucky he is to have grown up in a family like this.

She expects to be jealous but isn't, instead she's just glad.

And she can't help but hope she never loses them.

* * *

 

Madge laughs, laughs harder than she can ever remember doing and Vick waves his hands about to illustrate his point.

Vick has a big test coming up and they've been working harder than ever, determined he'll pass with flying colours. When they finally finish, they're both stressed and Vick starts telling her a rather embarrassing story about Rory to relax them both. Giggles spills over her lips as she imagines Rory's face if he knew Vick was telling her about it.

"And then-and then he-"

"Pardon me, but Gale Hawthorne's at the door, says he's here for his brother," Mrs Sparrowsaw interrupts gently and Madge flushes at the mention of Gale. She takes a peek at the clock and her jaw drops, they're late! She should've had Vick home over an hour ago!

"Thank you," she tells Mrs Sparrowsaw who nods and heads upstairs. Madge turns to Vick, "Clean up your things, I'll go get Gale." She hurries to the back door, feeling jittery. She swings open the door and there he is, standing awkwardly on the porch.

"Hi," she breathes and he smiles.

"Hey."

"I'm so sorry about keeping him late, we completely lost track of time," she apologizes in a rush but he waves it away.

"Don't worry about it, Ma's just thrilled he's so into his school work all of a sudden. Though I bet it has more to do with the tutor..." he teases with a grin and she blushes.

"Vick's just gathering up his stuff, he should be out any minute." Gale nods and she wants to invite him inside but hesitates when she thinks of the mess he'll make. He's clearly just finished his shift at the mines and he's covered in dust and dirt and though it doesn't bother Madge, she knows Mrs Sparrowsaw will have a fit. Before she can decide what to do, Gale catches her off guard.

"Are you doing anything on Sunday?" He asks and she can feel her face grow hot.

"Uh...no! No, I'm not," she answers, feeling like she may or may not be floating.

"Well, that's my only day off, so I usually do my hunting then. I used to always go with Katniss but lately..." he trails off and Madge is brought crashing back to earth. Of course, how could she have forgotten? He must be so upset and she hates herself for being so selfish.

"Well, I remember she told me she used to take you out into the woods, so I was wondering if you might want to come with me? I know it won't be the same, but I wouldn't mind the company." She nods quickly.

"I'd love to." He looks surprised and she smiles. He needs a friend and she's determined to be it, determined to be there for him. She may not be able to convince the Capitol to let Katniss and Gale be together, but she _can_ support him in whatever way he needs, just as she's been doing with Katniss.

"Great, I'll see you then," he offers with a smile and she nods again. Vick comes over then, ready to go and she says goodbye to them both. She closes the door after they're gone and closes her eyes.

Why, _why_ can't the Capitol just stay out of it and let them live their lives?

Why?

* * *

 

Madge barely sleeps on Saturday.

Her stomach's a bubbly disaster and her mind's whirring a million miles per hour. She tries to tell herself Gale just wants a friend, just wants a little companionship. That's it, that's all.

It doesn't help.

* * *

 

Hearts don't always break, sometimes they glow.

She wakes up ridiculously early on Sunday morning, long before Gale's due to arrive. She spends twice as long as usual trying to decide what to wear, changes her mind several times and has to remind herself that it doesn't matter. Gale's just her friend and she's never panicked this much when she goes out with Katniss. Of course, Gale and Katniss aren't the same, no matter what she tells herself.

When she finally settles on what to wear, she goes to bathe only to remember part way through filling the tub that she'd done that last night. She feels beyond stupid, can't believe she's so out of sorts and tries in vain to clear her head. She walks down the stairs with spongy legs, heads to the kitchen and tries to make breakfast but her stomach feels like it's filled with snakes. She manages to nibble down some fruit and frets over whether or not she should prepare lunch to bring along. She has no idea how long they plan to be out, no idea if Gale will be bringing his own lunch, no idea if they'll even be eating.

She settles on making sandwiches, needing something to pass the time until Gale arrives. Her hands shake as she prepares them and she tries desperately to think of anything other than Gale. _We're just friends_ she repeats over and over again but it doesn't stop the butterflies in her blood. She adds some vegetables to her basket, throws in the leftover cookies from Merrie's last batch and fills several water bottles. She chews her lip and worries over what Gale will think, if he'll be annoyed that she made an entire picnic. He'll probably think it's stupid or...or, _stop_. _Stop worrying._

She doesn't.

She still has time until Gale arrives and she busies herself with knitting. She's been trying to make a scarf for Vick's upcoming birthday but her hands are practically vibrating, making it impossible to work. She sets down her needles, takes a deep breath and forces herself to calm down.

_Gale's your friend, he needs you to be his. You've spent time with him before, this is nothing to worry about._

A knock comes from the back door and Madge jumps, heart nearly stopping, She stands on wobbly legs and takes steadying breaths as she walks to the door. She twists the knob, a cool breeze slithering inside and hundreds of anxiety darts come flying from all directions.

_What if he thinks my outfit's impractical or stupid? What if he's only here to tell me he's changed his mind? What if-_

All her fears melt away at the sight of his smile.

"Ready to go?" He asks and she nods, picks up her basket. She steps outside, feels her lips turn up in a smile of her own. He takes the basket from her, doesn't say a word about it or her dress, looks nothing other than pleased to see her.

The day is gray and cold but Madge feels warmer than a bright summer day.

He's like her very own sun.

* * *

 

Buried nerves start to rise again as they reach the fence.

She begins to worry that she'll make a mistake, do something wrong, embarrass herself. Gale will think she's useless and never ask her to join him again. He climbs through the fence and waits patiently on the other side and Madge inhales, exhales. _You've done this before, nothing to panic about._

She climbs through, extra vigilant not to get caught on anything and does her best to smile at him. They walk in silence as he collects his things and Madge wracks her brain for something to say. Gale glances at her over his shoulder and comes to a stop. _He's going to tell me to leave, isn't he? Tell me this was a mistake, that-_

"You don't have to be nervous," Gale says and Madge is so startled she nearly trips over her own feet.

"I know you're used to coming out here with Katniss and I've got a bit of a track record of acting like a jerk to you, but you don't have to worry. Katniss' told me that she thought you were pretty good, and you know how slow she is with praise. I'm sure you'll do fine and anyway, I didn't ask you out here for help so much as for your company." Madge thinks her skin might melt off, her face is burning so hot, but she nods.

Things go smoother after that, Madge feeling less on edge. She's still a bit nervous and she gets distracted by Gale a few times, but overall it isn't too bad. She's not as much help as she'd like to be but Gale doesn't seem to mind. They settle down for lunch and Madge unpacks her picnic with fumbling fingers.

"You didn't have to do all this," Gale says, sounding slightly embarrassed and Madge shrugs, eyes focused on her sandwich.

"I wanted to. It gave me something to do and it would have been rude to make something for myself and not for you."

"You made all this yourself?" He sounds surprised and she nods.

"Not the cookies, but the sandwiches yes."

"They're...good. Really good." She blushes again and looks up but he's looking off to the side, and she wonders if she's imagining the colour in his cheeks. They don't talk much throughout the rest of the meal but Madge can't look away and when Gale finally looks back, the smile he gives her makes even her toes tingle.

* * *

 

"Thanks for coming," Gale says as they walk back through town.

"You don't need to thank me, I had a great time, really," she replies with a soft smile and he nods.

"Yeah...maybe we could...do this again sometime?" He keeps his eyes on the road ahead but Madge feels her smile stretch wide.

"I'd love to!" she says, nodding eagerly and then stops, feeling silly. He smiles at her.

"Great. Well, I'm off, gotta go sell this to old Cray."

"Cray?" she asks and Gale snorts.

"Yeah, one hell of a head peacekeeper, buying my illegal meat. He's a big fan of wild turkey." Madge nods.

"Okay, well I guess I'll see you," she tells him, wishing she didn't have to say goodbye quite yet.

"See ya," he offers with a grin and she watches him leave, feels like her heart is soaring.

Today's a good day.

* * *

 

Her father's home when she walks through the door, face furrowed in tired frustration.

"Daddy?" she questions and he sighs, turns to face her with a weary smile. "Is something wrong?"

"I've just gotten word that we've received a new contingent of peacekeepers," he tells her, waving a piece of paper. "I already knew, I saw them arrive early this morning, but I'm only officially hearing about it now."

"New peacekeepers? But why?" she asks, though she has a feeling she already knows.

"The Capitol believes things are too lax here, that our peacekeepers aren't doing a good enough job." Madge nods, knowing District 12 has always gotten away with things they shouldn't have. _Like Gale's hunting_ and she can feel sickness crawling over her. _Oh no, what if-what if-_

"They've even replaced Cray, the new man's already moved into his house."

The basket slips from her hands, crashes to the floor.

_No_

* * *

 

Madge runs.

She's never run so fast in her life but she cannot stop, will not. She has to warn Gale, has to stop him before it's too late.

She reaches the town square, sees the crowd, hears the sound of the whip against someone's skin and even before she pushes to the front, she _knows_.

Knows she's failed.

She's too late.

Much, much too late.

* * *

 

Madge covers her mouth with her hands, feels her tears come hard and fast and every crack of the whip against Gale's back is like a lash against her heart.

_Gale Gale Gale Gale oh God please stop please please stop just stop stop STOP please please make it stop please Gale Gale Gale_

She wants to run out and leap in front of him, take the pain instead. She clamps her hands over her ears to block the sounds of the whip but it doesn't help and she sobs, the desperate need to do something nearly swallowing her whole. She'll grab the whip, or shield him with herself, leap on the peacekeeper's back, do something, _anything, just make it stop, please make it stop_.

She never gets the chance because Katniss is there, brave brave Katniss and then Peeta, then Haymitch.

District 12's victors save Gale and Madge's knees nearly give out as she sees the blood on his back.

_Oh Gale Gale Gale Gale_

* * *

 

_Mama, mama I need you, please_

Her father will need to tie up things in the square so Madge stumbles up the stairs of her house, desperately reaching for the only parent she has left. She needs someone to soothe the aching in her chest, needs her mother so, so badly.

She's sitting in bed with a book when Madge arrives, nearly choking on her own tears.

"Madge, sweetheart what's wrong?" Her mother asks and Madge collapses on the floor, covers her face with her hands.

"Gale...Gale, he was-they whipped him-he...he, oh oh oh, there's was so much blood and-" she sobs, stopping suddenly when she feels her mother's cool hands against her face.

"Shhh, shh my love, my sweet sweet sunshine," her mother coos and Madge looks up, tears still flowing down her cheeks.

"Take my medicine," her mother implores and Madge's jaw drops. She shakes her head, but her mother is determined.

"Yes, Madge, take it. Take it to your friend, please," she insists and Madge feels her heart expand. She falls against her mother and sobs into her chest, her mother's fingers smoothing through her hair.

"Mama, mama I...thank you, thank you," she can barely speak through the tears but her mother's presence is a balm to her pain.

"Of course, of course, sweetie, of course. Anything for my Madge."

Madge tightens her grip on her mother, afraid she may slip away.

_Stay with me Mama, stay with me please._

* * *

 

Madge runs again.

This time it's through a raging snow storm, but she can't even feel the cold. Gale needs her and this time she won't fail him, she _won't_. The box of morphling is clutched tight in her hands when she reaches the Everdeens and Katniss opens the door.

_Please Gale please let this help_

* * *

 

Madge clasps her hands under her chin, _please Gale, please be okay, please please please_ , she begs through her tears.

She's sitting on the edge of Gale's armchair in the Everdeens' living room while Katniss paces back and forth in front of her. Peeta sits at the end of the sofa, sad eyes watching Katniss. None of them know what to do, what to say, so they suffer alone, praying for Gale's recovery. Katniss' pacing becomes more frantic with every passing second and Madge feels like someone's reached into her chest and torn her heart right out.

"Katniss," Peeta murmurs and she stops her frenzied pacing, turns to him with panicked eyes. He stands, takes her hand, interlocks his fingers with hers and Katniss squeezes back so tight her knuckles turn white. Madge gets up too, wraps her arms around Katniss, holds her as close as she can.

The three of them find their strength in each other.

* * *

 

"Gale's awake," Prim's tired voice tells them and Madge feels a supernova burst in her chest.

_Oh thank you thank you Gale oh Gale_

* * *

 

Madge pushes open the kitchen door with trembling hands.

She hasn't seen Gale since she brought the morphling and she'd been beyond surprised when Prim told her Gale had asked to speak with her. Her stomach clenches as she imagines all the things he might want to say and she feels guilt well up inside her. If only she'd gotten to him sooner, she could have warned him, he'd never have been hurt.

"Madge," Gale croaks as she enters the room, reaching out a hand. Madge muffles a sob and takes it between both of her own, sits down in the chair beside the table he's laid out on. Madge clutches his hand tight, feels tears spill through her lashes.

"Thank you," he breathes and she freezes, confusion filling her mind.

"Gale, what...what are you talking about?" He struggles to push himself up on his elbows and she scoots her chair closer, tries to help him hold himself up.

"Prim told me it was you who brought the morphling," he pauses, eyes guarded and Madge squeezes his hand. "I really owe you one." She feels her heart drop, feels something cold in her veins.

"Gale, you don't owe me anything."

"Yes, I do. Madge-"

She shakes her head, cuts him off, "No. Gale, I brought you the morphling because I-I...because I'd like to think we're...friends," she stumbles over the words, knows she's left herself wide open. "You don't... _owe_ friends for helping you. You don't. Unless, of course, you don't think we're friends, in which case-"

"We are," he affirms, cutting her off this time. He takes her hand, holds firm. "We are. We're friends Madge, of course we are." She nods, gives him a teary smile.

"Then you don't owe me Gale. I'm just so glad I could help." He doesn't look convinced, but nods and she holds onto his hand.

She just wishes she could have done more.

* * *

 

District 12 lives under a blanket of fear.

The new peacekeepers are strict and Gale's punishment hovers in everyone's minds. The district walks around on eggshells, terrified of what comes next.

Madge visits Gale as often she can, always mindful to be home before curfew. He heals quickly but she knows the scars on his back will never disappear and the fire in his eyes burns brighter than ever before.

She sits with Katniss, lets her tell her all the things she wishes she could say to Gale, the Capitol still insisting they keep their distance.

Peeta holds Katniss, calms her down when she begins to panic about what Snow will do because she interrupted Gale's whipping and Madge can't help but wonder if life will ever get any easier.

She doubts it.

* * *

 

She sits on the porch swing, tries to breathe in the fresh air.

There's coal dust in the wind and snow falls softly, but Madge doesn't mind, enjoys the chance to be alone. Her house is stifling, her father  worried and stressed, her mother dazed and far away. She needs a break.

She inhales again and opens her eyes, startled to see Gale standing just beyond her fence. She hurries over to him, takes in the rage in his posture. _Oh no, what could have happened?_

She reaches him, recognizes the anger in his eyes and the pale sunlight illuminates his edges.

"Gale? What is it?"

"They've turned on the fence. I can't get out, I can't hunt." Madge gasps, feels her eyes widening. _They've turned on the fence? What's next?_ She reaches for him without thinking, pulls him into a hug and presses her cheek against his beating heart, wishes she could do something.

"I...I'm sorry," she whispers, knowing it isn't enough.

Gale doesn't answer, body tense but she feels his arms come around her.

_We'll figure something out. I know we will._

It isn't enough, but it's a promise she intends to keep.

* * *

 

Anxiety builds in every corner of the district.

Her mother is worse than ever and Madge does what she can to ease her pain. Katniss is a wreck, terrified to find out what nightmare Snow has ready for them. Gale is still a storm of fury and his family suffers from his inability to hunt. The citizens of 12 are fearful, haunted by quells past.

The announcement of the third quarter quell draws ever nearer and Madge wonders if the District will even make it that far, wonders if they'll manage to hold on as they dangle on the brink.

And Madge, Madge just wishes for a miracle, something to save them all.

* * *

 

Madge sits on the couch with her father when the announcement's finally made.

President Snow stands at the podium, pulls out an old, yellow envelope and smiles, a cold smile that makes Madge's blood freeze.

"To remind the districts that no one is beyond the Capitol's reach, all citizens will be eligible for this year's reaping," he reads out and Madge drops her teacup, hears it break on the ground.

The entire district.

No one is safe.

No one.

* * *

 

"Just when I thought I was done for good," Gale says with a humourless laugh and Madge can feel bile crawl up her throat. _He's supposed to be safe. Posy's supposed to be safe. Vick, Daddy, Mama, Hazelle, they're all supposed to be safe._

But then, this is Panem, no one's ever safe.

"But you know what, it's better this way. I can volunteer, keep my family safe," he pauses, face growing hard, "And then I'll make the Capitol pay." His tone is fierce, his eyes blazing and Madge wants to wrap him in her arms, keep him safe from the world. But she can't, can't shield him from what's to come.

_please please don't let them be reaped please please keep them safe_

It's useless to hope, but it's all she has.

And she's not ready to let go quite yet.

* * *

 

Katniss is a mess.

Madge visits nearly every day and Katniss is a wreck, growing worse every second the quell draws closer. Soon, she'll have to return to the Capitol. Soon, she'll have to mentor anyone from infants to grandparents.

Madge doesn't know how to fix this.

She can see the worry lines in Peeta's face even as he tries to hide them and Madge wishes she could do something, wishes she could make this better. But she can't and instead she watches as Peeta and Katniss lean on each other, as they find comfort and strength in each other's arms.

Madge hates herself, feels useless and helpless. She can't do a thing for Katniss or for any of her loved ones, all at the mercy of this year's reaping. She can't sleep, barely eats and every time she closes her eyes, she sees her nightmares come to life.

Madge is a mess.

* * *

 

Sunday is the only day she can breathe.

With hunting no longer an option, Gale comes by with his siblings, fills her life with a bit of light. She can almost forget the horrors creeping up on them, can almost imagine everything's alright.

They play games, bake cakes, revel in each other's company and Madge starts to feel almost whole again. Dark shadows still loom over them, still hide around the edges but Madge feels safe with Posy in her lap, with Vick and Rory seated beside her, with Gale smiling warmly. Nothing can hurt them here and Madge holds onto that.

She never lets go.

* * *

 

"I want you to come here for the Games. All of you, I want you to watch with me," Madge says and Gale looks at her, surprise in his eyes.

"Prim and Mrs Everdeen too, I'm going to ask them next time I visit." She tries not to show how much his answer means to her, how much she needs him to say yes.

"I'll have to ask Ma, but I can't imagine she'll say no," Gale shrugs and Madge tamps down her excitement.

"Great," she exhales and Gale smiles, makes her heart flutter.

He has no idea what he does to her.

* * *

 

No one sleeps the night before the reaping.

Fear hangs heavy over them, burrows deep into their skin.

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

The quell is coming and no one is safe.

* * *

 

Madge wakes up early the morning of the reaping, fastens Aunt Maysilee's pin to her dress.

_It's time._

* * *

 

Gale is waiting when she steps outside.

She tries to smile but can't, tries to speak but the words die in her throat. They simply fall into step beside each other and Madge tries her best not to think about how this may be the very last time they do this.

_This can't be the end, it can't be._

* * *

 

In the end, no one she loves is reaped.

Instead, Lanna Costmary is called up, the seamstress' daughter, a classmate of Gale's, nineteen, eight months married and six months pregnant. Her husband fights, yells and is knocked unconscious. Lanna collapses in tears and is carried on stage by Peacekeepers, sobs uncontrollably as Effie Trinket tries to call out the male tribute's name.

Phox Peat, fourteen years old and from the Seam, nearly trips up the stairs and cannot take his eyes off Lanna as he stands on stage. He'd probably thought he'd be safe, with all the district eligible, what were his chances?

No one volunteers.

* * *

 

They huddle in her living room and Madge is surprised to find Rory isn't with them.

"Rory's gone to watch with the Paddyfields," Gale tells her and she furrows her brow, not recognizing the name.

"They're our neighbours," Gale clarifies, "Rory's good friends with their daughter Peony." Madge nods, remembers Rory mentioning Peony a few times. She thinks that's it but then Gale's posture changes, his face darkening a bit.

"Their son, Parry, he was a year behind me in school. He was reaped in the 73rd games." _Oh._ Madge remembers the 73rd Games, remembers that both of District 12's tributes were cut down in the bloodbath.

"The Games, well, they're hard to watch, have been ever since. Rory does his best to help them through it." Madge feels a surge of affection for Rory, feels a surge of sympathy for the Paddyfields.

God, this isn't fair. It just isn't fair.

* * *

 

Madge always hates watching the reapings, but this year's are on an entirely different level.

There are children, small, tiny children of four, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.

There's a father that volunteers to go in alongside his daughter, to protect her.

There's mothers, fathers, grandparents.

There's a man, ninety-one years old.

There's Lanna Costmary, six months pregnant.

The Capitol's never been so cruel.

* * *

 

Gale lingers on the porch after everyone else has left.

They both hesitate and Madge is the first to move, spurred on by impulses beyond her control.

She leans up, presses her lips against his cheek in a kiss. She can feel his stubble, taste his breathing.

"Goodnight Gale," she whispers against his skin and then she pulls back, hurries inside, feels like she's on fire. Her lips tingle and she presses the tips of her fingertips against them, feels a storm brewing in her chest. She peeks at him through the window, sees him press his fingers to his cheek.

She tries to tell herself it doesn't mean anything.

But maybe, just maybe, it does.

* * *

 

Madge is nervous when the Hawthornes arrive the next day.

She's afraid of Gale's reaction to last night, afraid of what he might say or do. She gets everyone a drink, sets up snacks on the coffee table and Gale doesn't say a word, stands off to the side and she wonders why he doesn't sit down. She hovers, hesitates but eventually there's nothing left to do, so she takes a seat on the sofa, knots her fingers in her lap. She can just see Gale moving from the corner of her eye, but she doesn't look up, heart in her throat.

But Gale sits beside her, so close their bodies touch and for a moment, Madge forgets all about the Hunger Games, forgets about everything that isn't Gale Hawthorne.

Hope beats fragile wings inside her chest.

* * *

 

She does her best to keep Posy distracted as the parade draws closer.

She brings out her old dolls from the attic and Posy is enchanted. Prim sometimes joins in with them and Madge tries not to think of all the children Posy's age in this year's Hunger Games, tries not to think how it could have been Posy, sweet, adorable, lovely little Posy.

She wonders if she's trying to distract Posy, or if she's trying to distract herself.

* * *

 

The parade is grotesque.

Everyone dressed up for their deaths and only District Two's volunteers look confident, don't make Madge's insides twist. District Four's chariot rolls out and the girl, seven years old, is dressed up in a pearl studded ball gown, her eyes wide while the old man beside her gives a sad smile, tries not to worry her.

Madge can feel her eyes burn and then Gale finds her hand, holds it tight. She wants to close her eyes but doesn't, forces herself to watch the entire thing. By the time Lanna and Phox have had their turn, Madge is ready to set the Capitol aflame herself, ready to burn it down to cinders.

Anything to stop this from happening.

_Anything._

* * *

 

Even in the midst of everything going wrong, Madge finds something good.

She feels sparks in her blood when she looks at Gale, feels something like static electricity beneath her skin when she touches him.

She wonders if he feels it too.

* * *

 

The training scores are pitiful, the worst they've ever been.

A few are decent, are actually good but it only serves to highlight what they all already knew.

This year's Hunger Games will be a massacre.

* * *

 

The interviews are a disaster.

Most of the children cry, the old man from four sighs sadly, says he wishes the children had been spared, the woman from five is dragged away in the middle of an angry, swearing rant, the man from six says he'll die to save his daughter, but he shouldn't have to, the Capitol shouldn't be forcing him to, they should both be allowed to live.

Lanna sobs, unable to speak a word and Phox fidgets, pulls at his collar.

"I don't want to die," he whispers, voice faint. "But I don't want to win either. I don't want to kill anyone, especially not a little kid. And Lanna, she's having a baby. That isn't right."

It isn't, it really isn't.

* * *

 

The night before the Hunger Games begin, Madge dreams of death.

Her nightmares are bloody and violent, and worst of all, come morning, they'll be reality.

* * *

 

As soon as the bloodbath begins, Madge buries her face in Gale's arm.

She can't watch, can't bear it and the sounds alone make her stomach heave. She breathes in Gale, tries to find courage in that. He grips her hand, squeezes so tight she thinks she may be losing circulation, but she doesn't mind.

It reminds her that he's here, he's safe, he's alive.

She draws strength from that and she hopes he can find strength in her, hopes she can make him brave.

She doesn't have much courage to spare, but she'd share it all with Gale.

* * *

 

The bloodbath is an absolute nightmare.

There aren't words and Madge spends the rest of the day sick, loses her breakfast in the bathroom.

Hazelle rocks a crying Posy, Vick and Prim huddle together, hiding their faces in each other's arms and Mrs Everdeen dawdles in the kitchen, says she's making something to quiet Madge's stomach.

Gale's the only one who actually watches the entire thing, keeps his steely gaze fixed on the screen. There's lightning in his eyes, hellfire in his veins and his hatred for the Capitol runs so deep it scares her.

She's afraid his thirst for rebellion will bleed him dry, afraid he'll start a fight he'll never win.

Madge wants the Capitol to come crashing down just as much as he does, she's just not sure it ever will.

* * *

 

Lanna Costmary's death is something best left forgotten.

Of course, there are some things you never forget, no matter how much you want to.

(Madge thinks of Katniss, of how devastated she must be and her entire body aches.

And even though they're separated by so many miles, they share their nightmares tonight)

* * *

 

She doesn't think she's let go of Gale's hand once throughout the Games.

And when he leaves every night, Madge can feel a chill in her skin.

It's like she's missing something, a part of herself.

* * *

 

Varinia Seward, the seventeen year old volunteer from District Two, wins the Seventy Fifth Hunger Games.

Madge doesn't sleep that night.

She doubts she ever will again.

* * *

 

(the seventy fifth hunger games do exactly what the Capitol wants, breaks the back of the revolution. their mockingjay's just a silly girl in love and the people of the districts are so demoralised, so terrified they don't dare to rebel.

and so Panem's rebellion dies an early death, dies before it ever really begins)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with me! I can promise the next chapter will be up sometime next week, but no guarantee as to when because a) my schedule's getting really packed and b) part four's shaping up to be really, really long.  
> I hope you enjoyed :)


	4. Kiss Me with Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything has a beginning

_Part 4-Kiss Me with Courage_

The Seventy Fifth Hunger Games are over.

Except not for Katniss, which means not for Madge either.

The wedding of District 12's star crossed lovers still has to happen and Peeta and Katniss don't even get the chance to come home first. Their families are meant to meet them in the Capitol for the ceremony and Madge feels a touch of brightness at being included.

But it doesn't last. Katniss is probably miserable and Madge can't be happy in the face of that, feels selfish and awful. Katniss, her _best friend_ , is suffering.

Who knew victory came at so steep a cost?

* * *

The night before they leave for the Capitol, Madge finds Gale sitting on her porch, hands hanging between his legs.

"You've spent time with Katniss and Peeta, seen them together, for real, not just on the TV...are they happy? Is _Katniss_ happy?" Gale asks, eyes on the moon and Madge doesn't know what to say, feels a lump in her throat.

"Does she love him?" He asks, voice soft and Madge swallows, sits beside him.

He doesn't look at her, breathes in deeply. "You can tell me the truth. I'm over it, over her. It's been a year since she first came home with Peeta, since I realised I didn't have a chance. I've moved on. I'm done living in the past, in what could have been." He pauses, licks his lips and Madge feels something stir in the air between them.

"It's time I looked to the future," he tells her, meets her eyes and she can feel her breath catch. There's something in his eyes, something that makes her pulse quicken, makes her blood race.

Gale looks down, breaks the spell and Madge shakes her head to clear it.

"But she's still my best friend, still Katniss and I...I just want to know she's going to be okay. That she'll be happy," he murmurs and Madge nods, fully understanding but hesitates with what to say. She's seen Katniss with Peeta, seen the way she looks at him, the way she behaves around him. Madge is no expert, but she thinks Katniss may be falling for him, falling quick but she knows that's no guarantee of happiness. Peeta's a good person, one of the best and he'd do anything for Katniss but Madge knows the Capitol weighs heavily on Katniss, the idea that _they_ want her to be with Peeta leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

Gale is watching her, waiting for an answer and she sighs, wonders when everything became so complicated, so difficult.

"Peeta will make her happy," Madge finally whispers. _Or, at least as happy as she can be._

Madge isn't sure victors are allowed to be happy.

* * *

The luxurious train ride stokes the fire burning in each of them.

Gale is furious, enraged at all the Capitol has and how much they can spare and waste. He's grown up hungry and with so very little of everything else and here the Capitol is, with more than they could ever need. He barely speaks the entire way to the Capitol, too angry to form words.

Madge feels hot, angry sickness crash through her veins at the sight of all the Capitol denies them. They starve their people into submission, keep them cowed with fear and Madge has never been so upset, never felt so ill. If she ever needed proof that the Capitol was wrong, well, here it is.

(maybe the rebellion hasn't died after all, maybe it lives in them)

* * *

Katniss makes a beautiful bride.

They aren't allowed to see her until the ceremony, she's locked away to be styled and stripped away, remade into someone new.

Madge and the others are styled too, though not nearly to the same extent, she's sure. She looks in the mirror when they're done and doesn't recognize the person looking back, sees a stranger's reflection in the glass.

Her heart bleeds for Katniss.

She's ushered into a hall, so grand, so lavish it makes her eyes hurt. She takes a seat beside her father, who's smile is frail and worn, his suit starched so stiff she doubts he can move. Madge's scalp hurts from being pulled too tight and she barely recognizes Gale sitting beside her. He's done up nice, fancy clothes, hair styled and his skin shined to perfection.

She misses the real Gale.

More guests flitter in and Madge's coloured nails, fake and strangely long, dig into her skin. The seats fill up with people of all shades, all dressed up in their wedding finery and Madge isn't sure she'll ever understand the Capitol's idea of fashion.

Peeta steps out, stands at the front and Madge thinks she knows him well enough to tell he's only putting on a show. His smile is fake, isn't real but then, why would it be? He may love Katniss, may want to marry her, but not like this, never like this.

Madge doubts weddings are meant to be this depressing.

Music swells, a strange song Madge doesn't recognize and out come Katniss and Haymitch. Katniss is both beautiful and foreign and Madge feels like she's looking at her from far away.

Tears glisten in Katniss' eyes as Haymitch leads her down the ridiculously long aisle and as much as the Capitol may pretend otherwise, Madge knows they aren't from happiness. Peeta may be the man she'd marry even with a choice, but still, she deserves to have that choice.

The ceremony is odd, complicated and long and Madge misses the simplicity of twelve, misses the intimacy of a toasting. Gale's face is hard and Madge finds his hand in his lap, takes it in her own. The skin is rough but the warmth in it makes her believe that things will work out.

It's silly, but still, Madge holds on to hope.

* * *

Katniss is whisked around throughout the reception, kept away from the people who love her.

Madge watches her, watches as she clings to Peeta like an anchor. The two of them are lost out at sea with nothing but each other and Madge wishes she could do something. But she can't, has to wander around the opulent room while Katniss is passed from person to person like a pretty bauble.

The room's too crowded, the guest list reaching far into the hundreds and Madge's eyes water from all the bright colours. There's too much food and strange music, even stranger dancing. She feels boxed in, trapped and she can only imagine how much worse it must be for Katniss and Peeta. But Katniss is brave, so brave, keeps her face steady all night. Snow has a part for her to play and she plays it brilliantly.

Life used to be simple once, Madge thinks, but it's so hard to remember, feels like something out of a dream.

Katniss is swept away by Snow for a dance which sends Madge's skin prickling all over, Peeta's entrapped by a tall Capitolite and Madge sees Gale alone in the corner, sitting on a golden chair. She wanders over, tries to fight the blush starting to creep up her cheeks.

"Dance with me," she asks and he looks up at her, his eyebrows drawn. She smiles, holds out her hand.

"Dance with me."

He does.

* * *

The train ride home is a quiet one.

Madge sits with Katniss, holds her hand. They don't speak, but sometimes, silence is better.

Sometimes it's the only thing keeping you sane.

* * *

Madge helps the Everdeens' move.

Now married, Snow expects Katniss to move into Peeta's house. No one is surprised, and Madge helps her pack, helps her sort through the things she wants to bring with her. She really only needs personal things, Peeta's house having all living necessities and Katniss not being particularly attached to any specific furniture or pots.

Madge is upstairs, folding clothes to be placed in boxes when something shatters downstairs. She assumes someone must have dropped something, doesn't think she needs to be concerned.

She's wrong.

She hears raised voices, an argument and her stomach starts to churn. She creeps down the hall, loiters on the stairs. It's the peacekeepers and Madge is confused, wonders what they could possibly want.

They demand that Mrs Everdeen and Prim move out, _today_. They claim the house is for victors and if Katniss isn't here, her family can't stay. Katniss argues and Peeta tries to convince them to change their minds but Madge knows they won't.

"It's fine," Mrs Everdeen's voice drifts through the house and Madge is surprised. Katniss splutters, raises her voice in contradiction.

"It's _fine,_ Katniss," Mrs Everdeen insists, voice filled with more authority than Madge has ever heard.

"Can't they just come with us? Can't they just move in with us?" Katniss half begs and Madge can hear Peeta agreeing but the peacekeepers don't even hesitate to say no. Mrs Everdeen and Prim aren't Mellarks, their only choice is to go back to the Seam.

This isn't right, just isn't fair.

You think they'd be used to it by now.

* * *

Katniss disappears once the peacekeepers have left and it's Madge who finds her.

She's curled up in a closet, hands over her face and Madge doesn't know what to say, doesn't think there's anything she can, so she simply sits beside her, presses to her side.

Madge is beginning to realise there are no winners in the Hunger Games, only losers.

* * *

District Twelve has their very last Parcel Day and Madge sees the Hawthornes, sees the worried look in their eyes.

There's a new victor now, and it'll be her district that receives a year of food from the Capitol, receives much needed sustenance on Parcel Day. Without the Capitol's food, without Gale's hunting, the Hawthornes will be in trouble and Madge feels the burning urge to do something.

Vick can still be fed at tutoring, the others on their visits on Sunday, but it isn't enough, not nearly enough. But she knows they won't take anything she offers, won't want to rely on her.

She'll figure something out, she has to, because she can't bear to let them suffer, won't stand for it.

The Capitol won't win, not this time.

* * *

The new head peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, burns down the Hob.

Madge watches as the flames paint the sky orange and red and District 12 sinks deeper below the waves.

Gale's still at work, along with the rest of the miners, their hours having been extended, and Madge can't imagine what a nasty surprise it'll be when they resurface.

Of course, that's probably the point.

(the more the Capitol pushes, the more Madge wants to push back)

* * *

She goes out on Saturday, makes her way to the meadow.

She observes the fence all day long, looks for something she can use. The electricity goes out for short bursts, but they're erratic, unpredictable and not long enough for anyone to make use of.

Madge stays and studies, looks for a pattern. There has to be something.

There has to be.

* * *

She shakes things up on Sunday, visits the Hawthornes before they can visit her.

Madge barely feels the eyes that follow her down the narrow streets, barely notices the tang of hostility in the air. There's something like anticipation curling in her stomach and she reaches their house quicker than she expected, her feet moving swifter than her mind can register.

She smoothes down her hair, squeezes her box of pastries and tells herself she has nothing to be anxious about. She knocks lightly, chews on her lip and then Hazelle answers the door. She's clearly surprised and Madge gives her a shy smile.

"Hi," she begins, voice catching slightly. She coughs to clear it and tries again, "I thought I'd come by this time, I hope that's alright?" She feels bad suddenly, feels stupid for showing up unannounced but Hazelle's smile is warm.

"Of course Madge, you're always welcome. Come in, please." Madge does, steps through the door still chastising herself for her poor manners, and is greeted by an enthused shout.

"Madge!" Posy squeals, leaping up from the floor and running towards her.

"Hello Posy," Madge smiles, feels her aggravation start to fade, and Posy takes her hand.

"Do you want to see my dolls?" Posy asks and Madge nods happily.

"I'd love to." Posy is overjoyed, drags Madge off to a small room with barely enough space for the both of them. She sits Madge on the bed and pulls out her collection, introduces her to each and every one.

"Pleased to meet you," Madge tells each one and it makes Posy giggle, makes her cheeks redden in pleasure. Vick pokes his head in and grins, looks happy to see her.

"Do you want a tour?" He asks, sounding excited and Madge nods, Posy latching onto her hand.

"Well, this is Ma and Posy's room," he starts and Madge nods, follows him through the door. "This is the living room and uh, I guess that's the dining room," he says, gesturing to where the table's wedged behind the sofa. Posy tugs on her hand, leads her through a narrow doorframe.

"This is the kitchen!" she exclaims with a flourish and Vick pouts.

"I'm giving the tour," he complains and Posy sticks out her little tongue. Vick brings Madge back to the living room with a stern glance at Posy and Hazelle seems a little flustered, sweeps at coal dust so embedded in the floor it'll never leave. Madge feels guilt prick at her, knows Hazelle's doing it because of her. She wants to say something but doesn't know what and Posy continues to pull her along after Vick.

"This is my room," he tells her and Madge counts the beds, realizes all three boys must share it. Her face turns red at the thought that she's staring at Gale's bed and she shakes her head, feels embarrassed.

"We're home!" Rory's voice calls and Madge can hear the sound of the door opening and closing.

"Look, look! Madge is here!" Posy shouts, rushing over to greet them and Madge feels her breath catch at the sight of Gale.

"Thom's such a-" He stops mid sentence when he sees her and Madge gives him a small smile, but he just continues to look surprised and maybe a little concerned.

"Hey," Rory greets, eyeing the box of pastries on the couch.

"Hi, would you like one?" Madge asks, seizing on the opportunity and Rory nods eagerly. Gale watches her with curious eyes as she sits on their threadbare couch and passes out her homemade pastries and she wonders what he's looking for, wonders if he thinks she looks out of place and the thought makes her feel a little ill.

Rory licks icing off his fingers and settles deep into the couch with a contented sigh.

"Rory, finish up the dishes will you?" Hazelle asks and Rory grimaces.

"What? But Ma-"

"Rory," Hazelle says, voice brokering no argument and Rory makes a ridiculous noise, Posy giggling and Madge feels a bit of the tension drain out of her.

Posy brings out her dolls to play and Madge folds her legs beneath her, sits down on the floor. Gale watches her and she feels like he's scrutinizing her every move, just waiting to pass some sort of judgement. Vick sits on the sofa and talks at them, spews out whatever comes to mind and Gale squeezes in beside him, seems almost too big for the small space.

It's tiny and cramped but Madge doesn't mind, feels warmth living in the walls. This is a home and Madge likes it, likes the drawings on the walls and the mismatched chairs, likes the cluster of shoes by the door.

She leaves before supper, says she promised her father she'd be home and Gale offers to walk her back. He seems surprised she's smiling so widely, so brightly and his voice is gruff when he speaks.

"I'm sorry about your dress, it's ruined. Everything in the Seam gets covered in coal dust, it's impossible to get off." Madge looks down in surprise, hadn't even noticed the off colour of the fabric. She smiles, catches him off guard.

"I don't mind, a little dirt never hurt anyone." Gale looks a little shocked, a strange light in his eyes but then he smiles back.

Honestly, Madge would live in a mud puddle if it meant spending the day with the Hawthornes. Their friendship's worth every ruined dress, worth more than every jewel in the world.

She wonders if Gale knows that, if he understands. She thinks maybe she'll tell him.

Maybe.

* * *

Madge visits Katniss, plays her the piano.

Katniss sits beside her on the bench, looks almost relaxed, so Madge plays, plays every song she can think of.

Madge can hear the gentle murmuring of Peeta and Haymitch's conversation in the kitchen, can smell the delicious scent of fresh cheese buns. Katniss' eyes are focused on Madge's fingers, so she lets them dance across the keys, lets them fly. Madge knows it isn't much, but if this helps, then she'll do it, do it as often as she can.

She notices Haymitch out of the corner of her eye, sees him linger in the doorway. He listens to her music with a sad look on his face, recognition in his eyes.

He's seeing Maysilee, just like her mother does and Madge closes her eyes.

She feels like a ghost and wonders what it would be like not to haunt the people around her.

It's something she'll never know.

* * *

Madge finds her father asleep across his desk, body hunched.

His face is thinner than it used to be, his hair grayer. Madge finds a blanket and drapes it over him, frowns at the new lines in his face.

Chalk up another victim to the Capitol.

* * *

The Victory Tour draws closer and Katniss starts to withdraw, starts to hide away.

Peeta tries to coax her out but the Capitol presses a heavy hand against her heart. Madge knows she's sinking under all the weight the Capitol's laid on her but Katniss is strong, stronger than most and she pulls through, fire burning low in her eyes.

Madge can see Gale reflected in her rage and it should worry her, worry her the same way Gale's hatred does. But Madge is tired of the Capitol, much too tired and she's angrier than ever as she watches her loved ones suffer.

The fires may have gone out in Panem but they're only just beginning in Madge, only just starting to rise. Katniss is the Girl on Fire and Madge burns with her, ready to stand with her through whatever comes next.

The revolution may have died but Katniss and Madge are ready for the day it's reborn.

* * *

"Ma wanted me to ask you over for the Victory Tour, she figures it's our turn to do the hosting," Gale says nonchalantly, like it's no big deal, but his eyes flick in her direction when she doesn't answer right away.

She smiles, feels her heart sing.

"I'll be there," she assures and he grins.

She feels like the two of them are on the edge of something, just waiting to jump off.

Madge can't wait to take the plunge.

* * *

She spends the next Saturday, the day before the tour begins in twelve, at the Justice Building.

Her father's in again, all the strict rules and extra punishments meaning more work. He's always tired, always stressed and Madge uses the excuse of bringing him lunch to explain why she's there.

She snoops around, tries to find some sort of hope that the fence will one day be turned off, that the rules will be loosened. District 12 is suffocating and Madge is desperate for a bit of air, something to soften their hard lives.

She almost gives up but then she finds it, just as she's about to leave. _This is only temporary,_ one peacekeeper whispers to another, _it's only until the Capitol's sure things have calmed down in the districts. Once things have settled, they'll pull back. They won't waste the money and man power on this backwoods hole, it's not worth it. We'll be out of this dump in a year, tops._

Madge is out the door and running.

* * *

She arrives at the mines just as Gale's shift ends and he stops in his tracks when he sees her.

His mouth hangs slightly open and Madge smiles so wide her cheeks ache. She hurries over to him, flings her arms around him. She gets a mouth full of coal but she doesn't care, too caught up in her enthusiasm.

"Madge?" Gale questions, sounding more than slightly confused. She pulls back, beams from ear to ear. They can't talk here, there's too many peacekeepers about, so Madge takes his arm, starts to walk.

"I've got news," she whispers and he furrows his brows. "Walk with me?" she asks a little louder and he nods, starts down the road with her. The silence between them crackles and as soon as she's sure they're out of the peacekeepers' hearing, she lets her news tumble out.

"The fence'll be turned back off, sooner rather than later. All the new peacekeepers will be shipped back out, things will be like they used to be." There's a cautious hope in Gale's eyes, but there's skepticism in the turn of his mouth.

"How do you know that?"

"I overheard it at the Justice Building. The Capitol's nervous about the unrest in the districts, they're just trying to stamp out any ideas of overthrow. Once things have calmed down, they'll stop wanting to waste money on us. They won't bother to pay for the electricity, all the extra peacekeepers. We just need to hold on a little longer." Gale's eyes are wide, but he starts to smile, slow and happy, and Madge feels her whole body tingle.

"That's...Madge, you're..." he doesn't finish, seems unsure of what to say and she smiles, feels her eyes shine. He grabs her suddenly, hoists her up in a hug and she squeaks in surprise. He smells like sweat and dust and Madge breathes it in, feels like she's on fire all over.

"Thank you," he says in her ear and she smiles, presses her nose to his shoulder, feels the sun rise in her chest.

 _I love you_ she wants to say, but she swallows the words, holds onto him instead.

One day, she thinks, one day she'll let him know.

For now, this is enough.

* * *

They reach her house and Madge thinks she'll kiss his cheek in goodbye.

She leans up with her eyes closed, but her lips don't meet his skin. Instead, Gale presses his mouth to hers.

Madge is caught off guard, head spinning and shocked. But even through her surprise, she feels giddiness start to flood her pores. He's really doing this, really kissing her! She starts to melt against him, heart pounding out his name against her bones.

His lips are dry but warm and Madge can feel her heart fly. Her fingers are hesitant, rest lightly on his shoulders as his tangle in her hair. Their lips move tentatively together and Madge can feel fireworks in her blood. They move closer and she tightens her grip on his shirt, stands up on her toes.

He pulls away suddenly, cold air rushing between them and she blinks dazedly. The door opens and Mrs Sparrowsaw steps out, looks at them in confusion.

"Miss?" she questions and Madge doesn't think she can speak, her breathing ragged. Gale starts to back away, a flush crawling up his neck.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Gale mumbles, leaves with Mrs Sparrowsaw's suspicious gaze on his back. Madge smiles, off in the clouds and heads inside, heart pumping warmth throughout her body.

She can still taste Gale on her lips, feel his fingers in her hair.

She doesn't think she's ever felt this alive.

* * *

The bathwater's warm but Madge is sure her face is hotter.

Gale lingers against her mouth and Madge feels skittery, her entire body filled with restlessness. She keeps thinking it must have been a dream, something she imagined. But it was too real, too perfect to be fake and she counts every second until she'll see him again.

She tells herself not to jump to any conclusions, not to get too excited, but she can't help herself.

_Gale kissed her!_

For once, reality is far better than her dreams.

* * *

The next morning is dark and stormy, but Madge hardly notices, waits eagerly for Gale's arrival.

She's watching through the window when he arrives, but he doesn't walk up to the door, lingers just outside the fence. She's confused and goes out to meet him, wonders why he's hesitating.

"Gale?"

"Hey," he mumbles, keeps his eyes to the side and Madge feels something chilly under her skin.

"Are you...is everything okay?" She asks, hugs her arms around herself. He exhales loudly, kicks at a rock on the road and finally looks up, meets her gaze.

"About yesterday..." he begins and she nods, feels her heart sink. The sky darkens and she wonders if she's just imagining it, projecting her mood against the clouds.

"It's okay," she whispers and he jerks his head towards her, face furrowed in confusion.

"What...what do you mean?"

"It's okay if...if you want to pretend it didn't happen. You're my friend Gale, I wouldn't want to lose you." He watches her with narrowed eyes and she gives him her faintest smile, manages to keep down her tears.

"Is that what you want?" He asks and she breathes in deep, inhales air heavy with coming rain.

"I want you," she tells him honestly, "it doesn't really matter how." He looks up at the sky, lets out his breath in an angry whoosh.

"What do _you_ want?" She asks and he laughs, a bitter, unhappy sound.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," she states and he looks at her, looks at her like he's never seen anything like her.  She picks at her sleeve, gathers her courage tight around herself. "Forget about the Capitol, forget about the rest of the district, forget about everyone else and just tell me, what do you want?" His breathing is deep and he looks straight in her eyes, makes her knees feel weak.

"I want this." Her heart nearly bursts wide open with joy but then he looks away, balls his hands into fists. "But like I said, it doesn't matter."

"Why not?" He fixes his eyes on her, hard and unforgiving but she knows the anger isn't directed at her, it's directed at the world.

"Because _this_ , can never go anywhere. Your parents would never be okay with it, people all over twelve would talk and...there's no future for us. We're from two completely different worlds, anything more than friendship doesn't have a chance." He sounds so certain but Madge feels something hot in her stomach, boiling tendrils stretching out in all directions.

" _Don't_ , Gale." His eyes are wide but her face is set and she isn't done yet. She keeps her eyes on the ground and clutches her hands tight, digs her nails into her skin.

"If you want to forget about this because you don't like me that way, or because you think our friendship's too important to risk, or you're not interested in a relationship at all, then fine, we can go back to how we were," she stops, takes a breath. "But don't put this on me."

"Madge, I..." he sounds so shocked, sounds like this is the last thing he expected.

"My parents won't care," she cuts across him, looks back at her house. Her voice is quiet but there's a strength in whispers. "My mother probably won't even remember, no matter how many times she's told and my father... he just wants me to be happy. _That's_ what they'll care about, that you're a good person, that _you_ make me happy." She chances a quick peek at him, sees a battle waging in his eyes.

"And people have always talked, it's never stopped me before."

"Madge..."

"I can't see the future, can't tell you how this is going to work out, but I _can_ tell you this." She inhales, looks up and straight in his eyes. "If we ever get there, if I ever have to choose between you and the life I have now, I'll be choosing you." He looks incredulous and something else, deep in his eyes.

"If we ever get there, it means I love you, it means I love you enough that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, love you enough that it doesn't matter where I live or what I eat, what matters is that I'm doing it with you. Maybe we won't last that long, but if we do, there won't be a choice, Gale. I've already made it." She holds his gaze but the fire in his eyes is too much and she looks down, cheeks burning.

She knows she's crossed a line, knows there's no going back and she can only hope Gale's standing on the same side she is.

"I'm sorry," Gale says, voice sincere and Madge looks at him, wonders what on earth he's apologizing for. His smile's a little tired, a little sad but there's something in the gray of his eyes that makes her heart pound.

"I'm not used to getting what I want," he murmurs and Madge feels her heart stutter and stumble. "My whole life, I either couldn't have it or I had to sacrifice it for what my family needed. I figured it'd be the same with you," he looks down, shakes his head a little. "What I said, about how it would never work out, that wasn't me telling you why I wasn't interested. It was me giving you a way out, because I was sure you'd want one."

His smile brightens a bit, makes her stomach bubble with hope. "But I guess I should know better, should know _you_ better by now." He meets her eyes and anxiety chews at her every part. "I'm not very good at letting myself be happy, but I'd like to be." He breathes in again, breathes out and she's hanging by a thread.

"I want _you_... _this_. I just never figured I'd actually get it. So, no, I don't want to forget, don't want to pretend it never happened. Do you?" She shakes her head, happy tears swimming in her eyes.

He smiles, real and full this time and it makes flowers bloom in her blood. _I love you s_ he almost says but it's too soon, much too early for that. She holds the words in her heart, keeps them warm for later and Gale takes her hand, weaves his fingers through hers.

They walk to the square, together in a way they've never been before.

Even in the dark, Madge can feel the sun shine.

* * *

Madge and Gale reach the square just as it starts to rain.

The weather's cold, wind cutting through them like ice and Varinia Seward gives her speech, dumps acid on the hearts of District 12. There's gloating in her tone, victory glowing in her cheeks and Madge sees Katniss on stage, sees the poison in her gaze. She hasn't forgiven, certainly hasn't forgotten and it's like a match against Madge's heart.

Varinia looks to Lanna's widower, smirks like the killer she is and Madge can't help but hate her.

She knows that's what the Capitol wants but she can't stop seeing the way Varinia carved poor Lanna Costmary wide open, can't stop seeing her cutting a swath through tiny children.

Madge doesn't want to let the Capitol have this, but she can tell by the way Gale grips her hand that she's not the only one having trouble fighting back.

However evil they may be, the Capitol certainly is clever.

* * *

They walk home in the downpour, huddle together for warmth.

Gale kisses her by the door, whispers to her lips, "Haven't changed your mind yet?" and she smiles, shakes her head.

"Never."

(She can taste _I love yous_ on her tongue)

* * *

The storm is over come morning, the air cool and fresh.

Madge smiles at her father across the breakfast table, thinks her croissant tastes a thousand times better than usual.

"Someone's in a good mood," Merrie comments and Madge laughs, feels like she's walking on air.

There's a knock at the back door and Madge hurries to get it, has to stop herself from skipping. Gale greets her with a kiss and she feels electricity zip across her skin.

She could do this for the rest of her life.

(and maybe, just maybe, she will)

* * *

She starts to feel nervous as they near his house.

Worry begins to curdle in her stomach as she wonders what his family will think about the two of them. She knows she said she didn't care what people thought, and generally, that's true. But the Hawthornes matter, especially to her. She needs them to be okay with this, needs them to be happy.

She doesn't know what she'll do if they aren't.

Gale's hand is warm in hers and Madge wraps her courage around herself as they reach his door.

_You have nothing to worry about._

She prays that's true.

* * *

Gale pulls her inside, keeps her hand firmly in his.

Hazelle greets them with a knowing smile and Madge blushes but breathes easier all the same. Vick's eyes are wide, Posy hardly seems to notice, much too focused on setting up her tea party and Rory smirks, wide and wicked.

"Well, well," he begins, tone amused and Gale shoots him a glare.

"Don't even start," he growls but Rory's smirk doesn't dim. He opens his mouth to say something but Hazelle intercedes, takes pity on Madge's dark red face.

"Leave them alone, Rory."

"What? No fair, if I came home with a girl-" Rory begins, shoots his mother an annoyed look.

"Come on, Rory, let's try and stick to things that are actually possible," Gale teases and Rory grimaces.

"But you're not gonna tell him to stop?" he demands of his mother and Hazelle rolls her eyes. Rory huffs, sinks into the couch and Posy giggles.

"Rory's a pouty puss," she sing songs, poking him in the leg. Gale and Vick snort and snigger, Rory flushes and Madge bites her lip.

"Alright, that's enough, leave poor Rory alone," Hazelle tells them and Rory flushes further.

Madge's worries melt away like snow in the sun.

* * *

She's so caught up in everyone's reactions to her and Gale that she doesn't realize the Everdeens haven't joined them.

She's about to ask where they are, after all, they always watch together, when it hits her.

_Katniss_

Katniss and Peeta are home this time around and she and Gale are still supposed to stay apart.

Madge feels her happiness drain away.

* * *

Gale's about to wish her goodnight on her porch when she blurts it out.

"I think I'll watch at the Everdeens tomorrow." Gale blinks, his eyes grow a little dark but then he nods. He leans down and kisses her, makes butterflies burst in her lungs.

"I'll see you Tuesday," he says, squeezes her hand.

She watches him leave, hates that she has to choose between spending time with Gale or spending time with Katniss.

She shouldn't have to, the Capitol shouldn't make her.

They do.

* * *

She arrives at the Everdeens and sudden anxiety assaults her.

Madge hadn't thought about it, but faced with Katniss, she realizes she'll have to tell her about Gale, about them. The thought makes her feel faint.

Madge doesn't say anything at first, can't force up the words. She sits stiff and awkward, tries to reassure herself.

_Katniss has Peeta, cares about him. She isn't in love with Gale, she won't care._

"I need some air," Katniss says, stands as Prim heads to the kitchen to make tea. Madge knows her chance is now, away from everyone else and she rises on shaky legs, follows Katniss outside. Katniss looks at her in question when they reach the yard and Madge takes deep breaths, the words she wants to say feeling like knives in her throat.

"Katniss, I..." she can't finish and Katniss is clearly confused. Madge takes another breath, stumbles over her words a few more times and Katniss narrows her eyes, tries to figure out what it is Madge is having such a hard time saying.

"Gale and I, we're...together now," Madge finally gets out and Katniss looks at her, eyes unreadable.

"Oh," is her only response and Madge can't tell what that means, doesn't know how to react.

"Tea's ready," Prim calls and Katniss heads inside.

Madge follows, stomach rolling.

They don't mention it the rest of the night.

* * *

There's a rift between them, a gulf dark and deep.

Madge comes to visit and Katniss is always busy, sends Peeta to tell Madge to come back another time. Sometimes it's Prim, apologetic and sweet and she invites her in for tea but Madge always says no, knows Katniss isn't really busy.

Madge is a coward and leaves, and eventually, she stops coming at all.

* * *

Gale traces circles on her palm, makes goosebumps rise on her skin.

"I'd like you and your family to come over for the Harvest Festival. I already asked my father, he thinks it'll be nice to have other people to share it with."

Gale nods, links his fingers with hers.

"Ma wanted me to ask you if you wanted to spend it with us."

She feels lights pop in her heart.

"Either's fine," she murmurs, overjoyed beyond words.

"Your mom's too sick to leave your house, you shouldn't have to spend it without her. We'll come to you."

_I love you, I love you so much_

* * *

Madge is busy all morning of the Harvest Festival, helps Merrie cook and bake.

She tries to focus on the fact that the Hawthornes are coming, that they'll be spending the holiday with her and her father (her mother's still too ill from the Victory Tour). It's a happy occasion, makes her almost feel like they're one big family but her heart keeps twinging.

The Everdeens won't be here, _Katniss_ won't be here.

It's most of her loved ones, all together to celebrate.

Except the most important one, the first one, the one that started it all.

Without Katniss, Madge's happy day feels a little empty.

* * *

The Hawthornes arrive and for a moment, Madge forgets to be sad.

Hazelle is all warm smiles and an even warmer hug, fresh pie in hand. Posy jumps on Madge, engulfs her in her tiny arms. Madge laughs and then Rory's there, squeezing her tight and quick. Vick is shy, his hands just lightly touching her and then Posy pulls on his shirt, demands he draw with her. Gale's hug is the longest, lingers enough to make her blood race, his fingers drawing patterns on her back.

She loves them, loves them so much she thinks she might explode.

Her father laughs at something Hazelle says and the sound is livelier than anything she's heard from him in weeks. She feels joy flowing from her toes to her hair and it feels like spring after a long winter.

Her father's back, the Hawthornes are here, the boy she loves is near.

It's as close to perfect as Madge has ever been.

* * *

Madge looks around the room, looks at the people she loves but there's someone missing, someone vital.

She gets up, puts on her coat. Gale notices, furrows his brow, "You going out?"

She nods.

"I'll walk you," he offers, stands from his chair. Madge shakes her head, gives him a smile.

"There's something I need to do."

* * *

Madge walks to Victor's Village, walks to Katniss.

She misses her, misses her so much it hurts.

Madge is going to set things right, she has to.

Katniss means too much to lose.

* * *

Madge knocks on the door, feels her fragile heart beat with worry.

Katniss answers it, sucks in air when she sees who's there. They stare at each other, too many words lying unsaid between them and Madge can hardly stand it.

"Katniss..." she begins but doesn't know how to continue and Katniss nods, looks stricken.

"I'm sorry," she chokes out, catches Madge off guard. "I thought it mattered, you and Gale. But it doesn't."

Madge feels tears start to gather, feels hope start to rise.

"I miss you..." Katniss whispers and Madge's tears fall, chase her relief and love for Katniss down her cheeks. She doesn't know who hugs who first, but it doesn't really matter.

They hold each other, hold on tight, because this is what matters.

They're friends. Best friends.

Nothing can change that.

Nothing at all.

* * *

Madge continues to tutor Vick and Vick continues to cast light over her life.

He's bright, learns quick and she thinks he could probably manage without her now.

She never mentions it.

* * *

Gale arrives alone on Sunday.

Her father's out and her mother's reading upstairs, so it's just the two of them.

They spend the day talking, laughing, kissing. She falls for him even more, sees her heart reflected in his eyes.

Madge plays the piano for him and he looks at her like she's hung the moon.

"You're incredible."

Madge smiles, darkens with pleasure and beckons for him to join her on the bench. He sits beside her, close enough so they touch and she takes his hands, leads them across the keys. It's messy and not quite right but it sounds like magic to her ears.

She wishes everyday could be like this, carefree and happy.

Maybe someday.

* * *

Madge misses Katniss.

She should be used to it, it's been over a year of school without her, but still, Madge misses her.

Her table's too empty and even though they rarely spoke, the silence feels colder without her.

Madge remembers the days when Katniss made school bearable, remembers when she used to look forward to it.

How things have changed.

(or maybe it hasn't, maybe it's just reverting to how it always was)

* * *

It's late when the elevator finally comes up, finally releases the miners from a long day underground.

She waits as the men pour past, waits until she sees Gale. He's talking with Thom and his jaw drops a little when he sees her.

"Madge?"

"I thought I'd walk you home for a change," she tells him with a smile and his tired eyes shine. She takes his hand despite his protests, doesn't mind the dirt and grime. They don't talk, Gale far too exhausted for conversation, but Madge doesn't care, simply enjoys his presence.

"If I'd known I had you to look forward to, the mines might actually have been bearable," he jokes as they reach his door and she smiles, leans up for a kiss. She tastes coal dust on her tongue and almost lets an _I love you_ slip past her lips but Gale is tired, hungry and they'll be better days to say it.

"Madge," he calls as she starts to leave and she turns back to face him. He smiles, sweet and bright. "Thank you."

Her heart glows, fills to the brim with sunbeams.

_I love you_

* * *

This is her final year of school and then she'll need to find something else to fill her time.

She thinks she wants a job, but she doesn't have many options. She's knows she doesn't stand a chance at the mines and most of the shops in town are family run and operated.

She doesn't need much pay, just something she can put away for savings and she begins looking into it, starts searching for someone who'll hire her.

Madge Undersee may be the mayor's daughter, but that isn't all.

She wants to be more, wants to be her own person.

She keeps looking.

* * *

Madge tries to teach Katniss to knit.

It goes terribly, horribly and Katniss frustrates easily, loses patience quick. She glares at the needles like she'd rather stab someone with them then knit and Madge has to bottle up her laughter.

"Cards?" she offers, holds up a deck. Katniss flops back on the sofa with a defeated sigh.

"Yes," she groans and Prim laughs from down the hall.

Madge deals with a smile.

* * *

Madge stumbles upon Peeta painting in a spare room.

"That's beautiful," she tells him and he turns from his canvas, favours her with a friendly smile.

"Would you like to try?" He asks, holds out his brush. She shakes her head.

"I doubt I'd be any good."

Peeta's smile warms and he offers her the brush again, "It's not about talent, it's about the feelings you pour into it."

Madge hesitates but there's conviction in his words and honesty in his eyes. _Do it_ a voice whispers in her mind and she doesn't want to be afraid, not of this.

So she isn't.

Madge takes the brush, paints a heart in red. Her brushstrokes waver and sometimes the canvas pokes through, makes the heart looked cracked.

Madge likes to believe it's light shining through, that the heart's coming apart with joy.

She holds onto that.

* * *

"Daddy would like you to come over for dinner," she tells Gale as she walks him home, their Thursday routine.

"Wants to size me up?" Madge giggles.

"Maybe."

"Great," he mutters, sounds less than pleased.

She kisses his cheek, "I'll tell him you'll be there."

* * *

Madge is worried about dinner, but it turns out there's no need.

Her father's too friendly a man to be intimidating and Gale is perfectly nice, so different from the boy who used to hate her and her father for everything they had. The conversation is light, stays on boring topics that don't bring out strong emotions in anyone and Madge happily joins in.

The two most important men in her life are getting along and it's all she could ask for.

They trade jokes over dessert and they both have the same terrible sense of humour. Madge rolls her eyes but is secretly gleeful. Any lingering worries she might've had that her father wouldn't approve disappear, leaves her feeling warm and happy.

"It was a pleasure to officially meet you Gale," her father says as they shake hands.

"Likewise, sir," Gale replies and her father laughs.

"No need for that. I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty of each other from now on, no need to be formal." Gale looks a little flustered but nods and Madge walks him out.

"So, that wasn't too bad, right?" She asks, holds his arm. He shakes his head.

"No, it wasn't. Your dad's nice." Madge smiles and reaches for a goodbye kiss. Gale pecks her, leaves her confused as he saunters down the steps.

"Wouldn't want to ruin my goodwill with your dad," he says with a wink and she rolls her eyes, stays on the porch until he's out of sight. She heads inside and her father's waiting for her.

He wraps an arm around her shoulders, "I like him."

She leans into his side.

"Me too."

* * *

Madge will be eighteen soon.

It should be a good thing, should make her happy.

It means she has only one reaping left, means soon she'll be safe.

But she feels sick, feels worried. She doesn't know why, but her final reaping is like a storm cloud overhead. It's her final chance to be reaped and something in her is sure she will be.

Maybe it's because she finally has things to lose, maybe because her life is at its best.

Either way, fear lives in her like a parasite, eats away at the rest of her.

Madge wishes she were nineteen.

* * *

Madge's final reaping will be Vick's first and their tutoring takes a somber turn.

"I'm scared," Vick admits and Madge feels a pang in her heart.

"So am I," she replies and his eyes go wide. "I always am. But you know how I get though it?" Vick shakes his head, hangs on her every word.

Madge looks into his face, the boyish features still prominent and has to stop herself from falling apart.

"I think about Katniss, how brave she was, how strong. I think about how she survived her games, came home to us. I think about how, if I get reaped, it'll be Katniss mentoring me. I take courage in that, take courage from Katniss. She'd never let anything bad happen to me, or to you. I trust her, believe in her." Vick nods, his worry not quite abated.

"And I think about the people I love, how desperately I'd want to come home to them. I trust myself, trust I wouldn't let go of them without a fight."

Madge pulls him in for a hug and there are no more words, just the two of them sharing bravery and fears.

* * *

Madge's painting is hideous, a mess of colourful blobs.

"Uh...it's, um..." Katniss frowns, tries desperately to think of something to say and Madge laughs.

"It's awful," she proclaims and Katniss bites her lip, the corners of her mouth turning up.

"Oh, come on," Peeta says, striding towards her canvas. "This right here, I can really feel the passion that went into it." Katniss snorts, Madge giggles and Peeta's straight face falls away, replaced by a grin.

"I was actually going for apathetic with that particular blobby thing, but oh well," she sighs, rubs at the smudges of colour on her face. Katniss chokes on a laugh and Peeta's face is a mask of overdramatic worry.

"Oh no, apathy was definitely what I meant. Definitely. Verrrry apathetic."

There's paint all up her arms but Katniss is laughing, Peeta is smiling and Madge's worry is nestled somewhere deep and faraway.

This, right here, is what good days are made of.

* * *

She wakes the morning of her eighteenth birthday and her heart pumps ice through her blood.

Madge doesn't feel much like celebrating.

(she feels like hiding,

but there's nowhere to go)

* * *

Birthdays, as it turns out, are full of surprises.

Madge heads downstairs, makes her way to the dining room and is shocked to find both her parents seated at the table. Her father stands with a smile and more colour in his cheeks than he's had in months.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he says and she musters a smile. He hugs her close, smells minty and fresh and something in that calms her, lulls the worry in her blood. He pulls out her chair and she sits, settles in across from her mother, who smiles, reaches over the table to squeeze Madge's hand.

"Happy birthday, my little sun," and Madge can feel tears tickle her eyes. Merrie makes french toast, pours her a tall glass of fresh juice. It should be delicious, but it tastes like ashes on her tongue.

Eighteen's like a weight in her stomach.

Her father gives her a book to read, her mother, a pretty necklace to wear. She thanks them, means it from the bottom of her heart.

Her family's whole and the terror of reapings falls away like dead skin.

* * *

The Everdeens and Hawthornes arrive in the afternoon.

Gale isn't with them but Hazelle assures her he'll be by later. Madge nods, takes heart in all of them, here to see her.

Posy and Vick give her homemade cards and drawings to hang on her walls. Rory gives her a piece of wood, carved with pretty designs.

"I know it's not much but-" she cuts him off, pulls him in for a hug.

"I love it." He turns pink, looks away. There's a knitted hat from Hazelle, a set of paints from Peeta (they share grins over that and no one else understands) and a bow from Katniss.

"I know you can't use it now, but maybe one day..." Madge feels her heart leap up high in her throat, can't get out the words to say thank you.

Peeta presents her with a strawberry shortcake and insists Katniss helped in making it. Katniss shrugs, looks a little embarrassed and Madge is touched. It's delicious, they all love it and eighteen doesn't feel like a curse, feels like a blessing instead.

* * *

Gale is outside after they've all left and Madge goes out to meet him by starlight.

"I made you something," he murmurs, pulls something out of his coat. It's a bracelet, made from strips of leather all twined together.

"I wanted something better, but with the Hob gone..."

"I love it," she says and means it. _I love you_ she thinks but doesn't say, keeps the words to herself because her future feels too uncertain, too dangerous to pull him in. She holds out her wrist and he fastens the bracelet on, his fingers grazing against her skin and setting her ablaze.

"Thank you," she whispers, cradles her wrist and the piece of Gale hanging around it.

"Happy birthday," he replies, leaning down for a kiss and she smiles against his mouth.

The future may be uncertain, but the present isn't.

This is the best birthday she's ever had.

* * *

"Tell me about him," her mother asks and Madge nods.

"He's handsome, _very_ handsome. He's loyal, brave, makes me laugh. He's very kind, cares so much, loves his family more than anything. He makes me happy, makes me feel safe." Her mother makes a pleased sound.

"I'd love to meet him."

"He wants to meet you too," Madge promises and her mother smiles.

This is the third time they've had this conversation.

Madge wonders if this time, the words will stick.

* * *

The Seventy Sixth Games are almost here and Madge hates herself for being so afraid.

Katniss and Peeta are quiet, less alive and they have every right to be, because they'll be going to the Capitol, they'll be mentoring children sure to die.

Vick is nervous, jumpy, terrified. It's his first reaping, the first of many and he's right to be scared.

Hazelle's smiles are worn, hidden fears buried in each one but of course, she has two children eligible for the reaping, two children that can be taken away from her.

Madge has no real excuse.

She's the mayor's daughter, she'll never be reaped and this is her very last. Out of all of them, Madge's situation is by far the best.

Gale lingers in his kisses, his touches, holds her closer. She can see her fear in his eyes, knows he's just as scared of her being reaped as she is.

Every moment feels like their last and she hates it, hates it, _hates it_.

* * *

She presses closer to him on the porch swing, rests her head on his shoulder.

Gale tightens his arm around her and she tries to ignore the feeling that says they're living on borrowed time, that soon this will all be over. Her chances of being reaped are slim, so incredibly slim but still, the feeling persists.

There's always a chance.

"I'm thinking of getting work with the seamstress once I've finished school," she tells him, plays with the buttons on his shirt. "They need a hand until their daughter Daysie is out of school, which gives me a few years at least." He nods, tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers skimming across her skin. She sits up straighter, drinks in the sight of him.

 _I love you_ she thinks as she looks in his eyes but she doesn't say it, doesn't want to burden him if she's just going to die. She folds the words away and kisses him instead, fills her veins with Gale.

She's going to survive her final reaping, she has to.

She isn't ready to let go of Gale quite yet.

* * *

Madge can't sleep.

Tomorrow's her final reaping, her very last and then it's over. She should be more excited, should feel something other than dread but she can't shed the feeling that something awful's going to happen.

So she sits by the window, looks out at the darkened district. After tomorrow, she'll be free.

She promises herself she'll tell Gale she loves him as soon as it's over. It's this that finally allows her to fall asleep, dreams of his reaction keeping her warm.

He's like a lullaby, written just for her.

* * *

Her father kisses her head at breakfast, lips lingering against her hair.

"I love you." His voice is soft, a little scared and Madge tries to be brave for him, tries to smile.

"I love you too, Daddy," she manages and she wishes she was young again, wishes she still believed her father's arms could keep her safe from anything.

But she's eighteen now, and that's the problem.

* * *

Gale is waiting outside to walk her to the square.

His smile doesn't reach his eyes and she takes his hand, lets them draw courage from each other. They walk in silence and Madge never wants it to end, never wants to reach their destination.

_Let me have this, just this. Let me have this forever._

It ends too soon, the packed square just a few paces away and they stop. He tries to smile again but can't and she stares down at their clasped hands, feels tears sting her eyes. She pushes them down, drops his hand, looks up with a forced smile of her own.

 _It'll be okay, we_ ' _ll be okay._

She's just about to walk away when she stops, heart thudding. _I love you_ she thinks but can't quite say and she hesitates, unable to leave. He looks at her in question but the words stick in her throat, so she does the only thing she can. She leans up and kisses him, knots her fingers in the front of his shirt, drinks him in until she's out of breath.

She pulls back, meets his eyes and smiles sadly.

"For luck," she whispers and he grips her waist, presses his forehead to hers. She breathes him in one last time and then lets him go, walks off to join the other eighteen year old girls.

_Promise me that wasn't our last kiss_

* * *

Delphi Overwhill and Raff Whishart.

It isn't Madge, isn't Vick, Rory or Prim.

_We made it._

* * *

He finds her as soon as it's over.

Gale pulls her close, crushes her against him. She clutches the back of his shirt and tries desperately to keep her tears at bay, lets his scent keep her calm. His lips press against her hair and she can feel his warmth straight down to her toes.

"I love you," he murmurs, the words spilling out in a rush of emotions and Madge nods against his chest.

"I love you too."

She wonders if he's been keeping the words hidden as long as she has.

* * *

Madge hugs Vick and Rory close, feels her heart lighten.

Her boys are safe.

(at least for now)

* * *

They watch the recaps together at the Everdeens'.

There's nothing overly remarkable about this year's tributes, nothing to inflame the districts or worry the Capitol. Everything's settling back into the way it used to be, back when revolution was just a secret dream. Madge idly wonders if the idea will ever take flight again, and deep down, in a place she never speaks about, she hopes it does.

Posy messily braids Madge's hair, Vick talks a little too loud in his relief at not being reaped, Prim giggles at his stories and Gale rests a hand against Madge's knee, burns her in the best of ways.

In some ways, things haven't gone back to normal.

In some ways, things are so much better.

* * *

They stand on her back porch later that night, and Madge doesn't want to say goodbye, hates having to let go of Gale's hand.

He looks beautiful in starlight and Madge leans up on her toes, catches him in a goodbye kiss. One of his hands rests on her waist, pulls her tight against him and the other cradles the back of her head, deepens the kiss until she's drowning in him. Her arms find their way around his shoulders, hugs him close and she wonders if he feels as electrified as she does.

He breaks the kiss, just enough so they can find air and they share their breath, breathe each other in and out.

"I love you," he whispers against her lips and she smiles, feels her heart shine like the moon.

"I love you too," she replies and he kisses her again, kisses her until she tastes the stars.

They stay like that, caught in each other's arms, whispering _I love you_ s for all the times they almost but never did and Madge doesn't ever want to say goodnight.

She kisses Gale Hawthorne by the light of the night sky and she doesn't think she's ever been as happy as she is right now.

* * *

(they've weathered the storm

but what they haven't realised, is that there's always another storm on the horizon)


	5. Stars in Our Palms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take heart, my love

_Part 5-Stars in Our Palms_

The Games that follow are unremarkable.

They're rather boring, nothing memorable and that's probably exactly what the Capitol wants, something to lull the districts and keep them calm.

Madge holds Gale's hand, sits with the family that's chosen her and counts down the days until Katniss comes home.

 _Soon,_ she thinks, _soon we'll all be together again._

* * *

Cropper Peerenboom of District Eleven wins the games, their first victor in decades.

Madge can't imagine how Katniss must feel, can't imagine what it's like to lose your tributes.

She resolves to be there for Katniss in any way she can, promises to be the best friend she can be.

It's the least she can do.

* * *

Katniss and Peeta come home, step off the train looking tired and sick and Madge is there with a hug to soothe away the pain.

It'll never be enough, but it's a start.

* * *

Life carries on and strangely, it snows on Madge's first day of work.

She wakes and the sky is gray, the gray of dust and ash. She rises from bed, carefully chooses her clothes. She wants to look professional but friendly, needs something that'll make her appear responsible and warm. She settles on a simple dress of pale blue, ties her hair up in a bun to keep it out of her eyes.

Soft flakes of dirty snow begin to fall as she heads downstairs, gently covers the ground in a carpet of powder. Merrie's eyes are wide as she stares out the window and Madge comes up behind her, frowns at her reflection in the glass.

"A little early for snow, isn't it?" Merrie asks, brow furrowed. Madge nods, because it's months until winter, months before there's supposed to be weather like this.

"I don't like it," Merrie asserts as she retreats to the kitchen and Madge has to agree.

Something about this feels wrong.

She eats slowly, the taste lost in her mouth. The snow bothers her, makes her feel on edge. She's not sure why, but something in how strange it is sets her stomach turning.

She takes her lunch, bundles up in clothes she has to dig out of the hall closet, still tucked away for days that shouldn't come for months yet and steps outside. The snow is thicker now, gray sheets falling from the sky and Madge can feel a dry sort of heat settle heavy on her shoulders.

She realises it isn't snow at the same moment the clanging starts, the alarm announcing an accident at the mines.

Her lunch lies forgotten in a heap of ash and she runs, feels the ringing of the alarm in her bones.

_Gale_

* * *

She chokes as she runs, coughs on dry ashes.

There's a thick billow of black smoke rising from the direction of the mines, lit up against an orange sky. The heat is more and more oppressive the closer she gets and people begin streaming in around her, everyone running to the mines, panic in their blood.

Madge has been scared before, been terrified, but this is something different, something worse.

_You have to be okay Gale, you have to be_

* * *

The mines are on fire.

Madge doesn't know how, doesn't know why but they're burning before her eyes.

It's chaos.

Peacekeepers force people back and there's shouting, screaming, heavy smoke, pushing, shoving. Madge is lost in the crowd, swallowed by the noise and she searches desperately for someone she knows, _anyone_ she knows.

But Madge is alone, has to warm her own heart with hope.

_Please Gale please please please you'll be okay you'll be okay you have to be Gale Gale please Gale_

* * *

Madge's heart teeters on the edge, ready to fall.

She doesn't know how long she stands there, searches the burnt, ash streaked faces that rise from the mine. She clasps her hands, hopes with her every cell.

_Please Gale, please be okay, please_

She turns, vaguely registers Thom encased in someone's arms and then she sees him.

Gale Hawthorne, trapped in his mother's arms.

Madge claps her hands over her mouth, feels her tears burst forth like a waterfall.

_Gale Gale you're okay you're okay Gale Gale Gale oh Gale_

He turns as if feeling her eyes on him and they stare at each other across the crowd, tears coursing down Madge's face.

There's a light in Gale's eyes as he watches her, a light that makes warmth pool in her stomach and spill throughout her body, a light that makes her heart race.

A sob is torn from her throat, a pathetic, blubbery sound. She stumbles towards him, trips into his chest. He catches her, holds her close and she wraps herself around him like another pair of clothes. She makes terrible, high pitched sounds as she burrows deeper into the circle of his arms and he presses kiss after kiss to her head.

"Madge, Madge, Madge..." he repeats, says her name like a prayer and she cannot stop crying, can't even form words.

"I love you, I love you..." he says and she can only nod, inhales him deep into her lungs.

_I love you, I love you so much, so much_

_I love you_

* * *

Madge has nightmares of a boy on fire.

She sees Gale go up in flames, sees him burn and she wakes with tears on her cheeks.

The problem with the mines is that unlike the Hunger Game, it never ends. Gale will work in the mines for the rest of his life and they'll never be safe.

Every second he spends at work is a second where death haunts his steps.

Madge isn't sure how to deal with that.

* * *

The mines are closed and the miners out of work.

They'll reopen eventually, but for now, Gale is free every day and they take advantage of it, spend his free time together. In the meadow, walking through town, at her house. They laugh, talk, kiss, relish in each other.

But there's a dark cloud over their days.

Gale's family is without his income and suffers. Rory takes out tesserae, infuriates Gale and Madge makes up as many excuses as possible to invite them over. Hazelle finds any extra work she can, but it's never quite enough.

Madge loves Gale, loves spending her days with him.

But their happiness comes at too high a cost.

* * *

Anger makes her sharp, makes her deadly.

She practices with her new bow in Katniss' yard.

Katniss sets up targets and they shoot, Katniss hitting every mark and Madge lagging behind. She's not awful, but she's never close to the target and no matter how many pointers Katniss gives, Madge always misses. Her brain feels clogged up, too many thoughts crowded in. She keeps seeing Gale dead and she can't focus, can't think straight.

_The mines are so dangerous, so, so dangerous and even after they reopen they won't be any safer. Gale's at risk, always at risk and Rory and Vick will join him. All three of them will work in the mines, with cave ins and explosions and terrible air quality and...and..._

Her arrow flies wide, so wide it narrowly misses the house. Katniss is surprised, eyes round and Madge feels like she might crumple under the fear in her veins.

_The Capitol, it's their fault, their fault. They never give enough money, never maintain it the way they should._

She tries to regulate her breathing, notches another arrow.

_They won't fix it, won't make it safe. They don't care, probably laugh every time more miners are taken from us._

She pulls back the string, fires.

_Monsters, they're monsters._

For the first time, Madge hits the target.

* * *

Gale walks her home, kisses her goodnight.

Her house is dark, her parents both asleep and Madge catches him by the hand as he starts to leave.

"Stay with me?"

* * *

She falls asleep in the safety of Gale's arms, feels herself lulled by the steady beat of his heart.

She thinks she could stay like this forever, for always.

His breathing is easy and Madge watches his sleeping face, marvels at how young he looks.

Love spills from her heart and she can only hope his night is as peaceful as hers.

She doesn't think she's ever slept better.

* * *

Madge knows it's silly, but sometimes she still hopes for a happy ending.

She sits in the tall grass of the meadow, moves her fingers through Gale's hair as he rests his head in her lap. He ties flower stems together absently and Madge is mesmerized by his nimble fingers, can't help but stare. He knots them together with perfect ease and she plays with the strands of his hair, enjoys the warmth of their silence.

"I hate this," he suddenly growls and Madge is surprised, feels her heart wilt. Her hands freeze and he looks up, notices her expression.

"Not us," he reassures her quickly and she nods, feels stupid for jumping to conclusions. "I hate that as soon as I go back to work, I can only see you once a week. " He sits up, sighs angrily.

"I hate it because I _have_ to work, I have no choice. If I want my family to eat, I can see you Sundays and that's it." She frowns sadly at his back, tries to thinks of something to say.

"That's not true, I walk you home from the mines three days a week," she points out but his mood doesn't improve, seems to darken.

"That barely counts. We get the short walk from the mines to my house and I'm always tired, we rarely even talk." He's hunched over, tears at his chain of flowers in frustration. Madge comes up behind him, drapes her arms over his shoulders.

"I'd love more time with you too, but one day's better than no days, right?" He snorts but leans into her.

"Of course it is, but just because it's better, doesn't mean it's okay."

_Story of our lives_

* * *

Gale goes back to the mines and Madge's Saturdays are empty again.

She offers to do the shopping for an ill Mrs Sparrowsaw and wanders into town slowly, wants to waste time until Gale finishes his shift. She drags her feet as much as she can but there's still an hour and a half left when she finishes, and she sighs, starts to make her way home. She passes one of the shops and stops, recognizes the reflection in the window.

"Rory?" He turns and smiles at her, but there's something underneath it that she can't quite place.

"Hey."

"What brings you to town?" She asks, shifts her bags in her arms. He shrugs, scuffs his toe in the dirt.

"It's Peony's birthday soon, I came to get her a present." He pauses, seems to debate whether to tell her the next part and she tries to smile encouragingly.

"Prim was supposed to come with me, I'm awful at presents, but the Barberry boys are sick and she had to stay and help," he continues and then rubs the back of his head, grins a little sheepishly."I'm totally lost, I was really counting on Prim's help."

Madge laughs a little. "Well, I can help if you want. I don't really know Peony, but I'm willing to try."

"Really?" He asks, looks at her like she's made of sunlight. She nods, smiles with amusement.

"Thanks Madge, you're the best!" he exclaims and then smirks, "Why are you with Gale again?" Madge rolls her eyes and Rory continues to grin.

"Come on, Peony's present isn't going to find itself." Rory nods, falls into step beside her and Madge smiles.

Her Saturday isn't so empty after all.

* * *

Posy joins Vick for tutoring, lights another candle to burn in the dark.

Three days a week she picks them up from school, spends the afternoon in their company and whatever weights are pulling her down fall away.

With Posy and Vick, Madge becomes her own light, chases away the shadows clinging tight.

Her heart burns like the sun, bright with love and joy.

* * *

Katniss goes to pour her a drink but her hands shake so much she misses, spills it into Madge's lap.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, sounds so tired, looks so worried and Madge feels like her heart is breaking.

"It's fine," Madge insists, but there are monsters in Katniss' eyes and Madge can't help but see her mother, see how much worse she gets when the Games or the Tour grow close.

She can only hope that unlike her mother, Katniss is strong enough to keep the beasts at bay.

* * *

The light of dusk makes the dirty snow of the Seam look beautiful and Madge thinks she could live in this moment forever.

Madge and Gale walk slowly, hand in hand and the sun and stars meet in the sky. She can almost imagine there are no Hunger Games, no Capitol, no mines with too many accidents. Just Madge, just Gale, just a normal, happy life.

Gale kisses her and she holds onto the fantasy a little longer, lets herself live in her make believe world.

She kisses him back and dreams of rebellion, imagines a world that comes after, a world where they can be free.

(Madge has many dreams and the sweetest among them are when the Capitol burns, crumbles down to dust

of all her dreams, these are the ones she prays will come true the most, the ones she hungers for

Madge's heart grows a little darker with every rising sun)

* * *

She finds clumps of hair in the shower, realizes from the colour that they must be her father's.

The stress is killing him.

Madge has never been violent, but in this moment, she wishes she could _kill_ _them._

* * *

The Victory Tour begins.

"You know," Madge says as she and Gale walk to the square, joined hands swinging between them, "it's been a whole year of this, of us." Gale stops walking, tugs her hand until she's facing him. His smile warms her down to her bones and he pulls her closer, his fingers soft against her jaw as he tilts her head up, presses a kiss to her lips.

"Here's to another," he murmurs and she nods.

_Here, here_

* * *

The victor of the Seventy Sixth Hunger Games, Cropper Peerenboom, makes a speech about District 12's dead tributes and Madge holds onto Gale.

They have each other and their entire lives before them.

Things are finally looking up.

* * *

The Victory Tour is uneventful, uninteresting and even the ghost of rebellion dies it's last death.

It's swept away, something even history won't recall.

(but there's always next time)

* * *

Madge looks at the clock and sighs.

Gale still has a few hours left and Madge is bored, plays old songs on the piano. Katniss is busy with Peeta, Vick and Rory off with friends and Posy has a cough, is being tended by Hazelle and Prim. Her mother sleeps soundly upstairs and her father is gone again, working himself ragged.

She eyes her sewing kit across the room, but it reminds her too much of work to be enjoyable. Madge needs a hobby, clearly. She plinks out random notes, makes it up as she goes along and then someone knock at the door. She stops playing, turns with a frown. _Who could it be?_

She stands, still wondering and pulls it open. Her eyes go round, her mouth opens and there is Gale Hawthorne, grinning widely.

"Gale? What are you...shouldn't you be...work?" He shakes his head, beams.

"They've shortened the hours, put them back like they used to be."

_They've put the hours back...that means it's happening, things will be back to normal. No more whipping, no more Thread, no more electric fence..._

They collide in a hug and she laughs, feels her spirits rise. He lifts her off the ground in his enthusiasm, covers her in coal dust but she doesn't care.

The sun is rising on District 12.

* * *

A few happy weeks later, Gale invites her to Thom and Leevy's toasting.

She's surprised but pleased, agrees without hesitation. She likes this, being a part of his world. It give her so much hope for the future, especially this, because Thom's one of his closest friends.

Of course, that makes her nervous, determined to make the best impression and she frets about what to wear, what kind of present to buy, redoes her hair too many times to count. When Gale arrives to walk her there, she tries her best not to show what an awful mess she is inside, tries to smile like she's nothing but happy.

The walk feels much too long and Madge begins to panic, worries she'll be overdressed. What if no one wants her there, what if her gift overshadows all the others? What if-

Gale pulls her against him, presses a kiss to her head.

"Stop worrying, you'll be fine." She flushes, wonders how he can read her so well but nods, forces herself to relax.

Madge will be calm, will enjoy today.

* * *

Leevy makes a lovely bride, her dress simple and sweet.

Her eyes shine, her cheeks glow and Madge smiles, can't help herself in face of their happiness.

Thom is cleaner than she's ever seen him, hair actually combed and Gale makes a crack about it, whispers a joke in her ear. She giggles a bit but she can see how happy Gale is for the both of them, knows he's just as affected as she is.

Thom and Leevy look deep into each other's eyes, feed each other bits of fire toasted bread and Madge can feel tears, _happy_ tears, start to fill her eyes.

 _This_ is how a wedding _should_ be.

The toasting is beautiful, Thom and Leevy so in love and Madge looks up at Gale, feels his fingers warm in hers.

_Maybe, someday, that'll be us._

The thought makes her heart beam.

* * *

But heartbreak's never too far away, always waiting just around the corner.

Her mother's sick, so, so sick. She's always bad, always worse as the Games roll in but never like this.

She's barely ever lucid, cries and screams at all hours, begs for morphling. She sees ghosts in the walls and can hardly move, her breathing quick and shallow.

Madge is terrified and feels it like hooks in her skin, peeling back her layers.

Heartbreak rears its ugly head, poised and ready to strike.

* * *

As it turns out, even past eighteen, you're never really free of the Games.

It's strange , Madge thinks, attending the reapings and watching with the crowds, watching with all the people whose names will never be called. It's a different kind of panic, a kind of helplessness drowning in terror.

Madge stands with the Hawthornes and Mrs Everdeen, holds tight to Gale's hand. Rory, Vick and Prim are all eligible and Madge is scared, keeps her fingers crossed for them. Katniss sits on stage, fingers knotted with Peeta's and her face closed, her emotions hidden somewhere deep.

Effie Trinket calls two names, names Madge doesn't recognize and she breathes out in relief. She looks up at Katniss, sees the horror and recognition in her eyes.

Madge's relief shrivels and dies.

* * *

They're two kids from the Seam and Gale whispers in Madge's ear that the girl, Anthra Dunbryll, grew up in the house across from Katniss.

_Oh_

* * *

Both of District 12's tributes are cut down in the bloodbath.

Heartbreak knocks at Madge's door and she closes her eyes, curls against Gale.

_Oh Katniss...._

* * *

Katniss doesn't want to talk about it and Madge understands.

"But if you ever do, I'm here." Katniss nods, rests her head on Madge's shoulder.

They stay like that, hands held tight.

They'll be their own candle in the dark.

* * *

The Games are over and with that comes a blessing.

The new Peacekeepers, the harsh and cruel Peacekeepers, board the train in the station, set off for reassignment.

A few are left behind, but mostly things are back to how they were, back when District 12 could breathe. Madge watches them go and knows that means the Capitol is confident revolution has been stomped down to nothing and she can feel her heart twinge. But there's something like relief in the air, something almost like freedom and she can't help but feel lighter.

The train pulls away, drags at the shadows on her heart.

* * *

The shadows come back, but this time worse.

She sits in the yard, under the shade of a tree and does her needlework, Katniss tense and fidgety beside her. There is something wrong, Madge is certain, but she'll wait for Katniss to tell her, doesn't want to push. The sun hides behind pale clouds and Katniss looks straight up, breathes in deep.

"They want a baby," she whispers, voice tight and terrified.

Madge sets down her needle, tries to figure out what to say. She feels sick, feels furious. Katniss has never wanted children and now the Capitol is taking more and more choices away from her, forcing her to do things she shouldn't have to.

Katniss is the Capitol's puppet and Madge doesn't know how to cut the strings.

"They'll be reaped, I _know_ they will," Katniss insists and Madge nods, knows she's right. They'll force her to have children and then take them away, just pawns in the Capitol's nightmare games.

Madge pulls Katniss against her in a hug, because there's nothing else she can do.

_We'll figure this out_

_(we have to)_

The Capitol reaches their hands into her chest, squeezes too tight.

* * *

(but even through the clouds, there's the occasional ray of sunlight)

The day the electricity in the fence is turned off, Gale kisses her so hard she sees stars.

He lights up like the sun, drags her into the woods and promises to bring her every Sunday. They'll spend his day off together, but this time in the woods, gathering food to eat.

Madge looks at his smile, feels her heart glow.

She doesn't think it's possible to love anyone more than she loves Gale Hawthorne.

* * *

Katniss takes her into the woods.

Madge watches as Katniss' worries slide off like water, watches as she lets herself breathe. Katniss lives under pressure Madge can't even imagine but the forest is a like refuge, somewhere Katniss can just be Katniss.

Madge tries not to be angry at the Capitol for driving Katniss from her own home, for making her feel unsafe within its walls. She tries to focus on how calm she is, how at ease.

It doesn't work.

* * *

(they go out whatever days they can

except Sunday

never Sunday)

* * *

She and Gale spend the afternoon in the meadow.

They eat her homemade picnic, kiss lazily in the sunlight and Madge runs her tongue across his lips, imagines this is what forever must taste like.

"I love you," he murmurs, his fingers ghosting patterns across her thighs.

"I love you too," she breathes, tangles her hands in his shirt.

He pulls her into his lap, kisses fire down her neck. He whispers sweet words into her skin and her heart is like a drum, beating out the song of them.

She knows in this moment, knows for sure, for certain, that she will always love Gale Hawthorne.

He's a part of her, woven into her heart and Madge dreams of the days to come, dreams of a life they'll share.

She's not sure forever will be long enough.

* * *

Heartbreak and fear are like poison, working ever so slowly.

Her mother is frail and pale, hair thin and falling out. Her words are slurred, nonsensical and Madge reads to her, tries to pull her up for air.

But she continues to sink, continues to call for a sister long gone.

She barely eats but Madge and her father manage to force down soup, manage to get her to drink water, even if all she wants is more morphling, always more. Her father is quiet, eyes always red and he holds her mother's hand, tells her things Madge can't quite hear.

The end is nearing but Madge will not admit it, cannot. Her mother will get better, will pull through. Madge is not ready to lose her, not even close.

The cracks in her heart are just waiting to burst.

* * *

Katniss sees the fear lying in Madge's eyes, tries her best to fight it away.

Madge tries to keep a brave face but Katniss sees through it, sees what Madge is trying to hide. But she's never been good with words, offers actions instead. Katniss hugs her every time she leaves, brings her to the woods more and more, smiles as often as she can.

Katniss takes her hand, lends her all the courage she can spare.

But there are some fears no courage can cure, and this, Madge thinks, is one of them.

* * *

She spends the Sunday before the Tour with Gale.

They sneak out into the woods and Madge feels the same exhiliration as always when she slips through the fence. Something about being outside the District makes her feel so much more alive.

They steal kisses between hunting and Madge smiles, feels her fears drift away (at least for now). They go into town, sell squirrel to the baker and Madge treats them to cupcakes. His lips taste like frosting and Madge can't help but laugh.

They take the long way home, hand in hand and Madge is happy.

(this will be her last chance at happiness for awhile, she just doesn't know that yet)

* * *

The house feels eerie, feels cold as she and Gale step through the door.

Everything's quiet and she wonders where her father is. He hadn't mentioned he was going out and she moves up the stairs cautiously, holding tight to Gale.

Something in the air makes her feel sick, makes her afraid.

She pushes open her parents' door, drawn there by the part of her brave enough to be logical. She pushes it open, steps inside and the room is dark, her mother is missing and Mrs Sparrowsaw stands in the corner. Their eyes meet and Madge knows what she's going to say even before she says it.

"I'm sorry dear, but she's gone."

Madge's heart squeezes, bursts under the strain and any pain she'd felt before was nothing, was as sweet as a kiss in comparison to this.

_Mama, Mama, no! Mama!_

* * *

Madge leans sideways and crashes into the wall, slides awkwardly to the floor.

"Madge," Gale murmurs, his breath warm against her ear. His arms are around her and she covers her face with her hands, feels like her life's caving inwards. She sobs, great, heaving, body shuddering sobs and Gale's voice is soft as he whispers comforting things into her hair.

She can't understand the words but she lets his soothing tone wrap around her, lets it smooth across her jagged pieces. He holds her together as the world tries to break her apart and she clings to him, clings to him for dear life.

* * *

Madge doesn't remember much of the victory tour, lost in a daze of heartbreak.

But she _does_ remember some things.

She remembers Merrie cooking all her favourite meals, giving her whatever she needs to try and fight the pain.

She remembers her father beside her, remembers being held in his arms. She remembers him telling her he loves her, remembers him wiping at her tears.

She remembers Hazelle and her warm hugs, her soothing tone, remembers as she promises Madge that the Hawthornes are here for her, whatever she needs.

She remembers Peeta and delicious baked goods, a warm hand on her shoulder, comforting words.

She remembers Rory, steady and never once letting go of her hand.

She remembers Prim, sweet and kind, offering her calming teas and gentle words.

She remembers Vick and all his stories, remembers him always trying to make her smile, make her feel okay.

She remembers Posy curled up beside her, remembers soft _I love yous_ and how she tucked her favourite doll in Madge's arms because _Lily always makes me feel better when I'm sad, so maybe she can help you too._

She remembers Katniss, quiet but strong, a wall against the storms raging in Madge's heart.

She remembers Gale, remembers the safety of his arms, the love in his voice. She remembers how he held her as she sobbed, kissed at the tears on her cheeks, remembers how he kept her from sinking too deep.

She remembers that she wasn't alone and that's the one thing she'll never forget.

* * *

They say time heals all wounds.

Madge can only pray that's true.

She finally understands how her mother must have felt, the ghost of a loved one clinging tight to her heart.

Madge wonders if she'll be haunted as long.

* * *

Watching Katniss shoot arrows with perfect grace is a quiet comfort to Madge and she finally understands what it must be like for Katniss as she listens to Madge play the piano.

She doesn't do much hunting herself, just sits and watches but she can feel the tears in her heart starting to mend, starting to stitch back together again.

It's a start.

* * *

The days turn into weeks, the weeks into months and Madge lives life without her mother.

Memories are like scabs on her heart but she's learned to stop picking at them, learned to stop opening wounds already healed. It's not that she doesn't miss her mother, because she's certain she always will but Madge has learned to live with it, remembered how to stand.

Her heart's still a little weepy, still a bit chipped but she bandages it as best she can, carries on.

A broken heart's never stopped her before.

* * *

Madge wonders if they mistakenly believe she can't hear them, or if they just don't care that she can.

Town girls come into the shop, whisper behind their hands as Madge works. They talk about Madge, _the mayor's daughter_ , working in a shop, kissing some filthy miner. It's absurd, it's wrong.

_I can't believe her father allows that_

_What could she possibly see in him?_

_I bet she's let him take her to the slag heap_

_He's probably after her money, her food, her nice house_

_They've been together for ages, and they're still not married? That's suspicious, isn't it?_

_I know, especially because he's from the Seam, they're always quick to marry_

_Well, I think it makes perfect sense. He gets all the benefits but doesn't have to spend his life with her. I doubt they'll ever tie the knot_

_It's just wrong. What on earth is she thinking?_

They're lucky Madge is the quiet type, not one for confrontations because there's acid in her lungs from their words and she could burn them all, but she never does.

She is always polite, hides the fracture lines in her heart behind a smile but Madge is angry.

She's starting to feel like she's always angry.

* * *

Madge picks Posy and Vick up from school, lets them soothe her throbbing heart.

She notices the dirty looks for the very first time, notices everyone watching as she leads them to her house for tutoring. She wonders how she never realized before but she knows it's because she was shielded, kept safe by her love and happiness.

But her mother's death stripped that away, left her open and raw.

She focuses on Posy's sweet smile, on Vick's bubbly voice. Madge doesn't want to be angry any more, she wants to be happy. Wants to smile again.

She's determined she will.

(the capitol won't win, no more, no more)

* * *

No matter how much her heart wavers, Gale is like a cool rain on the dry heat in her chest.

They sit, a tangle of legs in the meadow. The stars shine down on them and Madge feels at peace, feels okay. Rumours and gossip melt away and she feels refreshed.

He isn't using her, and how dare they say that, because that isn't Gale, isn't him at all. So maybe they aren't married yet, maybe most people are long married when the three year mark starts to roll in, especially people in the Seam but Madge isn't worried.

She trusts Gale, trusts him with everything, including her heart. She'd wait for the rest of her life, is content to be with him, however that is. They love each other and that means the world.

(they don't know what she sees in Gale

she sees _everything_ )

"Are you happy?" Gale asks her and she looks up at him, takes in the angles of his face, the soft gray of his eyes.

She thinks of her mother, thinks of the whispers that stalk her through town, thinks of the Capitol and everything they've done.

She thinks of Katniss, of Peeta. Thinks of the Hawthornes and her father.

Thinks of Gale.

"Yes," she whispers back, cups his cheek.

It isn't perfect, isn't ideal and the scars on her heart might never heal but even still, Madge is happy.

(at least most of the time)

* * *

Madge sometimes feels like a vault, a treasure trove of secrets she can never tell.

There are things she hears in the Justice Building when she goes to visit her father, whispers about the Capitol and the other Districts, things she was never meant to hear.

There are secrets passed between barely opened lips at the seamstress, murmurs and affairs, loves and lies, pregnancies and broken homes. She stitches quietly, overhears more about the town and those that live in it than anyone else. If there are skeletons in the closet, Madge has heard of them.

She knows about the herbs Katniss takes, the ones that keep her from conceiving. Knows every lie she spins for the Capitol to hear.

Madge knows that Katniss hasn't told Peeta, knows he figured it out in his own. She knows that Katniss is doing it to keep him safe, so if her deceit comes to light, Peeta will be innocent. She knows Peeta does not tell Katniss he knows because he understands her reasoning, because he does not want children just so they can be the Capitol's pawns and because he hopes Katniss will tell him herself, will trust him with the truth.

She knows it was Mrs Everdeen who supplied the herbs, knows Prim is the only Everdeen in the dark.

Madge knows Rory is falling in love, even if he hasn't caught on himself. She also knows he's loved back.

She knows Gale plots rebellion in the dark, whispers dissention in the mines.

She knows that even though it terrifies her, she does not want him to stop.

Madge knows that she is cracking, breaking under the world. Lies are heavy on her tongue, secrets are chains across her heart. She is floundering, drowning and she doesn't think she'll remember how to swim.

(that's the one secret she'll be sure to take to her grave)

* * *

The Hunger Games draw near and Katniss starts to fade.

It's the same as always, Katniss' fire starting to flicker but this year, Madge watches her keep her little flame alive. She bends but doesn't break and Madge realizes that Katniss has learned how to fortify her walls, how to shield her heart.

It's not that it's gotten easier, because it never will. It's just Katniss figuring out how to play the game, how to bear the weight the Capitol's piled on her. It's isn't perfect, not yet but Katniss is rising up, isn't sinking so deep and Madge imagines that one day Katniss will be strong enough, her armour thick enough, to not just survive the Games, but maybe even break the Capitol the same way they keep trying to break her.

Madge holds that dream in her heart, lets it burn her back to life.

(Katniss is learning how to swim but unfortunately, the waves are about to get so much rougher)

* * *

Family is the perfect balm to a nervous heart.

Madge sits at the Hawthornes' table for dinner, laughs at Rory's jokes. Gale keeps a hand tangled in hers beneath the table, knocks her ankle with his and Madge feels her blood burn hot. Posy recounts her school day, inserts details obviously false and Madge smiles, hangs on every word. Vick feels left out, throws in random comments and Hazelle gives up trying to quiet them, gives up trying to get them to talk one at a time.

It's loud, it's squished, it's _perfect_.

Madge is so happy she shines like the stars.

But happiness is always fleeting.

You'd think Madge would've learned that by now.

* * *

It's hard to tell sometimes if something's a blessing or a curse.

On Reaping Day, Rory is horribly ill. He is shaking, sweating, burning up. He vomits, tries to walk only for his legs to collapse under him. His skin is clammy, his eyes are dazed and he's much too pale.

The Peacekeepers deem him too sick to attend the reaping and Madge knows it's stupid, but she feels a little relieved. As if him not being present means he can't be reaped. She knows it's not true, knows she's being ridiculous, but still, she can't help but be glad he's home in bed.

Hazelle's allowed to stay with him, so Gale and Madge take Vick and Posy to the square. Posy holds her hand, smiles up at her and Madge is unimaginably thankful that Posy's too young to be taken away to the Capitol. Gale walks on Madge's other side, her hand wrapped in his and she tries to take heart in that, tries not to let worry eat away at her.

The three of them stand like that, still holding hands as Vick joins the other fourteen year old boys. Mrs Everdeen comes to watch beside them and Madge takes a deep breath to steady herself. _Rory, Vick, Prim. They'll be okay, they'll be okay._

Speeches are made, videos are shown and then it's time for the reaping. The entire District holds their breath as Effie Trinket reaches into the glass bowl, catches a slip of paper between her fingers. She pulls it out with a smile and Madge closes her eyes. _Not Prim, not Prim, please not Prim_

"Jylly Offal!" rings loud and clear across the square and Madge snaps open her eyes. Jylly is the daughter of the butcher, fifteen years old and she stumbles up the stairs, nearly trips before she stands before Effie, shivering all over. Effie beams but Jylly looks ready to cry, her blue eyes wet with unshed tears. Madge hates herself for it, but she breathes a little sigh in relief. Prim is safe.

Jylly's legs wobble dangerously and Madge feels her own eyes start to grow wet, wishes there was something they could do. Effie reaches into the other bowl, pulls out another name and Madge's insides tighten all over again.

* * *

"Vick Hawthorne!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first off, thank you to everyone who's stuck by me so far.  
> Second, I apologize for the last two chapters, I really don't feel like they were very good, something just wasn't working for me.  
> Finally, I'm really excited for chapter 6 and I honestly think it's a big step up from the past two, so stay tuned! :)


	6. Our Love as a Shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep your heart safe with me

  _Part 6-Our Love as a Shield_

Madge's heart shatters like glass against the wall of Effie Trinket's words, the shards digging deep into her bones, her  lungs, her skin.

_No_

* * *

Posy cries in Madge's arms as they wait to say their goodbyes in the Justice Building and Madge doesn't know how she's going to survive this.

Gale steps through the door, a raging storm in his eyes and Madge can't help wondering if any of them will.

* * *

"I'm scared," Vick breathes, buries his face in her shoulder and Madge feels her heart crack straight down the middle. She'd do anything to keep him safe.

But there isn't anything she can do, not this time.

She tightens her arms around him and holds him, holds him, holds him.

"I love you," she whispers and he shudders, finally lets out the tears he's been fighting back.

This is the real punishment of the Hunger Games, having to let your loved ones march off to their deaths while all you can do is watch.

* * *

Rory is asleep when they reach the Hawthornes' but Hazelle sees the look on their faces, realizes Vick isn't with them and _knows_.

If Madge thought her heart was broken before, she was wrong.

* * *

(Madge isn't the only one with a broken heart, Katniss ~~Everdeen~~ Mellark feels like the ground has opened up and swallowed her whole when she hears Vick's name called.

It's her fault, she _knows_ it's her fault for not giving the Capitol what they want, for continuing to defy them even in the smallest of ways.

Katniss ~~Everdeen~~ Mellark hasn't given Snow the baby he wants and Vick Hawthorne pays the price)

* * *

Madge rests her chin on Gale's shoulder, twines her fingers with his.

"Katniss will do everything she can to bring Vick home. _Everything_."

Of course, everything may not be enough.

(but Katniss will try, _holy hell_ will she try)

* * *

Rory is devastated when he finally wakes up.

"It's my fault, my fault," he moans, angry and heartbroken and no one knows how to calm him.

"I could've volunteered, I would've volunteered! Vick's supposed to be safe, I'm supposed to keep him safe!"

Madge doesn't know what to do, what to say.

Either way, one of them goes to the Hunger Games. Either way, the bruises on her heart darken and deepen.

* * *

(How do you avoid the inevitable?

Madge would love to know)

They all gather in her living room to watch, even Rory.

The reason why breaks Madge's heart, because instead of comforting the Paddyfields over their lost son, he's here with his family, hoping they don't end up in the same situation.

He doesn't come alone, brings a girl Madge has never seen before. She's introduced as Peony Paddyfield and it hurts that for these Games, they've traded places, now Peony's the one helping Rory through.

They sit on the sofa, push their shoulders together in solidarity and Prim takes the spot on Rory's other side, gives him her most sympathetic look. Posy squeezes in beside her, just barely managing to fit and Hazelle and Mrs Everdeen take the love seat. Gale insists Madge take the arm chair, pulls up a dining room chair to sit beside her.

Gale takes her hand, interweaves their fingers and they watch the TV screen, all the boring interviews and chit chat that count down to the parade.

Madge feels sicker with every passing second and wishes that the Hunger Games were already over and done with, wishes she could skip to the end. But at the same time, just in case, she never wants them to end, wants to stop time and never, ever lose Vick.

Madge doesn't know what she wants.

(that's not true, but what Madge wants, what Madge really wants isn't something she's likely to get

at least not anytime soon)

* * *

The days pass too quick, much too quick and Madge wants to slow down, wants to prolong the time Vick has to be safe for as long as possible.

But Madge can't do that, can't do much of anything except hold Gale's hand, kiss his cheek, whisper comfort into his skin.

It's not enough.

It's never enough.

* * *

The parade arrives before Madge  is ready and invisible cracks spider across her heart.

The other tributes barely register, names and faces colliding in her mind. Her pulse counts down every second and she's so anxious she thinks she might be sick. Vick and Jylly are last and when they finally come out, Madge hardly recognizes them. They look strange, made up into two completely different people.

Madge finds herself missing Vick with a virulence that scares her.

Jylly is terrified, nervous tears dripping down her nose and Vick tries his best to be brave but his fear's not quite as hidden as he'd like. Madge wants to hold him, keep him safe in her arms but she can't, leans into Gale instead.

It's like Katniss all over again, but worse, because Vick's just a baby, isn't going in with all the advantages Katniss had. Katniss had the crowd, sponsors, all her skills. Vick has none of that and Madge finds it harder and harder to breathe.

They need a miracle.

Madge hopes they find one.

* * *

Vick gets a six in training.

It's nothing special, puts him dead center of the pack. He isn't a target but no one's clamoring to sponsor him either.

Madge prays it's a strategy, a ploy to make everyone think he isn't a target.

(It isn't)

_You can't die Vick, you can't_

* * *

On the night of the interview, Gale sits in her arm chair, pulls her in with him.

They curl up together and Madge never wants tonight to end, because tomorrow it begins, tomorrow Vick fights for his life.

Jylly steps out on stage, nearly trips over her dress. She looks lovely in red but her face gives her away, awash with panic and fear. She stumbles through her words, nearly cries and when she leaves, they all know she won't be coming home.

It's Vick's turn now and Mrs Everdeen and Hazelle hold hands, Peony takes Rory's arm, Posy wraps her herself around Prim.

They'll face this together.

Vick walks out, looks handsome but a bit silly, looks too young for his shining suit. He's talkative, just like always, his voice  a bit louder than necessary and when Caesar asks if he has anyone special back home, he gives a smile, that Vick smile Madge recognizes so well.

"I've got a bunch, actually. My Ma, my brothers Gale and Rory and my sisters, Posy and Madge," Vick says and Madge feels her eyes go wide, feels them well with tears. "I miss them and I want to go home for all of them," he continues, looks straight into their hearts.

Madge cries, covers her mouth to muffle the sound and Gale holds her, whispers comfort into her ear.

But there is no comfort for this.

* * *

It's one of the worst nights of her life.

Gale sneaks back to her house after everyone's gone home and she pulls him close. They climb into her bed together, listen to each others' heartbeats and don't sleep a wink.

How can  you sleep when in just a few hours, your brother's life could come crashing to its end?

Gale kisses her and she can taste his fear.

She's sure he can taste hers too.

* * *

(Katniss doesn't sleep that night either, clutches Peeta tight and knows, _knows_ , that she's going to do everything she can to bring Vick home.

The Hawthornes won't lose him, not because of her.

She won't allow it)

* * *

The day the Hunger Games begin is bright and warm but Madge doesn't feel it, is nothing but cold.

_Be safe Vick_

_You have to be safe_

* * *

Vick runs, flees from the bloodbath, Madge's mockingjay pin glinting on his jacket.

 _It'll keep you safe,_ she'd whispered as she pressed it into his hand, shaky smile on her lips.

He'd clutched it like a lifeline and Madge needs her words to be true, needs her promise to be real.

She clasps her hands, closes her eyes.

_Please Aunt Maysilee, please bring Vick home, please._

* * *

Vick survives the bloodbath but Jylly isn't so lucky.

There are red streaks in her blonde hair, terror in her blue eyes.

The careers cut her down like she's nothing and Madge can't help but be relieved. It's one less person Vick has to get around, one less obstacle in his way.

It's disgusting, it's wrong and Madge realises the monsters aren't just in the Capitol, there are some living in each of them.

* * *

Nine people die the first day.

Nine.

Only fifteen left.

* * *

"He's wearing your pin," Gale murmurs as they say goodbye and Madge nods.

"It brought Katniss home...and I just-I...I hope it brings him home too."

Gale nods, kisses her forehead, "Thank you."

She hugs him, never wants to let go. Gale is warm, safe and Madge inhales him, lets his scent breathe strength into her blood.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too," he answers and they stand there, make each other brave.

* * *

Madge dreams of the bloodbath that night, sees it going wrong, imagines Vick cut down instead of poor Jylly Offal.

She isn't alone, each of the Hawthornes share her nightmare and so does Katniss, trapped in the Capitol.

Madge wakes with the metallic tang of blood and guilt on her tongue, salt water trailing down her cheeks and she wonders if she'll ever have a night without nightmares.

She isn't holding her breath.

* * *

Her house is silent.

No one talks throughout the Games, just watches without words. They hold hands, press knees together, take strength and courage from each other but not one of them has the bravery to speak.

But what would you say, what _could_ you say?

There aren't words for this, so they sit quietly, use actions instead.

It's all they have.

* * *

Day two passes without incident.

No one dies, no one at all.

Vick is safe, at least for now.

(In the Capitol, on the other hand, things _do_ happen.

There's a mockingjay pin on Vick Hawthorne's heart and desperation in Katniss ~~Everdeen~~ Mellark's words. She'd do anything to get Vick home and people take notice.

Snow isn't the only one searching for any last remnants of dissent, of rebellion.

There are others and they've found Katniss ~~Everdeen~~ Mellark)

* * *

Madge's nerves are stretched tight on day three, near the breaking point.

The girl from ten is drowned, her head held below the water by the girl from four. Gale tightens his hold on Madge's hands, Prim shields Posy, hides her little face in her chest and Peony and Rory close their eyes, can't bear to watch.

Madge breathes in, breathes out.

_It isn't Vick, he's still okay._

Only fourteen left.

* * *

Day four, day five, they're a blur.

Nothing happens, not really. No one dies and Madge finds herself wishing they would. Every tribute who dies puts Vick one step closer to coming home.

It's awful to think that way and she knows behaviour like this is just handing another victory to the Capitol but she can't help it, can't really care about that. All that matters is Vick and she does her best not to think about the other tributes and their loved ones, the people just like her, waiting for children who'll never come home.

There can only be one victor.

Madge needs it to be Vick.

* * *

(Day four, day five are filled with whispers, hushed conspiracies.

Katniss hears things she never expects, realizes Snow is dead wrong if he thinks revolution's been crushed.

It's alive, right here, right now, in the Capitol.

He's been pruning the garden without even noticing the weeds growing in his walls)

* * *

On day six, Vick makes his very first ally, the boy from eight.

He's a bit jumpy, talks a lot but Vick seems to like him, is the one who offers to make an alliance. His name's Dressal Webb and he keeps insisting he has a foolproof strategy to win, not that he'll ever say what it is.

Vick actually laughs, seems to come to life and Madge thinks she may love Dressal Webb.

Vick is smiling and she almost smiles back.

But Gale has narrowed eyes, a suspicious scowl and she turns to him, a question dripping off her tongue.

"What is it?" she asks, voice just above a whisper. Gale shakes his head but tightens his hold on her, keeps his arm firm around her shoulders.

It makes her more nervous than any words he could've spoken.

She glances around the room, sees Rory, his hands clenched on his knees, his knuckles white. Peony takes one, rubs soothing circles on the back and Madge feels her chest constrict, _Rory oh Rory._ He's been tense, worse than the rest of them since this began, guilt and grief eating away at him. He'll never forgive himself for being sick, for not being at the reaping.

 _It should be me_ his angry eyes say and Madge has to bite her lip to keep from crying.

_Oh Rory..._

Vick and Dressal sit down to eat, munch on dried fruit and jerky sticks. It's calm, things are okay for now and Madge tries to breathe.

She can't quite manage it, but just like Vick in the Games, she lets herself believe everything's alright.

(It isn't, not even close)

* * *

The worst kind of heartbreak is the one you never see coming.

Vick and Dressal take a break from their wandering, sit on fallen logs and sip from their water bottles. Vick makes a joke and Dressal laughs, nearly chokes on his drink.

Madge almost smiles, pleased Vick's found himself a friend, someone he can hold onto in this mess.

(She knows, deep down, that'll it only lead to pain, because at least one of them's going to die, but for now, for now it's nice)

And then the careers arrive.

They burst through the trees, startle Vick and Dressal to their feet.

"Run!" Vick shouts, smart enough to know they don't stand a chance against six careers. Madge covers her mouth with her hands, is pretty sure her heart has stopped beating.

_Run, Vick, run!_

The careers give chase but Vick is the fastest, easily gains a good lead. Dressal trips, falls, scrapes his hands and Madge closes her eyes.

 _I'm so sorry,_ she thinks, knows Vick will be devastated.

"No!" Rory suddenly shouts and Madge snaps her eyes open, sees Vick running back to help Dressal up.

She's paralysed, unable to move, to think.

"Come on!" Vick tells Dressal, hoists him to his feet.

"What are you doing, _run_!" Rory yells angrily at the television and Peony holds him back as he tries to leap to his feet. He quivers in her arms, doesn't calm when Prim takes his hand. Posy is terrified, eyes wide and shaking and Mrs Everdeen takes Hazelle's hand, squeezes tight.

The two boys are standing now but the careers are so close, are _too_ close. There's panic in their eyes and Madge has never been so terrified. Gale's grip is tight enough to bruise but Madge barely feels it, feels numb with fear.

_Hurry Vick! Run, please!_

Dressal glances at the careers, looks at Vick in apology.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs and then he pushes Vick, shoves him to the ground. There's shock, surprise, hurt in Vick's eyes as he falls and Dressal runs, doesn't look back.

Vick tries to scramble up but it's too late, he's run out of time.

Vick Hawthorne dies, finishes fourteenth in the Seventy-Eighth Hunger Games.

(She knew it'd end in pain, just not like this.

Not like this)

* * *

Day Six, Madge will always remember Day Six.

Four tributes die, leaving only ten behind.

There's the girl from one, the third to die that day, finishing in twelfth. She receives an axe to the back, courtesy of the  boy from seven. Her allies get him, drive knives into his sides, his back, his chest. He falls, finishes eleventh.

Right before them is the girl from six, twelve and small. She's running, fleeing from careers. She trips, loses her footing. She covers her face with her hands, sobs and begs but they merely laugh, hack her into little bits.

Madge doesn't remember any of that. Doesn't even see it.

It's what happens before that, it's the boy who finishes fourteenth that she'll never forget

_Vick!_

* * *

Rory stumbles from the room, looking ill and Peony hurries after him. Prim looks like she wants to go too, but then Posy lets out a hysterical kind of sob and Prim wraps the poor girl in her arms, coos softly in her ear. Gale stands suddenly, his chair clattering backwards and storms out the back, the door slamming against the wall. Madge follows and every breath feels like knives in her chest.

Gale curses angrily, punches his fist against the side of the house. He's incoherent in his rage, a whirlwind of destruction, kicking, slamming, punching. He hurls a potted plant across the yard and she watches as it shatters on the ground.

"Gale, stop! Stop, please Gale, _stop_!" He ignores her, beats his hands against the house in a furious frenzy and she wants to fix this, fix him and oh God, Vick, sweet, little Vick, vick vick vickvickvickvickvick _vick_

Madge can barely breathe, feels like someone has punched a hole straight through her chest and Gale's lost his brother and she feels like she has too and oh God, _what is she supposed to do_? She takes unsteady steps towards him, nearly collapses under the weight of Vick's death.

She wraps her arms around Gale's middle, presses her face into his back and tries not to cry. Words pour out and she isn't aware of what she's saying, vaguely recognizes things like s _orry_ and _love you._

He's shaking, muscles bunched tight and her tears soak into his shirt. He's stopped fighting, stopped trying to break himself against the side of the house and she tightens her grip on him, wishes she could bleed his pain out into herself, wishes she could make this okay.

Eventually, the tension drains from his body and he rests his forehead against the wall. His fingers thread through hers and he apologizes, voice sticking in his throat. She shakes her head and then her heart seizes in her chest as he starts to cry.

She's never seen him cry before.

His knees buckle and she sinks to the ground with him, tries to keep him safe within her arms. She'll hold the broken pieces of his heart together just as he's held hers.

This isn't the end, it just feels like it.

* * *

Vick comes home, wrapped in a clean, pine box.

The District is quiet, the Hawthornes are broken beyond repair and Madge is given back her pin, the golden token wiped clean of Vick's blood.

She wants to hurl it away, throw it somewhere no one will ever find it. It didn't save Vick, didn't bring him home. It's useless, worthless, filled with broken promises.

She hates it.

(but really, she hates herself.

she couldn't help Vick, couldn't bring him home.

 _she_ 's useless, worthless, filled with broken promises)

* * *

In the end, she keeps it.

It's a reminder of her failure.

Of a boy she loved, of the brother she lost.

It's a reminder of the Capitol and all they've taken from her.

It's a call to arms.

* * *

The boy from eight wins.

Madge has never hated anyone more.

* * *

Madge is afraid Gale will push her away, will try and shut her out.

But he doesn't, not even close.

He spends most nights with her, sneaks into her room late and leaves early, before anyone but her is awake.

"You keep the nightmares away," he whispers once, tone more vulnerable than she's ever heard and it breaks her heart, breaks it worse than it already is. She holds him as they sleep, tries to protect him from everything, tries to be his sword and shield.

He keeps her own nightmares at bay, the beating of his heart beneath her ear a lullaby more reassuring than any song.

She walks him home from work and he holds her hand like it's the only thing keeping him grounded and she's almost glad he's too tired to speak, she wouldn't know what to say. She stays for dinner most nights and she's practically sitting on him, their chairs are pushed so close. He keeps firm hold of her hand beneath the table, presses his side up against hers. They gather on the sofa afterwards and he wraps an arm around her, plays with her fingers. She rests her head on his shoulder and he kisses her hair, murmurs nonsense just for her.

They go home, quiet but so close, each step taken in tandem. They take a seat on her porch swing, kiss long into the night, until curfew comes and the streetlights go out. His kisses are warm sometimes, tender and slow, dripping with love enough to make her feel like she's living in a dream. Other times they're hot, his hands running all over her, his tongue tasting her over and over again. She feels like he's burning her alive, makes her insides tight and coiled, ready to burst.

Most times, they just kiss, communicate with lips and hands but on occasion they talk, whisper promises into each other's ears.

_I love you_

_you mean the world to me_

_you're the best part of my life_

_I want to spend forever with you_

_I'll always love you_

_please don't leave me_

(sometimes they whisper pleas, heartbreak.

sometimes)

And then the lights go out and upstairs they go, curl up in her small bed together. Mostly they go to sleep quickly.

"Goodnight," she whispers, trailing fingers over his cheekbones.

"Goodnight," he replies, tangling their hands together.

She imagines this will be their future, imagines this will be a routine they'll have when they have their own house, their own bed. It makes her heart race.

But some nights, late late, when the moon is high in a dark sky, they talk about things too fragile for sunlight. They talk about their grief, their anger, their guilt. They talk about missing Vick, about how much it hurts, about how much they hate the Capitol for taking him.

Words and emotions they'd never let anyone else see or hear spill out and they are laid bare, open to each other in ways they could never be to anyone else. There are tears, hushed curse words and sometimes it's ugly, sometimes it's messy but this, her little bed with crisp white sheets, is their safe place.

They are strong every day, force smiles for Posy, for Rory and Hazelle. Gale's family is floundering, each one nursing a broken heart and Madge and Gale keep a brave face, do what they can to help them heal. Gale is used to being strong for them, doesn't know how to be anything else and Madge is just used to keeping everything bottled in, used to hiding pain beneath a smile.

But together, they can be weak, pathetic, utter wrecks. They can get angry, they can get sad and hopeless because it'll be okay, they have each other.

Misery loves company but strength comes in numbers and they're broken together and slowly, they learn how to put each other back together.

* * *

The District carries on like nothing's changed.

But it has, _everything_ has.

Vick is dead, _dead_ and no one seems to care.

It makes her want to scream.

* * *

Guilt's a much heavier burden to bear than Madge had imagined.

She can feel it, weighing down her every step but Katniss is worse, so much worse. However responsible Madge feels for Vick's death, it's nothing compared to Katniss. She cannot live with herself, refuses to leave bed, won't see Madge at all, sends Peeta down instead.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, voice raw and Madge feels another blade cut deep into her heart.

"It's not your fault," she insists but he doesn't answer, looks at her with sad blue eyes. She bites her lip, reaches forward, hugs him. His hands are tentative but finally come around her and they stand there on the doorstep, hold each other near.

Vick's a scar they share and Madge hopes they can find comfort in each other.

She thinks she may feel something wet on her shoulder but then Peeta pulls away, gives her a fractured smile. He steps aside, lets her in and Madge understands. She climbs the stairs, the whole house shrouded in shadows and finds Katniss buried in bed.

Madge crawls in beside her, strokes her hair.

"Sorry sorry sorry," Katniss repeats over and over again and Madge makes shushing sounds, wipes at the tears shining on Katniss' cheeks. They need each other more than ever and Madge hopes they can alleviate each other's guilt, hopes they can hold each other together.

"It wasn't your fault," Madge murmurs but Katniss shakes her head.

"It was, it _was_."

_No, it wasn't._

_It was Snow's fault._

_It's always Snow's fault._

* * *

Where do you go when everything and everyone around you is a reminder of what you've lost?

Vick lives in every wall of her house, every room. He sat in that chair once, did his homework at that table. He accidentally locked himself in the upstairs bathroom, helped her with the dishes in the kitchen. He's in her furniture, leaking out of the wallpaper.

She goes to the Hawthornes' and the walls bleed him out, the air seeming saturated with Vick. It kills the Hawthornes just as much as it does her and their house is like a prison, locking them in with Vick's ghost.

She passes the school, remembers picking him up for tutoring. She goes to work and he's there, coming for a visit. She walks down the streets and sees him, running, walking, laughing.

He's everywhere and nowhere, so close but always too far away.

He's gone but he's here, hooked into her heart and pulling, pulling her apart.

(her ghosts are piling up)

* * *

Days, weeks, months.

There isn't enough time in the world to heal this, not even close.

Madge is beginning to learn that some heartbreaks last a lifetime.

* * *

The Victory Tour this year is like pouring salt in fresh wounds.

The Hawthornes stand apart from the rest of the District so that everyone watching will know they're the family of the boy who didn't make it home. The Offals are nearby, mourning their lost daughter  and clinging tight to each other. Madge doesn't expect to go with them, expects to watch with everyone else but Gale takes her hand and doesn't let go. She is surprised but Hazelle, Rory, Posy, none of them look at her like she's out of place and it's the most bittersweet feeling in the world.

Gale's hands shake as Dressal Webb, victor of the 78th Hunger Games, stands on stage and makes a perfunctory, detached speech about District 12's fallen tributes. Madge interlocks their fingers, presses to his side.

_I'm with you. Always always always_

* * *

Life tries to get back to normal, but it can't.

Vick is a part of normal and without him, life is missing something crucial.

The Seventy Eighth games may be over but their shadow lingers, colours the years to come.

(In more ways than one, but Madge doesn't know that yet)

* * *

She kisses Gale and tastes sadness on his tongue.

Madge can't tell if it's his or hers.

(not that it matters, not really)

* * *

Katniss arrives at her door, a secret burning in her eyes.

Madge ushers her inside, confused and concerned by the urgency in her every move. Katniss darts her gaze around the room, checks that no one's there. She looks at Madge, fixes eyes filled with terror and maybe anticipation on her and Madge feels her stomach clench.

"The revolution isn't dead," Katniss whispers, voice so low Madge barely hears it. She muffles a gasp with her hand, looks at Katniss with wide, wide eyes. Katniss nods, moves in closer.

"I was so upset, about Vick, I was desperate. I was looking for anything that could save him, _anything_. And then they found me, rebels, hidden in the Capitol. They've been biding their time, waiting for a sign, a signal that the Districts are ready, willing to fight back. There's not many of them, but they're growing every day, building up to strike back."

Madge stares at Katniss open mouthed. There's still a rebellion, still a chance, a hope. She'd thought it was over, that they'd lost their shot but now Madge feels like Katniss has lit a fire in her soul, feels like she's been set ablaze.

"I didn't tell you before, because it didn't seem to matter, what with...Vick. But it _does_ matter. One day, they'll be strong enough. One day, there'll be a symbol for the districts to rally around, to inspire them. One day, Snow and the Capitol _will_ fall," Katniss' voice is quiet but firm with conviction and Madge nods, squeezes Katniss' hand.

There's hope in her heart, and maybe, just maybe, something a little darker too.

* * *

There's violence in Madge's dreams tonight, but she wouldn't call them nightmares.

* * *

Her heart may be broken, but Gale can still make it shine like a sky full of stars.

He invites her for a picnic in the meadow and strangely, he insists on making everything himself, tells her to bring nothing but herself. She's a little surprised and just a tad confused but she agrees, wonders what's going on.

It's been six, seven, eight, _nine_ months since they lost Vick and most days the pain is a dull throb, an ache she has learned to live with. It still flares up sometimes, still hurts like nothing she's ever felt before, but those moments are growing fewer and farther between. It'll never be okay, never be something she's over but they've managed to glue themselves back together, messily for sure, but still, they're living again.

(Madge will never admit it, never say it out loud, but she feels guilty every time she smiles, every time she feels happy.

Vick is dead and being happy feels wrong, feels like she's admitting he didn't matter.

She loved Vick, still does and happiness feels like an insult)

Madge dresses nice the morning of, feels like she should, not that she knows why. She fixes up her hair, washes her face and then waits, can't help wondering what Gale has in store for her. When his knock comes, she bounces up, hurries to the door with a strange sort of anticipation swimming beneath her skin.

He greets her with a kiss and she can feel something humming in his veins. She looks up in question but he just smiles, takes her hand. They walk in a cozy kind of silence, winter sun warming her skin. Gale keeps looking at her with soft little smiles and a light in his eyes that makes her feel giddy.

Madge can't wait to find out what it is he has planned.

They reach the meadow, set up their picnic. They trade stories of work as they eat, can't stop smiling at each other over their turkey sandwiches.

"These are good," she tells him around a bite and he shrugs, looks a little embarrassed.

"I'm not much of a cook, as it turns out, but it didn't seem right, having you make something. Not today," he says and then sets down the remainder of his sandwich, seems to decide now is the time. Madge sets down her own sandwich, feels the anticipation in her blood start to boil over. Gale takes her hands, smiles her favourite smile.

He thanks her for sticking with him through the aftermath of Vick, tells her he wouldn't have made it without her. She tries to interject, tries to tell him he doesn't have to thank her but he shakes his head, insists that he does.

"I don't know what I would've done without you, if you hadn't been here." He pauses, squeezes her hands. "I've never needed anyone, not really. But this time, for the first time, I did. And you were there, you've always been there. It can't have been easy, I've been a mess but you pulled me through, kept me from doing something I'd regret. So... _thank you_ , Madge," his voice is sincere and she can feel tears start to gather in her eyes.

"Gale, I love you. I'd stand by you through anything," she tells him and he smiles, something in her heart stirring. "And it's not like it was one sided. You were there for me when my mom died and now, with Vick, I wouldn't have made it without you either."  

They stare at each other for a moment and he lets go of one of her hands, brings his up to cup her cheek.

"I'd do anything for you," he says, " _anything_ and...that's the real reason I brought you out here." He takes a deep breath, gears up for something big and it scares her at the same time that it makes her heart start to rise in hope.

"I love you, Madge Undersee. You're brave, you're beautiful, you're smart. You're stronger than I could've guessed, have more in common with me than I ever could've imagined. My family loves you and the best parts of my day are the ones I spend with you. You make me happy, happier than...than I ever thought I could be. I feel like an idiot, for spending so much time thinking we would never get along, hating you for no reason."

Madge's heart rises quick, starts to soar among the clouds and there aren't words for how she feels right now.

"I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want a family with you, I want everything with you." She's crying now and he rubs his thumb over her cheek bone, catches her tears as they fall.

"I've been stalling for a hell of a long time. I was so convinced that we didn't have chance, that we'd never make it. So, at first I told myself that we'd be together for however long and then we'd go our separate ways, end up with someone else." He squeezes her knee, shakes his head.

"But it's too late for that now, there's no one else, not for me. There might've been, before but after loving you, after the years with you, no one else will ever come close." She turns her head, cries into his hand. She feels so overwhelmed, so overcome and he waits, lets her catch her breath. She inhales deeply and he takes her face in both of his hands, turns it gently towards him.

"I knew that I couldn't marry someone else, couldn't spend my life with anyone but you, so I stalled again. I told myself I wouldn't worry about it, that I couldn't get married, not until Rory was eighteen and he could get a job in the mines, could help Ma pay for things. My family needed me, needed my income. It was an excuse, one to postpone the inevitable. Ma would've been furious if she knew, would've insisted she could handle it, that I wasn't allowed to give up my future. It was her job to take care of me and she would but I clung to it anyways, needed the excuse. The longer I put the decision off, the longer I could keep you.

I was still convinced that we couldn't get married, that we'd have to end things and I didn't want that, wanted to keep that as far away as possible. It'd be selfish of me, I thought, to ask you to come to the Seam, to ask you to give up your great house, three solid meals a day for a life of barely scraping by in a crappy shack. You deserve better and if I loved you, I'd let you go.

But that's impossible, I can't let you go. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. I'm selfish but I want to marry you," he looks right in her eyes and she lets out a gaspy sob, "if you want to marry me. It won't be easy, but I love you, more than anything, more than anyone." He stops and takes her hands again, smiles at her in a way that makes fireworks burst in her brain.

"Will you marry me?" He's more open than she's ever seen him, looks at her with  love and hope and her heart expands, grows three times its size. She nods, struggles with her words.

"Yes," she manages to get out through her tears. "Yes!"

He kisses her, pulls her as close as he can. His lips press against her nose, her forehead, cheeks, jaw and finally her lips. He smiles against her and she smiles back, feels lighter than ever before.

"I love you, I love you so much..."

Madge has never been happier, and for the first time since Vick, she doesn't feel guilty.

Because she knows, this time, Vick would be happy too.

* * *

They fall into her bed that night and Madge sighs into his shirt.

"Every night, I used to dream about doing this for the rest of our lives, that one day, we'd be saying goodnight in _our_ bed, in _our_ house. And now we will." One of his hands begins playing with her hair, the other threading through her fingers.

"You're my dream come true," she whispers into his chest, feels the truth of it in her heart.

Madge can't wait for their forever to start.

* * *

 

She walks him to the door in the morning, watches him leave from the porch.

Her happy heart runs away with him, caught in the curve of his smile but it's alright, Madge doesn't mind.

There's no one she'd trust with it more.

_Her fiancé!_

* * *

Work passes in a happy daze.

_She's engaged, engaged!_

The thought keeps a smile on her face, makes her feel like she's floating. She flutters through her work, hums as she stitches.

_She's getting married!_

Madge wants to shout it from the rooftops, wants to tell everyone in town. She's never felt so happy, knows nothing can dampen her mood.

_She's marrying Gale!_

* * *

Happiness is infectious and the very best kind of disease.

The Hawthornes come for dinner and Madge is thrilled to see them, even more thrilled to see Gale. The kiss they share lingers a little too long but Madge is so excited, is nearly bursting at the seams.

They're going to tell them tonight and Madge can barely stand it.

Their families gather around the table, share small talk over dinner and Madge practically bounces in her seat, clutches tight to Gale's hand. The others must notice, take note of her excitement, of Gale's happy smile, of the way he can't stop looking at her with his heart in his eyes. They've been living in nothing but darkness and heavy shadows, this bright spot of sun is impossible to ignore.

Finally, _finally_ , supper is over and Madge bites her lip, turns to Gale in question. _Now?_ she silently asks and he nods. There's curiosity in everyone's eyes, well except Rory, still lost in a guilty world without Vick. Madge feels her heart twinge, her enthusiasm falter.

Maybe this is too soon, maybe this is wrong, to be happy when Vick's death is still so fresh.

"We've got some news," Gale tells everyone, tone cheerful and Madge looks at him in panic, wants to tell him _no, stop, don't say anymore_. She feels nerves chewing at her heart, doesn't want to upset anyone. She couldn't bear it, if their engagement made the Hawthornes unhappy, couldn't survive it.

"We're getting married," Gale announces and Madge inhales, peeks anxiously around the table.

_Please be happy, please please be happy_

"Yes!" Posy squeals in excitement, actually bounces out of her chair. Madge is startled, feels her eyes go wide but Posy rushes over, flings her arms around Madge in a hug.

"I told Gale he should marry you, a loooong time ago. Now we get to be sisters, for real!" Posy exclaims, smile wide and bright and Madge feels herself smile back, tears of joy starting to rise. She hugs Posy back, feels her fear start to evaporate.

Gale watches them with a fond look and then Madge peers at Hazelle, tries not to let her trepidation show. But Hazelle is smiling, warm and happy, the veil over her eyes finally lifted. She engulfs Madge in a hug, whispers in her ear.

"I'm so happy for the two of you, there's no one else I'd rather have as a daughter in law." Madge's tears spill over now and she hugs Hazelle, feels overwhelmed.

"I've never seen Gale as happy as he is with you, _thank you_ ," Hazelle continues and Madge shakes her head, can't even form words.

"See Gale, _I_ _told you_!" Posy declares and Gale laughs.

"You did, and that's what I was thinking the whole time. I better propose, Posy reaaallly wants me to," he says with a grin, ruffles her hair. Posy pouts, crosses her arms. Madge feels her heart smile.

Hazelle releases her, goes to hug Gale and Rory steps up to Madge. His smile is faint, but present, a bit of sun breaking through the clouds.

"I'd say welcome to the family, but I think it's a little late for that," he tells her, his smile warming just a bit. Madge hugs him, holds her brother close and Rory's hands rest on her back, keep her near as if afraid she'll disappear.

_Oh Rory..._

Her father shakes Gale's hand, claps a hand on his back.

"Congratulations son and welcome to the family. There's no better man for my Madge," her father tells him with a smile and Gale is surprised, caught off guard by his warm reception.

"Th-thank you, sir," Gale mumbles, the worry in his eyes that maybe the mayor wouldn't be so keen for his daughter to marry a miner fading away. Her father laughs.

"You're about to marry my daughter, I think "sir" is a bit too formal, don't you?" Gale nods, looks a little flustered and then Madge heads over. Her father's smile widens and he pulls her close.

"Congratulations, sweetheart," he murmurs in her ear and she smiles, fists her hands in her father's shirt.

"I know Gale will make you happy and I'm so glad you found each other." Madge sniffles, rests her head on her father's shoulder.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, honey." They stay like that until Merrie bursts in, bottle of wine in hand.

"Let's have a toast for the happy couple, hmm?"

Madge laughs.

Happiness feels good, she hopes they can wear it more often.

* * *

Madge arrives outside Katniss' door, feels excitement and trepidation clash.

She knocks on Katniss' door, can't wait to share her joy with her best friend. But there's still that tiny part of her that worries, that remembers what happened when Madge told Katniss she and Gale were together.

She knows it's silly, knows it's stupid but the feeling persists, wriggles in the back of her mind.

_Katniss has Peeta, she doesn't love Gale, it's fine, she'll be happy_

The door opens and Peeta smiles at her. Madge smiles back, breathes in and out.

"Come in," Peeta says, moves aside and she steps in, feels her heart pounding. He leads her to the living room and takes a seat on the couch beside Katniss. She leans into him almost unconsciously, weaves her fingers through his.

Madge feels her nerves melt away.

"I have some great news," she bursts out and Katniss leans forward, looks hungry to hear it.

(She needs to hear it

needs something to smile about)

"I'm getting married, Gale proposed!" Katniss' jaw drops, her eyes go wide but Peeta grins, stands to give Madge a hug.

"Congratulations!" he says and Madge smiles, accepts his hug with open arms. Katniss stands too, waits for Peeta to finish.

"That's wonderful," she says and Madge can hear her sincerity, knows she means it. Madge hugs her, feels overjoyed to share this with her very best friend.

"It certainly took him long enough," Katniss teases and Madge laughs.

"I'll make something to celebrate with!" Peeta exclaims and heads to the kitchen, Katniss' eyes watching him, looking at him just like Madge knows she herself looks at Gale.

They're both in love, both with the man of their dreams.

Maybe happily ever afters aren't so impossible after all.

* * *

Heartbreak feels like a distant memory and Madge feels invincible, untouchable.

She meets Gale after his shift, walks him home and there's something incredible in the thought that soon, she'll be walking him to _their_ house.

Thom and Bristel offer her their congratulations and Madge beams, doesn't even register the less than pleased glares some of the miners level at her.

Their hatred doesn't faze her, doesn't even hurt.

She's getting a lifetime with Gale.

That trumps pretty much anything.

* * *

(Except she isn't invincible, not even close.

Her engagement's like a bandage, taped over the bleeding sores left behind by Vick, her mother, Katniss, her father and too many more to count.

It's like a drug, like morphling, numbing her to the pain so she almost forgets it's there.

But it's always there, _always_ and just waiting for the day when her body grows immune, when her drug no longer works)

* * *

 It's two blissful months of being engaged, of eagerly counting down the days until forever.

And then, finally, one month before the 79th games, it arrives.

The happiest days of their lives is here and it's like every one of Madge's dreams come true.

(or almost all of them.

there are still some people missing,

some people who should be here

but the Capitol can't stand happy endings, won't let their citizens have them.

which is exactly why Madge won't get hers)


	7. Blood Burns in You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make me burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's alive! I apologize profusely for the long wait and thanks so much for sticking with me!

_Part 7-Blood Burns in You and Me_

The sky outside is gray but the sun shining in Madge's chest is bright enough to light the entire district.

She wakes up the morning of her wedding and is afraid to open her eyes, afraid she'll wake up and have dreamed it all. But at the same time, she's desperate to wake up because _she's marrying Gale!_ She blinks open her eyes slowly, takes steadying breaths and looks at her ceiling. The light from the window is pale but Madge gathers her courage and sits up, sees the dress hanging on the closet door.

She smiles, feels her lips stretch across her face and she's so giddy she can barely walk straight. She trips down the stairs, greets Merrie cheerfully and full of more life than she's ever had. Madge eats breakfast but doesn't taste the food, her mind lost in the events to come.

_She's getting married today!_

Hazelle, Prim and Posy arrive to help her get ready and Madge beams at them all, can't help but give them each a hug. This is like a dream, one she never even had, was never brave enough to have. But here she is, about to marry the love of her life.

(she feels like she's walking on air and she hasn't even _seen_ Gale yet)

Madge heads back upstairs, takes down her dress with loving care, white and sweet and none of them understand her secret smile. She'd found the old thing in the back of her closet and the memory had struck her without warning.

_Pretty dress_

It was a bit small but she'd altered it, wanted a piece of their past on the day their future began.

Hazelle does her hair and Posy weaves flowers into it when she's done and Madge is breathless when she looks in the mirror.

The girl looking back is beautiful, face bright and alive, her cheeks glowing. She looks happy, impossibly so and Madge hardly recognizes her, can't believe she's looking at herself.

She hopes she can look like this more often.

Madge takes Gale's bracelet, the one he gave her on her eighteenth birthday and fastens it around her wrist. Hazelle smiles at her in the mirror and pulls out a necklace from her bag, offers it to Madge. It's a simple pendant tied on a cord but by the way Hazelle cradles it, Madge knows it means the world.

"I wore this on my wedding day, it was a gift from my mother in law. I'd like you to have it now." Madge feels happy tears burn her eyes, gratefully accepts the gift and a hug from Hazelle. It's another piece of history, one tying her to Hawthornes past and as happy as it makes her, Madge feels her heart squeeze.

She wishes her mother was here, wishes she could share this with her. She loves Hazelle, but she misses her mother, wishes they were both helping her get ready. Her mother and Hazelle should be celebrating together, should get to watch their children get married side by side.

And then Madge thinks of Katniss, misses her, wants her here. She should have her best friend with her on the most important day of her life, should be able to share this with the person she owes so much to. Katniss is so, so important, means so much to her but she isn't here, can't be here.

Madge clutches her bracelet tight between her fingers, takes deep breathes and refuses to let the Capitol darken her day. They may be the reason her mother fell apart, may be why Katniss has to stay away from Gale but they won't have today, she won't let them.

"You look beautiful," Prim whispers, tears swimming in her eyes and Madge blushes, feels the shadows start to lift from her heart.

"Let's get you married," Hazelle says with a warm smile and Madge nods, feels bright like the sun.

_Let's_

* * *

The others go on ahead and Madge walks to the Justice Building with her father.

He smiles at her like she's the whole world, tears brimming and she feels her own eyes grow wet. She takes his arm, starts the walk towards the rest of her life.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart," her father murmurs and Madge smiles, squeezes his arm. "I know you'll be happy with Gale and.... I'm sorry," his voice dips low and melancholy and Madge furrows her brow, looks up at him in confusion.

"I...your whole life, you've been so much sadder than you should've been. I'm your father, I should've been stronger for you, but it was always the other way around. You were always the one being strong for me." Madge wants to interrupt, wants to tell him how wrong he is but he doesn't let her, keeps talking before she can say anything.

"And now, life in the Seam, it's going to be hard and I should be able to do something but I can't. I'm Mayor, but I can't make this any better, can't even get Gale a better job. I would if I could, and you deserve it, you both do." Madge hates her father's sadness, feels it like a bruise and _stop, Daddy, please stop_ she begs in her head but he doesn't, looks down in shame. "I'm sorry, Madge, sorry you've had to be so strong, sorry I haven't been able to keep you safe from everything the world's thrown at you."

Madge inhales deeply, feels her insides constrict. "Daddy, don't be stupid," she tells him sharply and he looks up in shock. Madge gives him her best smile, tries to help him see that she's okay, that he didn't fail her. "I love you and I've always known you loved me. Life hasn't been easy, it hasn't been perfect but that isn't your fault, it never has been. You did your best and it's always been enough," she insists firmly and he sniffles, hugs her close.

"I love you, my brave, wonderful Madge. You're going to do amazing things and I am so proud, so honoured to be your dad." Madge hugs him back, starts to cry.

"I love you too and I'll come visit all the time. We'll have you over for dinner and I'll stop by your work and we'll see each other often, okay? This isn't goodbye, not even close." He nods and they stand there for a bit longer, safe in each other's arms.

Madge is little again, her Daddy's her hero and nothing in the world could ever touch her, could ever make her cry.

* * *

They reach the Justice Building and Madge thinks she might explode from the anticipation.

She takes a deep breath before she allows her father to pull her inside, can hear her veins humming. She's surprised she can keep her feet moving, because her head's a mess, a whirlwind of thoughts crashing against her skull. _She's marrying Gale, right now, for real._

Madge sees Hazelle first, beaming and teary eyed. Madge smiles back and her eyes blur with tears and this is ridiculous, because she hasn't even seen Gale yet. Her father kisses her on the forehead and steps to Hazelle's side, the two of them the only witnesses present. Everyone else will be waiting for the toasting, but first Madge and Gale have to get the legal bit out of the way.

And then she sees him.

He's dressed in his very best, scrubbed as clean as he can get, his hair combed and tamed. There's a flower poking out of his chest pocket but Madge hardly notices, eyes magnetized to his face. Gale's smiling, soft and warm and filled with so much love Madge thinks she could get lost in it forever. His eyes are the brightest gray she's ever seen them, all his weariness and wear smoothed away.

Madge never used to believe in love or happily ever after but looking at Gale, feeling her heart beat out his name against her chest, she can't believe in anything else.

They step towards each other and Madge doesn't want to blink, doesn't want to ever look away. He takes her hand and it's like her entire body comes alive, electric sparks fizzing across her skin and bursting in her blood.

"Hi," he whispers, weaving his fingers through hers.

"Hi," she breathes back and even though it's only just begun, Madge knows this will be the best day of her life.

* * *

Gale never lets go of her hand, and when she signs her name on the marriage certificate, legally becomes Gale's wife, something pinches in her stomach in shock.

This is the last time she'll ever sign something as Madge Undersee.

You think she'd be a little sad, miss the girl she used to be just a bit but she doesn't. Madge Undersee was often sad, often beaten down by the world and her strength always cost so much.

Madge is ready to start fresh, is ready for a new beginning.

And this one, this one will be _incredible_.

* * *

They arrive, arm in arm, outside their new home and it sends an electric jolt straight down to Madge's toes.

This is _their_ home.

Their families are gathered outside, joined by Gale's friends from work and some of his neighbours, Merrie, Mrs Sparrowsaw and her children.

And then, Madge sees them.

Peeta and Katniss, beaming at her from the edge of the crowd.

Madge feels her jaw drop, feels her eyes go wide and her heart stop. She brings a hand to cover her mouth, keeps the other one firmly in Gale's. She runs to them, drags Gale along with her because she needs this to be real, needs to get to them before they disappear.

She comes to a stop in front of them, afraid one touch will make them vanish but then Katniss hugs her and the whole world bursts into colour.

"What're you...how?" Madge sputters and Katniss laughs a little, pulls back with a smile she so rarely uses.

"We wanted to come," she says simply, like it explains everything and Madge's eyes go perfectly round.

"But Snow!"

"You're married, _Gale's_ married. Snow can't possibly see him as a threat anymore."

Madge feels her heart glow but still, Katniss is risking an awful lot.

"You could be in so much trouble..."

"It's worth it. Being here, this is worth it," Katniss is adamant and Madge fights back tears, engulfs Katniss in a tight hug.

"You're the best wedding present," Madge tells her, mumbles into her shoulder and Katniss laughs a bit, squeezes her back. They pull apart eventually and Madge gives Peeta a hug too, thanks him for coming, because it means the world, it really does.

"Hey Catnip," Gale's voice is quiet, maybe a little strained and Madge turns from Peeta to look at them and they're just staring at each other but it's been so long, _too long_.

"Hi," Katniss answers, looks so lost and unsure and it hurts because they used to be so close and now they're miles apart.

"I...I'm glad you're here," Gale finally gets out and Katniss nods, blinks furiously.

"I wouldn't miss it," she affirms and _hug each other dammit!_ Madge wants to scream. And maybe they can read her mind, or maybe they're just so glad to have their oldest friend back, but they do hug, cling to each other and Madge feels like everything's going to be okay.

Almost everyone she loves is here and it feels like a miracle.

* * *

Gale's not one for public declarations, not one for spilling his feelings to a room full of people, but staring in his eyes before the fire, Madge can't even see anyone else. There's just her and Gale, just them, getting married, promising to spend every day of the rest of their lives together.

"I love you," he swears as he feeds her a little square of toasted bread. "I'll love you forever and nothing's ever going to change that. There's no one else for me, never was, never will be. I'm yours," he tells her sincerely, "for the rest of my life." Madge starts to cry but she doesn't care, carefully brings her bread to his lips.

"I feel so lucky, so blessed to be able to love you, to be with you. I never thought I could be this happy, but every day, you show me that I can be even happier. You make me believe that anything's possible, that I can do anything and...you're the love of my life."

She can't go on after that, too choked with tears but it doesn't matter, because Gale cradles her face like it's made of glass, brings her lips to his. His kiss sends something hot crashing through her blood and it's love, she thinks, love on fire and it burns through her veins, sets her ablaze.

This, right here, is happily ever after. 

* * *

The celebration that follows is the best Madge has ever attended.

She dances with everyone, strangers and friends alike but always finds her way back to Gale, back to her _husband_.

The food is delicious, Peeta having outdone himself and Madge feels liquid heat flowing through her body as she watches Gale across the room, laughing at something Thom's said. He's so handsome, so _perfect_ and he's hers, _forever_ and then Posy's there, demanding a dance and Madge is twirling her around and around. Peeta takes Madge's hand, leads her in a complicated Capitol dance that has the two of them laughing so hard they nearly collapse and she even gets Rory to dance, the beginnings of a tentative smile on his lips.

Katniss hovers off to the side, not much for the rambunctious crowd but Prim and Madge coax her out, get her to spin with them to a whirling fiddle tune. They get so dizzy they have to hold tight to each other to keep from falling over and then her father's there, twirling her about like he used to when she was young, when she stood on his feet and her mother was well enough to play the piano and Madge relishes in it, can almost imagine her mother's there with them.

Peeta brings out the cake, beautiful and looking so lovely Madge feels bad cutting into it but Gale doesn't seem to have that problem, drags her over with exuberance. They feed each other bits and she smudges it up his cheek, causes everyone to laugh as he pulls her close, kisses the frosting off her lips. She clutches his shirt, feels her heart glow and this the one day she would live in forever if she could.

The sun only stays up so long, but in this moment, dusk couldn't be farther off.

* * *

Everyone is gone and Madge and Gale sway to a song only they can hear.

"Is it wrong I kind of couldn't wait for everyone to leave?" He asks, presses his forehead to hers. She laughs, gives a small shake of her head.

"No, but it was nice, getting to share this with everyone."

"Yeah, it was," he agrees, tracing patterns on her back.

"And Katniss," she murmurs and that still feels too good to be true, like she must have imagined the whole thing.

"I still can't believe she was here, I thought I'd never see her again. At least not up close," he says and he sounds just as disbelieving as Madge feels. She pulls him a bit closer, can't help the happy feeling that rises at the thought of the two of them finally being reunited. She doesn't know how to express that, how to put in words how happy she is but she hopes the feelings bleed into him through her body, hopes he can feel it through his skin.

"Madge," Gale says suddenly, sounding serious and she looks up in confusion, meets his eyes.

"There's something I should've told you a long time ago," he begins, looks straight into her heart. "I want you to know that you're not my second choice, that you're not my 'I couldn't have Katniss, so I'll settle for someone else'. I love you, more that anyone and I need you to know that you're my first choice, my _only_ choice. Katniss, she's my best friend, always will be, but me and her, we couldn't have been happy together. But _you_ , the only way you could ever make me unhappy is if I didn't have you."

Madge beams and reaches up to cup his cheek, rubs her thumb across his skin. "I know, I've known that for a long time. You're too good a man for anything else." Gale closes his eyes, inhales deeply.

"You're the world to me Madge Hawthorne and you're the only one I'll ever want," he murmurs against her skin and Madge smiles, tightens her hold on him.

"Madge Hawthorne," she repeats.

It tastes a little like sunshine.

* * *

Madge runs her fingers over the scars on Gale's back and his kisses reach deep enough to touch the ones on her heart. But they don't feel like scars anymore, feel like seams about to burst with love and happiness and something she can't explain.

Madge doesn't think much that night, doesn't reflect or ponder on the past or the future or what she's been told about wedding nights and visits to the slag heap.

None of that matters, nothing else in the universe matters, nothing at all but Gale and the way he touches her, the way he kisses her, the way he says her name.

There's nothing but her and Gale, together, and when he makes her world explode like a supernova, she only thinks one thing, but it's the only thing that matters.

_I love you_

* * *

Madge wakes up cocooned in the warmth of Gale's arms.

Their legs are tangled together and she tickles the bare skin of his stomach until he wakes up, snorts into her hair.

"Hey," he grumbles sleepily and she bites her lip to keep her smile at bay. He tries to go back to sleep, a comical kind of frown on his face and Madge can't help but steal a kiss.

"You're a menace," Gale mumbles and Madge grins, rolls him over onto his back and lies on top of him.

"But I'm your menace," she points out and Gale's arms tighten around her.

"You bet you are."

If this is how all her mornings start from here on out, Madge thinks that'd be okay.

Actually, it'd be more than okay.

Much more.

* * *

It's her very first afternoon as a married woman and Madge stands in her new bedroom sorting through all the things she's brought with her from life as the Mayor's daughter. She's just managed to separate everything into three distinct piles when Gale comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist.

"What's all this?" He asks, pointing with his chin and Madge smiles, leans back against him.

"All my stuff from my Dad's house. I've been trying to sort it and I think I've finally managed."

Gale rests his chin on her shoulder, "Really?"

She nods, rests her arms on his. "Yep. The first one's stuff that I'll be using, you know clothes and dishes, things like that. The second is things we don't really need now, but might one day. Like...clothes for a baby..." she trails off, feels her voice rise and Gale squeezes her middle. She feels tingly all over, the idea of starting a family with Gale making her giddy, but she pushes it down, tries to finish what she was saying. "And the third, we can put away somewhere for emergencies. You know, if the mines close again or one of us gets sick or we're ever in desperate need of money, we can sell or trade some of it. Give ourselves a bit of  a cushion to fall back on."

"Looks like you've thought of everything," he comments and Madge bites her lip, turns in his arms so they're facing each other.

"I have some news actually," she begins and he quirks an eyebrow in question. "I've been waiting for the right time to tell you." He's definitely curious now and Madge smiles.

"You know I can't work at the seamstress forever, I'm just filing in until their daughter's finished school," Gale nods and Madge carries on, "so I've been thinking about what I'd do next. Well, I was tutoring Posy and we were having such a great time, that it just came to me. Teaching! I could be a teacher! So, I stopped by the school, and you know how old Mrs Darrow is, so I applied and they said I could have her position when she retires! Apparently, my qualifications are excellent, which probably just means that being the mayor's daughter makes me seem really highbrow, but either way, I'm going to be a teacher!" Gale doesn't answer right away and Madge starts to get nervous, which makes her babble.

"I mean, not, you know, now, but soon, probably, because Mrs Darrow's planning on retiring in the next few years, so you know-" Gale cuts her off, lifts her right off the ground in a hug.

"That's amazing! You're gonna be great," he insists and she flushes in pleasure.

"My hours will be more regular than they are now, plus it'll be better pay, which definitely can't hurt." Gale sets her down and smiles.

"You really do have everything figured out. I knew I married you for a reason." Madge laughs and leans up for a kiss.

"Alright, maybe two reasons."

* * *

They fall into bed that night, Madge staring up at the ceiling.

"So, day one as a married couple, what do you think?" Gale asks, trailing his hand down her arm and Madge lets out a happy sigh.

"I love it," she affirms and rolls over to face him. He leans in close, so close she could count his eyelashes and smiles.

"Me too."

* * *

Madge wakes up early the next day, carefully extricates herself from Gale's embrace.

She creeps to the kitchen and starts making breakfast, is mostly done when Gale stumbles from their room, muffling a yawn.

"What're you doing up?" he mumbles, moving towards her, "You don't start work for hours." She nods and his arms come around her almost unconsciously.

"I wanted to see you before you left. You're gone most of the day, so every moment counts." Gale frowns, kisses the side of her head.

"You could've at least let me make breakfast. Not only are you getting up hours early just for me, but you're cooking too. Way to make me feel bad." She snorts, presses her lips against his cheek.

"You can cook tomorrow." He nods, shuffles to the cupboard to get plates.

They're too tired to do much talking, eat mostly in silence but Gale makes certain he's the one to gather up their dishes and rinse them in the sink when they've finished. Madge shakes her head fondly and Gale heads to their room to get dressed.

They kiss goodbye in the doorway and he whispers _thank you_ against her mouth. She smiles and waves as he leaves, watches him until he's out of sight.

That's her _husband_.

She's never going to get tired of saying that.

Never ever.

* * *

Settling into married life is easier than Madge ever would've guessed, feels perfectly natural and _right_.

They have their family over for dinner and it's really _their_ family, singular and that means more to Madge then she could ever say.

She tells them about her plans to be a teacher and her father beams, tells her how proud he is while Posy insists that she _has_ to be her teacher, she just has to. Hazelle is sure she'll be brilliant at it and Rory nods in agreement, makes Madge feel fluttery and glad.

Gale squeezes her fingers under the table, knocks her knee with his and Madge smiles.

There's a few faces missing, people that should be here, family they shouldn't have lost but still, this is more than Madge ever dreamed of having.

(That doesn't quite make it okay, but it makes it bearable)

* * *

Life is good and that can never last.

The Seventy Ninth Games draw near and a shadow stretches across the Hawthornes. Vick rises from the dead, takes their hands and holds on tight.

Posy is quieter, Hazelle wearier, Rory withdrawn.

Gale clings to Madge at night, his muscles tense and she runs fingers over his clenched jaw, can't smooth away the scars bearing Vick's name.

"I love you," she murmurs and it's the only balm she can offer but Gale takes it, clutches it like a lifeline. He's floundering, keeps dipping below the waves and he isn't the only one, they all are.

All except Madge.

She sees Vick's eyes watching her from the mirror, sees his reflection hiding beside hers but it hardly fazes her, she's used to living in a haunted house, grew up with Maysilee's spectre in her walls.

Her mother watches from the window panes, her face hazy in the glass and Madge walks past without looking, doesn't linger with phantoms like the Hawthornes.

Madge doesn't know if it's a strength or a weakness, this familiarity with death but she does her best to pull everyone else up for air, but it gets harder every day and soon, Madge thinks, soon all they'll have left is the spirits of the dead.

* * *

"I'm going to try and find out more about the rebellion, see how things are going," Katniss whispers over tea and Madge nods. Katniss looks a little frantic, heavy bags beneath her eyes and Madge is sure the nightmares that plague her are worse this time of year.

She can't help but wonder if Katniss keeps focusing on the rebellion, of how she'll spend her time in the Capitol learning all about it because she can't face what she'll really be doing there.

(She's been so much worse since Vick, still hasn't let go of her guilt.

The Hawthornes aren't the only haunted ones)

* * *

Madge wakes up the day of the Reaping, feels something heavy and cold settle in her stomach.

_One year ago today...._

Don't think about it, she scolds herself but she can't help it, Vick's sweet face swimming before her eyes. She burrows deeper into the warmth of Gale's chest, tries to banish the aching pain creeping through her body.

She wants to stay here forever, stay safe in the sanctity of Gale's arms, because nothing can touch her here, nothing can harm her.

(It's a lie, but it's lie she'll believe until the end

she has to)

* * *

Her breakfast tastes like ashes and Gale's eyes are storm clouds ready to explode.

This really is the nightmare that never ends.

* * *

The walk to the square is quiet.

Gale and Madge link their hands together, meet up with the Hawthornes and the air is somber, none of them speaking a word.

Vick follows behind them, lies like cobwebs on their hearts and really, what is there to say?

( _No more no more)_

* * *

_Not Prim, not Prim_

Madge thinks, repeats in her head and she can tell Katniss is thinking the same thing, her fingers crossed in her lap.

"Peony Paddyfield," Effie Trinket calls out in a bubbly voice, Gale stiffens and Madge feels her heart bend, snap.

_It isn't Prim_

* * *

When Rory steps out after his goodbye, Prim is quick to wrap him in a hug. He buries his face in her shoulder, holds her so tight it's like he's afraid she'll disappear, as if he's afraid the Capitol will swoop in and take her away too.

_This isn't fair. It just isn't fair._

There are tears in Madge's eyes and she tightens her grip on Gale's hand.

Will there ever come a day when they won't have to watch their loved ones be shipped off to the Capitol to die?

( _No_ )

* * *

They reach the Everdeens' to watch the recaps and Rory slips outside.

Madge is the first to notice and follows after him, finds him standing stiff by the side of the house.

"Rory?" she questions softly and he doesn't turn, breathes a little erratically.

"It's my fault," he whispers and Madge is confused.

"If Peony dies, it'll be my fault," he continues, voice a little frantic.

"Rory that's not true," Madge insists but he shakes his head violently.

"I should've volunteered, gone in with her, tried to keep her safe. I was going to, _I was_ but then I thought of Vick and Ma and Posy and I couldn't. I hesitated and then it was too late and now if she dies, it'll be because of me." Rory's eyes are a little wild and Madge feels like he's reached inside her and plucked out her heart, is pressing it flat between his hands.

"Rory, that's not true, _not at all_ ," Madge tells him, voice firm and he looks like he wants to disagree but she doesn't let him. She wraps him in her arms, pulls him tight against her.

"I know you feel awful, I know you want to save her but Rory, your family needs you, couldn't bear it if they lost you too." He shudders in her arms and she doesn't let go, keeps him close.

"She said she loved me, the very last thing she ever said and I don't understand. She should _hate me_ ," he almost sobs into her shoulder and Madge has to force her own tears down.

"No Rory, she's your best friend, she could never hate you for being safe. She's probably happy knowing that you'll be okay, that you didn't volunteer. I know how hard this is, but Rory, no one, _no one_ , thinks poorly of you for staying behind. We're grateful, all of us and I'm sure Peony is too. Just have faith in her, that she'll come home."

His fingers dig into her arms so hard it hurts but Madge doesn't complain, lets him cry. It breaks her to watch him fall apart but she keeps strong for him, holds him through the pain.

_Have faith_

It's the only choice they have left.

* * *

They step back inside, Rory's eyes red.

Everyone's gazes follow them and Madge can feel it like needles prickling her skin. Rory doesn't seem to notice, curls up on the floor by the couch, pulls his knees to his chest. Posy crawls up beside him, squeezes under one of his arms and Prim sits on his other side, leans her head on his shoulder. Rory's lips tremble but he doesn't speak and Madge tries her very best not to cry.

Gale wraps his arms around her waist, pulls her down into his lap. She relaxes against him, breathes him in and tries to steel herself for what's to come.

It doesn't work.

* * *

Madge lets the safety of Gale's arms fill her with life.

The Games are tearing their family apart and she keeps him near, tries to weather this storm together.

There is hatred bubbling beneath his skin, so hot she can feel it and Madge knows that if rebellion ever does come to Panem, Gale will be the first in line, the first of Twelve to strike his match on the Capitol's walls.

It terrifies her, because rebellion always costs but at the same time, Madge knows she'll be right beside him, lighting her very own match.

They'll burn down the Capitol together.

* * *

Gale tries to be there for Rory because he understands this, had to watch Katniss in the Games just as Rory has to watch Peony. But Rory doesn't want empathy, sympathy, understanding. He wants something none of them can give him, wants the guarantee that his story will have the same happy(ish) ending as Gale's, because Katniss came home.

Gale tries to reach him, tries to help but it's always the same.

_Will Peony come home?_

It's the one question no one can answer, and it's the only one Rory really cares about.

* * *

Rory wilts and withers as they watch and Madge's heart goes right along with him.

Two years in a row he has to watch someone he loves participate in the Games.

Two years in a row he feels guilty that he didn't volunteer to keep them safe.

Will it ever end?

Madge hugs him tight, tries to help but her hugs are hollow, her promises empty. She can't do anything and he knows it, she knows it, they all know it.

None of them can do anything.

(Except, except that's not quite true. There are people in the Capitol, people who _can_ do something and one day, they _will_ )

* * *

Peony is hung from a tree, finishes twelfth.

She dangles there, claws at the rope around her neck and the image is burned into Madge's brain, the horror seared across her retinas.

You don't forget moments like these (you _can't_ ).

And Rory, well, Rory wishes he were numb, wishes he couldn't feel a thing.

But oh, _he can_.

* * *

Rory vomits, stumbles to his feet but can barely stand and Prim tries to keep him steady but dead brothers and best friends weigh him down like heavy stones.

Gale grabs him under the arms, hoists him up and helps him to the bathroom. Hazelle hurries after them and Madge strokes Posy's hair, tries to soothe her sobbing.

She imagines being in Rory's position, tries to imagine his back to back losses and ice digs into her bones, stabs at her lungs.

She thinks of the Paddyfields, having lost both their children to the Hunger Games and bile crawls its way up her throat, her stomach clenching painfully.

The Capitol is cruelty, Snow is a devil in white and Madge wants them to pay.

She wants them to pay in blood.

* * *

" _I_ _hate them_ ," Madge hisses into the gloom and Gale tightens his grip on her.

He doesn't offer any words of his own, but he doesn't need to.

Gale's hatred is carved into his skin, painted across his face. He wears it like battle armour, ready for the war he can't wait to wage.

Gale exhales loathing and Madge drinks it in, lets it engulf her. Rebellion sizzles beneath her skin, burns in her blood.

The end is near, Madge can feel it.

(But whose end?

The Capitol's?

Or theirs?)

* * *

Peony's body is sent home, wrapped up in a pine box and it's too familiar, much too familiar.

Rory's eyes are dark and lonely, seeing ghosts in every shadow. Posy holds his hand, but his fingers are limp and Prim comes up on his other side, tries to give him strength.

Gale and Madge hold each other near and Hazelle stands with the shattered Paddyfields, tries to keep their broken bits together.

Vick hovers at the corner of Madge's vision, looks at them with sad, sad eyes.

This can't go on, _it can't_.

* * *

Rory is an empty shell, a hollowed out husk and everyone tries to fill him up, tries to fill him in with the Rory they once knew.

Madge isn't sure that Rory still exists.

* * *

Katniss arrives at her door, nervous and twitchy.

Madge lets her in, looks cautiously up and down the street. No one's there and she retreats inside, finds Katniss pacing, filled up to the brim with energy.

"I have news, from the Capitol," she whispers, so quiet Madge almost believes she imagined it.

"They're recruiting victors, trying to get them to use their influence to stir things up in the districts. They've got other plans too, ones they won't tell me about. How to start the rebellion, how to fight it. It's coming, I'm not sure when but it shouldn't be too far off, the next few years at the longest."

Katniss' face is blazing and Madge feels that fire reflected in her chest.

_Soon, soon_

Madge can't wait.

* * *

Madge meets Gale after his shift, takes his hand firmly between hers and he can tell by the look in her eyes that she has something to tell, something important.

"What is it?" he asks once they've reached the safety of their home and Madge takes a deep breath, exhales every detail Katniss told her. He is silent as he listens, drinks it all in, devours every last scrap of information. She tells him about half formed plans and secret recruitment and rough dates and his eyes scream at her, filled to the brim with a violent sort of excitement that worries her down to her core.

She tries to soothe herself, after all, she's excited too, wants this to come to pass, but his fire's a little darker than hers, his enthusiasm a little reckless.

"This is it, it's finally coming," he murmurs into her hair as he holds her close and she presses her cheek against his chest. She can feel his heart pounding erratically, wild and near bursting.

Madge isn't afraid of rebellion, of revolution or change, no, she wants that, needs it.

Madge is afraid of losing Gale.

(and not just losing him to death.

no, she's afraid that the Gale that comes out the other side, may not be the Gale that went in)

* * *

The Victory Tour comes and brings heartbreak with it.

The Paddyfields, childless, stand next to Ven Caverness' family, District Twelve's latest fallen son. The Hawthornes gather around Rory, keep him sheltered between them and Katniss sits on stage, face pale and stony.

Velvet Guillory of District One makes an impassioned speech about her victory and Rory clenches his jaw. Madge finds the warmth of Gale's fingers, keeps them locked tight with hers.

She's so tired of losing.

(and that's all anyone does in Panem.

loses)

* * *

Madge walks through town on her way home from work, can't wait to relax with Gale when someone comes up behind her, calling her name.

She stops, turns and it's Mr Naysmith, principle of the school, puffing along with a sweaty face. He stops just in front of her, mops at his brow.

"Thank goodness I've caught you. Mrs Darrow's fallen a bit ill and in light of that, she's decided to retire sooner rather than later. You're still interested in her position, aren't you?"

Madge nods hurriedly, "Oh yes, definitely."

"Excellent, just excellent. How soon can you start?"

"As soon as I've told the seamstress," she answers, feels a wave of excitement roll over her.

"Right, well, Mrs Darrow's more than happy to leave you all her things, she won't be needing them. I can give you a full run down of what we'll be needing you to do whenever you're free."

"Of course, I'll be in as soon as I can! Thank you so much, Mr Naysmith," she says sincerely, hopes he can tell how grateful she is.

He nods, "My pleasure Ms Undersee," and Madge frowns a bit, feels something small and niggling wiggle its way into her head.

"Mrs Hawthorne," she corrects and he swallows, looks slightly uncomfortable.

"Yes...of course," he clears his throat awkwardly, "Come see me at the school when you can," and then he hurries off, leaves Madge feeling a bit colder than before.

* * *

She tells Gale over dinner about how she'll be starting the teaching job soon and he beams, squeezes her hand tight.

She smiles too, doesn't mention Mr Naysmith calling her 'Ms Undersee', doesn't bring up how uncomfortable her marriage clearly made him.

She'd almost forgotten about the hostility between the town and the seam, after all, there were much bigger things to worry about.

But it's there, a constant reminder that Madge is out of place, just like always.

* * *

She's so nervous on her first day that she thinks she might be sick.

Her stomach tosses, turns and she can't even look at her breakfast. Gale notices, but how could he not and comes around to her side of the table, pulls her to her feet.

"You don't have to be so worried, you're going to be great." His voice is firm and Madge tries to nod, but still, how could she have possibly thought this was a good idea?

"You're an amazing tutor, you're fantastic with kids and Mr Naysmith wouldn't have wanted you unless he knew you'd do well. Trust me, you're going to do fine." She nods again, puts her faith in Gale and in herself, because he's right, of course he is.

"Thanks," she offers, feels kind of silly and Gale grins, leans down for a kiss.

"No problem."

She can do this.

* * *

She definitely can't do this.

She's got about five minutes until class starts  and she really thinks she's going to vomit. She isn't ready, not at all and this is going to go awfully, she just knows it.

The bell rings and Madge jumps, tries to compose herself as students come pouring in and take their seats. She forces a smile, hides her trembling hands behind her back.

"Good morning everyone. I'm Mrs Hawthorne, I'll be your teacher from now on." She manages to keep her voice from shaking, hopes children aren't like animals and can smell fear.

"Good morning, Mrs Hawthorne," they all chorus and Madge takes a look at them, sees bright eyes and sweet faces and maybe, just maybe, this won't be awful after all.

Maybe.

* * *

"I think it went well," she tells Gale that night, wrapped in his arms in bed.

"Told you," he says smugly and she rolls her eyes, pinches his side.

"But really," he says, "I never had a doubt." She smiles, feels herself blush and snuggles closer.

"Spending the whole day with a room full of kids, it really made me think about us, you know, having a family," she murmurs into his chest.

"Yeah?"

She nods. "It's not that I want a baby right now, but one day, definitely. More than one, I think. Being an only child was always so lonely."

"You'll be a great mom," he tells her, presses a kiss against her hair.

"And I know you'll be a wonderful dad."

"Well, in that case, how about a bit of practice?" Gale asks with a grin and Madge laughs, catches him in a kiss.

_We'll be amazing together_ , she thinks.

Madge can't wait.

* * *

Things have being going well and of course, life can't stay that way, not in Panem.

It's almost time for the eightieth games, almost time for Rory's very last reaping and he doesn't seemed fazed, but then, he's lived in a state of apathy since Peony, hasn't reacted to anything at all. His voice is flat, eyes hard and he isn't Rory, not anymore.

Posy tries to bring him back to life, but even her sweetness and light isn't enough, can't make him shed the walls he's built up tall. Gale tries to talk to him, but Rory hardly listens, locks himself up tight and Gale gives up in frustration, desperate but helpless.

It's Prim's last reaping too and she keeps a brave face, but Madge can see the worry in her eyes. She's nervous for herself, scared for her family, concerned for Rory. Madge sees them at school, sees the way Prim tries to reach him and she can only hope she succeeds, hopes Prim can find the chink in Rory's armour.

Hazelle hopes so too and every time Madge sees her, she's more and more tired, worn down by the world and watching her hold herself together nearly pulls Madge apart.

She tries to visit Katniss but she's frantic, convinced Snow will reap Prim to punish her, not that Madge knows what exactly Katniss thinks she should be punished for.

Madge watches them all and one thing's perfectly clear.

Her family's falling to pieces.

* * *

"I don't know what to do!" Gale growls angrily, slams his mug down on the table and Madge nods, wishes she had some sort of solution.

But she doesn't.

No one does.

* * *

The sun's bright on Reaping Day and Madge sighs.

She's twenty two years old and feels almost a hundred, feels brittle and frail. It's been too many years of this, far too many and Madge doesn't know how much more she can take.

She needs Katniss' rebellion to happen, needs it soon, needs it now.

(Not yet, but soon.

So very, very soon)

* * *

There's nothing remarkable about District 12's tributes in the 80th Games except that they're both from town.

It's a rarity and the townsfolk are nervous and terrified, feel the tiny blanket of security they had tied around themselves fall away.

_It never happens, not two kids from town , the odds..._

The odds aren't in anyone's favor.

(it's a lesson the town's always been a bit slow at learning)

Merylla Inchcape and Hammil Hayes both die quick, gruesome deaths, completely useless in the rocky terrain the Capitol drops them in. Madge closes her eyes, feels Vick rest a hand on her shoulder. Her blood chills at his touch and she can't block out Merylla's dying shriek or Hammil's final plea.

She tries to take heart in the fact that one day, one day soon, this will all be over, no one will ever have to die like this again.

It's not quite enough, but it's something.

* * *

Prim and Rory are both safe and that's a blessing, it really is.

And they need every blessing they can get, especially now.

(but they'll need even more in the years to come)

* * *

On the very last day of the Games, right before Katniss is due to come home, she makes an announcement that changes everything.

She and Peeta are doing a last interview with Caesar before they leave, chatting easily with him and allowing the Capitol to catch up with their favourite lovers. Peeta's just finished telling a joke that makes Caesar and the audience chuckle when Katniss speaks and everyone's a little surprised, because Katniss rarely says anything, usually leaves the talking to Peeta.

"Actually, Peeta and I have something very exciting to tell you Caesar," she says and Madge can't read her, can't tell if this is real or not and that means so much, means Katniss has finally perfected her act. Caesar leans forward, curiosity piqued.

"Oh, really? And what would that be? I'm sure everyone would love to know," and the audience roars in agreement. Katniss smiles, squeezes Peeta's hand.

"I'm pregnant," she announces and everything else in drowned out in an explosion of noise.

Madge doesn't know why, but something about this tastes sour on her tongue.

* * *

Katniss comes home but doesn't want to talk about the baby, would much rather talk about the rebellion.

"Their plan's all ready, they just need a symbol, something or someone to unite the districts, band them together. Then they can put their plan into action, start the revolution."

Madge nods along with Katniss' words, respects that she doesn't want to talk about her pregnancy but still, she can't help but be worried. She knows Katniss never wanted children, knows Snow has awful things planned for any children Katniss does have. She can't imagine how Katniss must feel, wishes she'd open up about it but she's Katniss and Katniss has always been guarded, always kept everything close to her chest.

So instead, Madge prays they find their symbol soon, prays rebellion will begin before Katniss gives birth.

Maybe, maybe if they're lucky, someone in the next games will be the uniting factor they need, the person to get a revolution brewing.

She has no idea.

* * *

"I'm worried about Katniss," Gale mentions over dinner Sunday night and Madge breathes in, sets her utensils down.

"When we were hunting today, there was something...off about her. It's not just that she acts like she wants to ignore everything to do with her pregnancy or that she's been more obsessed than usual with the idea of rebellion, but it's like she's hiding something, something...I don't know, something that's making her crazy." Madge nods because she's noticed too, of course she has. There's something dark hiding in Katniss' eyes, something that scares her.

"I think...Katniss has a lot of secrets she can't tell us, can't tell anyone. I think she's under a lot of pressure and dealing with that...it isn't easy."

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Gale asks and Madge almost laughs.

She's not sure any of them will be okay.

* * *

(Katniss is playing a dangerous game

But then, she always is)

* * *

There's a show on Capitol TV, one where people can call in and suggest names for the unborn Mellark and at the very end, when her due date's close, they'll be a vote for what Peeta and Katniss' child should be called.

It's like when they used to vote on her wedding dress except worse, so much worse.

This is _their_ baby, except no, it isn't.

It's the Capitol's baby.

Just like everything else in Katniss and Peeta's life.

* * *

Katniss stops going out, locks herself inside and doesn't want to see anyone.

Madge goes to visit and Peeta hesitates to let her in, which worries her worse than Katniss' odd behaviour. He finally relents and she finds Katniss inside, buried in thick clothes and under piles of blankets.

There's no talk of children or pregnancy and the conversation is stilted, awkward. Katniss claims she's tired, needs to rest and Madge believes it, sees the dark purple hanging under her eyes.

The Capitol's doing this to her, eating away at her and it makes Madge furious.

But then, so does everything else they do.

* * *

"You're the best teacher ever," seven year old Jad Foxwaith says, gives Madge a bouquet of wild flowers and she's caught off guard, feels her face heat up.

"Oh! Thank you, Jad, really," she tells him and he beams, hurries off to join his waiting friends.

Madge watches him go, feels something in her chest tug. He lives in the Seam, probably goes to bed hungry. He'll most likely take out tesserae, up his chances of being reaped. And if he survives it'll be off to the mines, off to a lifetime of risk and disease.

Being a teacher, it wasn't meant to hurt this much.

* * *

Katniss loses the baby.

Madge visits as soon as she hears, runs straight to Victor's Village without looking back. Katniss lies in bed, refuses to talk about it and Madge doesn't push, offers silent comfort instead. She keeps an eye on her, wants to make sure she'll be okay but Katniss doesn't seem that broken up about it, not nearly as much as Madge thinks she herself would be.

Madge wonders if it's because Katniss never wanted a baby in the first place or maybe because this baby was the Capitol's more than it ever would've been Katniss'. It makes sense, is entirely plausible but there's a tiny part of her, an itty bit buried somewhere deep down that wonders if there was ever really a baby to begin with.

Madge can't help but wonder if the whole thing wasn't a clever lie Katniss cooked up, a cunning deception to give the Capitol exactly what they wanted while still keeping Katniss baby free.

After all, Katniss faked a romance for the Capitol, why not a baby?

In the end, Madge doesn't ask.

Some secrets are better left secret.

* * *

The Victory Tour arrives but people in the Capitol are far more interested in Katniss' miscarriage then they are Harvey Zitnik's victory.

Katniss doesn't say much in the interviews, lets Peeta handle the talking. She's very pale, holds his hand tightly, looks tired and frail. He's as eloquent as always, expressing the perfect mix of heartbreak and disappointment, all while showing courage for the future.

"We still want a family some day and when we've healed from this, we're going to try again."

The Capitol's always been an elaborate web of lies and Madge can't help but wonder if Peeta's spinning a few more.

* * *

Posy comes over for tutoring but can't concentrate, the looming threat of her first reaping hanging heavy over both their heads.

Madge wants to say something comforting, but she can't, can't even comfort herself.

Rory's finally safe but now Posy isn't and that isn't right, not at all.

_Please, please, let us find our symbol, please_

* * *

 

(The Eighty-First Hunger Games are coming and nothing will ever be the same

_nothing_ )


	8. Hold Me in the Rising Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hero's the one who dies. Didn't you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know it's been ages since I last updated and I apologize. I could tell you that school's been hectic, work crazy, that my hard drive died and I lost everything and had to start from scratch and that this chapter is super huge and that'd be true, but I'm also just horrible and slow.  
> I'm really sorry and thank you so much for reading and sticking with me, you guys are the very best!

_Part 8-Hold Me in the Rising Waves_

Madge wakes up early and rolls onto her back, stares up at a ceiling bathed in faint gray light. The sun squints through her homemade curtains, catches on the threads of a spider web stretched out in the corner and her eyes trace its lines.

(she tries her very best not to think of metaphors and symbolism, but it's hard, especially today)

Gale's arm is warm and heavy across her stomach, but the weight is comfort and her hand finds his, curled in the dip of her waist, and she clutches it tight.

He shifts slightly, his chin rubbing against her shoulder and makes an adorable snuffly sound. She smiles softly, feels his breath on her skin and wishes they could stay in bed all day, wishes the sun had never risen.

Because today is Reaping Day.

( _the beginning_ )

The beginning of the terror, the nightmare, the endless death.

But this year, this year it's also the beginning of the end.

(she just doesn't know that yet)

* * *

The walk to the Hawthornes feels like walking to a funeral.

Madge wants to be strong, wants to be brave but she's starting to think that maybe she's only got so much courage to spend, and maybe her store's running dry.

(this isn't true, not really, but,  _God_ , it sure feels like it sometimes)

Gale is tense, but of course he is, because this year it's Posy's turn and that's enough to send even the strongest to their knees.

(not Gale though, he's always known how to stand up tall)

Rory's finally safe and now Posy isn't and Madge wonders if there'll ever come a time when someone she loves isn't at risk and she knows the answer's no.

Not as long as there's Hunger Games.

Gale's hand is held firm in hers and she likes this, walking hand in hand, has always loved the togetherness of it. She loves it even more on days like today, days when the whole world feels wrong and falling apart, loves the courage and the promise in the touch of his hand.

Madge peeks up at Gale, with his hard jaw line and ice cold eyes and she steps closer to him, wants to remind her Gale, the one buried under all that anger, that he isn't facing this alone, that she's here.

That she'll always be here.

(but the angry Gale, the one that scalds with a touch, he's hers too, because Madge is angry too, has her own fire that burns with his)

They arrive at Hazelle's just as the Hawthornes step out and Madge feels Gale squeeze her hand, knows the sight hurts him worse that it does her.

(and it hurts her,  _God_  it hurts her)

Hazelle looks so much frailer, grayer and Madge can barely stand it, can barely stop herself from crying like a baby. Rory is just as withdrawn as always, so far away Madge thinks they'll never find him and little darling Posy is terrified, tries to hide it somewhere deep.

Rory and Hazelle have probably already said what they need to to Posy, already given her comfort and reassurance and hope. Now it's their turn, Madge and Gale's, and she doesn't know what she's supposed to say, how she's supposed make any of this okay.

Posy sees the two of them, bites her lip with drippy eyes and throws herself forward, falls into Gale while his arms swallow her up, keep her sheltered from the world. Posy buries her face in his neck, sniffles quietly and Gale murmurs to her, says words Madge can't hear but she doesn't mind, doesn't want to hear.

It hurts a bit to watch because Gale has always been Posy's hero, always been the one to fight away any monsters, always been the one to keep her safe. He's her big brother, the only father she's ever known but this time, this time he can't keep the beasts at bay.

(but if he could, oh, Madge knows he would.

he'd make Snow himself bleed for ever scaring his Posy)

 _(and Vick, but that's a wound too painful to think of_ )

Gale sets Posy down on her feet, kneels down in front of her with his hands on her shoulders and puts on his brave face and so does she, smile shaking but there and Madge presses her hands to her mouth.

(these Hawthornes, they've always been so brave)

Gale stands then with a last ruffle of Posy's perfectly done up hair, silences his mother's scowl with a comforting arm around her shoulders. Madge doesn't know when her eyes started to moisten, but they have and she forces up her own smile for Posy's sake, wraps her sister in her arms.

"You look beautiful," she whispers and means it, but then, she's always thought so.

"It'll be okay," Posy whispers back and Madge is caught off guard, doesn't know what to say. Posy pulls away with that shaky brave smile on her lips and Madge can feel her heart splintering to pieces.

"Come on," Posy tells them all, "don't want to be late!"

(and Madge  _almost_  believes the cheerfulness in her voice)

Posy grabs Rory's hand and starts to pull, drags him away, chattering just like Vick used to do and Madge doesn't know if she's imagining it, but she thinks Posy may be painted in colours more vibrant than anyone else.

* * *

Madge keeps her eyes fixed on Posy, doesn't pay attention to speeches or videos or anything else.

Posy's all that matters.

Prim stands on Madge's left, scuffs her feet nervously on the ground and Madge can see her shift from the corner of her eye, see her move closer to a closed off Rory.

Effie Trinket trills unnecessarily and Madge braces herself because here it comes. She holds onto Gale, who keeps Hazelle close, and takes Prim's sweaty hand, twines their fingers.

"And our lucky, lucky girl is...Dussie Blum!"

Dussie Blum is short and small with long dark hair and silver eyes that shine with tears. She looks about fifteen, terrified and underfed and her hands shake as she takes unsteady steps on stage. Effie beams and Dussie looks at her with wide, wide eyes and lips that tremble.

Madge feels relief crash over her like waves on rocks, sags slightly as Posy's safety settles over her.  _We made it, we made it._

(she still feels a little sick though, because Posy's still got years to go and Dussie Blum's death shouldn't be cause for relief.

except it is.

Madge can't help but hate herself)

"And now, the lucky boy joining her is...Thistle Faulkner!" Effie claps alone and Thistle Faulkner comes forward, tall but thin and maybe sixteen. He climbs up the steps with his head hanging low, watching feet that keep trying to trip over each other. He stumbles on stage, falls into a surprised Dussie who raises shaky arms to catch him. She wilts a bit under his weight but neither pull away and Effie bites her lip, confused and worried.

Dussie squeezes closed her eyes, tilts her head up at the sky and Thistle just breaks, starts to shudder and cry. His arms circle around Dussie's waist and hers tighten around his back and they just clutch each other, the sounds of muffled sobs ringing through the square.

No one else says a word and Madge can hear Prim start to sniffle, can feel Gale's muscles tense. Peeta looks ready to stand and hug them both and Katniss's careful mask is starting to crack. Effie's eyes dart around and then she claps her hands again, talks much too loudly.

"Here they are, District 12's tributes for the Eighty-first Hunger Games!"

No one cheers and Dussie and Thistle sink down to their knees, breathe each other's sorrow in and out.

It's a heartbreaking sight but it's more than that.

So much more.

(This is another thing Madge doesn't know yet.

But she will,  _oh_ , she will)

* * *

Posy's still shaking all over as they walk home but there's a bounce in her step as she drags Rory behind her and Madge sees Vick and Peony and her mother watching from the crowd, just as relieved as she is.

(Madge can still hear Dussie and Thistle, can't forget their tears and she knows they'll join her in her nightmares tonight)

* * *

Everyone settles down to watch the recaps and Posy, still shivering, sits on Gale, curls against his chest and it's almost like when Madge first started watching with the Hawthornes and tiny, little Posy used to clamber up onto Gale's lap, used to bounce around on his knees. It's been seven years and Madge can feel the same warmth pooling in her belly, because Gale the big brother, Gale the almost father, was always enough to melt her heart, even when she didn't used to understand why.

Madge sits beside them, leans on Gale's arm but her smile starts to fade when her eyes find Rory, dark and sullen on a kitchen chair.

(he's always watched with them since Peony, hasn't been there for the Paddyfields and Madge knows it's because there's too much Peony in their walls, too much pain for Rory to bear)

Prim worries her lip and takes a seat beside him but he hardly seems to notice, eyes cold and bitter. Hazelle sinks into an armchair and Mrs Everdeen readies tea and Madge tries not to think of Vick and how he's missing.

(it's been years

you'd think she'd be used to it by now)

(she isn't)

The recaps begin and District One has two shining volunteers, heralded by a chorus of cheers. District Two follows after, their own volunteers beaming for the cameras, hungry for glory.

(Madge has never understood careers)

District Three's tributes are far too small and then comes District Four, and the girl who volunteers is eighteen and beautiful, looks confident and poised.

If Madge had to pick someone to win, right now, she'd pick her.

They call out a name for a boy, twelve and terrified and Madge wants to cry. But then a voice rings out, a volunteer and Madge feels just a little better. The boy looks probably eighteen, handsome in a melancholy way and he doesn't seem happy or excited. Madge looks in his face but there's no desire for victory in his eyes, no smile on his tired mouth.

Their last names don't match up, so they aren't brothers but then why, Madge wonders, why did he volunteer when he clearly doesn't want to be here? Maybe it's an act but Madge doesn't think so, doesn't think that kind of sadness can be affected.

The others tributes are called, no more volunteers and Madge wonders about that boy from four, can't get him out of her head. Then it's District Twelve's turn and Madge doesn't want to watch, has had enough heartbreak for one day.

Dussie Blum is called on stage, followed soon by Thistle Faulkner and then it ends, no sobbing or hugging or broken children because the Capitol can't have that, doesn't want the world to see how ugly the Hunger Games really are.

It needs to appear like a tournament of champions, like some big happy game. It's about honour and glory and two little kids, two strangers crying their hearts out together is too human, too opposite of everything the Capitol wants its citizens to see.

The tributes can't be people, because if they are, then this is wrong.

So the Capitol edits, makes sure no one but Twelve sees just how painful this reaping really was.

* * *

"Just when Rory's finally safe, it's Posy's turn," Gale growls in the safety of their bed and Madge nods, rubs her hand up and down his arm in comfort.

"And there's nothing I can do, nothing  _at all._ I've never felt so helpless, so  _useless,_ " he continues and Madge squeezes his arm, presses a kiss against his cheek.

(except he has

they just don't think of that

they can't)

"I know," she whispers, leans back into her pillow. "I kept telling myself it'd be okay, that if they called Posy I'd just volunteer. But that's ridiculous, I'm too old to volunteer, but I would, you know, I would if I-" Madge never finishes because Gale cuts her off, kisses her with enough passion to make her legs give out. His hands tangle in her hair, press her body flush against his and when he pulls back, just enough to breathe, she feels lightheaded and feverish

"I love you," he tells her, voice rough with something that makes her tingle all over and then he's kissing her again, kissing her until she's lost in everything Gale.

_I love you too_

* * *

Posy's taken to sitting beside Rory, talking his ear off with nonsense and he never reacts, never seems to hear but Posy won't stop, hasn't given up yet.

She's already lost one brother, she won't lose another.

She won't.

* * *

The tributes from one and two look like conquering heroes in their chariots during the parade and Madge is almost deafened by the Capitol's cheers.

District four receives the same welcome and the girl waves at her fans with a winning smile, dressed up like a glittering sea spirit. There's something in the way she carries herself that tells Madge the other tributes should be afraid.

(Madge can't help but think that maybe the Games have found their victor)

The boy, meanwhile, is just as handsome, gleaming and gorgeous, but he doesn't wave, doesn't smile. He looks tired and resigned and again, Madge can't help but wonder.

No one else really sticks out, the other tributes all melding together in nerves and worry and then it's District Twelve's turn. Dussie and Thistle hold each other's hands in death grips, shake like leaves and no matter how amazing their smoke-like costumes are, they're the opposite of threatening.

Madge knows they don't stand a chance but she can't give up.

You never know.

(especially this year)

* * *

The training scores are no shock, with all six careers getting the highest marks. Four of them get nines and the two from four each get a ten, and Madge isn't surprised, she could've guessed they'd be a force to be reckoned with.

Dussie and Thistle each get fives and Madge wonders what they could have done to receive a score like that but it doesn't matter, not really.

* * *

The day of the interviews, Madge uses the change she's been saving up to buy cupcakes from the Mellarks', hopes it'll lift everyone's spirits.

Posy is overjoyed, snatches up two straight away, heedless of Hazelle's scolding. She devours the first and then elbows a sullen Rory hard in the ribs, holds the second cupcake up to his nose.

"Eat it," she insists and he frowns, looks anywhere but the brightly frosted cupcake. Posy doesn't give up, cajoles and wheedles until Rory relents, takes the cupcake with a scowl. He takes a bite with a look of distaste and then sudden colour blooms in his eyes as they widen.

"This is amazing," he murmurs, sounding awed and Prim giggles, like bells and good dreams and Rory gives her an embarrassed smile, the smallest, tiniest smile Madge has ever seen, but even still, it might be one of the best.

Of course, Posy starts to grin wickedly, takes advantage of her brother's distraction and whacks his hand upwards, causes him to shove the cupcake into his face. He turns bright red, a red that reminds Madge of days gone by, of his brothers teasing Rory rotten and she can't help but smile, tries her very hardest not to laugh.

Gale, on the other hand, snorts his drink out his nose and almost keels over choking. Madge rubs his back as he sputters through his laughter while Prim giggles again, lighter, louder and Posy is gleeful and full of pride.

"Posy," Hazelle reprimands, but there might be something almost like mirth in her tone and Rory looks comically enraged.

"Posy!" He growls but it's hard to be menacing with a face full of pink vanilla cream and then he leaps up from the sofa so suddenly he nearly knocks a still giggling Prim right off. Posy squeals and runs off as he rushes at her and then they go around in circles, chasing each other all over the house. Hazelle gives up trying to stop them and Madge can't remember the last time she laughed this hard.

By the time Rory catches her, tackles her down and Posy starts calling for Gale to save her, Madge has almost forgotten about the Hunger Games, about everything going wrong in the world.

Almost.

* * *

(Rory fades away again after that, retreats back into his shell of self-loathing and despair)

(but still, this right here, this is proof that Rory, their Rory, still exists)

(their hope is tremulous, but finally, finally, it's alive again)

* * *

Madge remembers what Katniss said, that the rebellion is just waiting for their symbol, their hero to rally around, so she pays special attention during the interviews, just in case that symbol is one of this year's tributes. Gale is just as focused, just as eager to find this symbol and Madge can feel his blood thrumming, can almost hear it humming.

The tributes from one and two don't inspire much, too filled with the Capitol's bloodlust to lead any sort of revolution.

(but she remembers their names, Opal and Glister of District One, Regulus and Nerva of District Two, because they stick out, even if it's for all the wrong reasons)

The tributes from three aren't too likely either, timid and tripping over all their words.

And then it's District Four's turn.

The girl is dangerous and sultry in deep, dark red and she sits beside Caesar like she owns the entire room, like she owns the Capitol itself. Her name is Seela Hennesey and Madge knows she'll remember the name. It's not that Madge thinks she'll be a symbol, because she doesn't, it's just that Madge is sure she'll win.

Seela's beautiful and bold, has the audience wrapped around her finger in seconds, has Caesar eating out of her hand and Madge can almost see the sponsors lining up.

"And finally," Caesar asks, "why did you volunteer?" Seela smiles slowly, looks at him and the audience and the world from under long eyelashes with something like triumph in her gaze.

"Because I'm going to win," she answers and the audience roars, clearly believes it and so does Madge. She's eighteen, stunning, received a ten in training, has all the poise and confidence in the world. Madge doesn't think anyone else has a chance.

But then her district partner steps out and maybe Madge was wrong.

His name's Jamie Neptune and the audience screams for him, loves his tragic good looks, loves his score and the muscles shining under too much oil. He sits down heavily beside Caesar, answers every question like it hurts to speak. He looks strong and the judges clearly think he has skills and Madge is sure sponsors would love to help him along.

"You volunteered, mind telling us why?" Caesar asks with a grin, clearly expects the same sort of answers he's been getting all night. Jamie pauses, inhales deeply and squeezes his hands before he answers.

"The boy that was reaped, he was...he was  _twelve_ ," Jamie whispers, so quietly Caesar has to lean in to hear it.

"Did you know him?" Caesar asks, looking slightly perplexed and Jamie shakes his head.

"No, but...but he was just so  _small_. He didn't deserve to die."

No one knows what to say because things like this don't happen, they just don't.

Caesar clears his throat awkwardly, Jamie shuffles offstage and Madge thinks maybe, just maybe, there's a hero this year after all.

* * *

Dussie is as sweet as a button in her interview, but her eyes sparkle with tears and her voice wavers with every word and Madge can't imagine anyone will be clamoring to sponsor her.

Thistle's voice is stilted, his posture stiff and he looks like he'll fall apart any second.

District Twelve's chances aren't looking too high.

(but you never know.

you never never know)

* * *

"What do you think? Gale murmurs against her hair and Madge doesn't need to ask what he means.

"I'm not sure, I mean..." she trails off, doesn't know how to continue and she clenches her toes. Gale tightens his arms around her, inhales deeply through his nose.

"Yeah, but..." he trails off like she does and Madge thinks back to the tributes and their faces blur together, except...

"Maybe," she mumbles but doesn't finish because neither of them wants to get their hopes up, so it's better not to say, as if that might make it hurt less.

"Maybe," he agrees and she presses her lips to the skin over his heart because their hopes are already up and she can only pray they don't have to come crashing back down.

* * *

The sun doesn't rise on the day the Hunger Games begin.

The sky is dark and stormy, thick angry clouds threatening rain and Madge tries not to think of it as an omen.

Except it probably is.

* * *

Madge's hands are locked tight with Gale's as the tributes slowly rise into the arena. Her eyes find Thistle and Dussie immediately and she can feel her stomach sink. Dussie looks like she's about to collapse and Thistle looks like he might puke and even worse, Thistle's starting right beside Jamie Neptune, and he could easily cut poor Thistle down into ribbons.

The timer counts down and Madge tries to keep her breathing somewhat regulated and then the bell tolls and everyone is running, running,  _running_.

Dussie sprints straight for the trees in the distance, goes as fast as her spindly little legs will carry her and Thistle nearly falls off his podium, tripping over his own two feet. Madge holds her breath, waits for Jamie Neptune to do something but he doesn't, doesn't try and take advantage of Thistle's misfortune. He just kind of stands there, posture defensive as if waiting for something and Madge wonders what on earth he's doing.

Thistle finally regains his balance and starts to run and only then does Jamie start to move. He hurries to the cornucopia, dodges past fleeing tributes and rendezvous's with the rest of the careers. They've already grabbed weapons, have already started hacking and slashing their way through everyone in reach. They let Jamie by without a scratch and Madge supposes that means all six careers have joined together.

(the other tributes are  _screwed_ )

Jamie riffles through everything in the cornucopia and then the camera swings to the woods, gives them a glimpse of some of the tributes who've escaped the massacre. Madge keeps her eyes peeled for Dussie and Thistle and lets out a sigh of relief when she sees the two of them, clinging together in the shade of a tree. They're panting and out of breath but they're both alive and that's more than Madge had hoped for.

Chaos still reigns at the cornucopia but strangely, Jamie hasn't joined the fray yet. He's on the other side of the cornucopia from the careers, seems to be making a pile of supplies. He's gathered weapons and packs together, opens some and pulls out things to repackage in others and Madge wonders why.

The blood bath starts to die and they join the people fleeing and hiding again, get to see various alliances and terrified tributes running for their lives. Dussie and Thistle have moved deeper into the woods, crouch behind a large rock in a small clearing. There's the sound of someone coming towards them and they hold each other tighter, Madge feeling her blood start to chill.

A girl stumbles out of the trees, disheveled and breathing heavily. She looks around, eyes flicking about nervously and she creeps nearer to their hiding place, Madge's heart beat quickening. The girl pauses just beside the rock, takes a steadying breath and leaps around it, ready to surprise anyone that might be hiding. She locks eyes with Dussie and Thistle for a moment and then all three sag in relief.

"Oh thank God," the girl breathes, leans back against the boulder. "I was afraid I'd never find you." Dussie nods, her whole body shaking and Thistle kind of jerks his head in what Madge assumes is agreement.

"I think she's from six," Gale comments, face scrunched in remembrance.

"Ambrosia Hartwig," Prim tells them, voice quiet and Madge wonders why she remembers the name, wonders why this girl stuck with her.

(soon enough, she'll stick with all of them)

The screen switches back to the careers, gloating over their kills and Jamie stands, hikes his collection of packs over his shoulders. The careers fall back on the cornucopia then, start picking through their spoils, except for Seela who stands off to the side like she's in a photo shoot.

(one with blood and death and models more deadly than poison tipped knives)

Madge watches Jamie though, watches as he keeps his eyes on the other careers, watches as he takes a few cautionary steps back. He turns then, quick and sudden and sprints away with a speed Madge can't help but find astounding. Seela is the first to notice, watches his retreating back with confusion and growing hostility.

"Jamie!  _Jamie_!" she shouts after him but he doesn't respond, keeps running. The other careers look up, notice him going and stand up quickly, anger painted across their faces.

"What the fuck?" Glister demands of no one in particular and Nerva curses and swears

"Where's he going? Hey!  _Where're you going_!" Regulus bellows but again, Jamie doesn't answer. He disappears behind the trees and Seela's eyes narrow with a viciousness that makes Madge shudder.

"I thought he was supposed to be on our team?" Opal demands of Seela, who turns to her with disdain.

"I guess he lied," she snaps, clearly enraged.

"That lying, backstabbing piece of shit!" Glister rants and "He took a bunch of stuff and left!  _That asshole_!" Nerva screeches.

Madge is caught off guard herself, never quite saw this coming.

"We should go after him, show him what he gets for crossing us," Opal spits but Seela shakes her head.

"He's got too much of a head start, there's no point. We're better off taking stock here and then hunting whoever's stupid enough to be hiding close by."

It's a sound plan and after much grumbling the other four agree. They return to picking through the supplies, all except Seela who glares at the trees, a promise of vengeance in her eyes.

She's going to make Jamie Neptune pay.

(and pay he will

just not the way anyone ever expected him to)

* * *

The camera finds Dussie, Thistle and Ambrosia again, lounging around that big rock like they're waiting for something and Madge is confused. What could they possibly be waiting for?

(she also wonders about this alliance, wonders what it means and why it's here, because alliances have a bad habit of breaking hearts and Madge is sure this one will end just as badly)

(try worse)

(so. much. worse)

Just then Jamie Neptune comes bursting into their clearing and Madge crushes Gale's hand, feels her heart jump up into her throat.

_No!_

Ambrosia leaps up, whips her head in Jamie's direction but the fear melts away when she recognizes him, her mouth starting to twitch in a smile.

"Jamie! I was worried someth-"

"We need to go," Jamie cuts her off urgently and she looks startled, worried at his tone.

"The careers might be following me, we need to move," Jamie continues, still on edge and ready to run at any minute.

Ambrosia swallows and nods, grabs firm hold of Dussie's hand and hauls her to her feet. Dussie pulls Thistle up after her and the three follow after Jamie like a little train, weave through the trees without ever letting each other go.

"Shit," Gale whispers, "I never saw that one coming."

Madge nods.

It's strange enough Jamie's broken from the careers but why,  _why_  would he want to ally with three tributes like these, three tributes that will be nothing but a burden to him?

(Madge wants to be generous, but she's been keeping careful watch on Dussie and Thistle and neither seems like they'll be much help, neither seems like they'll make it very far.

And Ambrosia, well Madge can't tell you a thing about Ambrosia and that doesn't exactly bode well for her)

 _Why?_ Madge asks herself and she doesn't know it yet, but she's going to regret finding out.

* * *

Hours later, the careers settle down for the night, having decided they've found everyone they're likely to find.

(they've left a trail of dead bodies in their wake.

eight murdered children who'll never go home)

Madge wonders if there's anyone left awake and then the screen finds Ambrosia Hartwig, Jamie Neptune, Dussie Blum and Thistle Faulkner.

They're standing together in a clearing, tension in the set of their shoulders. Dussie looks pale and sick, Thistle strained and worn. Madge squeezes her hands, because there's nothing she can do but watch, but oh, how she wishes she could do so much more.  _Katniss will save them_  she tries to tell herself, but she can't, can only bring one home and even then, no matter how hard she's tried, she hasn't managed yet.

Dussie rubs at her eyes with shaking hands and Madge sees Peony, crying in the dark, desperate to come home and when Thistle gnaws on chapped lips, murmurs quickly and much too quietly to himself, all Madge can see is Vick, trying to assure himself it'll be okay.

 _No more_ Madge tells herself but there'll  _always_  be more.

"I'll take first watch," Jamie offers, and Madge gets the briefest glimpse of his eyes, and there's something like ice, clear and a bit cold, frosted over them. They look like an ocean in winter and she wonders if it's to protect himself, because she remembers the boy that sat on stage with Caesar, remembers dull sadness and faded pain and maybe he's afraid because he isn't an idiot, knows his allies can't all survive.

He settles down against a thick tree and Ambrosia looks at him and Madge thinks she notices too, because she hands the sleeping bag she holds to Dussie, a thoughtful look on her face. Dussie takes it with hands still shivering with a day's worth of terror and Thistle trembles nearby, nightmares in the chattering of his teeth.

"Me too," Ambrosia says, sits down with folded legs. Jamie's eyes flick to her briefly and she smiles, fragile like new spring light and Jamie turns away, looks down at his hands.

"Are you sure?" Dussie asks and Ambrosia nods with a smile that wavers a little less, looks a bit more summer that spring.

"You bet. You guys rest up, we'll wake you when it's time." Dussie nods jerkily with nervous fear and Thistle agrees, eyes still flickering around anxiously. They climb into the sleeping bags, press close together on the ground. Silence settles over all four, broken briefly by Dussie's shifting, Ambrosia's fingers trailing through blades of grass, the rustling of Thistle's sleeping bag.

Only Jamie is still and quiet, as if waiting for something or someone, and it must be so tiring, keeping your guard up all the time.

It's not long before exhaustion overtakes Dussie and Thistle and they drift off, their breathing slow and steady. Jamie looks over at them, a faint frown on his lips.

"Were you worried? That I wouldn't come?" He asks, turning back to Ambrosia. She shakes her head.

"No, I mean, I know we've only known each other a few days, just while we were training, but there's just something, you know? Something about you that says you wouldn't lie like that. You'd said you'd come, so you would," she states simply, a steady sort of faith in her tone and Jamie looks surprised and unconvinced.

"Something about me?" He questions, disbelief heavy in his voice and Ambrosia smiles.

_(she seems to do that a lot, smiles even though this game doesn't leave much to smile about)_

"Yeah, you have one of those faces. The ones that you know you can trust. I could tell from the first moment I saw you that you were a good guy," Ambrosia says like it's nothing special and Jamie looks gobsmacked. The chill Madge saw before starts to warm just a little and Ambrosia pauses, thinks a bit.

"I think Dussie and Thistle were a bit worried, not because they thought you were a jerk, but because it's so hard to believe you'd actually ally with us. The careers could get you a lot farther."

Jamie gives her a smile, a tentative one that changes his whole face, makes him look softer, younger.

"I like you, all of you. You're...nice. I'd rather ally with you than the careers. If I have to help anyone, I'd rather it be you guys."

Madge feels something in her heart tug, because this wasn't the answer she expected and it hurts, because at least three of them have to die.

Why is kindness made into such a curse?

"And anyways," Jamie says, quickly looking away as if embarrassed. "it's not like allying with the careers is really that smart a move. Eventually they'll turn on each other and getting caught up in that mess would be a disaster."

Ambrosia nods and bites her lip like she's thinking and Madge wants to find it nice that they're making friends but at the same time, she knows friendships in the Games never end well.

_(Don't think of Vick. Don't)_

"Okay, if you win, what's something you really want to do?" Ambrosia asks and Jamie seems thrown off by her question, tilts his head in confusion.

"Huh?"

She grins, "If you win, what do you want to do? Me, I'm gonna go straight to the bakery, the one I've been passing everyday back home, and buy a  _huge_  cake. And then, I'm gonna eat it all myself." Gale snorts and Jamie's eyes go wide.

"Really?"

Ambrosia nods enthusiastically. "I've never been able to afford one before, but I'll finally have the money. I've been passing the cakes in that window my whole life, if I've survived the Hunger Games, I think it's only right I finally get to have one."

"But the whole thing?"

"Yup," Ambrosia grins, flops backwards on the ground. "Who's gonna tell a victor they can't have a whole cake to themselves? And anyways, just look at it as me making up for all the cakes I've missed out on."

Jamie shakes his head, looking bemused. Ambrosia nudges him with her foot.

"So? What about you?" He stops and thinks and Madge rests her head against Gale's shoulder, could almost imagine she wasn't watching a Game to the death.

"I think...I think I'd want to swim. I mean, I swim all the time, but never just for fun, just because the water looks great. It's always to catch fish, or set up nets or something. I just want to swim for fun."

He flushes and lets out a disparaging noise.

"That's stupid, isn't it?" Jamie asks and Ambrosia shakes her head.

"No, it isn't," she says and then pauses, narrows her eyes up at the cloudy night sky. "I don't know how to swim, but...if I win, I'll learn how and I'll find some water and I'll swim for you." Jamie's eyes go wide again, leave him looking stunned.

"Ambrosia..."

"I promise," she asserts, fidgets her hands in the hem of her shirt. "And promise me too, promise you'll buy a big cake and eat it for me, okay?"

She sounds a little nervous, maybe a bit vulnerable and just how young and scared this girl must be hits Madge with the force of a hurricane.

Jamie looks up at the moon and starts to smile. "Okay, I promise."

Ambrosia nods. "Good, you need something to live for, you know? Something to really make you wanna win."

Prim finds Madge's hand and maybe Madge isn't the only one who's heart keeps squeezing, squeezing, squeezing.

Jamie looks down at Ambrosia, blinks in surprise and Ambrosia continues, voice wavering just a bit, "And now we don't just have our own dreams, but each other's too."

"You're crazy," Jamie asserts, but there's fondness and the beginnings of laughter in his voice.

"Yeah," Ambrosia agrees, "and you picked me. Starting to regret it?"

"Ask me again tomorrow."

Madge listens to them laugh and could almost imagine she wasn't watching a death game, but she is.

She is.

* * *

The next morning the careers are up early, eat breakfast and head out, filled with excitement and anticipation, hunting for any poor child they can murder with delight. It makes Madge sick and she curls closer to Gale, lets the warmth of his hand against her neck burn away the illness in her veins.

The pack grows close to the boy from seven but he's like a squirrel, scrambles up a tree and watches as they amble past, voices loud and filled with mirth. Only Seela Hennesey isn't joking around, is serious and poised and again, Madge thinks the Hunger Games have already found their winner.

The camera moves on, finds Ambrosia sprawled about in her sleeping bag, limbs haphazardly thrown across the nearby Dussie. Thistle, who should have been on watch, snores softly against a tree and Jamie is the only one actually awake, seemingly trying to carve something out of a piece of wood. He gives up, tosses it away and stands, stretches his arms up to the sky.

He starts packing up their makeshift camp, letting the others have a bit more rest and Madge smiles a bit sadly, notices Prim doing the same.

Kindness shouldn't be this devastating.

He scrounges up breakfast from their packs and then gently nudges Thistle awake.

"I wasn't sleeping!" he blurts out and then notices Jamie.

Thistle's cheeks quickly flush pink and he darts his eyes to the ground, wrings his hands nervously. "S-sorry," he apologizes sheepishly, tentatively accepts the food Jamie offers him.

"No worries," Jamie says with an easy shrug and heads over to the girls. Thistle chews on his lip, still looks a bit embarrassed and Jamie bends down, gently shakes Ambrosia's shoulder. She starts to stir, mumbles nonsense and blinks her eyes, scrunches her nose at the bright sun.

"Mornings are so gross," she grumbles and Jamie raises an eyebrow. She rolls away from Dussie and starts to stretch, complete with little noises that make Posy giggle. Dussie wakes and eats, beckons Thistle over to the join the rest of them. He hesitates and Ambrosia tilts her head in confusion.

"Come on," she insists, waving him over and he squeezes his hands together. He comes over slowly, sinks down beside Dussie with his eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs and the other three share looks of question.

"Huh?"

"I fell asleep when I should've been on watch and if something had happened, it would've been my fault! I'm sorry!" He sounds like he might cry and Gale rolls his eyes. Madge pinches his arm while Dussie blinks in confusion, Jamie looks mildly uncomfortable and Ambrosia offers poor Thistle a smile.

"Don't worry about it, really. We're all okay, nothing happened." Thistle doesn't look quite convinced and then Ambrosia grins, shoots a quick look at Jamie.

"It's not your fault anyway, if Jamie weren't such a bore to talk to, I'm sure you wouldn't have drifted off." Thistle's eyes go wide in shock, Dussie squeaks out what might be a laugh and Jamie looks startled, unsure of how to react. Ambrosia leans towards him, grin growing and Jamie finally seems to clue in.

"It's true," he offers, "I put Ambrosia to sleep in minutes." He sounds kind of awkward and terribly unconvincing but Ambrosia beams.

"See? Nothing to worry about. Now come on, we better start moving," she says cheerfully, bouncing to her feet. Thistle and Dussie seem a bit stunned but comply and Jamie hefts the majority of the packs over his shoulders. Ambrosia falls in step beside him, smiling happily.

"That was nice," she tells him and he nods a little stiffly and Madge thinks whatever ice melted last night has already frozen over.

"Mmm."

"We make such a great team," she says and Jamie suddenly looks away, shrugs like he's uncomfortable. Ambrosia takes note of his shutdown, his sudden distance and narrows her eyes thoughtfully. She smiles then, pokes him playfully.

"We should work on your conversation skills though, putting everyone to sleep might be hazardous to our health."

"You're weird," is his only response and Madge can see him struggling to keep his cool, to remain closed off from everyone.

"Mmm," she shrugs, "better than being boring, right?" Jamie doesn't answer but Ambrosia doesn't seem to mind, falls back to chat with Dussie and Thistle.

Jamie inhales, seems to harden himself and Madge wonders if he'll manage to keep his walls up until the end.

She has no idea.

* * *

"Look at those!" Ambrosia exclaims, points at juicy looking fruit hanging from a tree.

"Are they safe?" Dussie asks, nervously wrings her hands.

Ambrosia nods, "Yep! I paid special attention to the edible/poisonous food section in training and these are definitely good."

"They look delicious," Thistle murmurs, looks like he might start drooling.

"But they're too high, we won't be able to reach," Dussie frets and Ambrosia gives her a confident grin.

"No worries, I'll just climb up and get them."

Jamie looks sceptical and Dussie worried.

"Are you sure?"

Ambrosia nods again, gets a grip on the lowest branch.

"How hard can it be?"

Madge gets the feeling this isn't going to end well.

Ambrosia starts to hoist herself up and Jamie's sceptical look becomes more and more pronounced while Dussie hovers nervously.

She's not even three feet up when she loses her balance, tips backwards and right off the tree.

"Oh no!" Thistle squeaks, dives forward to try and catch her. Instead, he trips, collides head first with the trunk and Ambrosia lands on top of him, flattens him on the ground. They collapse in a heap of tangled limbs and Dussie screams, runs around them flapping her hands like an oversized bird and Jamie stands nearby, takes in the entire comical scene.

He's mostly surprised but then his mouth starts to twitch, the beginnings of a smile starting to form. He's desperately trying to fight down his mirth and it changes him, makes him look young and alive.

Jamie Neptune's always been handsome, but this is a different sort of handsome, a  _better_  sort of handsome.

Dussie's still in a panic, her voice high and shrill. "Are you okay? Did you break something?  _Thistle, can you hear me!_?"

Jamie swallows down his laugh, clears his throat and Dussie looks up, hurtles over to him.

"Oh Jamie! What are we going to do? I think they're hurt!"

"Oh boy," Gale mutters and Madge thinks Dussie may be overreacting because they both seem mostly fine, maybe a bit battered, but nothing too serious.

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be fine," he tries to assure her and Gale's still rolling his eyes. Dussie continues to bounce around and Jamie marches over, manages to extricate Ambrosia and Thistle from the mess they've woven themselves into. Jamie helps Ambrosia up and Dussie starts fussing over Thistle, poking and prodding him all over.

"Minor setback," Ambrosia insists, waving Jamie away.

"I really don't think so," he counters but she ignores him, looks intent on trying again.

"Oh no! Ambrosia don't!" Dussie almost wails, Thistle nodding hurriedly.

But she does and unsurprisingly, this attempt fails too.

Ambrosia groans exaggeratedly from the ground, Dussie worries all over her, seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Thistle flutters about, unsure of what to do.

Jamie stands a little ways off, stares at them like he can't even understand what's happening.

But then, for just the briefest second, he smiles.

* * *

On the third day of the Games, Madge wonders if the Capitol citizens are getting restless, hungry for death.

No one's died since Day One and the careers are far away from any potential victims, have wandered in the complete wrong direction. Madge wonders if the Gamemakers will intervene, try and force someone into conflict.

(just not Dussie and Thistle, please not them)

It turns out there's no need, because the girl from five hikes a cliff, comes face to face with a hideous monster straight out of someone's worst nightmare.

Posy shrieks in surprise, flings herself back in her seat. Prim covers her eyes in horror and Madge presses as close as she can get to Gale, but it'll never be close enough.

The girl on screen screams and tries to run but the terrain is steep and she falls, goes tumbling head over heels. The creature, whatever it is, goes barreling after her and she can't even stand, her body all broken and bruised from her fall.

The  _thing_  sets upon her and Madge stops looking, buries her face in Gale's arm but she can still hear everything and if the Capitol wanted blood, well, they definitely got it.

* * *

"We should do something to pass the time, like...I spy!" Ambrosia enthuses as their little group meanders through the woods, far away from cave dwelling horrors.

Dussie looks intrigued by the idea, Thistle kind of shocked and Jamie scrunches his eyebrows in confusion.

"Huh?"

Ambrosia gives him a pointed look.

"I spy, the game," she clarifies in an unimpressed tone and he shrugs.

"Never heard of it."

Ambrosia's eyes go wide, mouth opening in shock.

"You've never played I spy?" she demands and Jamie shakes his head. "You've never lived!" she proclaims, much too overdramatic and Gale snorts while Madge giggles just a bit.

"Um...right," Jamie says, tone uncertain and Dussie bites her lip to hide a smile.

They're behaving like a bunch of kids and the worst part is, they  _are_  just kids.

Kids marked to die.

Madge stops laughing.

* * *

No one dies on Day Four and Madge thinks of Katniss, wonders how she's doing.

(not well. not well at all)

* * *

"Okay, I got another one," Ambrosia declares, looks at Jamie who rolls his eyes.

It's late at night and they're keeping watch, Ambrosia asking Jamie every question she can think of.

Jamie folds his arms behind his head and leans back against a tree.

"What's with the interrogation?" he asks and Ambrosia smiles, stretches her foot out to bump against his.

"Maybe I just wanna get to know you," she replies with a shrug and Jamie kind of freezes, looking startled.

"I mean," Ambrosia says, leaning back on her hands, "I know we're all gonna die and stuff, but I'd rather die with a friend than a stranger, you know?"

There's a brief shot of Jamie, his mouth kind of hanging open, a light in his eyes slowly growing but then the screen switches, turns to the girl from nine tossing and turning by a stream.

Madge wonders how that conversation ends but she'll never know because talk like that, it's starting to skirt dangerous ground.

The Capitol doesn't like that.

* * *

On Day Five, Dussie finds a river.

"Ooo!" she squeals in excitement, kneels down by the edge. Thistle hurries after her, looking excited and she looks up at him with a beam.

"You could wash!" she tells him and Thistle stops short, frowning.

"Are you saying I smell?" he asks, sounding put out and Dussie turns pink, eyes stretching wide.

"I mean, we can  _all_  wash!" she corrects quickly, voice loud. "Because we're  _all_ dirty, not just you!"

She smiles, awkward and embarrassed and Thistle's frown deepens.

Posy giggles and so does Ambrosia on screen, turns to look at Jamie who's trying very hard not to look amused.

Ambrosia bumps his shoulder. "You  _are_  allowed to laugh, you know."

Jamie rolls his eyes but his lips start to quirk in that sweet little smile, the one that makes him a whole different shade of handsome.

"See, that's better," Ambrosia tells him, smiles her own smile and Madge could almost believe in happy endings.

(almost)

"Alright, let's get washing!" Ambrosia grins and Dussie nods along happily. The two head towards the river and Jamie follows. Thistle doesn't, sniffs himself instead.

"I don't smell, do I?" he asks himself, sounding genuinely distressed.

Gale rolls his eyes, Posy giggles again and even Rory's nose twitches.

"Ooo, this is nice," Ambrosia says, lets her bare feet dangle in the water and Dussie nods, splashes her own legs in the river with a bright smile. Jamie's just passing Thistle on his way to the water, shucking off the packs he's carrying when he stiffens, looking suddenly alert.

"I mean, no more than anyone else...Something wrong?" Thistle asks Jamie in concern, having noticed his expression.

Jamie doesn't answer but  _yes_ , yes there is.

 _Something_ , big, hairy and snarling bursts out of the trees, leaps right at Thistle Faulkner who's mouth falls open in a silent scream and Ambrosia and Dussie look over from the river, cower in sudden terror.

The mutt, those horrors cooked up by the Capitol, grows ever closer to Thistle but he can't seem to move, rooted to the spot with a fear that shakes him all over.

 _"Thistle!"_  Ambrosia screams and Dussie covers her face with her hands.

Madge always knew at least three of them would have to die, but even still, she feels like someone's stolen the breath from her lungs.

_I'm not ready for this._

( _I'll never be ready_ )

"Move!" Jamie bellows and he dives at Thistle, knocks him flying just out of the mutt's grasp. Posy gasps and Ambrosia leaps up, grabs the frozen Dussie and starts to drag her away. Jamie stands, hauls Thistle up and shoves him after the girls.

The three of them take shelter behind the nearby trees and only Ambrosia doesn't look away from the scene before them. She keeps her eyes locked on Jamie, who hurriedly gathers up his sword from the ground and then whirls around to face the mutt, appearance calm.

Madge is on the edge of her seat and so is everyone else, scared but captivated by what's to come.

Dussie lets out a pitiful sound from her hiding spot and the mutt's eyes, unnatural and bright, lock onto her, trembling in Ambrosia's arms. It ignores Jamie, starts charging at the weaker pray and Prim grabs Madge's hand, squeezes tight, tight, tight.

Thistle screams and flings his arms over his head, Dussie sobs and Ambrosia ducks, tightens her grip on Dussie.

"No!" Jamie shouts and then there's the horrible, sickening sounds of tearing flesh and dying howls.

* * *

Gale wraps his arm around Posy, hides her face in his chest and Madge is glad, because she shouldn't have to watch this.

No one should.

* * *

 _Jamie's fast_ , Madge thinks,  _but is he fast enough_?

He runs, more like flies, after the mutt and yes,  _yes_  he  _is_  fast enough.

Jamie swings his sword, cleaves deep into the mutt's neck and Madge can almost hear his pounding heart. He keeps going, again and again, cutting deeper and deeper and blood and something worse splatter across his face, chest, arms.

The mutt thrashes, shrieks and tries to swat at him but he doesn't stop, keeps hacking, hacking,  _hacking_. There's a look on his face, a kind of wild desperation that gives Madge pause and  _God_ , this shouldn't be happening.

(he's only  _eighteen_ , he shouldn't have to do this)

Finally,  _finally_  the mutt collapses, head almost entirely severed and Jamie stands there, dripping and gooey with it.

Dussie continues to sob, shudders in Ambrosia's arms and Thistle falls to his knees, pale and retching. Ambrosia's eyes are wide, her skin ashy but she looks at Jamie like she can't look away.

"It's okay Dussie, it's over," Ambrosia tells her, smoothes a hand down her hair. Her eyes are still fixed on Jamie who looks ill, looks ashamed and Ambrosia stands on wobbly legs while he lets his sword fall, his hands shaking just a bit.

Ambrosia walks over to him, tremors in her every step and Jamie looks away from her, won't meet her eyes but she takes his arm, her hands steady.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," her voice is gentle but firm and she leads him to the river's edge. Jamie removes his clothes almost mechanically, strips off his jacket, shirt, shoes, socks and pants. He slides into the river and Ambrosia's cheeks are faintly pink as she bundles up his clothes, starts trying to rinse them off.

Dussie and Thistle stay away, hidden in the trees and Madge wonders if they'll ever come out, if they'll ever feel safe enough to.

Jamie stands in the river up to his waist in nothing but his underwear and Madge feels a little sick because she knows the people in the Capitol won't see him scrubbing furiously at the gunk on his hands, won't see the haunted look in his eyes, all they'll see is this gorgeous, mostly-naked boy gleaming with river water, sparkling in sunlight.

All they can see are the muscles and the stormy eyes and not the boy they belong to and that makes Madge so,  _so_  angry.

"If only sponsors sent soap," Ambrosia tries to quip, rubs vigorously at Jamie's shirt. He looks over at her, bent over his stained clothes and he seems to wilt.

"You don't have to do that," he murmurs, voice quiet and whispy.

"You just saved us from being monster chow, I think this is the least I can do."

Jamie's face tries to crumple but doesn't and he swallows, unsure what to say.

"Thank you, by the way. If you hadn't been here, we'd all be dead right now," Ambrosia continues, a current of warmth running through her voice.

Jamie tries to shake his head but Ambrosia keeps talking, voice dipping low, "I always knew you were amazing. I mean, I remember watching you in training and just...being in awe of what you could do but...seeing you, really in action...you're incredible." Her voice is hushed, eyes still on his shirt and Jamie inhales shakily.

"I'm not," he says and there's a sad kind of conviction in his words. Ambrosia looks up at him, flushes as her eyes stutter over him but then she trains her eyes on his face, only the lightest pink tint to her face.

"Jamie, you just saved  _all_  our lives and you didn't have to. You could've made a run for it, when the mutt was focused on us, but you  _stayed_ , you risked your  _life_  and you  _saved_  us. The whole point of this Game is to be the last one standing, but you still stayed. Still saved us. I'd say that's pretty amazing."

There's a fierce sort of passion in Ambrosia's voice, one reflected in her eyes and Jamie holds her gaze for a moment and Madge can almost feel the heat rising on Ambrosia's face. He drops his eyes then, studies his hands instead, a quivering frown on his lips.

"It's not something to be proud of," he mumbles and Ambrosia bites her lip, squeezes his drippy shirt tight, "More like ashamed."

"Jamie..." Ambrosia tries to interject but he keeps going, voice growing stronger with every breath.

"Being good at this, killing things, people...we might as well be mutts..."

The screen skips away quickly but Madge knows how that sentence ends.

_...just another Capitol made monster._

* * *

Madge and Gale walk home, hands swinging between them and the air is ripe with possibility.

It's dangerous to say things out loud, so they don't, but the words are burning through their skin, because maybe, just maybe, Jamie Neptune could be the symbol they've been searching for.

It's too early to tell of course, much too early, but still, that  _maybe_  is more hope than they've had in years.

* * *

(And in the Capitol, Katniss Mellark thinks the same thing, doesn't want to hope but can't help herself.

Jamie has the Capitol swooning, has Rebels twitching with interest.

He's the perfect recipe for the Capitol's prefect disaster.

Katniss only hopes his potential doesn't fade.

She needs a rebellion.

 _Needs_  it)

* * *

They don't see anything of Dussie, Thistle, Ambrosia and Jamie on Day Six.

Madge wonders why, but she has an idea.

It's because Jamie's not afraid of the truth and that's the one thing the Capitol can't handle.

Without it's lies, the Capitol's nothing at all.

* * *

(Of course, the Capitol keeping Jamie hidden only makes the rebels more excited.

Because if the Capitol's worried, than they're  _definitely_  interested.

And they'll make sure everyone else is too)

* * *

They're back on Day Seven, because the audience loves them, loves Jamie Neptune and his  _everything_.

They're intrigued by this boy, who had the best odds going in, allying with the tributes most likely to die quick and gruesome.

There's something charming about underdogs, something romantic about a handsome hero.

He's beautiful, he's brave, he's skilled and already he's got a legion of Capitolites following his every move.

Jamie Neptune has the Capitol enthralled and soon, he'll have all of Panem too.

* * *

Jamie prepares meat from an animal he's hunted, Dussie and Thistle make a sort of fruit salad and Ambrosia tends to boiling water over a small fire. The scene is quiet, but comfortable and Madge hopes it stays that way, wouldn't mind a day where nothing goes wrong.

(what she really wants though, is for Jamie Neptune to do  _something_ , to set a fire blazing)

(and maybe it isn't fair, to put all their hopes on this boy, this boy who's just trying to survive, but they can't stop themselves.

they're hungry for rebellion and Jamie is the first person to show just the faintest trace of  _maybe_ , of  _possibility_ )

(it isn't right, but then, none of this is right)

"You know, I've been thinking," Ambrosia comments, sits back as the water bubbles. Jamie looks up with interest, rubs his hands on his pants.

" 'Bout what," he asks and she grins and Madge thinks maybe Jamie should be worried.

"If you took your shirt off more often, we'd probably get tons of sponsors," she teases, a light in her eyes and Jamie's go wide, his cheeks burning red hot.

"What?" he almost squeaks and Ambrosia's smile widens.

"I'm just saying, everyone loves a little eye candy," she responds with a shrug and Jamie somehow blushes even darker.

"Mmm definitely!" Posy agrees and Gale looks outraged and almost like he's been punched in the face.

(Madge loves him, really, but he can be so silly sometimes)

He opens his mouth to say something, probably offended and ridiculous, so Madge takes preventative measures, covers his mouth with her hands.

"Oh hush, you're such a grump."

Gale tries to communicate through eye contact and waving gestures how appalling the situation is, but Madge rolls her eyes.

"Hush," she repeats and Gale narrows his eyes, continues to look disgruntled. Madge settles back in her seat, giggles a bit at Posy and turns back to the screen

Jamie's still red and, if you look close, so's Ambrosia.

It looks like Posy's not the only one who wants to see a little eye candy.

(Madge isn't sure how to feel about that)

* * *

The careers' search finally proves fruitful and they fall upon the boy from ten and well, let's just say he doesn't come to a good end.

Not at all.

* * *

 

"It's funny, when everything's calm like this, I could almost forget where we are, what we're doing," Ambrosia nearly whispers, glowing orange and pink in the setting sun.

Madge winces a bit at her words and Jamie tosses pebbles with an almost frown, aims them at a nearby bush.

"I wouldn't call it funny," he says, voice laced with  _something_  and Ambrosia purses her lips, turns to look at Dussie and Thistle nearby. They're playing tic tac toe in the dirt, look almost carefree and Ambrosia smiles faintly.

"Maybe not," she concedes, turns back towards Jamie. "But...it's kind of interesting, I guess. That, with the right company, even this doesn't seem so scary."

The wind picks up, stirs the world around them and Jamie looks surprised, looks like Ambrosia Hartwig's pulled the rug right out from under him.

She looks up at the sky with all its colours and smiles wider, warm and golden like the sun and Jamie can't seem to look away.

(Madge can see friendship blooming in the space between them, and for their sakes, she wishes she couldn't)

He looks maybe a little humbled, more than a little touched and the smile he shares is the loveliest Madge has ever seen.

But of course, in the Hunger Games, that isn't good at all.

Not at all.

* * *

" _Shit!"_  Thistle screeches, stubs his toe on a rock. Dussie starts to panic, starts fluttering about and Jamie grins. Ambrosia peeks at him from the corner of her eye, seems to light up.

"I like you better when you smile," she tells him and his eyes go wide, his cheeks painted pink. Jamie doesn't seem to know what to say and maybe that's for the best.

Ambrosia heads over to calm Dussie down, Thistle looks on the verge of tears and Jamie starts to smile again.

Madge really wishes he wouldn't.

* * *

The stars are faint tonight, lost in and out of clouds and Dussie fusses over her sleeping bag, can't seem to get it just right. Thistle flops like a fish in his, tosses, turns and Ambrosia sits crossed legged on the grass, ties flowers together in a necklace.

She finishes and holds it up to her eye for inspection, gives a nod of approval and looks over at Jamie, fiddling with a piece of wood under a large tree.

"C'mere," she calls, gestures him over.

"What're you doing?" Jamie asks, sounds a bit suspicious but Ambrosia doesn't answer, just beckons him closer. Jamie hesitates but finally moves in and Ambrosia cheerfully drapes her flower chain around his neck.

"There," she says, sounding satisfied, "don't you look handsome."

Jamie rolls his eyes, "I look ridiculous."

"But handsome," Ambrosia insists, eyes shining. Jamie sighs with a shake of his head but Ambrosia just smiles happily, starts weaving together another one and in the end, Jamie doesn't take his off.

Madge almost wishes he would.

* * *

"Well, I guess that's me done," Ambrosia says with a yawn, stands with a stretch. Jamie looks up, startled, the flowers a faint yellow around his neck.

"You're going to sleep?"

Ambrosia nods, "Yeah, I'm about dead on my feet."

"Oh, okay," he mumbles, sounds maybe disappointed and he watches Ambrosia walk over to Dussie, bend down to wake her up. Dussie rises with little protest, bleary eyed and Ambrosia slips into the sleeping bag, lets out a contented sigh.

Dussie scrubs at her face and comes over to Jamie, settles down beside him. His eyes linger on Ambrosia a little longer before he turns to Dussie, gives her a faint, distracted smile.

Dussie doesn't notice anything but Madge does and she wishes she could say she was imagining it, but she isn't.

She isn't.

* * *

Madge dreams of Peony that night, skipping through the meadow. She's got flowers in her hair, a pretty smile on her lips.

"I'm glad Rory didn't come to the Games with me," she tells Madge, like it's a secret. "I wouldn't want to risk losing him, wouldn't want to risk us being the last two standing."

She skips away with a laugh, leaves Madge with her blood running cold.

* * *

The sun is milky and pale as Madge watches the girls from three and eleven weave cautiously through the hills near the edge of the arena. It's a tense sort of alliance, made through necessity rather than any kind of affection and each one seems to be waiting for the moment their ally will desert them.

In the end, the moment is forced upon them.

The career pack stumbles across them, hungry smiles stretching over their faces.

(it's five versus two and Madge can already tell you how this ends)

The girl from eleven is big and strong and she swings a big heavy piece of wood as a weapon. The girl from three, meanwhile, is small and slight, but quick on her feet.

Still, they're no match for five careers.

Three dips and dodges while Eleven catches Regulus on the side of the head, sends him crashing down to earth. There's no cannon, so he's still breathing but he's dazed and not a threat, at least for now. Opal swings her axe, nicks Three's shoulder, sends her careering backwards in pain. Eleven keeps up with Nerva, trades blows but then Glister's there and they tag team her, manage to wrestle away her weapon.

Three tries to flee and Opal follows after and so does Seela, looking determined. Eleven tackles Nerva, knocks her head back against a rock and Glister grabs her by the back of the shirt, hauls her off. Nerva groans, doesn't get up and Eleven and Glister start to fight, kicking, punching, clawing.

Seela and Opal catch up with Three, back her up towards a ledge and she whimpers in fear.

" _Please_..." she starts to beg but Seela doesn't have time for that, moves like lightning and drives her sword deep into Three's stomach. Three's eyes go wide with agony and she exhales pain in a screechy sob. Seela looks at her with dispassionate eyes and then reaches out a hand, pushes against her injured shoulder. Three wobbles and then falls with a scream and the last they see of her is her body stretched out amongst the rocks below.

Seela gives her one last dismissing look and then leaves, follows Opal back to the others. Eleven has Glister in a headlock, looks like she might win but then Seela arrives, severs her head cleanly from her neck.

Eleven's body slumps sideways and that's two more killed.

Only twelve left.

Halfway there.

* * *

That night the anthem blares, shows today's fallen tributes painted against the sky and Madge knows how their families must be feeling, remembers the agony well.

Ambrosia and Jamie watch Eleven's face fade into the night, sitting side by side against a wide tree.

"I know I'm supposed to be glad, every time we see someone's face up there, because it means we're one step closer to going home. But..." Ambrosia trails off, something like melting ice and brittle leaves in her voice.

"But all you really feel is sick," Jamie finishes for her, face closed and pinched.

"Yeah," she agrees softly and then Ambrosia leans her head on Jamie's shoulder. He starts in surprise, eyes wide and caught off guard and maybe just a bit embarrassed.

But then his face softens, mouth almost smiling and he doesn't move away. He looks back up at the sky, Ambrosia closes her eyes and they stay like that, taking comfort in each other.

* * *

The sky's especially clear today, bright and blue.

It looks cheerful but it's the sky shining in an arena full of dying children and the irony of that makes Madge want to puke.

The twelve remaining tributes are scattered around, all trying to live just a bit longer and Madge's tributes (because somehow, in ten days of watching, they've become hers) are hiking through a craggy valley.

(though maybe they're hers because Jamie's the key to revolution, Dussie's another chance for Peony to come home and Thistle's enough like Vick to stir her heart)

( _except_ , Jamie doesn't care about revolution, has no designs to revive rebellion, Dussie's nothing like Peony, nothing at all and Thistle isn't Vick, shares almost nothing in common.

but then, broken hearts  _are_  broken, so maybe that's the real reason)

The four of them have reached a sort of ledge, one they'll have to climb over and then down the other side if they want to continue on.

"What...what if there's someone, or  _something_ , over there?" Dussie asks fearfully, backs up into Thistle who looks just as concerned.

"I'll go first," Jamie offers "make sure it's safe."

"But what if it isn't?" Ambrosia asks him, rests a hand on his arm.

"I'm sure it's fine," he answers after a moment and Ambrosia frowns, looks unconvinced. He hauls himself up and over with relative ease, leaves his companions looking rather impressed and lands neatly on the other side. He takes a quick look around, assesses the area and then nods, satisfied it's safe.

(or as safe as anything in the Hunger Games is)

"Okay, it's clear. You can start coming over now," he calls and Dussie still looks mildly terrified.

"I guess I'm next," Ambrosia decides and reaches up her hands to grasp the ledge. She sticks out her tongue in concentration, tries her best to heave herself up but her arms aren't quite as strong as Jamie's, not that Madge blames her.

Thistle tries to help, tries to push her up from the bottom and finally she goes spilling over, their combined momentum causing her to go a bit too far.

"Eep!" she squeaks, flails a bit as she loses her balance and tumbles towards the ground.

"Don't worry, I got you," Jamie says, catches Ambrosia around the middle. She's kind of fallen into his chest and she pulls back a little, hands on his shoulders and eyes round.

"Uhh...thanks," she mumbles, sounding a little breathless and probably still feeling a bit like she's about to die.

"No problem," Jamie offers and her cheeks go a bit red when he doesn't let go and then Jamie maybe flushes a bit too.

"Can we come over?" Dussie asks, sounding scared and Jamie jumps. He lets go of Ambrosia quickly, clears his throat.

"Of course you can," he calls and Dussie starts to scramble up. Thistle has to help her too, but moreso because she's so very short, and this makes it worse when Thistle practically shoves her over, her lightness causing her to come careening over like a bullet. She screams loud enough Madge is sure everyone in the arena must hear and Jamie just barely manages to grab her before she hits the dirt. She's beside herself, has worked herself into a panic as usual and Ambrosia is left to comfort her as Jamie tries to pull Thistle up and over.

Dussie wheezes and wails at Ambrosia, who nods along, pats her on the back but her eyes are on Jamie and Madge tries to ignore it because it's nothing.

There's nothing there.

Nothing.

* * *

The careers are so, so close to the girl from nine, just a breath away and the screen is glued to them, just waiting for discovery.

But then they decide to sleep, rest up for tomorrow and the girl from nine keeps walking, moves farther and farther away.

Madge can imagine the Capitol citizens sighing in disappointment, can barely hold her resentment in.

The screen changes then, finds Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig keeping watch over their makeshift camp while Dussie and Thistle sleep, their pinkies linked together. Madge looks at them, and they look smaller, younger than they are and even though she knows it's impossible, she wishes District 12 could bring both their children home.

Ambrosia leans against a tree, her arms loosely wrapped around her knees and looks up at the stars, her face open with wonder. Jamie sits on a nearby rock, fiddles with a dagger.

"I've never seen so many stars," Ambrosia murmurs, her voice hushed with awe. Jamie looks over at her and smiles softly, turns his head up to the sky.

"It reminds me of home," he tells her, voice quiet and Madge isn't sure if its caution or the spell of tranquility the moonlight seems to have cast over the arena.

"If you sit on the beach at night, you can see the stars stretch out for miles. The water's so black and so calm, like glass, that the stars are reflected on the surface. It makes the sky seem endless."

Ambrosia looks enchanted as she listens and there's a fondness in Jamie's smile as he remembers home.

"There's too much smoke in six, so many fumes that the stars are barely there, always lost behind a hazy cloud," Ambrosia whispers and there's something bright in her eyes, and God, she just looks so young.

"I'm happy I got to see this," Ambrosia tells Jamie with a smile, soft and sweet. "If I'm going to die, at least I got to see the stars."

Jamie nods, but he doesn't look at the sky, instead his eyes stay on Ambrosia, turned blue and silver in the night.

"Me too."

Madge doesn't know why, but she can feel her heart start to tremble.

(Except she does know why, she just doesn't want to)

* * *

Everyone in Twelve is whispering, that maybe, just maybe, one of their tributes might come home.

It's not because Dussie and Thistle themselves inspire any particular confidence, but because they have Jamie, Jamie who seems to want to risk his life for theirs, who might well carry them all the way.

Madge doesn't doubt that he'll try, but what happens if he does?

Could they really kill each other?

Madge would rather not find out.

* * *

The careers and the girl from nine are heading in complete opposite directions now and the Capitol must be so frustrated, having missed a chance to witness murder.

( _disgusting, they're all disgusting_ )

Jamie, meanwhile, has just climbed out of a stream, having just washed. He shakes his head to try and dry his hair, stands there in nothing but his birthday suit.

Madge can't but wonder if he even has any idea how much the audience must be drooling right now.

(Gale meanwhile, frowns and tries to cover Posy's eyes)

(she is less than impressed)

On the other side of the cluster of trees Dussie, Thistle and Ambrosia are trying to decide who should bathe next.

"I nominate Thistle!" Dussie announces and Thistle slaps the ground, makes a dying whale sound.

"Why me?" he moans and Dussie looks embarrassed, claps a hand to her mouth.

"I mean," she hurriedly tries to correct, "I'll go next!"

She doesn't wait for an answer, hurries away and Ambrosia bites her lip to fight her smile, gives Thistle a comforting pat.

"Do I smell?  _Do I?"_ he demands and Ambrosia shakes her head, loses her battle with her smile. Dussie, meanwhile, fights through the trees, makes it to the other side just as Jamie has his underwear around his knees.

Dussie turns very, very red, hands pressed against her cheeks and Jamie's eyes are so wide they've gone perfectly round.

"Dussie..." he croaks, sounds absolutely mortified and she looks about ready to faint. He quickly pulls his underwear all the way up and Dussie tries to back away as quickly as possible, face still an inhuman shade of red.

She trips over a root and screams and Jamie rushes forward, grabs her arm and pulls. She collides with his chest, his arms automatically going around her and then Ambrosia and Thistle come charging in, having heard all the commotion.

They come to a dead stop when they see the scene before them and Dussie is quite possibly dead in Jamie's arms.

"This isn't...this isn't what it looks like," Jamie insists, face blotchy with blush and Ambrosia starts to laugh, giggles spilling through her lips. Jamie still looks about ten different shades of embarrassed but his eyes linger on Ambrosia's smile and then he starts to smile too.

And just like that, Madge can feel her own smile dim.

* * *

Much, much later, when Dussie's been revived, Ambrosia and Jamie sit together, just as they always do and it makes Madge's stomach twist and turn in knots.

"Should we be worried that we've got another pair of star crossed lovers on our hands?" Ambrosia asks him, voice bright with teasing.

"Of course not," Jamie scoffs and Ambrosia laughs a little, leans over and bumps his shoulder with hers. She doesn't move away, stays leaning against him and Jamie hesitates a moment, something like nerves in his eyes.

 _Don't do it_ , Madge thinks but then Jamie rests his head against Ambrosia's, a tiny smile on his mouth that matches the gentle one on Ambrosia's lips.

And Madge knows, they  _should_  be worried.

They really should.

* * *

(Katniss and Peeta hear that term,  _star crossed lovers_ , and instantly they're both on alert, both feel their hearts start to pound.

 _no_ , they beg,  _not again_.

please, not again)

* * *

In the Capitol, the viewers are thrilled, sucked right into the drama unfolding before them.

_Star crossed lovers_

Oh, how they adore a tragic love story, how they can't wait to see how this one pans out.

The last one was so very, very exciting and this one, this one will blow the roof right off.

The Capitol might not be so happy about that though.

(but of course, no one knows that yet.

they will though,  _oh_ ,

they will)

* * *

Madge sits on the edge of their bed, can't bring herself to go to sleep just yet.

Gale settles down beside her, wraps an arm around her shoulders and she leans on him, tries not to think of star crossed lovers and potential rebellions.

It's raining outside and Madge can see Vick and Peony and her mother in the window, watching her with sad, lonely eyes and she looks away, because she doesn't have time for ghosts, not today.

Gale is warm beside her, steady and strong and Madge remembers star crossed lovers, remembers how they brought her to  _this_ and how they nearly toppled the Capitol and maybe, she thinks, maybe this time there won't just be sparks but an inferno.

Maybe, this time, start crossed lovers will lead a rebellion to fruition, will sweep away the Capitol in a great burning revolution, will set them all free.

Maybe, this time, everything will be alright.

Madge kisses Gale, drowns in the taste of him and the  _maybes_ burn in her veins like promises.

For now,  _maybe_  is all she needs.

(for now)

* * *

"I wonder how many days it's been," Ambrosia muses, taps her chin thoughtfully.

"...a lot?" Thistle offers and Gale snorts from his spot beside Madge.

"Twelve," Dussie says, a flatness to her voice that gives everyone pause. "I've been counting," she continues, a kind of dullness in her eyes.

"Wow...almost two weeks..." Thistle trails off, looks like he doesn't know how to feel about that. Jamie and Ambrosia exchange glances, don't seem to know what to say and Dussie hugs herself, all her colours washed out.

They've been living like this for almost two weeks and that realization seems to sink in, leaves them carrying a bit more weight than before.

Ambrosia chews her lip, looks up at Jamie and seems to struggle with something she wants to say.

"It's because of you, you know. We never would've made it this far without you," she tells him quietly, sincerely and he shakes his head, keeps his eyes fixed on Dussie and Thistle's backs.

"No, I wouldn't have made it this far without  _you_ , all of you," he murmurs just as sincerely and Ambrosia is surprised but then she smiles, takes a hold of his hand.

(she won't be smiling for long)

* * *

The careers nearly find the boy from five but miss him by seconds and Jamie, Dussie, Thistle and Ambrosia come across a thick swath of swaying plants covering the clearing they need to cross.

But that's not the worst part.

These plants have mouths, big slits with razor sharp teeth and Madge is sure one touch will set them off, will turn them into flesh eating monsters.

(she isn't wrong)

"I think I can see a path, but we'll have to be careful. We'll go single file and keep your eyes peeled, okay?" Jamie tells them and they nod.

He takes the lead, Ambrosia falling in behind him, Dussie after her and Thistle bringing up the rear. They link hands, follow after Jamie and Madge holds her breath.

They're just plants but still, Madge is worried.

(isn't she always?)

They're nearing the final stretch, Madge can see the end and that's when it happens.

Thistle screams.

* * *

Gale quickly pulls Posy against him, buries her face in his chest and Prim covers her mouth, looks away with tears in her eyes but Madge  _can't_ , can't look at anything else.

Thistle's leg brushes against the leaves of one of the plants, just the barest hint of contact, but it's enough. He's barely even felt it, but the plant has and it reacts, moves in the blink of an eye, fastens its teeth deep into his leg.

He screams, blood curdling and long, and he's still holding onto Dussie as the plant starts to chew, starts to pull him in, deeper and deeper.

Dussie starts shrieking, Ambrosia turns, takes one look and freezes solid and Jamie is the only one to start moving, drops Ambrosia's hand and rushes forward. He grabs Thistle's wrist, forces him and Dussie apart and shoves her back at Ambrosia, who finally snaps out of her daze.

"Get out of here! Go!" Jamie shouts at them and Ambrosia nods, grabs a hold of the still screaming Dussie and runs, makes it safe to the other side. There's tears in her eyes as she hugs Dussie tight and she doesn't say anything, but then, what  _could_  she say?

Jamie, meanwhile, has grabbed both of Thistle's hands, pulls with all his might. Thistle's still crying, screeching, his legs lost from the knees.

"I'm not letting go," Jamie swears but Madge doesn't think Thistle can hear him, too much screaming and crunching and...and...

Posy whimpers a little, Hazelle closes her eyes and still, Madge can't look away.

Thistle's screaming dies, his eyes glassy and he's in to his waist, thick teeth moving up his back but still, Jamie holds on, pulls and pulls and pulls.

" _Come on_ ," he cries in frustration, " _come on, Thistle_!" There's a shining in Jamie's eyes, wet and full of guilt and he's still pulling, putting the last of his strength in a great final tug.

Thistle comes free with an awful tearing sound, flumps to the ground and there's less than half of him left, just a head and arms and a little bit of torso. Jamie stumbles back and pukes, sobs and chokes on his hands and knees and there's a distant booming of a cannon.

Dussie bawls louder in Ambrosia's arms and Ambrosia buries her head on Dussie's shoulder, her whole body shaking.

It's over.

Thistle's dead.

(Madge looks away but it's too late)

(she's seen too much)

(far too much)

* * *

"Jamie, come on Jamie, we need to go," Ambrosia whispers gently, takes his arm and helps him stand. Her cheeks are wet and she wipes at the vomit on his chin with her sleeve.

"I... _I'm sorry_ ," he chokes out and Ambrosia shakes her head, takes his face in her hands.

"No, Jamie. You've got nothing to be sorry about, okay? Now come on, Dussie needs our help," she tells him, forces a smile and he nods jerkily. He starts to stumble away, follows the sounds of Dussie's despair and Ambrosia watches him go, her eyes impossibly sad.

Jamie reaches Dussie and she can't stand, looks like she can barely breathe. His whole face seems to crumple and he wipes angrily at his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and instead he bends down, rests a hand on Dussie's back as she heaves and hyperventilates.

Ambrosia turns her head when Jamie's out of sight, takes one look at the mess left behind by Thistle.

Jamie picks Dussie up, holds her like a baby and she clutches him, rubs her snotty, wet face against his shirt.

Tears well in Ambrosia's eyes and she inhales sharply.

"I'm  _so_  sorry Thistle, you deserved so much better.  _So much better_ ," her voice is angry and then the screen blanks out, moves quickly onto the careers fighting a large, hairy mutt.

But she's right.

He deserved better.

They all did.

* * *

Ambrosia strokes Dussie's hair until she falls asleep and Jamie sits a little ways away. He looks dejected, looks like he's failed at the only thing that matters.

Dussie's breathing starts to even out and Ambrosia tucks her in, brushes stray hair from her forehead and looks at her with sadness overflowing. She breathes in sharply, wipes at her own eyes and stands, hugs herself tight and heads over to Jamie, still trapped in his self made prison.

"Hey," she murmurs but he doesn't answer, doesn't even seem to register her presence.

"Jamie," she tries again, rests a hand on his shoulder.

" _Don't_ ," he snaps, jerks away from her like he's been burned. Her hand hangs between them, her eyes wide and wounded.

"I don't...I don't, I just-I don't  _deserve it_ ," Jamie finally gets out and Ambrosia blinks in confusion, her lips turning downwards.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, reaches for him again and he actually stands, takes a step farther away.

" _This_... _you_. Thistle, he's...he's  _dead_  and-and I couldn't, I  _didn't_ ," he stops and breathes in deeply. "I couldn't save him. I don't deserve you being nice, not after that."

(Madge can feel her heart start to bleed)

" _Jamie_ ," Ambrosia says and there's steel in her voice, enough that Jamie turns around, looks at her with drippy eyes.

"You did  _everything_  you could, even though you didn't have to," she walks toward him, takes cautious steps but he doesn't move away, looks at her like she's the only thing keeping him afloat.

"Thistle's dead, but it isn't your fault. You  _tried_  Jamie, you tried so hard." He nods as she reaches him, looks him dead in the eye.

"You have  _nothing_  to feel guilty about," she tells him firmly and then he sinks down to his knees and Ambrosia sinks with him, wraps him in her arms.

"Thistle's dead because of  _the Capitol_ , not because of you."

They get a brief glimpse of Jamie sobbing against Ambrosia, of the ice cold fury in her eyes and then the screen skips away but still, one glimpse was enough.

Jamie Neptune might not be the only  _maybe_  this year.

* * *

The Faulkners are devastated and District Twelve heartbroken.

Thistle Faulkner's dead, they've lost another son to these nightmare games and you think they'd be used to it after all this time, but they aren't.

But there's still a tiny kernel of hope, because Dussie Blum is still alive, maybe they could still save  _someone_ , have  _someone_  come home.

There's something else too, a kind of shaky gratitude they can't name, starting to rise in their bones. There's something about how hard Jamie Neptune  _tried_ , something about his tears that reaches into them, makes them hate the Capitol in a different way.

And there's the fire in Ambrosia Hartwig's voice, the anger they can all share burning in her eyes that makes them want to  _do something_ , makes them brave.

It's just a beginning, just a stirring in their blood, but then, every revolution has to start somewhere.

* * *

District Four watches and feels their hearts go out to Jamie, feels waves of  _something_ start to build inside them.

Their victors had already planted the seeds, had already sown rebellion in the streets but Jamie's tears are the water that helps them grow.

It's not rebellion, not yet, but it will be.

* * *

District Six hears Ambrosia Hartwig's words like a call to arms, because she's right.

It  _is_ the Capitol's fault.

It always is.

* * *

And in the other districts, in the ones not favoured by the Capitol, in the ones tired of loss and death and starvation, their own fires start to flicker.

The Capitol just takes and takes and  _takes._

Maybe they should start taking back.

* * *

The next day dawns over a different world, one teetering on the edge.

Madge can only hope they tip right over it.

* * *

Dussie's still a wreck and Ambrosia walks with her, tries to keep her from falling apart. Jamie's hyper alert, keeps his eyes wide open for any threat and Madge can read it in his body language,  _I'm not going to lose anyone else, I won't._

Prim bites her lip and Rory looks at the ground and Madge is sure they can read it too.

(but that's the thing.

he'll have to.

after all, only  _one_  person wins the Hunger Games)

Jamie looks back at Ambrosia, comforting smile on her face and an arm wrapped around Dussie and there's a look in his eyes, one Madge recognizes but wishes she didn't.

Things are only going to get worse from here.

(she's right)

* * *

The careers catch up to the boy from five, gut him from top to bottom.

But instead of drowning District Five in despair, it just makes them burn brighter.

 _No more,_  they tell themselves _, no more._

* * *

"I'll take watch," Dussie mumbles that night and Ambrosia starts in surprise.

"No, Dussie...you just sleep," she tries to insist but Dussie shakes her head.

"I don't think I could. And anyways, you're always looking out for me, maybe it should be my turn," her voice is still a bit broken and Ambrosia shares a conflicted look with Jamie.

"It's fine," he finally says, "you get some rest Brosia, okay?"

(when did he start calling her that?)

(Madge really wishes he hadn't)

Ambrosia chews on her lip, looks ready to argue but finally caves.

"Fine. Wake me up whenever you want to switch, okay?"

"We will," Jamie promises and Ambrosia climbs into one of the sleeping bags, casts one last look at Dussie and Jamie.

"You don't have to stay up with me, you could sleep too," Dussie murmurs, hugs her arms tight around her legs. Jamie shakes his head, sits down heavily beside her.

"I can't really sleep either," he admits, looks out at the dark spaces between the tress ahead of them.

(that's the thing though,

no one in Panem can really sleep right now)

Dussie rests her chin on her knees and starts to sniffle pitifully. Jamie hears and turns in shock, his eyes going wide.

"Hey hey hey, don't cry," he says, sounding panicked. Dussie shakes her head in frustration.

"I just...I just, I just don't know how to  _stop_ ," she nearly shouts, digs her nails into her skin. Jamie's eyes start to swim with sadness and Madge can feel her heart stuttering in her chest, curls into Gale to fight the feeling.

Jamie clearly doesn't know what to say so he tentatively puts an arm around Dussie, tries to do in actions what he can't in words.

He tightens his grip on her and she leans on him and though the screen leaves them, no one in Panem does.

* * *

(Katniss Mellark exchanges covert glances with Finnick Odair, becaus they're both thinking the same thing.

They've got a symbol, it's time to start using him)

* * *

There's still a somber, heavy air over each of them, Thistle's death hanging above their heads like storm clouds ready to burst.

Dussie is teary eyed and downcast, Jamie sullen and withdrawn, Ambrosia strained and near breaking point.

It's been exactly two weeks and it's not over yet, not even close.

(but then, it can't really be over, not until the Capitol's burned to the ground)

* * *

When the stars are high in the sky, Dussie and Ambrosia sit together, watch over their camp and the restless Jamie, tossing around in his fitful sleep.

"I keep...thinking he's gonna leave us," Dussie whispers to Ambrosia, her voice vulnerable and scared. "I mean, why would he stay? But then, every morning I wake up and he's still  _here_. Still wants to help us and keep us safe. I just don't understand," she finishes, hugs herself tightly.

Ambrosia smiles softly, looks up at the sky. "Jamie, he's like...like the hero out of those stories your parents used to read you. Brave and strong and kind. Always saving the day, no matter what."

Ambrosia looks at Dussie, her smile strengthening. "You don't have to worry, he's not going anywhere," she says firmly, voice steady with belief and even Dussie starts to smile just a bit. Ambrosia holds her legs loosely, looks back up the sky.

"He's not going anywhere," she repeats, her eyes tracing the moon and Madge wonders what it would take to break that trust.

She's sure she'll find out.

* * *

A silver parachute drops from the sky, lands just in front of Jamie Neptune.

He scoops it up, cautious but curious and opens it to reveal a delicious looking stew. He's surprised but one sniff and his hunger wins out, so he rushes back to the girls, steaming stew in hand.

"Look what I found," Jamie eagerly tells Ambrosia as she gathers wood for a fire and her eyes go wide.

"How'd you get that?" she asks, looks like she might start salivating. "You get naked?"

Jamie's jaw drops, eyes like saucers. "What? Of course not!" he sputters and Ambrosia offers a cheeky grin.

"Good, I wouldn't want to miss that," Ambrosia teases and Jamie goes red all over. But there's something missing, a warmth in Ambrosia's voice that used to bleed into her every word and even flustered, Madge can tell Jamie knows it too.

But then Dussie arrives with her arms full of fruit and Ambrosia turns, her smile wide. The moment is lost but Jamie's frown doesn't leave, even as Ambrosia cheerfully shows Dussie the sponsor gift.

He doesn't say anything though and Madge wonders if he ever will.

If he even could.

* * *

Ambrosia stands off by herself, watches the sun set with a tired look on her face.

"Hey, you okay?" Jamie asks as he comes up behind her and she tries to smile, fails miserably.

She takes a deep breath, keeps her eyes on the horizon.

"I keep telling myself that...that we only knew him two weeks and-and we always knew we wouldn't all make it, but it doesn't help," she says in a hush, her voice shaking just the tiniest bit. "Everything still hurts."

Her voice is small, sad and Jamie moves closer, hugs her from behind.

"I know," he murmurs. "I know."

She leans back against him, doesn't say any more and Madge hates that caring has become so painful.

The Capitol really is poison.

* * *

"How many stars do you think there are?" Ambrosia asks as she and Jamie lie in the grass, so close their shoulders touch, her leg thrown over his and their hands knotted together loosely.

"Too many to count," he answer and she nods, turns her head until her nose almost brushes his cheek.

"My dad told me once, that each one was a wish someone made," Jamie murmurs, uses his free hand to write nonsense on the back of hers. Ambrosia flutters her eyes closed, presses her nose to his cheek.

"I like that," she whispers.

"Yeah," he agrees, "me too."

* * *

There's a certain excitement building in the Capitol, a certain dread in the Districts.

The careers are drawing close,  _too close_ , to Jamie, Ambrosia and Dussie.

Panem's not ready to say goodbye just yet.

* * *

"I hope we find some water soon, I could really use a bath," Ambrosia comments and Jamie snorts.

"No denying that," he replies and Ambrosia huffs in mock offense.

"How rude."

Dussie just gets a melancholy look in her eyes and Madge is sure she's remembering Thistle and that hurts, it really does.

Before anyone can say anything else, do anything else, the careers burst from the trees, all five poised and ready for battle.

Dussie screams in surprise, stumbles and falls to the ground and Jamie grabs Ambrosia, pulls her behind him.

"I was so hoping I'd get to be the one to kill you," Seela breathes out, voice laced with vicious delight and Jamie narrows his eyes.

"Brosia,  _run_. I need you to run," he murmurs urgently but she doesn't listen, slips out from behind him and hurries towards Dussie.

"I don't think so!" Opal crows, slices her axe downwards and Ambrosia just barely leaps out of the way.

" _Dammit!_ Ambrosia!" Jamie shouts but then Glister jumps at him, swings his sword at his head. Jamie dodges it easily, grabs firm hold of Glister's still outstretched arm and runs his own sword deep into Glister's gut.

Glister coughs, splutters and blood bubbles at his lips. Ambrosia meanwhile, sweeps her leg at the overconfident Opal, sends her flat on her back and scrambles up, reaches a hand out for Dussie, who reaches back.

Jamie shoves Glister to the ground, ducks Regulus' attack and shoulders him hard in the chest, sends him reeling back. He avoids Nerva's blow, kicks her legs out from under her and arrives just behind Ambrosia, her fingers seconds from touching Dussie's.

And then Seela Hennesey's sword flashes, slashes from Dussie's shoulder to her hip.

There's a moment of completely silent horror and then Dussie falls apart, Ambrosia screams with a kind of anguish no one should ever feel and just like that, Dussie Blum is dead.

* * *

Two cannons sound that day, quick and close together, announcing the deaths of Glister Kingsley and Dussie Blum.

* * *

Jamie grabs Ambrosia around the waist, lifts her up and carries her away as she thrashes like an eel, screams and howls for Dussie. There are tears in his eyes but he doesn't let them stop him.

" _Dussie! Dussie!_ " Ambrosia shrieks and Seela watches them leave, her mouth curling in a smirk, cruel and cold. She makes no move to stop them and Madge wonders what she could be planning.

"Why are you letting them get away?" Opal demands as she gets up and Seela's smirk only grows.

"What's the rush? We've got plenty of time to get Jamie, and when we do, we'll make it the best show anyone's ever seen."

Seela still looks malicious and excited, Opal disgruntled and Madge feels sick and cold.

(it  _will_  be the best show, just not at all how Seela intended it to be)

* * *

Prim cries quietly into her hands, Posy sniffles against Hazelle, her own eyes misty and Madge feels the wet spots on Gale's shirt, realizes she's been crying too.

She doesn't know when she started but she does know she won't be stopping.

At least not any time soon.

* * *

Ambrosia collapses when Jamie finally releases her, can barely breathe through her sobs.

He does a quick survey of the area, makes sure they're safe and then he turns back to Ambrosia, tragedy painted across his cheeks.

She's sobbing into her hands, hunched over on the ground and Jamie takes hesitant steps, stops just in front of her.

There's nothing he can say, not really, and he must know it so he simply kneels down, puts his hands on her shoulders.

She looks up, meets his eyes and for a moment they just stare at each other, lonely and so, so sad.

And then they're holding each other, crying and clinging and in this moment, all of Panem is with them.

* * *

Ambrosia seems to have drifted off, nestled safe beside Jamie and he carefully stands, starts to step away. He doesn't get far when Ambrosia's head pops up, eyes flashing with something almost like fear.

"Don't go," she almost begs, her voice timid and small.

There's a sadness in his eyes Madge can feel in her bones and Jamie settles back down beside Ambrosia, wraps her in the safety of his embrace.

"Never."

It's a promise they  _all_  know he can't keep.

* * *

When Ambrosia really has fallen asleep, Jamie looks up at the sky, determination and something broken in his gaze.

"If you're watching..." and Madge wonders who he's talking to. "I just want to say sorry. Sorry I couldn't keep Dussie and Thistle safe."

He's talking to their families, Madge realizes and something inside of her starts to crumble.

"I wanted them to go home, but...I just  _couldn't_. I'm  _sorry_."

He tightens his grip on Ambrosia, looks down with shame in his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

In District Twelve, their dream of seeing one of their children come home goes up in flames.

But from the ashes rises a new dream.

A dream where the Capitol's the one burning.

* * *

There's a whisper in the Capitol, in the Districts, in the air.

It's a feeling slowly growing, solidifying every night and day.

All anyone ever needed was a little inspiration and it seems they've found it.

 _Soon,_ that whisper says,  _soon._

* * *

The next morning is a cold one.

Or maybe it isn't, maybe that's just the ice inside her heart.

(it's hard to tell sometimes)

But then she feels Gale's hands twitch against her back and it's like a match, sends sparks spiraling through her blood, reminds her of maybes and the hope for tomorrow.

Because Madge has heard the whispers too.

_Soon_

* * *

That whisper keeps the Districts pumping, but it doesn't reach the arena, can't inspire the ones that inspired it.

(the irony hurts, it really does)

Ambrosia doesn't say a word, stumbles through the day like a zombie and Jamie is worried but helpless, because this is one monster you can't fight with a sword.

(if only)

* * *

Night falls and Ambrosia lies on her side, eyes wide open.

Jamie runs a soothing hand down her back, looks at her with concern.

"You should rest," he murmurs and Ambrosia's heart glints in her eyes as she clutches her hands tight.

"I can't...I can't sleep. I just...keep seeing them, Dussie and Thistle and I just...I just  _can't."_

There's a sob caught in her throat and Jamie nods, his own eyes shining.

"I know, it's like they're everywhere...I feel like I'm going crazy," he says, voice scratchy and Ambrosia reaches around, grabs his hand and links their fingers.

"We all are. That's what happens in the Games, even if you win, you leave yourself behind."

Jamie doesn't answer or maybe he does, but Madge will never know because the Capitol is quick to move away, to show the careers chatting idly.

But it doesn't matter.

They've heard enough.

* * *

In the pale light of sunrise, Jamie brushes the hair from Ambrosia's forehead, smiles with a sadness so fresh even Gale shifts beside Madge, pulls her closer against him.

 _We're the lucky ones_ , Madge thinks,  _and it isn't that just tragic._

* * *

The boy from seven hacks away at the girl from nine and there's a frenzied look in his eyes, in the stiffness of his limbs.

He paints her district number on his shirt in blood and Ambrosia was right.

You might leave the Games, but you lose your mind long before.

* * *

Ambrosia stumbles, falls to her knees and Jamie turns to her in concern, watches as she clenches her fists.

"Ambrosia..." he starts to question but she cuts him off.

"I  _can't_ ," she all but sobs, desolation and frustration in her every breath. Jamie drops down in front of her and takes her hands, holds them firmly in his.

"Yes you  _can_ ," he says with a conviction that stops her in her tracks, tears hovering at the edges of her eyes.

"I promise you, Ambrosia, you  _can_. So don't give up,  _please_  don't give up." He squeezes her hands, voice heavy with strength and a bright glowing belief that reaches all the way to Madge's heart, makes her believe in Ambrosia Hartwig too.

Ambrosia doesn't speak, eyes wide with a fire slowly kindling and Jamie smiles at her, and it's like the sun peeking out from behind clouds, like the first breath of spring after a cold winter.

Maybe there's hope after all.

* * *

Ambrosia breathes easier in Jamie's arms and he looks at her like she's the whole entire world.

(and maybe she is)

He kisses her forehead and there's a tenderness in him that breaks Madge's heart into a thousand aching pieces.

(because however this ends, it can't end well.

The Capitol won't let it)

* * *

Ambrosia and Jamie shine in sunlight, sit on the edge of a stream, let their legs trail in the water.

There's a calmness on their shoulders and Ambrosia turns to Jamie with sunbeams in her eyes.

"I just...wanted to say thank you. For everything. You're like...my own little guardian angel."

There's sincerity in her voice, a strength she's been missing and Jamie stares at her, speechless and rosy cheeked.

She smiles gently, reaches into his lap, takes his hand between both of hers.

"I've never known anyone like you, Jamie Neptune and I know I never will."

"Ambrosia," he mumbles, voice unsure. "You...I'm not...I'm just..." he pauses, breathes deep and squeezes her hand. "I've never met anyone like you either."

She takes his face in her hands, smiles at him with fondness and something a little deeper.

"No matter what, I'm always going to be so,  _so_  glad I met you."

"Me too," Jamie whispers, voice a little breathless and Madge closes her eyes.

This isn't fair.

* * *

(Katniss Mellark looks at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, sees the key to rebellion)

(Peeta Mellark looks at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, sees himself)

(The Districts look at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, see heroes and symbols)

(The Rebels look at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, see the fuel they've been searching for)

(The Capitolites looks at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, see tragic lovers and valiant tributes)

(The Capitol looks at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, sees danger but maybe profit)

No one looks at Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig, sees Jamie Neptune and Ambrosia Hartwig.

* * *

The boy from seven perches in a tree, eyes a little manic.

There's a crusted letter nine on his front and he runs his fingers over the jagged edges of his dagger, licks at chapped lips.

The careers mill about below him, no idea he's hiding just above them.

"How many tributes are left, anyway?" Regulus asks, kicks at a rock on the ground.

"Three, I think, not counting us," Nerva answers and there's a tenseness in all of them after that, because the less tributes there are, the sooner they'll turn on each other.

(Madge is actually surprised the career pack's lasted this long, they've usually broken by now)

"It's Neptune we have to worry about," Opal spits and shoots a glare at Seela.

"Trust me, I can handle him," Seela says, ignores the annoyance in Opal's eyes. Nerva and Regulus exchange worried looks, clearly sensing the tension between the two girls.

"You should've  _already_  handled him," Opal retorts, voice twisted with anger.

"You  _idiots_  we're all hurt and he had a head start. It never pays to chase someone, you're better off waiting for a proper opportunity," Seela hisses and here it is, the break they've all been waiting for.

"That's bullsh- _ahhhh!_ "

Seven drops from his tree, lands directly on Opal's shoulders. She buckles under his weight and he stabs at her neck, stabs, stabs,  _stabs_.

Regulus and Nerva are frozen in shock but Seela is swift, runs her sword through Seven's chest.

Two cannons boom, one right after the other and both bodies slump, bloody and lifeless.

"Any other complaints?" Seela demands, twirls her sword and Nerva and Regulus shake their heads.

"Good, now lets go."

Seela marches off, Nerva and Regulus hurrying after.

Five left.

* * *

Ambrosia and Jamie stop when they hear the cannons boom, faces draining of colour.

"So that's it then, just five of us left," Ambrosia whispers, voice wavering. Jamie looks at her with narrowed eyes, something building in his gaze.

"They'll be hunting us down, the careers. They'll be gunning for us," she continues, a bit of hysteria creeping into her tone.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. Trust me," Jamie tells her firmly, squeezes her arm.

"I'm no match for the careers, it's a miracle I survived last time," Ambrosia says, seemingly ignoring Jamie's words and he frowns, pulls her around until she's facing him.

" _Trust me_ ," Jamie repeats in something like a growl, but it's not angry, not rough or mean, but  _something_  that makes his voice low and fierce.

He reaches up then, tangles his hands in the strands of her hair and pushes her forehead against his, and they're so close Madge is sure they could taste each other's breathing.

"Trust me," he says again and there's  _something_  in his voice, something Madge can't quite describe, but it makes the whole world shiver.

Ambrosia inhales deeply and curls her hands around his wrists, holds him against her.

"More than anything," she swears, voice soft but firm and the air's filled to the brim with  _something_.

"More than anything," she repeats and they just stare into each other's eyes and Madge can almost taste it, that  _something_  infusing the space around them.

This, Madge thinks,  _this_  is how you start a fire.

* * *

On the last day of the Games, Jamie Neptune wakes before Ambrosia Hartwig.

He looks down at her, curled up against his chest, her fingers woven into the fabric of his shirt and there's something like broken hearts in his eyes. He must know the end is coming, maybe not how soon, but he knows it's almost here, he  _has_  to.

There's five tributes left and only  _one_  gets to walk away.

Jamie plays with her hair and there's determination and  _something_  filling up his gaze, drowning the sadness and fear.

(Madge is afraid to put words to that  _something_ , afraid to make it real)

He tightens his arms around Ambrosia, pulls her closer. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he whispers into her ear, "I  _promise_."

Madge can't help but think he's swearing it to himself just as much as he is her.

* * *

"Morning," Ambrosia mumbles as she wakes, snuggles deeper into Jamie's arms.

"Morning," he answers, smiling with a sweetness that pricks at Madge's skin, makes Prim clutch her hands above her heart.

 _Stop,_ Madge wants to scream,  _stop!_

(only the Capitol could turn love into such a fatal poison)

Jamie gets up, helps Ambrosia to her feet and they keep holding hands, don't let go as they clean up, as they eat, as they start to move on, wind their way through the trees.

(and even in death,

they still don't let go)

* * *

The gamemakers have obviously decided today is the day, time for these Games to come to their end.

They herd the remaining tributes together, use rockslides and flooding rivers, walls of trees that weren't there yesterday, snarling hives of mutts.

The five of them grow closer together, circle towards the Cornucopia.

And so it ends where it began.

* * *

Ambrosia and Jamie stumble out of a clump of trees to the left, the careers from a valley to the right.

Madge holds her breath and they stare at each other, a different emotion flashing across each of their faces.

No one tries to run and that makes sense. They must know the gamemakers would just force them back.

And then they move.

All three careers head straight for Jamie, but he's ready, dodges Seela's opening swing, elbows Nerva hard in the face. She reels back with a  _crunch_ , clutches at her face as blood spurts out and Seela tries again, Jamie catching her sword with his.

Regulus goes to make his own attack but then Ambrosia's there, kicks him hard in the knee. He goes down with a howl and Ambrosia leaps at him, tries to sink her dagger in his skin. He rolls, her blade nicking his arm and he reaches his other one around, grabs her around the neck.

Nerva's eyes are crazed with pain as she slashes at Jamie, but he's too quick, slips his own blade beneath hers, buries it below her ribs. She half-screams, half-moans, stumbling back and Seela presses her advantage, catches Jamie off guard.

Regulus rolls on top of Ambrosia, tries to strangle the life from her.

Jamie just avoids being cut in half by Seela but he's lost his sword, faces her weaponless.

Nerva falls to her knees, panting in distress and tries to hold her blood inside.

Ambroisa struggles beneath Regulus, stabs her dagger into his side.

 _"Fuck!"_  he bellows but Ambrosia doesn't stop, heaves him off her and stabs again, this time in his chest.

 _"You bitch!"_  he shrieks but Ambrosia's face is grim and she finishes it, another shot straight through his heart.

Jamie hears the commotion, turns his head in panic for Ambrosia's safety and Seela sees her opening, takes it.

" _Jamie!_ " Ambrosia screams and he spins, hits the ground to avoid Seela's swing. She grins, because he's prone before her and Seela Hennesey is ready to end this.

But she's not the only one.

Ambroisa jumps on Seela's back, slices her knife across her throat. Blood spatters across Jamie's face, his eyes perfectly round and Seela gasps, eyes dimming. Ambrosia leaps back, dripping with Seela's blood and Seela herself crumples, pale as ivory.

Nerva gives one last pant, falls on her face and then it's over.

Ambrosia and Jamie are the last two standing.

But only one of them can win the Hunger Games.

Only  _one._

* * *

There's a moment of euphoria, because  _we made it!_

Ambrosia leaps at Jamie and he catches her, swings her around. They both laugh, relieved and carefree and it hurts, hurts Madge and makes her angry, because she knows what has to happen next.

Jamie sets Ambrosia down but doesn't let go, keeps his arms around her waist and hers are looped around his neck. They beam at each other and Gale pulls Madge closer, because he knows what's coming too.

"We did it, we did it!" Ambrosia cheers and she hasn't figured it out yet, doesn't realize happiness in Panem always costs too much.

"We beat the careers, so there's only..." she trails off and Madge sees the moment the horror sets in, the moment the truth comes crashing down. Ambrosia's eyes widen, her arms go slack and her mouth hangs open, wordless with the realization.

Jamie must clue in too, his hands tightening on Ambrosia's waist as if by reflex, his fingers digging into her skin. But then they start to loosen, his eyes screaming with a silent sort of pain that digs deep into Madge's heart.

The two of them just stand there, trapped in this moment, probably the worst they've ever had.

This is what the Capitol was waiting for, why they let Panem see so much of Jamie and Ambrosia throughout the Games. They want the bloody battle Katniss and Peeta never gave them, want the world to feast on Jamie and Ambrosia's despair.

There's evil, Madge thinks, and then there's the Capitol.

* * *

Ambrosia takes a shaking step back and Jamie's arms twitch like they want to reach out and pull her back. She bends down with trembling hands and picks up Jamie's fallen sword, stands again on unsteady legs.

"Ambrosia-" he begins to ask but she presses the sword into his chest, stumbles back a few more steps.

His eyes go wide and she covers her face with her hands, but she can't hide.

Not from this.

"Do it quick," she whispers through her fingers and Jamie looks at her with a pain so sharp Madge can feel it too.

"I can't beat you, we both know that," Ambrosia continues, voice wavering, "and even if I could, I  _couldn't_. I  _couldn't_  Jamie," her voice breaks then and she starts to cry, tears dripping off her chin and mixing with Seela Hennesey's blood. Jamie takes a step forward like he wants to hug her, wipe away her tears but he catches himself, stops like he's hit an invisible wall.

"Ambrosia..." and he sounds near tears himself.

"P-promise me, Jamie, promise me..." She gasps, struggles to get her words out, "that once you've won, you'll-you'll buy a cake and...and you'll eat th-the whole thing yourself." Ambrosia forces the words out and Madge can feel her eyes water along with Jamie's.

"P-promise me," she insists, her whole body shuddering and Jamie shakes his head, balls his hands into fists.

"I'm sorry," he offers instead, voice snapping in half and Ambrosia sobs a little louder, digs her nails into her face.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, looks at Ambrosia like he'll never look away, drinks her in like it's the last chance he'll ever have.

And, Madge realizes, it  _is_.

"Don't, don't," Ambrosia mumbles and Madge can almost taste the heartbreak etched across their skin.

"I-I..." Jamie swallows, tries again, "Ambrosia I..." he stops, the words choked up in his throat.

" _Dussie, Thistle, Dussie and Thistle_..." The names tumble from Ambrosia's lips like prayers and promises and Jamie closes his eyes tight, takes a deep, rattling breath.

When he opens them again he seems to steady himself, a kind of resignation settling on his shoulders.

(and so the end begins)

Madge tries to focus on the beat of Gale's heart, but all she can see is death and despair and the nightmare that never ends.

Jamie lifts his sword, readjusts his grip and Madge holds her breath.

"I'm sorry," he says for the final time, looks at Ambrosia with enough emotion to move anyone to tears.

Madge wants to close her eyes but doesn't and maybe that's for the best.

She never would have believed it otherwise.

* * *

(there's a moment when the entire world is motionless, caught in a single second)

And then Jamie Neptune slashes the sword across his throat.

(the world begins again, but this time worse)

* * *

Jamie gurgles as his blood splashes down his front and the sword slips from his fingers, clatters to the ground as he crumples. Ambrosia hears him, inhales panic and terror. She drops her hands, snaps open her eyes and the look on her face is like every one of her nightmares has come to life.

" _Jamie_!" she shrieks and it's the worst sound Madge has ever heard.

Ambrosia rushes to him, trips and falls but doesn't stop, crawls to him on her hands and knees.

"Jamie jamiejamiejamie, no no, what did you, no no, no please,  _noooo_!" Her words are nonsensical and rushed, her hands pressing against his throat to stem a blood flow that just won't stop.

"Jamie please, Jamie please you can't you can't,  _Jamie_!"

The ground's too red, much too red and Jamie doesn't answer, can't form words but he manages a smile, one that rips Madge clean in half.

Ambrosia lets out a pained, inhuman sound and it's too late, there's no hope and she must know it, her breathing ragged and her head keeps shaking  _no no no_.

" _Please_  Jamie," she begs him but then a cannon sounds and it's over.

Madge cries into her hand, leans into Gale but Ambrosia doesn't get up, throws herself on Jamie, sobs loud and hysterical and even as Claudius Templesmith's voice booms around the arena, they can still hear her.

* * *

(the moral of this year's Games is the same as always, but this time it's too clear to ignore.

No one wins the Hunger Games.

No one)

* * *

The last thing anyone sees before the screen cuts out is Ambrosia Hartwig holding onto Jamie Neptune like she'll never, ever let go.

The last thing anyone hears is the tears in Ambrosia Hartwig's voice as she curses the Capitol straight to Hell.

* * *

Madge doesn't sleep that night but then, no one in Panem does.

* * *

The Games may be over, but the smoke's just starting to rise over Panem.

In every corner of every district, something's happening, something's building, rising, growing.

(the Capitol said kill each other.

Jamie Neptune said  _no_.

And they can't even make him pay for it)

There's a boldness starting to fill their blood, a conviction in their veins. The Capitol is wrong, the Capitol is evil, the Capitol needs to be stopped.

And they can be.

If one boy can stand up to them, can defy them in front of all the world, than the people of Panem certainly can too.

That's the word, not a whisper this time, but a cry, ringing through the streets.

The Capitol  _can_ be beaten,  _can_  be made a fool of,  _can_  be knocked down.

It's been so long,  _too long_ , of fear and terror and loss. It's finally time to push back, to  _take_  back.

And some remember all the almosts of the past, all the  _maybes_  and  _could have beens_.

But this time, there's no more could have, should have.

This time, it's a  _will be_.

The people of Panem are tired.

And they're ready.

(this isn't just smoke signals)

(this is an  _inferno_ )

* * *

The Capitol tries to spin things their own way.

Every channel on television talks of Ambrosia Hartwig's cunning strategy, of how she seduced that stupid boy from four, how she played Jamie Neptune until he carried her to victory.

"How ingenious," Cashmere Belcher purrs late at night.

"Quite the femme fatale," Caesar Flickerman agrees with a guffaw.

_(liars, liars liars liars, LIARS)_

Jamie Neptune is painted as an idiot, as a naive fool who fell straight into a widow's web.

He's weak, he's pathetic, if he had any brains at all, he would've seen straight through Ambrosia Hartwig's net of lies.

Madge wants to vomit.

"What she didn't have in strength, she made up for in brains," a crooked victor from three says at breakfast, nods along to Claudius Templesmith's recounting of the events.

_(the capitol is lies,_

_lies lies lies)_

This isn't a tragedy, the Capitol assures them, this was a game.

A game Jamie Neptune failed at, one Ambrosia Hartwig played to perfection.

There's no need to be sad, to be angry.

Ambrosia Hartwig never cared, Jamie Neptune was just her pawn.

_(it's all lies)_

"I can't believe someone could be that good an actor," Finnick Odair says just before supper and Madge has to agree.

No one's that good an actor.

_(and no, Snow, no one believes your lies._

_it's too late for that)_

* * *

The air is tense come Ambrosia Hartwig's victory interview.

The Hawthornes go to the square to watch and so does all of 12, all beating with the same excitement.

Everything's about to change.

Madge can taste it.

* * *

The show starts with all the typical fanfare and then out steps Ambrosia Hartwig, except not.

She's dressed in dark purple, plunging neckline, high slit to her waist. Her hair's wound up artfully, left mussed like someone's been running ardent hands through it. Her make-up's sexy and sultry and they've tried to make her into their seductress, the girl who manipulated her way to victory.

Except her eyes are hard, angry and her face is drawn, flattened with hate. Her lips are pursed tight in a bitter line and there's nothing beautiful about this girl, nothing tantalizing, just pain and rage, rage,  _rage_.

Ambrosia stalks across the stage, ignores cheering fans and sits across from Caesar, glares at him with force enough to knock him flat.

He projects a calm and joyful air, but Madge can see it, the worry crinkling in the corners of his eyes. The Capitol  _needs_ this to go as planned, needs to quiet the uprisings starting to build in the Districts.

"Let's recap your wonderful Games, shall we?" Caesar asks and Ambrosia doesn't answer, levels the camera with a murderous stare.

The Games they show aren't the ones Madge watched, these have been awkwardly purged and reworked, desperately edited to try and invoke the lie the Capitol's been spinning.

Ambrosia folds her arms, looks down her nose at Caesar, unimpressed and disgusted.

It's the shortest recap Madge has ever seen, most of the footage entirely missing and the resulting clipshow is disjointed and strange. Even the Capitolites seems disappointed, their favourite scenes wiped away and buried.

Caesar clears his throat when it's over, turns to Ambrosia with a twitch in his left eyebrow.

"Now, let's talk about your strategy," he begins and Ambrosia snorts.

"No," she cuts him off curtly and his eyes go wide.

"No?" he repeats, casts a nervous glance over his shoulder at someone offscreen.

"There's no point. You just want me to lie, want me to drag Jamie through the mud. Well, I  _won't_. Jamie was a hero, was  _my_ hero and I won't let you do this," her voice is harsh, her eyes filled with a fury growing with every second and Madge knows they'll lose signal any moment.

"I'm not going to let Jamie die in vain. I'm _not_."

Madge looks at Ambrosia Hartwig, looks at the vengeance in her eyes and the resolve in her posture and  _knows._

Jamie Neptune was the symbol, the hero to rally around.

But Ambrosia Hartwig, Ambrosia Hartwig is the flame that's going to burn the Capitol to the ground.

* * *

(Madge catches sight of her father on stage, pale and scared, but burning with the same fever that's swept across all of Panem.

She can see the Capitol crumbling in his eyes)

* * *

_the rebellion's begun_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So I know this chapter didn't have a lot of Gadge, but I can promise next chapter is going to have a ton, not to mention it's going to be more locally focused, on Madge, Gale, Hawthornes and Katniss and not on strangers like this one.  
> I needed to pull away for plot purposes but next time we get to zone back in and I can't wait. There's plenty of Gadge, Katniss and the Hawthornes (especially Rory), but rebellion too and thanks again for reading!


	9. Our Sky is Growing Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse before it gets better

_Part 9-Our Sky is Growing Dark_

The sky is red and orange, hazy and full of billowing clouds.

(it's like a painting gone wrong, brushstrokes in burning colours messily swirling against the greatest canvas of them all)

(she can't help but think of Peeta)

The ground shakes under her feet, makes it hard to stand and she can feel the tremors deep in her bones.

(and maybe that's her heart, rattling against her ribs)

Heat stretches out dry fingers, curls over her limbs, licks at her clothes. She feels like she's suffocating, scratchy; hot air filling her lungs and she thinks even the blood in her veins might be turning to ash.

(chaos is everywhere, raining down over District Twelve and Madge can feel it pushing against her, trying to knock her to her knees)

She coughs on smoke, acrid and black, wipes at her watering eyes.

 _Where are you Gale?_ she thinks, tries her best not to panic.

(but she is, _oh God_ , she is)

The world is falling apart and she can't find him.

She's lost her husband.

Madge can feel his absence like knives digging into her every pore, cutting at the fragile courage she's built up around herself but she'll find him, she _will_.

(she won't accept anything else)

"Gale!" she calls, chokes on all the rising fumes. She tries not to think of the smell, tries not to identify the sour, rotted _something_ filling the air, keeps her mind fixed on the man she _has_ to find, can't possibly leave without.

And then she sees him.

He's standing ahead of her, _too far_ and his back's to her, but she'd recognize him anywhere.

 _"Gale!"_ she screams again but he doesn't turn, obviously can't hear her. She goes to run forward but someone grabs her arm, holds her back. She can feel their hand, hot and burning, and she knows there'll be bright red welts on her arm tomorrow, left behind by scalding fingers.

"They're bombing twelve," a voice says, too calm and almost alien.

(she thinks she might recognize it)

"The Capitol?" Madge asks, voice odd and faraway, her eyes focused on Gale's back, a black smudge against the glowing sky. There's a sudden roaring in her ears but she still hears that voice, the one she almost knows and the hair on her body stands on end.

_No_

And then everything explodes, white and hot and blinding.

* * *

Madge wakes with a jump, nearly leaps out of her skin.

She's clammy, can feel the cold sweat all over. The sheets are cool but damp, knotted around her feet and she's shaking, heart in her throat. She tries to breathe and looks to her side, sees Gale sleeping soundly. Madge has always thought he looked adorable in sleep and tonight is no different. His mouth's slightly open and he snores softly, keeps an arm draped over her hips.

Madge tries to breathe deeply, tries to calm the racing in her chest. She lies back down, rolls onto her side and looks into Gale's face, takes in every angle and plane. He's so handsome, so very, very gorgeous and she can't help but reach out a trembling hand, trail her fingers over his eyebrows, cheek bones, the slope of his nose.

He twitches slightly in his sleep and Madge stops, slips closer to him. He's warm, in a safe, _home_ kind of way and she fits against his chest perfectly, nestles deep in the skin she knows better than her own. She moulds herself against him, weaves her legs through his.

Her dream lingers in the back of her mind and she doesn't understand what it means, what she's supposed to think. But she does know one thing and that's really the only thing that matters right now.

Madge trusts Gale, trusts him with anything, with everything.

She lets his heartbeat lull her to sleep.

* * *

Katniss and Peeta come home from the Capitol but they aren't alone.

A contingent of Peacekeepers, gleaming white in the sun, step off the train in neat rows and Madge can already feel the Capitol's oppression like a hand on her throat.

It's just like last time.

(except not)

(this time, people aren't afraid of peacekeepers)

(this time, District Twelve is feeling reckless and brave)

* * *

Madge stands beside Gale in the crowd, listens as District Twelve's new head Peacekeeper enumerates all the rules and regulations the Capitol's imposing.

( _it's for your safety_ they say but no, it's for _theirs_ )

The tension in the air is palpable, crackling over their heads and Madge can't decide if it's a good thing or bad, can't decide if this blast's going to burn the Peacekeepers or District Twelve itself.

(or maybe both)

Gale holds her hand, face scowly and glowing with his hatred and Madge wonders where the Hawthornes and Everdeens are, wonders where Katniss and Peeta are standing. The whole district was herded in here like animals and it feels wrong, somehow, to be standing here without her family.

She can see her father on stage, standing near the back and he's sweating, forehead shiny in the sunlight. She keeps her eyes on him as she listens, tries not to let her frustration show, because the Peacekeepers are restless, just waiting for an excuse to strike.

"To keep Panem's valued citizens safe, the fence will be properly electrified at all times. President Snow is determined to protect each one of you from the dangers lurking beyond your borders," Remus Steel (head peacekeeper, voice sharp) says, sweeps cold eyes over each of them. Gale squeezes Madge's hand and she almost snorts because she's ventured forth beyond the fence many times, has yet to meet the horrors supposedly living there.

"To ensure stability in all of Panem, Peacekeepers will be stationed all throughout the district and all citizens are encouraged to report anything they deem a threat to District Twelve's well-being," Steel continues and Madge feels an icy sickness coil in her stomach, hates the idea of them urging people to squeal on their neighbours.

(she tries to tell herself no one ever would, but she knows that's not true)

"In the interest of keeping District Twelve and Panem prosperous, the shifts at the mines will be extended by two hours."

 _Fourteen hours,_ Madge thinks, heart sinking _, Gale will be gone for fourteen hours each day._ He stiffens beside her, eyes like storm clouds in winter and Madge can feel it, the ire of every miner and their families, rising in the crowd like the sun, bright and unstoppable.

(the timer's ticking down and soon, this crowd's gonna _blow_ )

"This will guarantee not only financial security for each miner ( _really?_ that lie's such a joke Madge can't even laugh) but also ensure that no one in Panem will lack the coal they need."

Madge is pretty sure this is a lie too, because how many people really benefit from their meagre offerings of coal? It can't be all of Panem, there's just no way. And what need does the Capitol have for coal when District Five deals in energy, surely has better alternatives than burning coal?

"To further promote the safety of Panem's citizens, a strict curfew of eight pm will be enforced. Each and every citizen will be required to be in their homes from this point onwards and electricity will be shut off promptly at nine pm. The only exception to this rule is any miner whose shift ends at eight, who will be escorted home by Peacekeepers."

Gale clenches his jaw, looks ready to burst. Madge presses against him and squeezes his arm, tries to keep him calm.

(or maybe she's trying to keep _herself_ calm)

"Any action taken to the detriment of Panem will be dealt with swiftly," Steel declares and Madge knows she isn't imagining the glee she can hear creeping into his voice.

(she wonders where the Capitol finds men like this, wonders if Peacekeeper training involves turning ordinary people into sadists)

There's a ripple through the crowd at his words, tendrils of fear stretching towards each of them and the people of Twelve start to bend, cowed under threats. But there's something else too, a reckless kind of fear _less_ ness thumping in their ribcages because the same old tricks only work for so long, because bravery's easier to find in anger.

(and Twelve has _plenty_ of that)

Madge's eyes flick to Gale's back, his muscles taut and they both know what Steel means, wish they couldn't remember that punishment so vividly.

(unfortunately, it's something they'll _never_ forget)

"President Snow has carefully thought through each of these new measures and each one is dedicated to preserving the safety and stability of your lives," Steel's voice carries over the crowd and Madge can feel it building, the explosion that's about to rock the entire district.

Steel finishes as many speeches in Panem do, with the prerequisite "Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever."

But Twelve isn't interested.

"Fuck you!" a voice calls and _boom_.

The bomb they've been sitting on goes off, catches every one of them in the blast.

* * *

Those two words hang in the air for a moment, suspended like a neon warning sign and Madge is glad she doesn't recognize the voice. She clutches tight to Gale's arm, feels the tenseness in his muscles and before anyone can move, can do anything, another voice joins in.

"Go back to the Capitol!"

And then another.

"We don't want you here!"

And another and another and another.

"Get out of our district!"

"Fuck off, you Capitol lapdogs!"

"Screw you!"

"We ain't scared of Snow!"

The chorus keeps growing, louder and stronger with every second and Madge can see her father on stage, watches him disappear behind a wall of white as the Peacekeepers pour forward, ready to leap into the crowd. Gale shifts slightly, moves his arm in front of her like a shield between her and the Capitol.

"We need to get out of here," he murmurs to her quietly and she can almost see regret in his eyes. She's not surprised, not a bit, because she knows Gale, knows this is what he's been waiting for. _It's because of me_ , she realizes, he wants to leave to keep her safe and she's not quite sure how to feel about that, feels touched he's putting her first, feels a bit annoyed because this is what she wants too, she's just as thirsty for rebellion.

(but still, if it means he doesn't get caught up in what is sure to be a disaster, she won't complain)

She nods, squeezes his arm in agreement and then a lone rock arcs across the sky, hurtles just right of Remus Steel's cheek.

Madge actually watches as all hell breaks loose.

* * *

The crowd surges forward, crashes against a wall of sterile white and Madge is pretty sure her heart's stopped working, is pretty sure she can't remember how to breathe.

(she's dreamed of rebellion a thousand times, but _living_ it, that's something else entirely)

Gale pushes her behind him and she digs her nails deep into his arm, is terrified of losing him in the sea of people around them, tossing and turning and shoving. It's like the whole world's gone insane, everyone screaming, shouting and Madge can't even hear herself think.

But where are the Hawthornes? The Everdeens? Katniss and Peeta? She's lost sight of her father too and the fact that they're all out there, lost in this nightmare, makes her stomach heave, makes itchy hot illness claw its way up her throat.

They need to get out of here, but they _can't_ , not without their family.

Someone bangs into her and she's not sure if they're running into the fray or away from it, but either way, she nearly loses her balance, almost falls and in that second when she's lost her footing, is certain she's about to hit the ground, the reality that this could be it, that she and Gale and their family could _die_ here, hits her like a ton of bricks, worse than any impact with the cement ever could.

But then Gale turns, grabs hold of her, stands her back on steady ground.

Her heart beat's just as erratic as her breathing and people jostle her from every direction. Gale's grip on her arm tightens and he leans towards her, speaks directly into her ear.

"We need to move, _now_ ," he hisses, voice low and urgent. She nods, huddles closer to him and they start to fight their way out, towards the back of the crowd. They're lucky enough to have started near the edge and Madge can almost see it when the first gunshot rings out.

She freezes and there's a fear she's never felt before in her entire body, singing through her nerves.

(she doesn't know if it was an accident or an execution or a warning shot but it doesn't matter)

(everything just got a thousand times worse)

She's jolted back into action by Gale. He yanks her arm hard, drags her after him as he fights his way forward, renewed purpose is his movements.

They have to get out of here _now_.

There's more screaming, another gunshot and then they reach the fringe of the crowd, push through to safety.

(except there is no safety, not anymore)

Gale whirls around to face her, grips her upper arms.

"You need to go straight home," he says, voice cracking slightly and Madge feels her eyes go wide, knows he has no intention of following after her.

" _Gale_ ," she begins, ready to protest but he keeps talking, speaks louder to drown out the rising cacophony in the square behind him.

"I'll meet you there, but I have to go back. I need to make sure everyone's okay, I _need_ t-"

"I know. Gale, _I know_ ," she interjects and he seems surprised, looks certain she would have argued. "We can't leave without them."

His relief starts to fade as he takes note of her word choice, the colour leaving his cheeks.

"Madge, _no_."

" _Yes_ ," she snaps back. "I _know_ it's dangerous, but my family's out there too. You wouldn't walk away and neither can I. We'll find them together."

There's a moment where they just stare at each other and she can see how scared he is for her, but then, she's just as terrified for him. He takes a deep breath and nods, squeezes her shoulders.

"You're right, let's go." His hand finds hers and she presses close to his side, is determined not to get separated . It'd be smarter if they split up, could cover more ground but neither one of them suggests it, would ever even contemplate it.

(after all, they've always been stronger together)

It's like they're trying to swim against a current, most of Twelve pouring from the square in a terrified rush, but still there's screaming and the sound of crashes, things breaking, a gun being fired. Madge tries to ignore it all, sweeps her eyes over the mass of people, keeps her eyes peeled for their loved ones.

"Over there!" she suddenly shouts and Gale whirls around, face tense. His eyes follow the direction of her finger and he sags a bit in relief, catches sight of Katniss, Mrs Everdeen, Prim and Peeta fleeing the square, running home to safety.

( _they're okay they're okay they're okay_ )

A bit of the weight they've both been carrying disappears, the tension in their shoulders easing. The Hawthornes and her father are still out there, but at least the Everdeens are safe, at least they don't have to worry about Katniss and Peeta.

Gale squeezes her hand and they start walking again, pushing through the onslaught of fleeing people. The screams coming from the square are more scared than angry now and Madge's feet crunch over broken glass, cause her nerves to spike back up. Any relief she'd felt withers away, swallowed by the fear leaking off every person they pass. She can smell burning, see smoke rising, can hear another gunshot ringing even through the hysteria around them.

It's pandemonium.

Everyone seems to be running away now, Peacekeepers snapping at their heels, dragging people back into the square for what Madge can only assume is some sort of horrible punishment. Her heart squeezes painfully in her chest, her eyes still roving over the crowd, taking in every expression, the dread painted on every face. She's jostled from all sides, is terrified she and Gale will be snatched up, punished for a crime they haven't committed.

(but then, what crime has anyone committed?)

(fighting back against oppression?)

(crimes sure aren't what they used to be)

Madge isn't paying too much attention to Gale, just that his hand is still firm in hers as she searches for the others, but maybe she should've been, maybe then she could've done something other than watch.

Instead she's just a bystander, can do nothing but scream.

* * *

Gale lurches forward, drags Madge's attention back to him in confusion.

"Look out!" he shouts, pushes a woman out of the way and there's a horrible _crack_ as a peacekeeper's baton collides with Gale's face, sends him crashing to his knees as the woman he saves hurries away. Madge screams and the peacekeeper swings again, brings their baton down on Gale before he has a chance to get his bearings, recover from the first blow.

The sound echoes loud in Madge's ears and Gale's knees buckle, his body slumping forward onto the cobblestones. The peacekeeper raises his baton again and Madge moves without thinking, throws herself on his arm. He says something she can't hear in the chaos and tries to shake her off, but she holds on, won't let him hurt Gale again. He shoves at her violently, the armour on his gloves leaving indents in her skin and she can see Gale from the corner of her eye, being knocked all over by the stampeding crowd.

This distraction's all the peacekeeper needs.

He's bigger, stronger and her attention's on Gale. The peacekeeper pushes at her roughly and she hits the ground hard, scrapes the skin from her hands. She winces, bites her lip through the pain, her knees spitting with the fire of their collision with the street. Gale is wobbly as he tries to stand, blood dripping into his eyes and the peacekeeper clearly decides Madge is the bigger threat, turns to her with baton raised.

There's blood in her mouth as she tries to scramble up, panic beating heavy wings in her chest but then someone slams into the peacekeeper, sends them hurtling backwards into the crowd. Madge doesn't know if it was on purpose or just an accident but it doesn't matter.

(but it's a blessing, whatever it is)

She pushes herself up, limbs shaking and rushes to Gale's side. Her knees feel weak, legs spongy and ready to fold in on themselves and he's woozy, eyes unfocused. Madge's stomach drops and she wraps an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

(and maybe to keep herself steady too)

"I need...we...I..." He can't seem to concentrate, the words lost before he opens his mouth and Madge knows what this means, knows she needs to get Gale home right away.

(he's going to _hate_ her for this)

Gunshots sound again, people shriek and run and Madge goes with them, drags Gale along with her. She lets the momentum of the crowd carry them along, keeps her grip firm on Gale. He keeps trying to turn back, but he's still dazed, is rather easy to pull along. Madge casts one last look back at the square, prays their families have made it out, watches the beginnings of fire tickle the sky.

_please be okay, please please be okay_

Madge faces front with a deep breath, concentrates on getting Gale home safe. She doesn't know where their family is, doesn't know how to help them but she _does_ know where Gale is, _does_ know how to help him.

For now, that's going to have be enough.

(it isn't)

* * *

"You're going to bruise," Madge murmurs, dabs at the blood welling over Gale's eyebrow.

He doesn't answer, his frown deepening and she sighs, walks over to the sink to rinse off her cloth. He's been quiet and sullen since he'd regained his senses and she knows why, knows he's angry at her for dragging him home. She hates herself a little bit too, is quaking inside at the thought of her father and the Hawthornes.

"I know you're angry," she whispers and she doesn't turn around, keeps her eyes fixed on a stain on the wall.

"Of course I'm angry!" he nearly shouts and she closes her eyes, clutches the edge of the sink.

"I'm-" she never finishes, his voice drowning her out.

"Here I am, safe at home while Ma and Posy and Rory could still be out there! I _abandoned_ them! They could be hurt or _worse_ and I'm not doing a thing about it!" He sounds furious and frustrated and Madge can feel each word like a lance against her back. She wants to say something, defend herself but the words feel hollow in her throat.

She abandoned them all.

Her _family_.

If something's happened to them, it'll be her fault.

(but I _had_ to, Gale was hurt, I couldn't leave him, I _couldn't_ )

(but guilt's always been stronger than logic)

"But I'm not mad at you," he continues, voice calming slightly and Madge's eyes widen, heart stumbling. "I'm mad at myself, _I'm_ the one who got hurt, _I'm_ the reason we're here. You made the right call, I just wish you hadn't _needed_ to."

Madge turns around to look at him, his arms folded and his self-loathing plain as day. She squeezes the washcloth in her hands, starts walking back to him.

"Gale, you saved that woman, you shouldn't feel bad about that," she insists but she knows that won't stop him, won't alleviate the guilt.

"And you got hurt too," he murmurs, reaches out and takes her hands. He flips them over, stinging palms turned upwards and grimaces. "This is my fault. I couldn't do _anything._ The one time you all needed me and all I did was get you hurt." He sounds upset, defeated and angry and she's never heard him sound like that before, hates it, feels sick with every word. He drops her hands and she shakes her head, wants to tell him how wrong he is.

_This isn't your fault!_

He folds inward with frustration and self-recrimination, pulls away from her and Madge inhales, hates the Capitol more today than she ever has before. Her knees are still smarting, her hands raw but she barely feels it, had almost forgotten all about it. She's been so focused on the people they'd left behind, hadn't even registered the physical pain.

(because it doesn't matter, bruises heal, scrapes heal, but what the Capitol does, that's a wound that _never_ heals)

"Gale, stop this," she demands, takes his face in her hands. She forces him to look at her, won't let him wallow.

"You say I made the right call, bringing you home, leaving everyone else behind? Well, guess what? _You_ made you the right call too. You wouldn't be you, wouldn't be the good person I know you are if you'd let that peacekeeper hurt that woman." Gale stares at her and she keeps going, feels like there's a furnace burning in her stomach.

" _You_ didn't hurt me Gale, a peacekeeper did. Just like a peacekeeper hurt you, just like they've been doing for _years_. If something's happened to our family, then it's not because of you or me, it's because of _them_ , because of _Snow_. You can't blame yourself Gale, _you_ didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have had to pick between you and our family. You shouldn't have had to pick between that woman and our family. We shouldn't be living like this. But _we are_." He wraps his hands around her wrists, squeezes tight.

"If you're not angry with me, then don't be angry with yourself. Don't put this on yourself Gale, don't give them this small victory," she finishes, out of breath and his eyes glow, burning with the fire he's always had.

"You're right," he agrees, nods and she feels a little better. "I just... _can't stand_ being so helpless. I can't _bear_ the thought of them being out there." He swallows and Madge nods, understands exactly how he feels. "We should be safe, shouldn't be terrified to walk down the street. This _needs_ to stop. We can't live like this."

"No, we can't."

They look at each other, eyes bright with hatred and they _can't_ keep living like this, no one can.

Snow needs to be stopped.

"Gale!" someone shouts from outside and Madge jumps, heart leaping into her throat. Gale tenses and then turns, head snapping towards their door.

"Gale!" the voice comes again, accompanied with knocking and Madge realizes she recognizes it. Gale leaps to his feet and practically runs to the door, flings it wide open. Rory tumbles through and Gale catches him, drags him inside.

"Rory!" he exclaims, looks his brother up and down for any sort of injury.

"You're okay! _You're okay_ ," Rory says with relief, eyes bouncing between the two of them. Madge nods, feels her heart pounding.

"What about Ma and Posy?" Gale asks, tries not to let his nerves shine through.

"They're fine, back at home. Ma sent me to check on you," Rory explains and Gale sags, his tension draining out. Madge breathes a little easier and Gale pulls Rory into a tight hug, looks like he might never let go.

"Do you..." Rory swallows thickly, "do you know if the Everdeens are okay?" He sounds nervous, like he might not want the answer and Madge smiles with reassurance.

"We saw them running home, they'd made it out of the square," she tells him and he nods, eyes a little lighter. She can't help herself then, throws herself on him and Gale, hugs them both close. They stay like that, wrapped up in each other but Madge has to ask, has to know.

"Did you...did you happen to see if my dad made it out?" she asks cautiously, dreads the answer. Rory shakes his head.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't see him," he says, voice apologetic and Madge nods, tries to keep the tears she can feel gathering in her eyes at bay.

"It's fine." Her voice wavers and both boys squeeze her a little tighter, clearly don't believe her at all. "But you should go," she continues, "Hazelle will want to know we're okay and you shouldn't be caught outside. Not today." Rory nods against Gale's shoulder and they stay there for a few moments longer, not quite ready to let go.

Rory finally pulls away and Gale squeezes his arm, something passing silently between them. Rory nods and Gale tries to smile, does his best not to look concerned. Madge presses to his side as Rory heads outside and they watch him leave, stay in the doorway until he's out of sight.

"I'm sorry," Gale murmurs, wraps an arm around her shoulders. She leans against him, tries to keep her breathing steady.

"I'm sure he's okay, Daddy wouldn't have gotten involved in any rioting," she says, voice wobbling just a bit.

Gale kisses her head. "That's right, I'm sure he's fine."

She nods, wants to stay strong but the tears come fast and hard. Gale pulls her against his chest, holds her near as she sobs, whispers soothing words into her hair.

Her father has to be okay.

_Has to be._

Madge isn't ready to be orphan.

(she'll never be ready)

* * *

The television comes on briefly that night, a Twelve only mandatory viewing.

Her father's on screen and Madge lets out a sob, feels her legs grow weak. Gale wraps his arms around her and they sink into the couch, her father appealing for calm. He looks terrible, mussed and exhausted, so weary and stressed. But he's alive and that's all she cares about, barely hears his words.

(but she'd be lying if she said she didn't notice the peacekeepers pressed to his sides, the fear hiding in his eyes)

_He's safe, he's okay, they're all okay_

* * *

(Katniss Mellark watches smoke rise against the sky that night, can taste Twelve's revolt on the wind. She breathes it in deep, fills her lungs with it and Peeta comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist.

"I never thought it'd happen this fast," he murmurs and Katniss nods, is surprised herself. She'd known it was coming, of course it was, but she hadn't expected Twelve to be so ready, to jump so quickly into the fire)

(but they had and here it was)

(Twelve's revolution has begun)

* * *

Madge wakes up at the same time she usually does, but this morning she's met with the sight of Gale's bruised face.

She frowns, his skin purple and black, puffy and swollen. Her eyes trace the jagged line over his eyebrow and she's sure it'll scar and yet again, the Capitol has marked him, branded him with their cruelties. Madge closes her eyes and can feel her hatred for Snow and his regime rise, hates that Gale will have to carry it with him forever.

(even if revolution comes, even if they win, Gale's body will always be a map of Capitol violence)

He starts to shift beside her, mumbles something and Madge feels her anger start to fade, leans forward for a kiss. He smiles against her lips, moves closer to her and that's when the pounding starts.

Someone's at their door, knocking furiously and Madge jumps in surprise, Gale's face hardening. Madge means to ask him if he has any idea who it might be but he's already sliding out of bed and he stands slowly, eyes narrowed.

" _Gale_ ," she hisses, tries to snag his arm as he passes. They shouldn't just go charging out there, should think about this first but Gale just continues to creep forward and Madge clutches her blankets tight before she follows after him, nerves on fire. The knocking gets angrier, sounds like it might break their door right down and then it stops suddenly, just as Madge reaches the doorway of their bedroom.

"Open up!" a voice she doesn't recognize bellows and Gale's whole body tenses, the both of them freezing in place. Madge hugs herself, lingers in the doorframe and that's when the door bursts inwards, broken from the outside in.

Madge screams as the wood splinters, Gale leaps back and peacekeepers pour in, looking ready for battle. They fill up every corner and Madge clutches at the doorframe, wonders in terror if the peacekeeper from yesterday has come to punish them.

"What the fuck?" Gale demands, fearless and angry and Madge wants to run over and slap a hand over his mouth. She loves him, really, but they don't need to make this situation any worse.

(but then, _could_ itget any worse?)

"Stand down," a peacekeeper orders him and the others disperse, start moving in every direction.

"Why are you here?" Gale counters, posture defensive and Madge hopes he doesn't try anything, doesn't get himself in trouble.

(her hopes aren't too high)

"We have orders to search every house for evidence of rebel sympathizers," the peacekeeper replies, voice gruff and then the others snap into action, start ransacking the house. Madge's eyes go wide as they rip the cushions off the sofa, empty drawers onto the floor, overturn chairs. She can hear dishes breaking in the kitchen, is rudely shoved aside as the peacekeepers file into their bedroom. Her nails dig into her palms as everything in her end table is dumped onto the floor, as her clothes are torn from hangars (and some just torn). She tries to breathe and looks at Gale, who's about ready to explode and Madge can't have that, doesn't want him to be any more hurt than he already is.

She hurries to his side, skirts the tipped couch and shattered vase (a wedding gift). She wraps her arms around him and his come around her almost unconsciously. She presses her face into his chest and tries to ignore the sounds of everything she owns being destroyed. Gale vibrates with frustration and fury and Madge tightens her grip on him, prays for this to end.

(and they can't do anything but stand there as Hurricane Snow rips through their home, leaves nothing but destruction in its wake)

Madge focuses on Gale and breathing, tries to stop herself from lashing out.

(Gale may be angry but so is she)

(holding him may not be only for his sake)

Gale continues to shake in her arms, his rage palpable and finally it ends, their wedding photo crunching under boots. The glass cracks, the frame snaps and Madge feels every muscle in her body burn, hatred like an inferno in her bones.

"You are prohibited from leaving your house until further notice," the peacekeeper tells them and Madge stiffens, feels her hatred glow even brighter.

"Why?" Gale practically spits, his arms twitching around her.

"No citizen is permitted to be outside their home until District Twelve is deemed safe from rebel activity. When the situation is under control, you will be notified." The peacekeeper turns swiftly on his heel and marches out, the others following and Madge watches them go, wishes she could throw her broken house after them.

" _Fuck!_ " Gale swears and Madge jumps a bit, didn't expect his outburst. "Fucking asshole pieces of shit..." he continues to growl and Madge surveys the room, looks at the mess they've been left with. It's a disaster, an absolute wreck and she can hear pounding and raised voices drifting through the empty space where their door should be, figures the peacekeepers must have arrived at the Malleefowls' next door.

"I guess we better start cleaning up," she sighs, lets go of Gale. He kicks a broken chair in frustration and Madge bends down to pick up the mangled frame holding the picture of their toasting. She stares down at it, the wrinkles over Gale's face, the rip through her torso. Her fingers rub over fracture lines and this was the happiest day of her life, look what the Capitol's done to it now.

(fuck them)

( _fuck them_ )

Gale stomps his way to the ruined front door and Madge moves to their room to take stock of the damage. The mattress is half out the frame, sheets tangled on the floor. Her possessions are scattered everywhere, their clothes bundled up in piles. There's a dirty boot print on the bottom of her favourite white dress, Gale's best shirt dripping with the contents of a knocked over glass. The pieces of said glass litter the floor, shine in the faint morning sunlight.

(she supposes it's lucky the hunting gear is kept in the woods, can't imagine what might have happened if the peacekeepers had found it)

Even the pillows have been shaken from their cases and Madge is surprised to see they didn't find her mockingjay pin, still rolled up in her least favourite pair of socks. She hasn't taken it out since Vick but she takes it out now, remembers the call to arms it's been for far longer than she knows.

(it's a good thing they didn't find that either)

She decides to get a broom from the kitchen to sweep up the broken glass, passes Gale righting the couch. He's glowering at everything, has already done his best with the door. It'll need repairs, is barely hanging onto its hinges, warped and bent in the middle, cracked and unable to close.

"It'd be better if we could just get a new one, but I don't think that'll be an option. I'll see if I can find something to try and fix it with later," he says, notices her line of sight. She nods, walks into the kitchen and the warzone it's become. The drawers hang out, cupboards all open, cutlery and broken dishes carpeting the ground. She wonders if she'll be able to salvage anything, hopes they'll at least have a few plates left.

(she's not holding her breath)

She tries to step cautiously, doesn't want to break things any worse and that's when she sees it. It's a mug, or it _was_ a mug, hand painted by her, given to her mother as a birthday gift. Madge makes a noise, a cross between despair and denial, and bends down on shaky knees. Gale hears her, pathetic and wordless, and hurries into the kitchen.

"Did you cut yourself?" he asks and she shakes her head, can't stop staring.

"Madge?" he questions, voice soft and she bites her lip, feels stupid for wanting to cry.

"It's just...I made this for my mom, when I was little. It was a birthday present. She loved to drink tea, use to joke that Daddy always bought the most boring cups and I thought it would be a great idea, to make her a great one." She stops for a moment, her mother swimming before her eyes and Gale kneels down, puts an arm around her.

"Mrs Sparrowsaw helped me a bit, but I painted it myself, was _so_ proud," she laughs a little brokenly, Gale's arm tightening. "She was actually okay that birthday, came downstairs and everything. We ate together, she played the piano while I danced with my dad and she was thrilled when she opened my present, swore she'd never drink tea from anything else ever again. And she didn't, never once." Her voice breaks and she can't go on, feels her heart squeeze.

"I'm sorry," Gale murmurs into her hair.

"It's...it's..." _okay_ she wants to say but it isn't. It _isn't_.

She sniffles, picks up the broken pieces of her ceramic heart, cradles them in her hands. She can make out half of a shaky 'M', maybe for 'Mama', maybe for 'Madge' and then the tears start to blur her vision, make it hard to see. She inhales, or at least tries to, the air shuddering in her lungs and Gale's arms are strong around her but even he can't glue all these pieces back together. She leans back against his chest, melts against his warmth.

 _It's just a mug_ she tries to tell herself, but it isn't, it's a piece of something the Capitol's already taken from her, and here they are, taking even more.

They'll never be satisfied, will they?

( _no_ )

* * *

It's two days of this, of being trapped in their own homes, entirely cut off from everyone else.

As much as Madge is thrilled to be let free, she can't help but feel this isn't a good thing. How many people have been rounded up to be punished? How many won't be going home? What plans have been made, measures enacted to keep the district "safe", to make sure something like this never happens again?

The peacekeepers are confident enough to let them out and that doesn't bode well for anyone.

* * *

The peacekeepers are everywhere, stationed at the end of every street, outside every store. They line the square, stand guard at the Justice Building. They're even in class with her, a peacekeeper standing dark and menacing in the corner of her classroom. It makes the children nervous, does the same for her and there's nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

The peacekeepers are everywhere, even inside her head.

(and everyone else's too)

* * *

Madge walks hurriedly through town, keeps her head down. She wishes she was invisible, could slip by unseen. Instead, she can feel the peacekeepers' eyes on her, following her every move as she heads to Victor's Village, intent on talking to Katniss.

They haven't spoken since before Katniss left for the Games, the Games that changed _everything_. Things must have been happening in the Capitol, things with the rebellion and Katniss has to know about it, has to have news.

(but more than that, Madge has to know if she and Peeta are okay)

(rebellion's important, will always be important)

(but Katniss is more than rebellion, will always _always_ be more)

There are two peacekeepers standing sentinel at the entrance to Victor's Village and Madge feels her trepidation rise, tells herself she has nothing to be scared of.

(but she does)

(they all do)

Madge draws nearer and wonders if they'll just let her walk past but then one moves in front of her, nearly steps on her feet. She stops short, restrains herself from taking a few steps back. _You don't scare me_ , she thinks, won't let them have even this.

(except they do, they _do_ )

(but then, bravery's never been about being fearless)

She has to crane her neck to look in his face and then the other one speaks, voice hostile and sharp.

"What's your business here?" he demands and she inhales through her nose, forces her voice to remain steady.

"I'm here to visit Katniss," she replies and she wishes she could see their faces through the visors of their helmets, hates having to guess their expressions.

"Why?" is his next question, harsh and less than interested.

"She's my friend," she starts but then, she doubts that's good enough. "She's my...cousin," she scrambles, wonders if that fiction is even still alive. She tries not to look nervous, because that isn't a lie, of course it isn't. The peacekeepers deliberate and then turn to each other, speak in low voices like she isn't standing right there.

She tries not to fidget, wants to look calm and finally, they decide she's allowed to go, but only if she's escorted by one of them. She wants to protest but doesn't, allows the surly peacekeeper to walk beside her and finds it irrationally annoying that they don't even tell her their name.

(she's not sure why this matters, but it does)

They reach Katniss' door and Madge knocks, feels tense with that peacekeeper still watching her like a hawk. There are few moments where they wait and then Katniss opens the door, face surprised and a little concerned. Madge is relieved, wants to rush inside but Katniss doesn't let her.

"Madge! I'll go get you that book, give me a second!" Katniss exclaims and hurries back inside, leaves Madge absolutely flummoxed. _What book?_ She has absolutely no idea what Katniss is talking about but asMadge stands on the front step, she realizes Katniss must be doing this for a reason. She tries to act natural because whatever Katniss is up to, Madge doesn't want to blow it in front of a peacekeeper.

Katniss reappears, a thick book in hand.

"Here," she says, presses it into Madge's hands and there's a look in her eye, one that tells Madge she was right, there's something else going on here. Madge smiles, clutches the book to her chest.

"Thanks, I'll get it back to you as soon as I'm done." Katniss nods, eyes flicking to the peacekeeper briefly. She retreats inside and Madge is escorted back out of Victor's Village, is burning with curiosity. _What is Katniss doing? What does this book mean?_ She waits until she's out of sight of the peacekeepers before she peeks at the title, frowns in confusion.

_Fundamentals of Coal Mining_

There must be something else she's missing but she can't investigate here, needs to wait until she's safe at home.

Well, as safe as anyone is nowadays.

* * *

She stops by her father's, is overjoyed and so incredibly relieved to see him. He's in awful shape and it hurts to see him like this, wasting away and so painfully exhausted. There are bags under his eyes, a thinning head of gray hair, deep wrinkles in a face that used to be so much smoother.

But at least he's here, at least she still has him.

(it's not really good enough, but she'll pretend it is)

(at least for now)

They don't talk about what's going on in the districts, always skirt topics that could lead into it but really, she's just happy to talk to him. She can almost forget what's coming, can almost forget about the book burning through her bag. It's just her and her father and that's what matters.

Merrie comes in with tea and cakes and Madge feels another surge of affection, is thrilled Merrie's okay too. She's known Merrie near all her life, remembers learning to cook and bake by her side, remembers inside jokes and fond memories. Merrie smiles as she sets down their food and Madge squeezes her hand, smiles back warmly. Merrie returns the squeeze and Madge is so glad her family's okay, doesn't know what she'd do without them.

She passes a gray haired Mrs Sparrowsaw on the way out, surprises her with a tight hug. She's been like a second mother and Madge hopes the feelings transfer between them, isn't sure she knows how to articulate the words. Mrs Sparrowsaw startles but then hugs her back, just as warm as Madge remembers.

There's a war coming but, for now at least, the people she loves are safe and here.

She just hopes they'll stay that way.

* * *

Madge reaches home and slips inside, opens the book and begins flipping through the pages. There has to be something here, some sort of message Katniss was trying to pass on. She's about half way through when a note flutters out and Madge snatches it, drops the book on the couch. It's in Katniss' handwriting, hurried and messy and Madge scans it quickly, devours the words.

_Snow listening_

_I'll come to you_

Madge rereads it, just to be sure and of course Snow would be keeping tabs on Katniss and Peeta, would spy on their every move. It makes Madge angry, makes her furious because they deserve privacy, some place they can be safe, but Snow's taken even their home from them, won't give them a moment's rest.

But this note says something else too. It means Katniss has something to tell, something she doesn't want Snow to hear and Madge can't wait to find out what it is.

If Snow wouldn't like it than Madge is sure she will.

(she's right)

* * *

Madge watches from the window as the peacekeepers escort the miners home.

They walk in a tightly packed column, peacekeepers in front and back, miners stuffed in between. They stop at each house, watch carefully as the miner goes inside and then start again, moving on down the road. She can see other faces watching from windows, hazy with light from behind them and Madge pulls the curtains shut as the peacekeepers draw closer, retreats farther inside.

Gale comes in only a few moments later and Madge doesn't ask how his day was.

The look on his face says enough.

* * *

Madge is antsy and anxious all day, can barely think through the anticipation buzzing in her brain. She tries to concentrate on teaching but she keeps wandering to Katniss, to what she could want to tell her. It could be anything, big or small and Madge is skittery, her fingers shaking and the peacekeeper in the corner of her classroom watches her intently, clearly suspects something of her behaviour.

Madge doesn't care, finds strength in unexpected places. After all, that peacekeeper can lurk like a ghost in the shadows, like something scary in the dark, but Madge knows the truth.

 _They_ are the scared ones, afraid of the people in the Districts, of the rebellious fever growing every day.

 _They_ can act intimidating all they want, but Madge knows that she's the monster hiding under his bed, knows the citizens they terrorize are the horrors creeping behind closet doors.

The Peacekeepers are the ones living in fear.

(it's a nice change)

* * *

Madge putters around the house aimlessly, too keyed up to do anything productive. Katniss could be over any minute and that has all of Madge's nerves stretched to their breaking point, charged and shivering with excitement. She wipes clean counters, refolds clothes, tries to grade papers but can't focus on the words.

She shouldn't be putting so much weight on this, has no idea if what Katniss will tell her is anything special. But Madge can't stop, builds her hope on possibilities.

(it's a dangerous strategy, risky and primed to fail, but then, isn't everything these days?)

When Katniss' quick knock comes at the door, Madge nearly jumps out of her skin, has to remind herself how to breathe. She glides to the front door, legs spongy and cracks it open. Katniss stands on the other side, frazzled and tired, eyes flashing with too many emotions to count. Madge opens the door a little wider and Katniss squeezes inside, almost like she's afraid to be outside for too long. She wrings her hands while Madge locks the door, never quite certain who may be lurking outside. She pulls the curtains closed, feels like this needs to be secret and turns to Katniss, pacing in front of the sofa.

"Do you want something to drink?" Madge asks and Katniss shakes her head, jerky and stuttered. Madge nods, wonders what she's supposed to do, if Katniss expects her to say something. Katniss exhales loudly and sits on the couch, plops down heavily. Madge sits beside her, angles herself so they're facing each other.

"I'm sure you've noticed there's been no mention of Ambrosia since the Games ended?" Katniss begins and Madge nods. Usually the hype from the Games lasts into the following months, includes recaps and discussions and random check ins with the Victor. The Hunger Games are the biggest thing in Panem and the Capitol never stops talking about them, makes sure the citizens could never forget about them.

But this time around, the Games and their Victor haven't been mentioned _once_ since they ended. There's been no talk about what Ambrosia might be up to, no showcasing of her talent, no endless recounts of her victory. It's like Ambrosia and her Games never happened, except _of course they did_ and no matter how much the Capitol avoids discussing them, no one will ever forget, _could_ ever forget.

"The Capitol's scared, is trying their best to get everyone to forget about Ambrosia, Jamie and their Games," Katniss continues and Madge nods again, could tell as much from their avoidance of the subject.

"But what's worse for them, is they can't even punish anyone. Usually, anyone who caused this much trouble would be made into a warning for everyone else or at the least, would be threatened to quiet down, like I was. But they can't do that with Ambrosia and Jamie. Jamie's dead, so they can't do anything to him and they _could_ hurt his family, as a warning to others, but that might make things even worse. People are mad and they're holding Jamie up like a hero, a martyr. If the Capitol moves against his family, it'll just be pouring more fuel onto the fire. It'll just make everyone angrier, be more proof that the Capitol's wrong and needs to be stopped. And if they do it quietly, keep it a secret that they've punished them, well then what's the point? How can it be a warning if no one knows about it?" Katniss' eyes are bright and Madge feels something start to come to life inside her. Jamie's beaten the Capitol yet again and Madge feels hope and possibility growing in her gut.

"Ambrosia's even worse. She's an orphan, no family and apparently, she wasn't very popular, was kind of a loner, doesn't really have any friends either. She has no one for Snow to threaten, has nothing at all to lose. They can't quiet her, not without killing her and they don't want another martyr, can't afford someone else inspiring the Districts from beyond the grave. Their only choice is to try and bury her, make everyone forget about her and Jamie and what they've started. But that's not going to happen, not with the rebels and victors making sure everyone remembers." Katniss' voice is stronger, the colour back in her cheeks and Madge grabs her hand, sees the Capitol crumbling in her eyes.

"I'm sure it was an accident, but Jamie and Ambrosia, they're the perfect storm, the perfect people to bring the Capitol to its knees," Katniss finishes and Madge feels something like victory and _power_ swelling in her chest. Ambrosia and Jamie have lit the fire and the Capitol can't put it out, can only make it worse.

Revolution is coming.

And this time, there's no dousing the flames.

Panem will _burn_.

(the question is if anyone will live to rise from the ashes)

* * *

Gale comes home from work, tired and worn and Madge smiles, feels secrets swimming in her blood. He watches her with raised brow over dinner, clearly knows she's hiding something and she smiles a little wider, can't wait to share Katniss' words.

They curl up together on the sofa and the Peacekeepers outside feel less menacing, Snow less sinister as she leans into Gale's arms, whispers Capitol fears into his ears. He listens raptly, attentively, body hot against hers. There's a glow in his eyes, burning brighter with every word and she can feel his excitement catching, spinning through her veins.

They find their way to bed, his face alight with rebellion and there's _something_ in his hands on her tonight, _something_ in the hunger of his kisses. She can taste his passion on her tongue, feel his desire against her skin and it makes her breathless, makes her shine like starbursts.

Revolution is spidering across the Districts, stretching hands into every heart in Panem and Madge can feel it here, burning between her and Gale.

(Katniss' words are a promise)

(One Ambrosia Hartwig will keep)

* * *

Madge's confidence wavers in the morning as she kisses Gale goodbye, her eyes fixed on the peacekeepers posted at the end of the street.

The Districts hate the Capitol but that's nothing new, has been the case for generations and generations. Two children fell in love and inflamed that rage but that's happened before too. Riots break out and The Capitol cracks down, makes life even more miserable.

(Madge winces at the deja vu)

There's a pattern here, one that ends with a revolution crushed and The Capitol emerging victorious.

She wants to believe, wants to have faith, but faith doesn't win wars, belief doesn't topple tyranny. The odds are against them, just as they've always been and Madge can't be sure they'll succeed where they've never been able to before.

She watches Gale until he's out of sight, tries to keep her embers glowing.

This time has to be different.

It _has_ to be.

* * *

It's a dull Tuesday afternoon, the sky gray and bland, when Kern Aldjoy is whipped.

Madge stands among the crowd, wants nothing more than to turn away and flee, but she can't, the crowd hemmed in by Peacekeepers on all sides. Kern screams, again and again and Madge bites into her lip, tastes blood on her tongue.

She isn't quite sure of his crime, blanked out with horror when the words _to be whipped_ were uttered but it doesn't matter, because whatever he's done, he doesn't deserve this. His screams start to die, his throat too raw and someone sobs, begs through tears for Kern to be spared. Steel ignores them, cracks the whip with a smile, thin and malicious.

The crowd shifts, rage and pain sizzling under their skin and Madge squeezes her fingers, wonders if they'll push back, isn't sure she's ready for a repeat of the last riot. She can see the Everdeens across the square, is sure they're preparing to help but there's no morphling she can give this time, no Victors ready to interfere.

Kern Aldjoy shrieks, skin ripped away as his blood paints the concrete and no one does anything, lets their hatred simmer for another day.

(the sky is dull, but Tuesday, Tuesday isn't)

* * *

Madge stands at the front of her class and looks at the faces of her students. Her voice catches in her throat, the lesson she's meant to be teaching falling away as they stare up at her, faces thin and pale, starving and scared.

Food is growing short, monsters lurk in every corner, even here at school and there's nothing she could ever say, nothing she could do to make it okay. The peacekeeper fidgets and she swallows and starts to teach again, tries to smile and stay positive for her students.

They're all so small, so young.

They shouldn't live like this.

(it's getting redundant, thinking like this)

(but then, redundancy doesn't make something less true)

* * *

Gale is home Sunday, unable to go out and hunt and he insists on doing the cooking, won't hear a word against it.

Madge rolls her eyes and grades papers, is surprised to hear a knock at the door. She furrows her brow and stands, wonders who it could be. When she opens the door, she sees Posy wringing her hands on the front step, her eyes tired far beyond her years.

"Posy? Come in," Madge greets with a smile but Posy doesn't smile back, her lips wobbling. Madge moves aside and Posy comes in, determination in the set of her shoulders.

"Posy?" Gale asks, sticks his head out of the kitchen and then grins when he sees his sister. His smile starts to fade when he notices the serious look in Posy's eyes, the hollowness of her cheeks. Madge closes the door and Gale steps into the living room, watches Posy with concern.

"What is it?" he asks, recognizing that this isn't just a social call. Madge can hear the worry in his voice and feels it herself, hopes nothing awful has happened.

"It's Rory," Posy begins and Madge sucks in a breath, her trepidation rising. Gale moves closer to Posy and puts his hands on her shoulders.

"What about Rory?" he questions, tries to keep his voice level. Posy looks at her feet for a moment and takes a deep breath, looks up and meets Gale's eyes.

"I'm worried about him. I know he's been bad for a long time, since Vick and Peony, but...it's getting _worse_. He's like a zombie, he barely eats, doesn't sleep. And if he does, he always wakes up screaming," Posy trails off for a moment and Made feels her heart seize. Of course Rory's been having a hard time, they already knew that but this is worse that she imagined and Madge knows it's only going to get worse, can see Posy isn't done yet.

"He's been doing a lot of... _stupid_ things lately," Posy continues and Gale furrows his brow.

"What do you mean?

"It's like he wants to provoke the peacekeepers, like he _wants_ to get hurt. He talks back, keeps trying to go out after curfew, hangs out the near the fence. I don't know what's going on but we can't even leave him alone and no matter what we do, he won't talk to us, won't listen. I'm scared he's going to go too far one day, that the peacekeepers are going to do something _awful_." Posy swallows and Madge can see tears beginning to gather in her eyes. "I don't know what to do, how to fix him but we have to do something, _soon._ Or I'm...I'm afraid there won't be anything left to fix."

Posy closes her eyes, tears wet on her cheeks and Gale looks pained, pulls her close. She sniffles into her brother's chest and Madge keeps hearing her words, over and over in her head and she feels fear root deep in her belly. Rory's like a ticking bomb and they're running out of time to stop him from going off.

They're running out of time to keep from losing him.

* * *

"She's right," Gale murmurs and Madge nods into his chest. "I see Rory at work and he's...I don't know what to do, how to help him. I can't lose him, I _can't_. But I can't fix him either."

Madge doesn't say anything, lost for words and tightens her grip on him instead.

"It seems like, whenever anyone needs me the most, I can't do _anything_. When it really matters, I'm useless."

He sounds defeated, angry and Madge knows she can't make this better, knows no words will ease his frown. Their family's falling apart around them and they're both helpless, unable to do anything but watch.

(Madge hates the Capitol, but sometimes, she hates herself even more)

* * *

Madge walks home after school, feels her skin prickle as she passes the peacekeepers at the front of the school yard. She wishes they'd just go away, wouldn't haunt her every step. But they're everywhere, a constant reminder of the Capitol's might.

(but then, that's probably the point)

She hugs herself, takes deep breaths and tries to soothe her frayed nerves. _It'll be over one day, the Capitol isn't going to win. We just need to hold on a little longer._ It's a mantra she repeats to herself everyday and it's one she makes herself believe, refuses to let go of.

And that's when she hears it.

It's an almost scream, small and pitiful and her blood runs cold.

"No!" a tiny voice begs and Madge's feet move without thinking, nearly throw her around the next corner. There's a group of children, six or seven years old and a group of peacekeepers looming over them. They've grabbed one by a thin little arm, hold them up, their feet dangling above the ground and the children huddle together, shrink away from the hulking form of the peacekeepers. The peacekeeper tightens his grip, the little girl whimpers in his grasp and Madge keeps running, her body charged with a frantic sort of electricity.

"Let her go!" is torn from her throat and it's odd, because she hadn't even thought about saying it, is almost a passenger in her own body. The peacekeepers turn to face her and she can hear her heart pounding, comes to a stop right in front of the knot of terrified children. She stands between them and the peacekeeper and she wonders if she looks as terrified as she feels, wonders if she's shaking as badly as she thinks she is.

"What was that?" one of the peacekeepers asks, his voice a warning but Madge doesn't heed it, feels a hysterical kind of courage build in her bones.

"I said, let her go." Her voice is firmer than she would've thought possible and small hands cling to her clothes, take refuge in the chattering of her limbs. "She's just a kid, whatever she's done, it's not worth this." The little girl's eyes are glassy and huge as she stares at Madge and the peacekeeper snorts, drops the girl into the dirt. Madge kneels down quickly, eyes scanning her for injury.

"Are you alright?" she asks but the girl doesn't get a chance to answer.

"I wouldn't be so worried about her," a peacekeeper says and then Madge screams, is dragged to her feet by her hair. She feels tears spring to her eyes, hands leaping up to her head, her scalp feeling like it's about to be torn off.

"I'd be a little more worried about you," the peacekeeper informs her, voice dripping with malice and Madge looks at the children, so young and scared.

"Run," she urges, tries not to let her pain shine through. They hesitate, confused and unsure. " _Run_!" she shouts, voice cracking and they finally do, go as fast as their stubby legs will carry them.

"Let them go," the peacekeeper holding her says. "We'll make an example of our friend here, show her what happens when you interfere with peacekeeper justice." There's something almost like laughter in his voice and the peacekeepers draw in around her, blocking her in from all sides. The peacekeeper forces her to her knees and she closes her eyes, tries to hold in her tears.

"Now," he begins, voice bright, "who's first?"

* * *

Madge would describe what happens next, but she's not sure she could.

(and maybe it's better that way)

* * *

The front door opens and Madge can hear Gale come in, the steady sound of his footsteps reassuring in a way she can't explain.

"Madge?" he calls, confusion fogging his tone. He's probably wondering why the lights are all off, why she's nowhere to be seen. She wants to ease his worry, but she knows she can't, can only make it worse.

"Madge?" he calls again, concern evident in his voice.

"In here," she answers, hates the scratchiness of her words. Gale follows the sound of her voice to the bathroom, finds her sitting on the floor in the dark.

"Madge? What are you doing?" he asks and then flips on the light. She flinches from the brightness, bites her lip when pain races through her at even that tiny movement. She can hear Gale's inhale, sharp and horrified and she wants to move, wants to reassure him, but she can't, feels like she's broken all over.

" _Madge_ ," Gale whispers, voice pained as he kneels down, gently takes her face in his hands. He turns her head tenderly and she can't bear to look at his expression, keeps her eyes turned down to his chest.

"I...I'm..." _fine_ she wants to say, _okay_ but she can't lie to him, is obviously not alright.

"What happened?" he asks, danger in his voice, a rage ready to burst. She doesn't answer, doesn't want him to do something stupid and reckless.

"Madge, _what happened_?" he repeats, the fury dripping off his tongue.

"I...It's-it's so bright. Could...could you turn off the lights?" she asks, voice pathetic but her eyes are still stinging and Madge can feel Gale deflate, his fingers slackening on her cheeks.

"Of course," he murmurs, stands and flicks the switch, leaves the room in blessed darkness. He kneels before her again, tucks hair behind her ears.

" _Please_ Madge, what happened?" he begs, voice like a kiss against her ears. She struggles to adjust her position on the floor, can just make out his fuzzy features in the dark. Her arm feels like lead as she raises it, reaches out a hand for his. He twines their fingers, shifts closer and Madge knows he deserves the truth.

"Peacekeepers," she mumbles, tries not to remember and he exhales angrily, his breath flowing over her collarbone. She can feel his hatred rising, feel it licking at their walls and she knows he's going to try something terrible, is going to do something he'll never come back from.

"Gale, _please_ don't. Just...just stay with me, okay?" She doesn't mean to sound so vulnerable, so fragile and Gale breathes heavily, his hands shaking.

"Okay," he whispers and she can hear his voice snapping apart. "Okay, yes, of course. I'm not going anywhere," he swears and promises, voice all mixed up with emotion and she nods, feels her eyes growing wet. He presses his lips to her forehead, covers her damaged skin with feather light kisses.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," he apologizes against her cheeks, her neck, her forehead and she's not sure why, wants to tell him he has nothing to be sorry for. He picks her up softly, so terribly careful not to hurt her and cradles her against his chest, makes her feel safer than she ever has. Madge listens to his heart beat, quick and pounding, feels it thudding in her aching bones.

"I'm okay," she mumbles, wants to reassure him and he carries her to bed, gently lays her down. His fingers tremble as he props up her pillow, helps her lean against it. She winces and he sits on the edge of the bed, takes her hand and smoothes his thumb over the back. He runs the other hand through her hair, cups her face.

"I'm going to take care of you," he promises and she tries to smile, never doubted it for a moment. He leans forward and ghosts his mouth over her split lip, makes her stomach flip.

"I love you," he breathes into her and she sniffles, nods her stiff neck.

"I love you too."

He squeezes her hand and heads out into the kitchen, leaves her feeling colder than before. She sinks into her pillow, feels tired and old, brittle and scattered. Her body's never hurt this much in her entire life and it still feels unreal, like this afternoon was just some terrible dream.

Gale returns with water and ice, helps her drink and holds the cold against her bruises. She hisses in discomfort and he rests a warm hand on her knee, gives her a soothing squeeze. Her eyelids feel heavy, her brain foggy and she just wants to sleep or maybe she wants to wake up, wants to live in a world where something like this doesn't happen, _couldn't_ happen.

But this is one nightmare she can't wake up from, will never wake up from.

Because this nightmare is real life.

* * *

Madge can't get comfortable, can't find a position that doesn't ache so instead she closes her eyes and whispers to Gale in the dark, tells him exactly what happened.

His body tenses, his breathing ragged with rage.

(as it turns out, this nightmare isn't just hers)

(it's Gale's too)

* * *

(things seem bad now, seem terrible and wrong)

(but here's something Madge has forgotten, something they'd all be better off remembering)

(the darkest hour's always right before dawn)

(things always get worse before they get better)

(because even Snow can't stop the sun from rising)

(and rise it will)

(the shadows may be growing longer, but it only takes one candle to hold them back)

(and soon, Madge is going to have so much more than a candle)

(so much more)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN So, originally this chapter was meant to go a lot further in terms of the storyline, but it became such a behemoth that not only did I have to split it up, I had to split it up into three chapters! That's one reason why it's been taking so long, because the chapter totally got away form me. Also, I was going to be nasty and cut it off when Madge was being attacked by Peacekeepers, but that would be too mean and I hate cliffhangers like that. (On another note, the current last section of this chapter didn't exist, but I added it in last minute to make up for the happy ending I had to push back to next chapter. So, in case this was really dreary, there is happiness coming!)
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading! :)


	10. The Shadows Around Us Stretch Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a light at the end of every tunnel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, fair warning, the first half of this chapter is pretty heavy, but it does get better.  
> Second, this chapter was really hard to write, so I'd really appreciate any feedback, good or not so good.  
> Third and most important, thank you for reading! :)

_Part 10-The Shadows Around Us Stretch Long_

When Madge was little, she was always afraid of the dark.

She couldn't sleep without the hall light on, no matter how many times her father and Mrs Sparrowsaw checked under her bed, in her closet, in every corner. She kept the curtains open for moonlight, was terrified of what might be hiding in the shadows.

She's older now and the dark doesn't scare her anymore.

Instead, she finds herself dreading daylight.

Everything feels farther away in darkness, hazy, less real. She feels safer, snug in shadows. When the sun rises, when the lights come on everything is harsh, bright, _real_. There's no more hiding, no more ignoring.

Because unlike when she was young, there _are_ monsters hiding in the darkness.

Turning on the lights just means finding them that much quicker.

* * *

She wakes up the next morning to an empty bed and her heart immediately stops, her breath frozen in her lungs.

Where's Gale?

Gone to track down the peacekeepers?

_I shouldn't have told him what happened, he's going to get himself killed and it's all my fault, oh Gale, please no, not Gale, please plea-_

"Did I wake you? I was hoping you'd sleep in, you need the rest," Gale murmurs as he steps into their room and Madge gasps, feels tears start to burn her eyes.

"Madge?" he asks, sounds alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispers, tears dripping off her chin. "I'm just...glad you're here." Gale smiles sadly, wipes her face.

"I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

(but of course, that might not be a promise he can keep)

* * *

"You're going to be late," she says, tries to struggle out of bed. Gale looks confused, scrunches up his nose in the cutest way.

"What are you talking about?" He looks at her like she's speaking jibberish and it shouldn't hurt this much, standing up from bed.

(she tries not to think about that, because thinking about that means thinking about what happened and she can't, not yet)

(maybe not ever)

"For work," she clarifies, wonders why he's so slow this morning. She manages to push herself to her feet, but her legs wobble, her muscles screaming in protest. She starts to tilt to the side, her shoulder bumping the wall, her whole arm set on fire with the contact. She hisses and Gale is there, gently tries to put her back to bed.

"I'm not going to work," he states, like it's obvious, like she is the slow one. "I'm staying home today, with you." He has a tender voice, warm and safe, his face sweet but Madge shakes her head, tries to ignore how stiff her neck is.

"I have to go in today," she says and Gale hardens all over before she even finishes saying it.

"Madge," he starts and she hates the tone he uses, wishes she could just pretend yesterday never happened. "You're not going anywhere, you need to rest."

"We'll get in trouble if we don't show up and there's no one to replace me." Gale is ready to interrupt but Madge keeps talking, weak voice sounding strained. "We can't afford time off, not with how tight money's gotten." She feels suddenly drained, her eyes fluttering closed. She sags in Gale's arms and he tightens his hold on her, is so incredible careful not to hurt her.

"Madge," he's more pleading this time, tone soft with concern. "You can barely stand."

"I'll be fine," she insists, needs it to be true, needs this not to be a big deal, needs it to be something they can put behind them and forget.

(they'll never forget)

(never)

"Madge," he begins again, frustrated, can't understand why she's doing this. There's a part of her that wants to scream, but she fights it down, needs everything to be normal and okay.

"I'm going to work," she states, tries to make her voice strong but her throat is still sore, swollen from rough hands.

"No, you aren't," he retorts and she tries to push away from him, can feel hysteria building in her lungs. She needs him to let her go, to act like everything's the same as every morning. She can't handle this, needs yesterday to be a bad dream, something she can brush away with a smile.

( _if_ she ever smiles again)

"Madge," and he's a mix of frustration and worry, love and confusion. "You can't go to work, you're hurt, you need to rest."

(he's right of course, but she _needs_ to keep moving, moving moving _moving_ , until she's left this behind, so far it's not even real anymore)

"I'll visit the Everdeens after school, but I need to get ready. So do you, you can't be late." Every word feels like sandpaper in her throat and she just wants to cry, her body thumping with agony. He sighs, loud and aggravated and she can see it, the thunder brewing in his eyes. She cuts him off.

"I don't want to fight," she whispers but she does, wants to fights and scream and claw, scratch, bite and cry until she can breathe again, until the black hole in her chest starts to close.

"I don't either," he mumbles but he does, wants to break apart the world, kicking and beating at the walls until it stops hitting back, until it stops crushing them under rage and sorrow and death.

What they _mean_ is they don't want to fight each other.

(but who else is there?)

They want to fight the world, the peacekeepers, the Capitol, Snow.

(but then, look where that's gotten them)

They're trapped here, in their little house with no one but each other to lash out at.

Maybe the Capitol's winning after all.

* * *

(she looks in the mirror

can't stand the reflection

sees only the tragedy they've built in bruises)

_(where am i?_

_where have i gone?)_

* * *

She leaves right after Gale, knows she'll need the extra time to drag herself to school.

She tries to tell herself that the pain can't stop her if she ignores it, but her body disagrees. She has to stop every few minutes, her whole body shuddering and ready to collapse. It _hurts,_ hurts worse than she ever imagined and she just wants to cry and give up, crawl back home.

But that would mean the Capitol wins.

And if there's one thing stronger than pain, it's hate.

Madge forces herself onward, drags herself to work even as every single cell in her body begs her not to. She can't let this beat her. She can't.

She won't.

(after all, it can't beat her if she never thinks about it, if she keeps it locked somewhere deep down, where it can never touch her)

(except there's nowhere far enough to keep these monsters at bay, to keep these memories hidden)

(but that's one thing she isn't ready to admit just yet)

(or ever)

* * *

Every eye is on her, follow her slow path as she makes her way inside, shuffles to her classroom. Her breathing's heavy but she's made it, finally, finally.

( _be strong,_

_don't think about it,_

_everything's okay_ )

She reaches the front door, holds onto the doorframe for support and that's when she sees her, Posy, standing across the schoolyard. Her eyes are wide, her face pale, her mouth open in horror. Madge wants to reassure her but she doesn't know how, doesn't know if she ever could.

( _stop looking at me_

_stop_

_stopstopstop_ )

The bell rings and Madge could stay behind, could talk to Posy but she isn't sure she could handle it, the questions, the horror, the memories.

( _no stop, stop, stop it_ )

Madge looks away, forces herself inside, takes the coward's way out.

( _nothing happened, nothing at all_ )

(maybe they've beat her after all)

* * *

There's a Peacekeeper in her classroom.

Standing in the corner, watching her, _watching her_ and she can't breathe, can't think, might be dying. Her heart's beating in her throat and she can't stand, can't think through the fear.

Her teeth chatter as she assigns her students a chapter to read, because she can't teach, not like this. This is a taunt, a threat, a show of might only the Capitol would muster. Her chest is constricting, growing smaller and smaller and there's nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

_be strong, stand tall, show them you're not afraid_

_but I_ am _afraid_

Madge has always wanted to be brave but it wasn't supposed to be this hard, fear was never meant to be this all consuming. She thinks she might start crying, tears burning in her eyes and _God, when did I become so weak?_

_(maybe I always was)_

She tries to square her shaking shoulders, tries to straighten her bruised back. Her students can feel it in the air, that something's wrong and Madge can see it in their eyes, the fear starting to bloom.

_lock it away, keep it hidden, don't think about it, never never_

Madge won't let this win, can't can't can't.

They've already broken her body, she won't them have the rest of her.

Her students need her.

She'll be brave for them.

She has to.

_you can still be brave while being afraid_

_right?_

* * *

She stops by the Everdeens' after school, just like she promised.

Prim's face is a mask of horror when she opens the door and Madge tries to smile reassuringly, but it makes her face ache, makes frustrated tears prick at her eyes. Prim ushers her inside and Madge wants to fall apart, hates having to hold herself together.

There are memories playing on repeat against her eyelids, throbs in every part of her body. Her heart feels wrung out and she can feel too much emotion building in her veins, just waiting to burst. She wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to beat against the walls.

But then she thinks of Gale, angry and burning, thinks  of the terrified look in Posy's eyes, thinks of her father and Prim and the Hawthornes. They've been through too much already, her father's wasting away, Gale's filled to the brim with reckless hate. She can't make them worse, can't add to their burden.

(and there's one moment, standing in the Everdeens' doorway, where she _hates_ them, feels it like acid curling in her limbs, pooling in her lungs)

(but she doesn't hate them, not really, not at all. Her family, her friends, the love of her life, they're her everything, have done so much for her, are her strength when she can't stand on her own. And she _loves_ them, more than anything)

(she's just tired. so, so tired)

"Madge?" Prim questions, voice soft and concerned. Madge doesn't mean to snap apart, she really doesn't, but maybe it's Prim's gentle tone or maybe it's the world weighing her down or maybe it doesn't matter.

But she does break, sinks to her knees with a face full of tears, ugly sobs wrenched out of her throat, make her whole body shudder. Prim gasps, a soft, sad little sound and bends down, wraps Madge in her arms.

And for the first time since this nightmare began, Madge lets herself go.

* * *

Prim never asks what happened and Madge is both grateful and upset, never wants to think of it again, _needs_ to talk about it.

She is a mess and wonders if she'll ever be able to go back to who she was, if she'll ever feel like she can breathe again.

They start at the top of her head, Prim carefully combing through her hair, making note of the bumps and bruises on her scalp, the almost tears where her hair was tugged and pulled. And then it's her face and Madge closes her eyes, can't bear Prim's expression. Prim treats her black eyes, her split lip, the swollen cheek. She tends to the raw skin of her forehead, scraped off as her face was shoved against the dirt. Her hands are gentle on her neck, on the blackbluepurple fingerprints left behind.

Prim pauses then, unsure of how to ask and Madge moves almost mechanically, shifts painfully out of her dress. The air is cold on her bare skin but she doesn't notice, tries her best not to be lost in yesterday. There's a handprint on her collarbone, a shoulder wrenched out of place. Her back is a mottled mess, a map of boots and kicks. Prim's fingers are softer than air but still Madge flinches a little bit with every touch, tries and fails to block out the laughter ringing in her ears.

_It's over, let it go_

But she doesn't, she can't and she knows she shouldn't be pushing herself like this, should give herself time to deal with the situation, time to heal but she can't do that either. She doesn't want to dwell on it, doesn't want to take the time to work through what happened. She wants it gone, erased, no longer festering in her every organ. But life doesn't work like that, _won't_ work like that, no matter how hard she pushes, how hard she tries to forget all about it.

(but still, she can't give in just yet)

Her chest is left untouched and she knows she should see it as a blessing, should feel lucky. It could have been worse, so much worse. Her dress could have been torn right off, hands grabbing, pulling, touching at her skin, at her breasts. Lips and teeth and fingers could have covered her like a canvas but they didn't, left this part of her alone, left part of her untainted.

She should feel lucky and this makes her angry, infuriated and blind. She is meant to be glad, grateful that they didn't molest her, rape her, mark her with their cruel mockery of love, with their twisted violence. All they did was laugh, taunt, shout and slur, kick, punch, claw, pull and shove. All they did was beat her black and blue, leave purple welts and red scrapes. They jeered, threatened to strip her naked and have their way with her. Slapped her, pushed their weapons hard against her. Stomped with booted feet, left her curled in the dirt, choking on her own blood. But they didn't take that one extra step, left one cruelty undone.

How _fortunate_ and she wants to scream, rip out her own hair, peel off her skin. They have forced themselves into her every pore, carved themselves inside her skull and no matter how many times she washes, she cannot rid herself of their filth, of the memories they have painted her with.

She does not feel lucky, grateful, blessed. She feels traumatized, broken, hollow. She feels like they have stolen something from her, taking a piece of her she'll never get back.

She would be lucky to have gotten away without a scratch.

She would be grateful to be able to breathe without their hands squeezing her lungs.

She would be blessed to live somewhere else, anywhere else.

But she is none of those things.

* * *

They have to stop for a few moments, Madge's breath ragged and shallow.

Prim comforts and soothes and Madge's body rebels against her, makes her heave with memories and tears, sadness soaked in pain.

When she regains control of herself, she feels emptied out, a dry husk of a person. She is numb and Prim tends to her legs, her feet, the one nasty bruise curling over her stomach, up towards her ribs.

Prim gives her a salve, gives her something for the pain and Madge feels distant and faraway, leaves the Everdeens' with insides chilled and cool.

She has cried too many tears, broken too many times.

Madge isn't even sure if she's still alive.

* * *

(she passes the mirror

doesn't look at the face in the glass

she is tired of their eyes looking back)

( _i'm gone_

 _i've been gone so long_ )

* * *

She tells Gale about the salve Prim gave her, asks for his help to apply it. There are places she can't reach and others she _should_ be able to, but can't because she's too stiff and sore and broken. He agrees immediately, of course he does, and he has to help her out of her dress, his jaw clenched. He inhales sharply and she's glad he's behind her, glad she can't see his face.

His hands shake as he rubs the salve onto her back and she knows it's with fury, knows they're treading dangerous waters.

"I'll kill them," he swears, voice choked with rage and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"Don't say that."

"What they did to you...I..I can't-" He has trouble speaking, anger clogging his throat and Madge feels like there's a dam inside her ready to burst.

" _Stop_ Gale, please just stop," she half- begs, half-snaps at him, angrier than she meant but she can't stop the storm building in her bones. Yesterday and today crash around inside her, make her want to scream and there's Gale, always so angry, always so at risk. She needs to lash out, needs to explode and here he is, the man she loves, the only one around.

"Madge-" he starts to say but she doesn't want to hear it, is maybe going a bit insane.

"I don't want to talk about it," she says, voice high and slightly hysterical.

"Madge, you can't keep everything bottled up inside, you need to let me in," he tells her gently, reaches out a hand. But Madge flinches away from his touch, feels entirely detached from herself, like she's watching what's happening from far away.

"What I _need,_ is for you to leave me alone," she retorts and then she laughs, unnatural, unhinged and really, all she wants to do is cry.

"I _don't_ want to talk about it! But you can't just leave it, can you? It's all about _you_ and what _you_ want. Well, maybe, if you stopped being _selfish_ for _one second_ , you might think about what _I_ want  and then you'd _stop_ and _leave me alone_!" She's screaming by the end of it, hot tears running down her cheeks and she doesn't mean it, not at all, but there's something inside her, a tight, oozing ball of rage that wants everyone to hurt like she is.

(misery loves company, as they say)

Gale is stunned, doesn't seem to know what to say and Madge hates the silence, hates the guilt she can feel chewing at her gut. She's striking out at the wrong person, but she can't stop, is like a runaway train.

"You make me so stressed, so _angry_ and I hate living like this, Gale, I hate it hate it _hate it_!"

(she's a liar)

She can barely see him through her tears but she can still make out the pain, the hurt clear on his face and she hates herself, and the world and everything, everything, _everything_.

He works his jaw, is trying to keep himself calm and she doesn't want him to, wants him to scream and yell. But he doesn't, manages to hold himself together, and she's jealous, she's so very jealous.

"You need to let me in," he repeats and honestly, she wants to. She's so tired all of a sudden, wants to cry and curl up beside him.

(but letting him _in_ , means letting **it** _out_ )

Instead, she stomps off to bed, slams the door so hard pictures fall from the walls.

_this is all wrong_

Gale follows much later, and Madge pretends to be asleep.

_so wrong_

* * *

Madge barely sleeps that night, Gale hard and too far away.

She can feel it, the wall between them and she thinks of trying to tear it down but she never does. She keeps her back to his, never tries to reach him and pull him back to her.

She is hurting and so is he and maybe, just maybe, she finds a little comfort in that.

Gale barely sleeps that night, Madge hard and too far away.

* * *

The morning is tense, silence thick and unforgiving.

They are not Madge and Gale, not anymore. Their eyes don't meet, their feet don't brush beneath the table. They are something fractured, splintering apart.

But under yesterday's shadows they hide, peek out quietly and never for long.

She cooks, makes his favourite for breakfast. He helps her dress, hands soft and kind. Her shoulders sag when he leaves the room, lets her heartbreak out from beneath the stubbornness. His eyes turn sad and yearning when she looks away, reflect his desire to help, to soothe, to love. She watches him as he walks down the street, until he's out of sight.

They are broken but broken things can be fixed.

(especially when they love each other this much)

* * *

(she avoids the mirror

wishes she could shatter the glass

just like it's shattered her)

( _i'm not coming back_

 _i can't_ )

* * *

She is sitting on the edge of their bed when Gale comes home, has been rehearsing an apology in her head.

She loves him, hates that she hurt him.

_this wasn't supposed to happen_

"I'm sorry," he says as he stands in the doorway of their bedroom, catches her entirely off guard.

"I'm sorry," he repeats and Madge's eyes go wide, her heart stumbling, "for pushing you to talk when you're not ready. And for making this harder on you." He sounds so guilty and miserable and Madge bursts into tears, sobs into her hands.

"Madge?" he asks, so concerned and then he's beside her, warm hands rubbing her back, trying to calm her down.

"Shh shh, it's okay it's okay, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he murmurs and she shakes her head, can't stop crying, can barely breathe through the tears. _Stop apologizing_ she wants to wail. _She_ is the one who is sorry, the one who was awful and needs to apologize. Not him, not at all. But she can't form the words, can't get herself under control.

She rocks in his arms and he continues to murmur in her ear until she can breathe again, until the sobs start to lessen. She rubs furiously at her face but the tears are still there, dripping off her chin, marking them both.

"I'm sorry," she finally gets out, the words garbled. "I'm sorry, Gale, I didn't mean it. I didn't." He runs fingers over her wet cheeks, his smile far too sad.

"Madge-"

She shakes her head and reaches out, takes his hand in hers, tries to anchor them together.

(she feels like she might drift away, might get sucked below the waves)

"Gale, you're not making this _harder_ , not even close. I...just...I feel so _awful_ , _all the time_. I can't _think_ , I can't _breathe_ and I'm so _scared_ of _everything_. I want to talk but I _don't_ and I've been pushing you away because I'm _scared_. I didn't mean it, you're...without you...I couldn't do this without you," and she's almost begging him to understand, to believe her. She tries to keep her tears at bay as she continues, takes strength from the warmth of his hand.

"I don't want to be a burden, don't want to make this harder on you. You've been through so much, all of you have and I...I just feel like I'm going to fall apart any second and I don't know what to do, I just _don't_."

She tries to wipe at her eyes and Gale places a hand on her shoulder, tilts her chin up so she's looking at him.

"You can't think of yourself as a burden, Madge. I'm your _husband_ and you'll never be a burden to me, okay? You make my life better, easier, worth it. So please, don't ever think you're making it harder."

She gives up trying to fight down the tears, pulls him into a hug.

"I love you," she breathes into his chest and his arms come around her.

_i'm home_

"I love you too," he replies and it feels so good, to hear him say it. "So please Madge, let me in." She freezes, but his arms are soothing around her, his voice warm and steady.

"Don't keep pushing me away, keep holding me at arm's length. You don't have to protect me, don't have to keep everything bottled up. Let me _help_ you, like I did when you lost your mom, like _we_ helped each other, when we lost Vick."

The tears are thick and fast and she nods into his chest, words muffled.

"I _want_ to, but I...I was so...nothing like that's ever to happened before and I just, thought I could forget about it, thought if I didn't talk about it, it would go away." Her tears come harder, her voice starting to waver more and more and every part of her feels wet and messy. "But it won't and I'm sorry, for what I said. And for keeping you out. I _love_ you, _so much_ and I'm sorry, Gale, I'm so, _so_ sorry," she can barely speak but the words keep coming, tumble out and they _need_ to, have been bottled up too long.

"You've always been so good to me and I..I was so awful and I just kept thinking of when I was little and told my Dad how miserable school was. He looked so... _sad_ and I knew it was my fault. He had so much sadness to carry already, so I promised myself I wouldn't let him carry _my_ sadness as a weight anymore. And I guess, I just--I just keep falling back on that. I'm _sorry_. I love you. I just feel like I'm lost, drifting, about to break apart, _all_ the time. I can't...I _can't_...I..I...I'm _sorry_."

He pulls her closer and she presses her face into his shirt, wishes she could get lost in him.

"You're not alone Madge. I love you and I will _always_ be here for you. We're in this together, just like always."

"Always," she echoes, breathes in time with his heartbeat.

They'll make it through this.

Together.

* * *

She is not doing this alone.

It's a mantra she forces herself to repeat, to remember.

_I am not alone._

* * *

(she stares at the mirror

won't abandon the person she sees

remembers what it means to live)

( _i'm here_

 _i'm right here_ )

* * *

Healing is long, is messy.

But people are miraculous things, fix themselves when they break.

And so Madge heals, leaves behind bruises and swollen lips, broken bits of herself. Smooth, unmarked skin emerges, limbs without stiffness, lips that can smile without pain.

Fragile and new, she is born from the ashes of herself.

(but inside, inside doesn't heal quite the same)

* * *

Money becomes tight, becomes a noose around her neck, tightening until she can barely breathe.

She digs under their bed, pulls out the box of her old things, knows the emergency she was saving them for is now.

It'll be difficult to sell and trade them with no Hob but they'll manage.

They'll have to.

* * *

(her mirror still haunts her sometimes

like she can see the woman inside

not healed, not okay, dying dying dying

but then she blinks and the ghosts are gone)

(for now)

* * *

Thom and Leevy come to visit and the four of them play cards all afternoon.

They laugh, talk, _have_ _fun_ and for those few shining hours, Madge truly believes that everything is okay and right in the world.

(she needs more days like these)

(they all do)

* * *

There's another whipping today.

The screaming is sewn into her ear drums, the crack of every lash. She can taste blood in her mouth and she isn't sure whose it is, if it's even real.

She's not sure if any of this is real, because _it can't be_.

It _can't_.

(it is)

* * *

It starts in the morning, a slow, dull sort of throbbing at the base of her skull.

It expands by lunchtime, swallows the back of her head, pounds, pounds, pounds.

It curls around her ears in the afternoon, pain a little sharper, tendrils slithering outward.

It wraps over the top of her head when she reaches home, feels like knives pushing in and out, a needle threading through her scalp with agony.

It's reached her forehead by the time Gale gets home, covers her eyes, slides down towards her nose. Blinding and excruciating, she cannot think, cannot feel anything but hurt, swallowing her whole head, pounding and beating and thudding, stabbing, throbbing, aching.

She curls up in the dark, wants to pull off her own head. Every sound is torture, every second a punishment.

(her mother hovers nearby, watches history repeat)

* * *

Ambrosia is kept hidden away like the worst kind of secret, might not even exist, might not even be real.

She's nowhere.

Except she's everywhere.

Living in each of them, beating war drums in their hearts.

She is no secret.

She's a battle cry.

* * *

Madge walks home with Posy, hammers beating inside her head.

She tries to act like nothing's bothering her but she doesn't think it's working, Posy's eyes flicking to her nervously. It could be the pained expression she can't quite keep off her face, but then, it might just be her haggard, worn out appearance. Madge's been having trouble sleeping, spends hours staring at her ceiling, worried thoughts spinning through her mind. She can imagine what she looks like, must be pale with heavy bags beneath her eyes.

It's no wonder Posy looks worried.

(Madge can't tell you for sure what she looks like, avoids the mirror)

(she's afraid of what she'll see looking back)

They turn a corner and Posy gasps, Madge's body tensing all over. Across the street are a group of Peacekeepers, menacing and sinister, and a boy about eighteen, nearly bent over backwards trying to keep his distance. Posy grips her arm, breathing quick and Madge closes her eyes, can guess what's about to happen. She could intervene but then, she knows how that ends.

But still, it's the right thing to do.

Posy's nails dig deeper in her arm and there is no choice really, none at all. She has to keep Posy safe.

They keep walking, try and block out cruel laughter and pleas for help.

* * *

She stares at her dinner, pushes it around with her fork.

She knows she has to eat, knows it, but she can't find the energy, the motivation. She forces down a bite or two, because Gale is watching, worry in his eyes and the turn of his lips but she doesn't taste it, feels tired out already.

Maybe she'll go to bed early tonight, maybe she'll be hungry tomorrow.

Maybe.

* * *

They stand in the square, another public whipping to remind them of their place.

The faces around her simmer with rage and Gale's fingers are slippy with sweat. She can feel his muscles tense with every strike and she flinches with him, isn't quite sure who she's seeing, can't quite escape the memory knotted into her thoughts.

It's been years and she and Gale still haven't shaken off his own whipping, the punishment etched into their hearts. She worries that Gale might try something, do something to help but he never does, shakes silently by her side.

Mr Caverness is whipped and no one does anything but watch.

* * *

Madge is tired, is always _so_ tired.

Her eyes grow blurry at work, her limbs heavy. Her head pounds at night, nails beating their way out. She cannot sleep, no matter how hard she tries. Her appetite shrivels and her temper grows short, nerves frayed at the end.

Revolution is coming, they say, but honestly, Madge is beginning to think she might not live to see it.

* * *

Madge's eyes blur as she stares at the paper she's meant to be grading, the words blending together in a foggy haze. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, tries to focus. She keeps breathing, in, out and Gale shuffles into the room, sits heavily beside her.

"We need to do something about Rory," he announces, voice thick and Madge keeps her eyes closed, tries her best to concentrate on breathing.

"He's about to self destruct," Gale continues and Madge feels her breathing start to stutter, her lungs start to shrink. She starts to feel dizzy as Gale keeps talking, but the words don't really register.

"..adge? Madge? Are you okay? Madge?" Gale's voice comes to her as if from underwater and she blinks, sees him kneeling before her, hands on her shoulders. He's worried and concerned and she wants to smile but her mouth feels too tired.

"I think...I think I should lie down," she mumbles and Gale nods, helps her stumble to bed. He closes the door and she gets one last glimpse of his eyes, of the fear he's trying to hide.

(what's happening to me?)

Madge doesn't sleep that night.

(neither does Gale)

* * *

_what's happening to me?_

_(you don't want to know)_

* * *

Madge tries to sink deeper into their bed, tries to force herself to sleep.

It's Sunday and she has nothing to do all day, should be making up for all the sleep she's been missing. The stress is eating away at her and she can't even take advantage of this lull, can't seem to rest no matter how much she wants to.

She can feel sleep just at the edges of her consciousness, so close but always too far away and then the knocking comes, so loud it's like they're knocking on her skull. It's someone outside and she can hear Gale get up, walk over to the front door. Sleep is hopeless now and she wonders who it could be, curiosity making her restless.

"Rory?" Gale asks, sounds surprised and worried.

"Can I--" the sound of swallowing, "Can I come in?" Rory finishes, voice odd and stilted and Madge feels concern like a spike through her heart.

"Of course," Gale answers, voice as warm as he can make it and then she hears two sets of feet moving towards the sofa, one shuffling and heavy.

( _oh Rory_ )

There's a long moment of silence and it feels heavy, even to Madge, alone in her room. She can almost taste the hesitance in it and it feels like ages before Gale speaks up, finally fills the quiet.

"Rory, I-"

"I don't know what to _do_ ," Rory interrupts, voice broken with desperation. Gale doesn't answer, probably doesn't know how and Madge sits up, squeezes the covers in her hands.

" _Rory_ ," Gale says and Madge hates that tone, that heartbroken, let-me-save-you tone. She closes her eyes and Rory's breathing sounds a little ragged, a little deranged.

"I don't know...I just...I feel like I'm... _losing_ my _mind_ ," comes Rory's voice, like he's forcing the words out over broken glass. "Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, they're _there_ , Vick and Peony. I can't sleep and if I ever close my eyes, it's always the same, the same nightmare, every night." The words pour out in a frenzied rush and Madge holds her breath, listens as Rory spirals out of control.

"I'm at your wedding, standing with Peony. Vick and Madge are dancing, he's red faced and stepping all over her feet. Peony's laughing and you're there with Posy and Ma and everyone's _great_ and _okay_. Peony grabs my arm, begs me to dance and we do and it's fine and we're happy, Vick's smiling and Peony's in my arms and it's _fine_. But then Madge starts to scream and there's blood, _Vick's_ blood, everywhere and he's dying and I want to go over and help but Peony starts gasping, choking, _suffocating_. She's clawing at her throat and I'm screaming for help and Vick falls down and so does Peony and she dies in my arms and I just _watch_ , her and Vick. There's blood on the floor, all over me and when I look up, everyone's dead, all of you and I'm alone. Alone and I couldn't help, couldn't save _anyone_."

Madge claps a hand to her mouth, feels her eyes burn with tears. _Oh Rory...._

"I can't breathe, I _can't_. They're both dead and it's my fault, _mine_ , I should've done something, should've volunteered for Vick. I should've died, not him, _not him_." Rory's voice breaks, snaps clean in half and he starts to cry, words getting harder and harder to make out.

"But I didn't, I _didn't_ and then Peony...I should've gone in, should've brought her home. Vick died when I should have, the least I could do, what I _should_ have done was die for Peony, was make living an extra year _worth_ it. But I _didn't_ , I let her die too. I let them _die,_ my brother and my best friend. I should be dead, I should be dead,  I...wish I _was_ dead."

Rory can't go on and Madge doesn't make a sound, feels like she's been swallowed by a black hole. _Rory, oh God, Rory..._

Rory makes strange gasping noises and starts again, sounds hysterical and nothing like the Rory Madge used to know.

"Posy and Ma...they're so worried, I'm making them crazy and they'd be better off without me, everyone would. I...just...I wish I was--"

"No," Gale interrupts, voice hard but fragile, cracked through with heartbreak. "Don't say that Rory, don't ever." He sounds near tears and Madge stands, pads softly to the doorway. It's opened just a crack and she peeks through, sees Rory huddled on the floor, a heaving mess and Gale just starting to kneel in front of him.

"But it's true! I don't deserve to be here, I don't!"

"Yes you do," Gale says firmly, takes his brother by the shoulders. Rory shakes his head violently, starts tugging at his own hair.

"I _hate_ myself, I'm _terrible_ , I should be _dead_."

Madge has never seen Gale like this, never seen that look on his face. He has no idea what to do, is so lost, is breaking apart into a hundred pieces. He looks at Rory, looks at his baby brother and something in him shifts, a determination settling over him.

"Rory," he says but Rory doesn't listen, keeps repeating 'I should be dead' over and over again. " _Rory_ ," Gale says, louder, drowns out Rory's voice. Rory blinks up at him, face wet and snotty.

"Why did you come here?" Gale asks and Rory shudders. Gale keeps a firm grip on him, asks again.

"Why did you come here?" Rory's face crumples and he hugs himself, like he's afraid he might break apart.

"Because I...I don't know what to _do_. I need...I want... _help me_ , Gale, _please_ ," Rory begs, sounds so small and shattered and Gale nods, his own eyes wet. He pulls Rory against him, holds him as close as he can.

"Of course, Rory, _of course_. I _love_ you, we _all_ do. We _don't_ want you dead, we _don't_ hate you."

Rory sobs, clutches Gale like a lifeline.

 "I am grateful every day that you're alive, that I haven't lost you. It wasn't your fault, it _wasn't_. And Vick and Peony, they don't blame you, would _never_ want you dead. They _love_ you Rory, just like we do."

They grow blurry as she cries and Gale has to stop for a minute, his voice growing thick.

"I know it's hard, I know because I _promised_ I'd keep all of you safe, but I _couldn't_. I feel guilty every day, because I failed you, _all_ of you. Do you hate me?" Gale asks and Rory shakes his head, is crying so hard he can't speak.

"Then _please_ , Rory, don't hate yourself. We're a family, we _need_ each other. So please, talk to us, don't leave us. We _love_ you, always, okay?"

"But I could've...I could've--"

"No, you couldn't have," and there's a strength in Gale's voice, one that makes warmth and confidence burn in Madge's blood. "You were sick, Rory, you couldn't have known what would happen. And Peony, she would've hated herself if you'd gone in after her, would never have been able to forgive herself. And we wouldn't have made it Rory, wouldn't have made it if we'd lost you too. So listen, okay? I will always, _always_ wish Vick was still alive, but Rory, I have never, _ever_ wished you weren't. I love you."

Madge covers her mouth with her hands and Rory continues  to sob against his brother as Gale holds him safe.

"Sorry...sorry...sorry," Rory sputters out and Gale shakes his head, rubs his brother's back.

"Don't apologize, just promise me you'll talk to us, okay? And that you're not gunna leave us."

"I--I...I p-promise."

"Okay. And I promise I'll always be here, whatever you need. We're going to get through this, Rory, I promise," Gale swears and Rory nods, starts to breathe a little easier. "I love you Rory, so don't go, please don't go."

(and he doesn't)

(because whoever said love could save you, well, they were _right_ )

* * *

Madge watches them from behind the door, tries to keep her crying quiet. Gale and Rory stay as they are, hold each other tight and Rory's breathing starts to calm, his sobs start to subside. Gale keeps rubbing his back, murmurs soothing words and maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

And that's when frantic knocking starts at the front door, makes Madge jump. Gale frowns and stands, while Madge feels her heart beat out of control. _Who is it?_ Gale looks down at Rory, trying hard to pull himself together and the knocking continues, loud and desperate. Gale, narrows his eyes, scrubs at his face and walks over. He opens the door and Posy tumbles through, a frenzied sort of fear on her face. She grabs hold of Gale's arms, eyes wide.

"Gale! It's Rory, he's gone and I ca--oh," she says, voice dipping low as she spots Rory on the floor. Posy's grip on Gale loosens, arms falling limp to her sides and Rory stands on wobbly legs, can barely stay upright. There are still tears dribbling down his red face and Posy stares at him with wide, wide eyes.

"You're okay," she breathes, shoulders starting to shake. "We were so worried."

"I..I know," Rory starts, voice rough and he won't meet her eyes. Posy's hands twitch, look like they want to reach out and grab him. She steps around Gale and closer to Rory as he tries to continue.

"I'm--I didn't mean to...I'm--" Rory swallows thickly, can't seem to find his words and brings his sleeve up to wipe his face. Posy's mouth starts to tremble as she looks up at him and Rory takes a deep, shuddering breath.

"I'm... _sorry_ ," he mutters into his arm and tears start to gather in Posy's eyes.

"You...you... _dummy_ ," she wails and throws herself at him. Rory catches her in surprise and she sobs into him, clutching tight to the back of his jacket. Rory's eyes go wide and he bites his lip, Posy still blubbering into his shirt.

"I was s-so... _w-worried_ ," Posy says again, words almost lost as she sobs and Rory's eyes shine, a kind of light washing over his face. Posy squeezes him a little tighter and he ducks his head down, joins her in tears.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm _so_ sorry," he chokes out, over and over and over again. Posy grips him harder, shakes her head against his chest.

"Sh-shut up...st-stupid," she manages and they just cling to each other, a sobbing, wet bundle. Gale goes over a moment later, wraps himself around them both.

Madge can feel it in her heart like a breath of fresh air, a sort of healing, a sort of second chance.

Rory's going to be alright and so is Posy and Gale, all three Hawthornes and Madge is positive she  can see Vick, holding his shivering, crying siblings close.

It's going to be alright.

* * *

Madge tries to hold on to Rory and Posy, the sunrise in their faces and it works for a bit, gets her all the way to lunch.

But then a Peacekeeper bumps into her in the hall, mumbles something rude under his breath. She feels her insides tighten, tries her best to stay calm. Her head starts to ache, everything loud loud loud and she thinks of Rory, on his way to healing, Posy, so thankful to have her brother back and Gale, overjoyed as he holds his siblings in his arms but the images flicker and fade, beat down by memories far worse, chipped away by horrors her imagination cooks up.

She struggles, really struggles through the afternoon, holds onto yesterday's happy ending with all her might. _Don't let go_ she says over and over in her head, can barely hear her own thoughts over the migraine pounding pounding pounding.

The bell rings for the end of the day and Madge has to bite her lip to keep from crying, her skull split in half by the sound. She needs darkness and quiet, curls up under her desk and tries to remember how to breathe.

She'll visit the Everdeens, can't keep living like this.

(if she can ever find the energy to move, that is)

* * *

Madge arrives at the Everdeens', knocks at the door feeling like she might collapse with exhaustion. She just wants to sleep and not wake up, but she never can, feels like every part of her is bunched up tight and ready to burst.

She needs help.

Prim answers the door with caution in her eyes but smiles when she sees Madge. Or at least she starts too, until she takes note of Madge's appearance, the bags like dark bruises beneath her eyes, the chalky paleness of her skin, the thinning of her face.

"Come in," Prim ushers and Madge nods, wants to say something but even her mouth and throat and tongue feel too tired.

 _Help me_ she thinks, _please._

Madge isn't an idiot, she _knows_ the stress is killing her.

She just hopes the Everdeens can help.

(and if not, well, Madge doesn't want to think about that)

* * *

She gets home later than planned, her trip to the Everdeens' taking much longer than anticipated.

But then, that's no surprise, not after the news they'd given her.

( _that_ , on the other hand, _was_ a surprise)

* * *

Madge is standing at the stove when Gale comes home, stirring a hastily prepared stew.

She can hear him close the door and her hands shake, the wooden spoon vibrating in her grip. She listens as he kicks off his boots, lets out a groan as he stretches, shuffles towards their room to change. But then she can hear his footsteps stop, the floor creaking under his weight and her hands start to tremble worse, the spoon almost slipping from her grasp.

"You okay?" Gale asks, sounds concerned and Madge closes her eyes, curses herself. She'd been hoping to get through dinner without saying anything but Gale has seen right through her, just like always. She inhales deeply and stops stirring, switches off the burner. She turns with a nervous smile, sees her husband watching her carefully. He's leaning a bit towards her, mouth in a worried frown and her eyes are drawn to the black streaks on his cheeks, the dust creeping up his arms.

He used to wash up a bit at the mines, would come home smelling like sweat smothered in chemical scented soap. But now the hours are longer and the peacekeepers want everyone home as soon as possible, don't give the miners access to the sink and nausea inducing soap. It shouldn't be that big a deal but it just feels wrong, another tiny freedom they've been forbidden.

"Madge?" Gale questions, concern more pronounced and Madge returns to the moment, tries to be reassuring with her smile.

"I went to see the Everdeens," she begins, voice higher than it's supposed to be and Gale is clearly more worried than ever. He takes a step towards her and her lips tremble, her smile wobbling.

"And?" he asks, almost like he's afraid to know and this is all wrong, is going the complete opposite of the way she wanted it to.

"And I'm very stressed," she pronounces and Gale nods, because they already knew this. "They've given me all sorts of remedies and tips to try and relax, because being like this, it's not good for me." Gale nods again, takes another step towards her and her hands shake so badly she knots them together, wishes she wasn't so nervous. She looks right in Gale's eyes, full of worry and fear and takes a very deep breath, forces the words out of her squeezy throat.

"Or for the baby."

Her words hang in the air for a moment, an excruciatingly long moment and Madge feels her heart pounding in every part of her body, trying to burst out of her ribs. Gale stares at her and he looks like a photograph, frozen solid in one specific moment in time. Madge tangles her fidgety hands in her dress, gnaws on her lip until she tastes blood and wishes Gale would do something, would react.

She almost wants to repeat herself, clarify in case he's confused but then she's mildly terrified that his silence is because he's unhappy, is trying to find a way to express his displeasure. This is a horrible time for a baby, she knows that, because there are riots and rebellion and food shortages and punishments being handed out like candy and-

Gale's mouth collides with hers, catches her completely off guard. Her eyes go wide for a moment and then he lifts her off her feet, drowns her worry in kisses. She can feel her insides turn to jelly, closes her eyes and sinks into the warmth of him, wrapped tight around her. He breaks the kiss, just barely and presses his forehead to hers.

"I love you," he breathes against her, voice making every inch of her tingle. Madge laughs, tears filling her eyes.

"I love you too," she replies and then he smiles, bright and beautiful like sunshine. Madge's heart swells up and he spins her around their tiny, tiny, tiny living room, her feet nearly knocking into everything but they don't care.

For once, they're too _happy_ to care.

* * *

Madge lies in bed with her nightie bunched up under her breasts and Gale looks at her bare stomach with awe filled eyes, makes her mouth stretch in a fond, giddy smile.

"You'd think this was the first time you'd seen my stomach," she teases, her voice breathless because she's just as affected as him, just as thrilled and Gale grins, that silly, happy grin that makes him look younger and so carefree, like he so rarely gets to be. He leans down and presses his ear to her stomach, his hair tickling her skin. She giggles and Gale smiles, his warm breath fanning over her.

"We're having a baby," he says, voice still just as surprised and pleased as the other eight times he's said it.

"Mmmhmm," she agrees, feels a surge of warmth in her veins, "in about seven and a half months, we'll be parents." It sounds unbelievable, too crazy to be real but it's true. There's a little tiny Hawthorne growing inside her (with just the right amount of Undersee) and Madge feels like she's taken permanent residence on cloud nine.

(judging by Gale's face, she'd guess he's living there with her)

He looks up at her, settles on his elbows with a gorgeous smile.

(sometimes she's literally blown away with how handsome he is)

"I love you," he says, voice sincere and filling her every pore. Her face glows and she beams, heart shining in her eyes.

"I love you too."

His grin widens and then he bends over, presses a kiss to her belly button. She squirms and giggles and Gale crawls upwards, leaves a trail of hot kisses up to the edge of her nightgown and then against her collar bone, up her neck, on her jaw and finally he hovers just over her lips, his mouth a hair's breadth away.

" _I love you_ ," he says again, voice low in her favourite way and then he's kissing her, drowning her in the very best of ways.

(and what happens next, well, that's how they got here in the first place)

* * *

For the first time in too long, Madge feels like she's walking on air.

It's almost like there's a bubble around her, shielding her from the horrors of Twelve. She thinks she could start skipping, wants to tell everyone she sees the good news.

_We're having a baby!_

And maybe it isn't all good news, maybe there are so many things that could go wrong, but just this once, Madge isn't going to think about that.

For today, Madge is going to be happy.

(they've earned that much)

* * *

"I can't wait to tell everyone," she murmurs to Gale that night, curled up on the couch. He nods against the top of her head, hands tracing lazy patterns on her back.

"Me too," he agrees and she smiles into his shirt.

"I know Prim said we should wait until we're farther along but I don't know how I'm going to make it that long," she says and Gale snorts a bit. Madge rolls her eyes and pinches his side.

"Please," she scoffs, "I'm sure you're having just as much trouble." Her face melts into a smile because she can't help it and Gale grins too, arms snug around her.

"Maybe," he admits and she giggles. "How about this, first one to crack owes the other a nice, long massage," Gale offers. Madge rolls her eyes again, snuggles deeper into his embrace.

"Mmm, I could use a good massage."

"Confident, are we?" Gale teases and Madge smirks.

"Course I am. All I have to do is get Posy to ask you about it and you'll fold like a house of cards."

"I'm pretty sure that's cheating," he comments and Madge shrugs.

"I'm pretty sure you're just afraid of losing."

"And who says giving you a massage would count as losing?"

"Ooo, very smooth."

(this is nice)

* * *

Madge goes to visit Katniss and Peeta, wants to share this happy glow with her very best friend. She knows she's supposed to wait, but surely Katniss doesn't count, surely she can let at least something slip?

That's what she tells herself the whole way there but then she's standing in their doorway, face to face with them and she can't do it, can't let it out. Realization slams into like her a train, nearly knocks her flat and she hates herself a little, wishes she weren't so selfish.

They chat about work, about Peeta's most recent painting, about the absolute disaster that was Peeta trying to teach Katniss how to bake. The words keep crawling up Madge's throat but she never lets them out, keeps swallowing them whole.

After all, Katniss and Peeta lost a baby.

(or did they?)

She shouldn't rub this in their faces, doesn't know how to be happy without being cruel.

She holds her secret for another day, feels her glow start to dim.

* * *

Walking home is hell on her nerves, Peacekeepers everywhere she goes.

She tries to recapture her earlier happiness but all she can find is all the reasons this isn't a good thing, all the things that could go wrong.

They can't afford a baby and even if they could, they live in a world on the brink of war, one about to explode.

This isn't the right time to bring a baby into the world and Madge thinks of the death, the punishments, the scars she and Gale will never shed. How could she ever have been happy about this?

This baby, this tiny, precious life that they're responsible for, they're condemning it aren't they?

This isn't a blessing, this is a curse.

* * *

Gale comes home to find her in bed, head pounding and body exhausted, the stress she'd thought she'd beaten back and worse than ever.

He crawls into bed beside her, head resting near her stomach. He must know too, all the reasons this is terrible and she's not sure if she wants to talk about it, not sure of anything anymore.

"Hey," he murmurs and she thinks he's talking to her, but when she peeks at him, he's looking intently at her stomach, a look in his eyes she's never seen before. "It's me, Dad, and I just wanted to ask you to be nice to Mommy, she's a little tired right now. Things aren't the best here in Twelve and she could use the rest, to make sure you're both strong and healthy. But I don't want you to worry, everything's going to be okay. I promise." He pauses for a second and she can feel tears start to gather in her eyes, warmth start to revitalize her tired limbs.

"Things are a little rough, but the world's about to change and I swear, you're going to grow up different than we did. You're never going to go hungry, never going to be reaped, never going to have to worry about Peacekeepers," he continues, voice growing stronger with conviction and Madge doesn't feel quite so scared anymore. "I want you to know that we love you and we're going to give you a better world, one we never had. Your future, it's going to be a happy one, I _promise_."

He keeps talking, tells their baby all the things he imagines for their future and Madge cries, but these aren't her usual tears.

Gale's right.

This isn't the ideal time, not by a long shot.

But they can do this, she knows they can.

They'll weather this storm together, just like always.

* * *

Her nerves are always a bit on edge, but she does everything she can to stay strong.

This isn't about her, not anymore. Her baby's counting on her and she won't let them down, not for anything. She follows every one of Prim's suggestions and tips to keep her stress down, eats as well as she can, tries to regulate her sleep schedule.

The migraines, the fear, the stress, they're never gone completely but she pushes through, because she has more important things to worry about, more precious things. Madge thinks everyday about telling everyone but never does, knows they're supposed to wait, just in case.

She keeps Gale's words in her heart, keeps her own hope alive in her blood.

Things will be better.

They _will_.

* * *

Rory comes over on Sundays, spends the afternoons with Gale.

Sometimes they talk and sometimes they don't, but that's not what matters. What matters is Rory, slowly mending and Gale, letting go of his guilt and that feeling of uselessness he's been holding onto for so long.

It's takes a while to heal from something like this but they do it together and one day, Madge is sure, they'll be whole again.

(and if Vick and Peony and Mr Hawthorne watch from the shadows, well, Madge is sure they're smiling too)

* * *

Madge makes her way home after work and thinks maybe she'll visit her father, stop by and see him at the Justice Building. She rests a hand against her stomach and thinks again about how much she wants to tell him, can't wait to see his expression.

 _Grandpa's going to love you_ , she thinks, smiles to herself.

(that smile starts to dim when she thinks of the grandparents who'll never meet her baby, taken long before their time)

She shakes her head and tries to think positively, won't let the Capitol take this from her. She's going to be happy, going to see this baby as the blessing it is.

(she won't think of Hunger Games and starving and all the other horrors beating at their walls)

Madge reaches the square, sees the Justice Building looming ahead. There's a row of peacekeepers out front, weapons held ready and Madge stiffens, takes steadying breaths. A group of teenagers are just ahead of her, marching to the Justice Building and she wonders what they could be doing here, what they could want. She doubts they'll be allowed in, the peacekeepers are very strict about who they let pass, but then, as it turns out, they don't need to go inside.

The peacekeepers stand firm before the steps and Madge can see the lead teenager start to argue, demanding entrance. The other peacekeepers start to converge around them, encircling the little group and Madge stops walking, feels electricity crackle in the air.

_This doesn't feel good_

The peacekeepers have peeled away from the Justice Building, all of them tightening around the angry group at the base of the steps, the sound, but not the words, of their voices carrying on the wind. Madge can barely see them, swallowed by the dull white of armour but what she _can_ see is other teenagers, creeping in from the edges of the square, scurrying quickly towards the unguarded sections of wall. She can feel her stomach tighten, because this definitely isn't good and she's right, this isn't good.

Not at all.

* * *

Windows shatter on the Justice Building, glass sparkling as it falls and those other teenagers, the ones the peacekeepers were too distracted to notice, throw homemade fire starters inside, set the entire building ablaze. Orange flames lick at the walls, smoke starts to pour out the broken windows and those teenagers start to run, the peacekeepers turning back to the Justice Building, caught between chasing down the assailants or trying to combat the growing inferno.

Madge is frozen solid, her blood running cold because _Daddy! He's inside he's inside he's inside!_

Without even thinking, Madge starts to run towards the Justice Building, even as everyone else runs away, away from the peacekeepers and the burning, from the danger and punishment. But Madge doesn't care about any of that, just needs to find her father, needs to make sure he gets out okay.

_I'm coming!_

The peacekeepers have split their forces, half snatching anyone nearby, the other portion trying to contain the fire, trying to keep it from spreading. Madge pushes through fleeing people, old and young, can already feel the heat against her skin, foul smelling smoke tickling her nose. She coughs, eyes watering but she can't stop, _can't_.

"Fuck the Capitol!" a reckless voice shouts and then more sounds of glass shattering, more mushrooms of fire blooming from the Justice Building. Madge's throat feels dry, her eyes stinging and then someone grabs her roughly by the arm, starts to drag her away.

"Stop! My father's in there! I have-I have to get him! _Let me go_!" she fights, but the peacekeeper's grip is strong, bruising. She struggles valiantly, tries to break his hold. " _Let me go_!" she screams again but he doesn't listen, keeps pulling her farther and farther away.

" _Daddy!"_ she calls, tears on her cheeks and she's herded with the other people caught by the peacekeepers, shoved against a shivering young man, guilt prickling at his eyes. There's a ring of peacekeepers around them, keeping them penned in and Madge wants to scream, fight, claw at their faces.

 _Let me out_ she sobs to herself, but they won't.

_Please Daddy, please be okay_

Madge hates this, hates being unable to help, being useless.

But it seems like that's all she ever is.

* * *

Madge is interviewed and questioned, over and over and her answers are always the same.

_I just came to visit my father_

_he's the mayor_

_I don't know who started the fire_

_I don't know anything about it_

_I just want to know if my father's alright_

Finally, after two and a half hours of pointless interrogation, Madge is let go, released from peacekeeper custody. Most aren't so lucky, will be punished horribly and Madge feels sick, feels her stomach tossing. She steps outside, is hit with the scent of things that shouldn't have been burnt and she loses it, has to bend over and vomit in a bush. She gags even after she's expelled the entire contents of her stomach, wipes at her mouth. She feels so drawn out, strained to her very limit but she has to find her father, has to know if he's okay.

The scent of illness clings to her and she tries to avoid looking at the husk of the Justice Building, still smoking and streaked black. The town doctor hurries around, attends to burns and wounds and Madge's eyes scan over the victims, nearly retches again at the sight of smouldering remains piled near the sooty walls of the Justice Building. She can smell burnt skin, holds her stomach to try and fight the nausea.

 _Who were they?_ she wonders, prays with all her might that none of those bodies belong to her father.

(and she can't help but wonder if these rebels, these young, reckless children, ended up murdering innocent civilians or Capitol officials in their brutal attack)

"Madge?" the voice she needs to hear most questions and she turns, sees her father, singed and reddened, but alive.

" _Daddy_ ," she says, voice choked and then she runs to him, engulfs him in a hug. "You're okay," she sobs against his shoulder and he nods, rubs her back.

"I'm fine," he soothes and she clings tighter, doesn't think she'll ever let go.

"I love you," she manages through the tears.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Madge cries a little longer, lets her father stroke her hair and wishes rebellion was something different than this, wishes it was a dream come true rather than a nightmare she can't wake up from.

It seems like no matter what, they lose.

They always, always lose.

* * *

She walks her father home, fusses over him the whole way. He tries to reassure her, keeps saying he's alright but she doesn't listen, is still shaking with fear. She almost lost him, almost almost and that thought makes her want to puke again, makes her want to scream. He needs to live, needs to meet his grandbaby, needs to witness the new world that's coming, always coming. He _has_ to.

Mrs Sparrowsaw and Merrie are equally horrified when they reach home, start fussing over him as well. Her father waves them off, promises he's just a bit singed, just needs a bit of a wash. He heads upstairs to shower and Mrs Sparrowsaw hurries after him to fetch clean clothes, Merrie starts dinner in a flurry and Madge brews some tea, does her best not to cry.

_he's okay, he's fine, it's over, he's alright_

Her father comes back downstairs, smells like soap and gives her a hug, holds her tight and near.

"You should go, you have to make it home before curfew. Gale will be worried if you're not there," he murmurs in her ear and he's right of course, but the thought of leaving him makes her sick, makes her wants to sob.

"Daddy," she starts, isn't quite sure what to say.

"Don't you worry, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere. I have to meet my grandchild, don't I?" She pulls back in shock, stares at him with an open mouth.

"How did you-?"

He smiles and it's her very favourite Dad smile, the one that makes everything better. "Father's intuition. Now go on, I'll be fine."

She breathes in and forces her own smile, squeezes him one last time. "Okay, but I'll be by tomorrow, I promise. I love you."

"I love you too and congratulations, sweetheart, you'll be a wonderful mother."

Her father is warm, has always given the best hugs and Madge can't help but think that maybe, just maybe things will be okay after all.

Maybe.

* * *

Madge tells Gale what happened and he holds her, but she doesn't need reassurance.

Everything's going to be okay, she knows it.

(and even though she technically lost their bet, Gale gives her a massage anyway, erases the knots and tension in her muscles)

* * *

Katniss comes to visit and again, Madge finds the words crawling their way up her throat. She runs her tongue over them, wonders if she _could_ , if she _should_ let them out. _Maybe, just, maybe..._

Katniss sinks down into the sofa with a grateful sigh. "It's so nice coming here, not having to worry about the Capitol every time I open my mouth."

Madge bites down on her secret, lets it burn in her stomach. Her home is Katniss' haven and Madge can't take that away.

_You're safe with me Katniss, I promise_

(and anyways, there'll be other days to tell her)

* * *

"So, guess what I found out today?" Gale asks over dinner, looks kind of excited and Madge is grateful for any type of good news.

"I dunno, what?"

Gale grins a little, shakes his head. "Leevy's pregnant, Thom was bragging to anyone who'd listen. And even those that wouldn't."

Madge claps her hands together with a smile.

"Our kids could be playmates! They could be friends just like you and Thom!" she says excitedly and Gale rolls his eyes.

"Just as long as our kids don't get married, there's no way I want Thom's spawn as an in-law."

Madge ignores him, imagines the possibilities.

"This is so great!" she cheers and Gale rolls his eyes again, can't quite fight a grin. "Now I'll have someone to compare pregnancy woes with!"

"You're weird," Gale points out and Madge ignores him again.

"I love news like this," she says with a happy sigh and Gale nods, reaches across the table to hold her hand.

"Me too."

* * *

Peeta comes to visit, bread and cheese and snacks hidden in his clothes and Madge takes it all, smuggles it into school. She hands it out to the hungriest of the children, has to be so, so careful not to be caught. It's a risk, a serious one but her students are starving and she can't let that happen. She has her own baby to worry about but how could she ever be a good mother if she let someone else's baby suffer like this?

She hugs her stomach, knows she's endangering herself and the baby growing inside.

_I'm sorry_

But this is war and that's always a risk.

* * *

"Hey, hey Madge," Gale whispers and Madge blinks awake, looks at her clock with a yawn.

"Did I oversleep?" she asks and Gale shakes his head.

"No," he murmurs, voice kind of awed and Madge takes in his wide eyed expression.

"What is it?"

"You're showing," he says in a hushed voice and she looks down at herself, sees the slight swell of her stomach. Her eyes stretch open and her lips part, shock in her every cell.

"I'm showing," she repeats, a thousand emotions surging through her. Gale's hands ghost over her skin like he can't decide what to touch and Madge can't stop staring at the bump that's just begun to form.

"That's our baby," she says in astonishment and Gale nods, a slow smile starting to spread over his face.

"That's our baby," he agrees and Madge feels herself start to smile, a giddy joy spinning in her veins.

Their eyes meet, stupid grins on their mouths but it's okay.

Happiness like this, it makes anything okay.

_That's our baby!_

* * *

Madge hums to herself as she alters her clothes, lets them out so they'll fit over her growing bump. She never would've imagined that something as simple as this would make her feel like she was on top of the world, but here she is, happier than she's been in so very, very long.

Their baby's in there, alive and growing and Madge smiles, rests a hand against her stomach.

"Your Daddy and I can't wait to meet you," she murmurs and she'd say happiness is the little things, but nothing's little when it makes you feel like this.

* * *

Finally, finally, they hear news of Ambrosia.

It's just a tiny, very very brief promo of the upcoming Victory Tour, nowhere near the usual grandiose announcements but it's enough.

Ambrosia is barely visible, flashes by in a quick clip but just that tiny peek at her has the entire District buzzing, revolution bubbling in their veins.

And soon they'll get more than just a peek, soon she'll be here, in person and the District can barely wait.

The Capitol wants this Victory Tour to be the most forgettable, but instead,  it's going to be the one no one will ever, _ever_ forget.

* * *

"We're having a baby," Madge announces to their family, Sunday after lunch.

(and it has to be after lunch, because money is so tight and food so scarce that they can't afford to have them over to eat)

(they can barely afford to have _themselves_ over to eat)

She looks around at them, the warm smile on her father's face as he sits in their ratty armchair (the one Madge has been meaning to stitch a cover for but never does), Rory's wide eyed surprise, chasing away the shadows still lingering in his eyes, the nervous but hopeful smile on Gale's mouth, Hazelle's watering eyes and finally Posy, a smile peeking out from behind the hands she's clapped over her mouth.

"A baby?" Rory questions, like he's never heard the word before. No one answers, no one gets the chance to, because Posy squeals, high pitched and shrill and throws herself at Madge, flings herself over Hazelle, sitting between them.

"I'm going to be aunt!" Posy shouts, through laughter and tears, arms around Madge and then everyone seems to come alive.

Hazelle wipes at her eyes and hugs Gale, holds him near and Madge's father stands, offer them all congratulations. Rory still looks stunned and Gale claps a hand on his shoulder, grin wide and happy.

"Ready to be an uncle?" Gale asks and Rory's eyes go perfectly round and it's nice, _this._ It's been a long road back for him, and he's not quite there yet but this, it gives Madge all the hope in the world.

Posy's still squeezing her and everyone's laughing and honestly, Madge is pretty sure it doesn't get better than this.

* * *

Madge is visiting her father when it comes on, another announcement for the Victory Tour.

She feels all her nerves tighten, doesn't breathe until it's over. Ambrosia'a appearance is burned into her eyes and she carries it with her all the way home, knows the rest of the District, the rest of Panem, is doing just the same.

They've been suffering for months, but this, _this_ is why.

The Victory Tour's coming.

(but that's not all that's coming)

(not by a long shot)

* * *

Madge and Gale walk up the road to Katniss and Peeta's and they haven't done this in years, reminds her of simpler times.

(except, there never really were simpler times, were there)

She's a teenager again, falling fast for Gale Hawthorne, basking in the glow of friendship, from him, from the Hawthornes, the Everdeens. That Victory Tour changed her life and this one, this one will change the world.

(but that's not for a few weeks yet)

She squeezes Gale's hand with a smile and he grins back, maybe just as caught in happy memories as she is. They reach the door and Gale knocks, Madge's stomach beginning to twist in knots. They've come to tell them the news, finally and Madge is still afraid, doesn't want to hurt them.

_They're your friends, they'd want to know_

Peeta opens the door just as Madge takes a deep breath, tries to steady herself. He looks surprised but then smiles, beckons them inside. There's a hello hug for Madge, a handshake for Gale and Peeta's smile doesn't dim, maybe grows.

"It's been too long," he says and Madge nods because it has. She hasn't visited in so long, Katniss coming to see her instead.

"And Gale, you've never been over here before, right?" Peeta asks and Gale nods.

"Well, it's basically the same as the Everdeens' was," Peeta continues, sounds so happy, is clearly overjoyed to have company.

(what a lonely lonely life these victors live)

Katniss wanders over, blinks in confusion before she smiles, but it's a little nervous, her eyes flickering to hidden microphones. Madge tries to look reassuring, offers Katniss a quick hug. There are questions in Katniss' eyes and Madge hopes there's a promise of answers in hers.

Peeta plays the dutiful host, sets up food and drinks and they all catch up on the couch, conversation kept a little distant, safe. But still, this is nice, all of them together. Gale's hand is warm on her leg and Madge breathes in, decides now is the time. Gale gives her a squeeze and she smiles, tries to stop her lips from shaking.

"We...we have some news, good news," she starts and Peeta leans forward eagerly, Katniss watching her with curious eyes.

"I'm...we're," _deep breath, you can do this Madge_ , "we're having a baby," she finally manages, forces herself to look at them. There's a pause in which they process the information, which feels like a lifetime to Madge and then Peeta beams, leaps to his feet.

"Congratulations!" he exclaims, hurries over to give them both hugs.

(Gale's eyes are a little wide at his and Madge giggles, feels happy warmth in her blood)

Peeta continues, tells them how amazing this is, what wonderful parents they'll make and Madge looks at Katniss, holds her breath. But then Katniss stands, gives a very determined smile.

"That's great," she offers and Madge can tell she means it. They hug and Madge thinks she might cry, holds Katniss maybe a little tighter than she needs to. They let go and Madge wipes at her eyes, laughs a little and then Gale slings an arm over Katniss' shoulders.

"Thanks Auntie Catnip," he teases, grin wide and Katniss rolls her eyes.

"No," she replies but her lips tug up a bit and then they're hugging. Katniss murmurs something in his ear and Madge wishes she could stop crying, but she's just a blubbery mess.

But maybe that's okay, at least today.

They leave a little later, Katniss and Peeta watching them from the doorway. Peeta has an arm around Katniss, waves with the other and Katniss leans her head on his shoulder, hand on his chest. Madge moves closer to Gale's side and doesn't think she's imagining the shadows in Peeta's eyes or how tight Katniss' fingers are on his shirt.

Madge can't be sure what that means, if it's because of the baby or something else, maybe life in general, but she's not surprised, not anymore.

Because that's the thing in Panem, happiness always comes with a price.

* * *

Days pass and Madge's stomach grows and then it's finally, _finally_ here.

* * *

The Victory Tour's tomorrow and everyone is on edge, bubbling up with anticipation.

Madge runs errands and can feel it, washing over and around her, carrying her through town. No one says a word about it but they don't have to, Madge can taste it in the air, see it in their eyes.

Twelve is ready.

* * *

 

They don't talk that night and it isn't because there's nothing to say, quite the opposite really.

There's too much, crowding up her throat and she's sure it's the same for Gale. Excitement, anticipation and possibility crash around inside her and she squeezes Gale tight, can't wait for morning to come.

Tomorrow morning the Victory Tour begins and though she doesn't know it yet, Panem's about to pass the point of no return.

(but then, if she did know that, she'd probably be even more excited)


	11. Our Very Own Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because today's the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has taken ages, so if there's anyone still reading this, I want you to know that I love you, it means the world and this chapter is dedicated to you, for being the very best.

_Part 11-Our Very Own Sunrise_

Madge wakes up early, long before the sun rises and can't fall back asleep.

(not that she wants to)

Everything is about to change, she can _feel_ it, _taste_ it and the anticipation is killing her, digging and wiggling beneath her skin. She looks at Gale, unusually serious as he sleeps and she knows he's dreaming about it, revolt and revolution, the fall of tyrants and the rise of _people_.

_today's the day_

The sky starts to lighten, pale streaks stretching out across the ceiling and it's _coming_ , so, so close. She can almost feel it pressing against her fingertips, the end and beginning of Panem. Madge puts a hand on her stomach, over the baby curled up inside.

_We'll be okay,_ she promises.

Gale starts to stir, the sun rises and the day has come.

Rebellion is (almost) here.

* * *

The square fills up quickly, everyone crowding in with excitement long before Ambrosia and her retinue arrive.

(who'd have thought Twelve would ever be so excited for a Victory Tour?)

Madge can feel shivers crawl up her back, the energy of the square washing over her and Gale is hard and tense beside her, his fingers fidgeting in hers. Her eyes skip through the crowd, over her neighbours, the peacekeepers, the Hawthornes clustered by Gale's side, the Everdeens huddled by hers.

There's a haunted excitement on Rory's face, a nervous faith in Posy's eyes. Hazelle is steady with the slightest hint of anxiety in the curl of her fingers in her skirt, Mrs Everdeen is almost emotionless, a tiny pinprick of fear in the drawing of her eyebrows and then Prim, all hope and worry in the twitching of her lips.

Madge looks up to the stage, at the Victors sitting all in a row. Haymitch is strangely sober and determined even with his bloodshot eyes and haggard appearance, Katniss' expression is ablaze with frenzy and fire and Peeta's shoulders shake minutely, his chest rising with deep breaths.

Effie Trinket paces nearby, poorly concealed concern flashing in her eyes as they dart to hordes of peacekeepers, bright in white and menacing in heavy armour. There's so many of them, more than Madge has ever seen but it doesn't matter, _there's still more of us._ Her father completes the picture, looking far more stable than he has in years, less likely to blow away in a breeze. She feels that like strength, flowing up from her toes and even though she can't see it, somehow Madge knows the note cards in his hands are smudged with sweat, can almost hear the stuttered rhythm of his breathing.

_almost time_

_almost almost_

The clock on the Justice Building ticks agonizingly slow, each and every heart beating as one and then finally, finally finally _finally_ , they arrive.

The doors of the Justice Building swing open (burns and black marks freshly painted over for television) and a group of peacekeepers march through slowly, followed closely by District Six's escort, a man with sparkling silver hair that curls and curls towards the sky. His eyelashes are long and shimmer blue, his wide face and all his skin painted a shiny white. He greets Effie with a strained smile, bags not quite hidden beneath his eyes, his muscles stretched taut and tight as he shakes Madge's father's hand.

Her father shuffles to the microphone, the escort hovering by Effie's side. Her father's voice wavers just a bit as he gives his customary introduction to the tour and this year's victor, something like hope lacing through his words. No one moves, even seems to breathe and the anticipation in the crowd starts to build, mounting and growing into a fever pitch, like explosives and electricity.

Her father finishes and Madge is fairly certain she didn't catch a word, her heart pounding in her ears. She moves a little closer to Gale and curls an arm around her stomach subconsciously, needs to keep them both near. The escort moves forward, the stars on his shirt glittering in the sunlight but even still, Madge can just make out the stiffness in his shoulders, the jumping muscle in his jaw. His smile is wide but fake as he spreads his arms.

"May I, with the greatest of pleasures, introduce your Victor of the Eighty-First Hunger Games, the deadly, the devious, the delightfully devilish Ambrosia Hartwig!"

His voice rings in the square and there's not a sound, not a breath, months (and years) of waiting chaining them all in place. _Here she comes_ rises in each of them, building with the force of a scream. They have hooked all their hopes on Ambrosia Hartwig, tied their futures to her limbs. She is their symbol, of rebirth, of freedom, of revolution and they crave her like water, like air.

And here she is.

* * *

(and they shouldn't, shouldn't pin every dream and hope on her. she's just a girl, one they shouldn't force to carry all their weight.

but Panem is broken, so very, _very_ broken and broken things never do what they should)

* * *

Ambrosia's mentors step out on stage and Madge wonders if they can feel it, the boiling over in every citizen of District 12. Orinthia Wheeler sweeps unreadable eyes over the crowd while Alexios Schermer stumbles to her side, face unfocused with morphling.

_(don't think of mama, don't)_

The crowd is straining against itself, ready to burst and then Ambrosia steps through the doors, takes her place on stage.

(so it begins)

* * *

Ambrosia's eyes find Dussie and Thistle's families immediately and never leave, stay fixed upon them. Her hands shake just a little bit and Madge wonders why, wonders just what Ambrosia plans to do. She takes a deep breath and smiles, sad and wry but there's something sharp in the corner, ready to cut someone to pieces.

(and Madge knows that someone is the Capitol)

"Thank you," Ambrosia starts and everyone's listening, all across Panem. "I feel so blessed to be here, standing before you."

Orinthia Wheeler watches with narrowed eyes and the escort hides hostility and fear under a mask of excitement. Madge wonders how much trouble Ambrosia's caused him, how much she'll cause them all.

"You should be so proud of Dussie and Thistle," and there's a heartbroken tenderness in her voice as she says their names. "They were very brave, very kind. They never gave up, never surrendered, even faced with all the _horrors_ of the Games."

Her smile is sad but her eyes are dark, flash with violence and her voice curls over _horrors_ , a thousand condemnations wrapped up in that single word.

(and just like that, Madge knows she was right, knows Ambrosia will burn Panem to the ground)

"They were far more than my allies, they were my friends," Ambrosia says, voice filled with sincerity and something angrier. She pauses, eyes shining slightly and the crowd is restless, waiting to burst.

"But I know, that even though they've died, they won't be forgotten."

There's a stirring in the crowd, because _this is it_ and even the peacekeepers know it, take menacing steps forward. Madge's heart thumps and Ambrosia looks away from Dussie and Thistle's families for the very first time, looks at all of Panem instead.

"They shouldn't have died."

Her voice is fierce and the peacekeepers move closer, loom just behind her, ready to stomp out the fire she's been kindling.

But they're too late.

You can't stop an inferno.

" _None_ of them should have. And it's time we build a new world, one where _no one_ else has to!" she shouts, hands clenched into fists. Gale squeezes Madge's fingers and Ambrosia's voice carries through the square, carries to every home in Panem. The peacekeepers surge forward, armoured gloves clamping down on her arms, her shoulders as they start to drag her back and away.

Ambrosia strains in their grip, legs kicking wildly, an ugly, black fire in her eyes.

"For Dussie, for Thistle, for all the children the Capitol's taken from us!" she shouts and Madge is sure television screens all across Panem have been shut off.

But you can't shut off real life.

A peacekeeper covers her mouth with his hand but it's too late, Twelve has already taken up her call.

"For Dussie! For Thistle!" sounds from all sides, arms and fists thrown up in the air. But then the chant starts to swell, not just for Dussie and for Thistle but

"For Lanna!"

"For Parry!"

"For Hammil!"

"For Ven!"

"For Anthra!"

and still more, rising from every corner of the square, of the district, of Panem. Names, rising up like ocean waves,

For Merylla, For Rue, For Phox, For Marvel

For Maysilee, For Vick, For Peony

For all of them, eighty one years of murdered children.

Ambrosia is gone, locked away behind Justice Building walls but it doesn't matter.

She has lit the match.

And now Twelve will _burn_.

* * *

"We need to get out of here," Gale says but they're already moving, even as chaos unfolds around them.

It's like last time but worse, louder, angrier and Madge grabs onto Gale and Prim, won't lose them in this sea of insanity.

(and she can see it, in the tenseness of Gale's jaw, in the set of Rory's shoulders, they want to stay, want to fight)

(Madge can feel it, beating in her chest, because she wants to stay too, wants to fight)

(but she has something more important to do)

Gale's hand is sweaty in hers as he fights his way through the crowd, most people heading towards the madness instead of away. He has Posy's hand held tight in his other one and she struggles to keep up with his long legs and big strides. Rory and Hazelle link their arms and follow after, Mrs Everdeen dragged along by Prim. They move as a unit, the crowd breaking over them like waves.

Madge cannot hear herself think, not over the screams and breaking glass, the gun shots making her flinch. People are dying and Madge can only pray it'll be worth it, that this will change things, will make their deaths mean something.

(but she knows, really, no matter what changes, it'll never be worth it)

She keeps expecting something horrible to happen, keeps expecting to get separated but they reach the edge of the square without incident and now all they need to do is run home, is get as far away from here as they can.

(she wants to say they have to go somewhere safe, but there isn't anywhere, not in Panem)

Worry settles over each of them because the Everdeens live in the opposite direction of where the rest of them are going, but splitting up is terrifying. There's no telling when the riot will spill out into the streets, no telling what they might run into on their way home. Madge can see Gale thinking, knows he's trying to figure out what to do.

"I'll go with them," Rory offers and Hazelle frowns, Posy freezing.

"Rory..." Gale starts but Rory shakes his head.

"Look, it's too dangerous for the two of them on their own, we all know that. Someone should go with them, but Posy's too young, Madge's pregnant, Ma's too old and you need to stay with Madge and the baby." Rory's face is set and it's clear he won't back down.

(Madge wonders if he's trying to save them to make up for all the people he _couldn't_ save)

It makes sense of course and Madge isn't really worried about them on the way to the Everdeens', she's worried about Rory making his way home alone.

"I'll be fine," he says to all of them but she can tell no one really believes it. He turns to Prim and Mrs Everdeen, tries to give them a reassuring smile. Madge feels her heart squeeze, wishes there was some other way.

They're just about to leave when Posy lets go of Gale and grabs Rory's arm, face determined.

"I'm coming too," she insists, all her brothers' stubbornness running through her words. Madge's blood turns cold, Hazelle's eyes widen and something like horror washes over Rory's face.

"Posy, _no_ -" he starts, sounds entirely appalled but Posy's face is set, brokers no argument.

"We don't have time to fight about this. We'll be safer together, so _I'm coming_." Posy stares at Rory, eyes serious and Madge has never seen her like this, has never realised just how much she's grown up.

"Alright," Gale says, sounds pained. "But be quick, the sooner we're all home, the better." Posy nods and she and Gale share a look, one that says a thousand things.

"Be safe," she orders and Gale tries to smile.

"You too."

Posy holds onto Rory, grabs onto Prim and then the four of them are hurrying away and Madge watches them, eyes fixed on their backs until they're swallowed by the crowd. She looks up at Gale, determination and worry clashing in his eyes. He's so scared for them, wishes desperately he was with them and Madge gives his hand a squeeze, because she knows this is killing him. He pulls her a little closer and she reaches for Hazelle, prays for everyone's safety.

They're not the only ones fleeing home, terrified people flooding the streets and somehow, no matter how far they get from the square, the sounds of pain and death only seem to get louder. They reach Hazelle's house, share tight hugs and unspoken words and then Gale and Madge are off, nearly meld together their bodies are pushed so close.

They're just turning onto their street when they run into another frightened pair and Madge nearly leaps out of her skin until she realizes it's their neighbour Nelly Malleefowl and her son Collis. The panic on Nelly's face melts when she recognizes them, releases her crushing grip on Collis' shoulders to give Madge a squeezing hug. Madge returns it, so relieved to see a familiar face has made it out safe.

"Where's Burnet and Janah?" Gale asks, eyes sweeping up and down the street. Nelly swallows and Madge realises he's right, Nelly's daughter and husband are nowhere to be seen.

"Janah wanted to stay behind, was determined to be a part of that... _mess_. We tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen and I had to get Collis home, he's only _eleven_. But we couldn't leave Janah behind either, so...Burnet stayed, to try and get her to come home." Nelly's voice breaks a little and Madge can only imagined how scared she must be. She wants to say something reassuring but it would just be empty words so she grips Nelly's hands instead, hopes she can give her at least a little comfort.

"We need to get inside," Gale tells them and Madge nods, Nelly wiping roughly at her eyes. The four of them stay together until they've reached Madge and Gale's front door, but they don't go inside until Nelly and Collis enter their own home, lock the door behind them. Madge and Gale do the same, hearts pounding in their ears. They head to their bedroom, in the back corner of the house and sit together on the bed, try and hold each other through the fear.

"We'll be alright," Madge whispers, to Gale, to their baby, to herself.

_We'll be alright_

* * *

Madge can't tell you how long it's been, maybe minutes, maybe a lifetime but then the rioting starts to flow through the streets, Peacekeepers chasing people home and windows breaking, houses catching fire. She pushes her face into Gale's chest, thinks with all her strength.

_Prim, Rory, Posy, Hazelle, Katniss, Peeta, Mrs Everdeen, Daddy, Merrie, the Sparrowsaws, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay_

The screaming grows louder and then Gale tenses, all his muscles going taut.

" _No_ ," he whispers and Madge can feel it, the fear so tight around her neck she can barely breathe. She wants to ask but doesn't, is afraid of what he's seen. But she forces her eyes up, looks out their window and _Oh God, no, please no._

It's Janah Malleefowl, just seventeen and her father Burnet, boxed in by peacekeepers and Madge knows how this ends.

_No!_

* * *

She can hear them shouting, but not the words, drowned out by distant disasters.

A peacekeeper reaches for Janah but Burnet leaps between them, is shoved roughly at the ground. Janah shrinks back, eyes wide with terror and one peacekeeper heaves Burnet to his feet while the other sinks his fist deep into Burnet's gut. Janah shrieks and huddles inward, fingers digging into her hair, her head shaking rapidly.

Gale and Madge flinch together.

* * *

Madge knows what Gale wants to do even before he suggests it.

_(Burnet slumps to the ground but the peacekeepers don't stop, keep kicking, kicking,_ kicking _)_

"I have to," he whispers and Madge knows he's right, of course he is.

_(Nelly's scream joins the chorus outside and she comes spilling down the stairs, throws herself on Burnet's broken body. She's crying, begging, struggling as a peacekeeper tries to drag her away)_

She could ask him to stay, beg him not to leave and risk it but that isn't him, isn't her either. Instead she looks in his eyes, hopes hers tell him everything she can feel burning in her chest.

_(One peacekeeper continues to fight with Nelly, while the other turns to Janah, backhands her hard across the face)_

"Be safe," she murmurs and he nods, gives her one last kiss and then he's gone and Madge turns back to the window.

* * *

The peacekeeper grabs Janah by the shoulders and she looks a little insane, hysterical, kicking, scratching, biting. Madge grips the windowsill hard, sucks in a breath as little Collis creeps out the front door, peeks through the railing with terrified eyes.

The peacekeeper shouts, harsh words sounding like a curse and hurls Janah at the ground. She lands heavily, winded and disoriented and Collis' nails dig into the wooden rails, panic painting his cheeks. The peacekeeper pulls out his gun and Madge's heart stops in her chest.

_No_.

Nelly screams, words Madge can't hear, arms waving as she starts to stand from her fallen husband.

But she'll never make it in time.

Janah backs away, scrabbling on her hands and knees but there's nowhere to go, her back hitting the side of the house. There's dirt smudged up one cheek, blood smeared on the other and her gray eyes are so wide, almost feral with fear.

She's seventeen and Madge is about to watch her die.

And then Gale arrives.

He slams into the peacekeeper, sends them both crashing to the ground. The other peacekeeper shouts, Nelly freezes in surprise and the gun skids towards Janah, face slack with shock. Gale and his peacekeeper struggle together, a mess of limbs and raised voices and Madge squeezes her fingers together, tries to lend him all her strength.

The other peacekeeper advances, pulls out his own gun and Madge can taste the fear on her tongue. Her legs shake but she has to do something, can't just sit by and watch as Gale dies. She places a hand on her stomach, closes her eyes.

_I'm sorry_

And then the air is rent apart by gunfire, loud and fatal.

* * *

Madge's eyes snap open, heart pounding out of her chest.

_Gale!_

* * *

There's a peacekeeper on the ground, a hole burnt through his armour.

Janah Malleefowl holds the smoking gun in her hands, not a tremor to be seen.

Just cold, hard _hatred_.

* * *

Gale and his peacekeeper roll away from each other, hands over heads to shield themselves from bullets.

Madge clutches at the curtain, is fairly certain it's the only thing holding her up.  Janah looks with frozen eyes at the other peacekeeper, the only one left alive.

Gale scrambles to his feet, gaze flickering between Janah and the body on the ground, smoke still curling from his chest. Janah moves with purpose and Gale says something, face urgent. The living peacekeeper realizes what's happening, hands tearing at his belt, trying to find a weapon. There's nothing for him to find and Gale takes a step forward, arm outstretched. Janah raises her gun and the peacekeeper barks something, tries to stand.

He never gets the chance.

Janah smiles, sharp and dangerous, eyes dark, dark _dark_.

And then she pulls the trigger, shoots him straight in the face.

* * *

_bang_

* * *

Madge sinks to her knees as the peacekeeper falls backwards, bends over himself until he crumples on the ground. Gale is still, eyes wide and sick. Nelly cradles Burnet's head in her lap, but her tear stained face is on Janah, pain and fear in every line. Collis huddles beside the stairs, hands over his ears as he rocks back and forth.

Janah looks down at the man she's killed, tilts her head is fascination.

She snorts and shakes her head.

Nelly says something, just one word and though Madge can't hear it, she knows what it is, sees Nelly's mouth move in the name.

_Janah_

Janah spits on the body.

* * *

Janah and Gale drag the bodies into the backyard, hide them from view.

They'll bury them eventually, when they have time, but this will have to be enough for now.

Gale helps Nelly get Burnet inside and Janah examines her gun, eyes the same colour as the steel. Collis flinches away from his sister every time she gets too near and Madge wonders if she notices, if she cares.

Gale comes back outside, gaze settling on Janah and his face is something Madge can't read, all hard angles and rigid muscles. Collis starts to cry, the shock starting to wear off and Gale turns, face melting into something softer. He bends down, scoops the little boy into his arms and carries him inside, whispers soothing words Madge wishes she could hear.

Janah is still standing on the lawn when Gale reappears and it's only then that Madge notices the bloodstains in the grass. She can feel her stomach toss and digs her nails into her arms to keep from puking. Gale stops beside Janah, not quite looking at her. He says something and Janah glares at him, venom in her eyes. She answers, her tone harsh. Gale sighs and comes home, looks a thousand years old.

Janah keeps the gun.

* * *

Madge is waiting for Gale when he steps into their bedroom and there are no words between them.

They simply fall into each other's arms, hold each other near.

* * *

They have no way of knowing if their loved ones have made it home safe, no way of knowing if their family's been taken from them. Instead they curl up together in bed, try and keep hope alive.

Twelve burns, gunshots ring through the night and Madge hugs her stomach, prays the blood in the streets isn't from someone she loves.

* * *

(Katniss Everdeen was once the Girl on Fire, took all of Panem by storm)

(Tonight, Katniss Mellark doesn't burn, watches an entire world on fire instead)

* * *

They come in the morning, an army of peacekeepers breaking down doors.

They are angry, loud, violent. People are dragged from their homes, thrown into the streets  as their houses are ransacked, ripped to pieces. Madge keeps her eyes closed, holds Gale near as the peacekeepers tear through their home, knows they can't afford to get mad.

_It'll all be over soon_ she thinks to herself, imagines reunions with family and friends.

They have to be alright, they _have_ to be and Madge wishes rebellion didn't take so long, wishes it would come and burn all of this away. Instead, she clings to Gale, tries not to choke on the fumes of burning homes.

" _Please_! Please, no, _please_!" Acacia Fieldfare begs, tears in her eyes as she watches her life go up in flames. She grabs onto a peacekeeper's arm, voice breaking on every word.

"Please don't, we have nowhere else to go, _please_ -"

He shakes her off, leaves her to sob in the dirt.

* * *

(they don't find Janah's gun, _somehow_ , and Madge is both relieved and terrified.

After all, just how long can a secret like that _stay_ a secret?)

* * *

Madge and Gale's house is left standing and they retreat inside, black holes growing in their chests.

Because that's what the Capitol never seems to realize.

Violence breeds violence.

The Districts may burn, but the Capitol will burn with them.

* * *

New rules come down from on high.

No one is to leave their homes for the duration of the tour, no one is to make contact with anyone else.

They are hemmed in, kept prisoners within their own walls but it won't help.

The Capitol's days are numbered.

And the countdown's begun.

* * *

Ambrosia appears well behaved in Districts Eleven, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven and Five.

(not Six, home districts always saved for last)

She is demure and respectful, speaks tamely of fallen tributes and Capitol glory. She praises Snow, keeps her speeches short and always ends with "Panem Today, Panem Tomorrow, Panem Forever". She is a model Victor, nothing at all to worry about.

Except, except that's not quite true.

There's always _something_ in her words, something a little subversive, a little rebellious.

_They did their district proud and I know their district will do_ them _proud._

_Though I hail from District Six, I am a Victor of Panem and I stand with each of you._

_I owe my victory to the Capitol, owe my Hunger Games to President Snow._

_There is only ever_ one _winner of the Hunger Games._

( _The Capitol_ , whispers every voice in Panem, because they _know_ )

(there _is_ only one victor and it's never the Districts)

This is the calm before the storm.

Because the next stop on this endless train is District Four.

And Ambrosia Hartwig has played her cards well, has acted perfectly behaved to lull Snow and his peacekeepers.

Tomorrow, she drops the act.

Tomorrow, the end truly begins.

* * *

Madge knots her fingers with Gale's, their hearts beating together. There's no real way of knowing that something's going to happen today, but then, they're always hoping for something, that today will be the day.

And _today_ , it will be.

(but there's also the inkling, because District Four was Jamie Neptune's home.

If ever there was the perfect place for Ambrosia to make the Capitol pay, this is it)

Madge's eyes take in all the increased security because the Capitol can sense it too, know tensions will be running higher today than ever before. Madge observes all of District Four's victors as they settle on stage, but the camera never pulls in too close, like they're afraid of what might be found written across each victor's face. Madge doesn't need to see it to know each one is praying for the end. They _all_ are, everyone across Panem.

The mayor makes a introductory speech and then Ambrosia's escort and mentors come out, each one jittery and walking on eggshells. The crowd barely even sees them, is too focused on what comes next.

And here she is, Ambrosia Hartwig, the victor that spells the Capitol's defeat.

* * *

Ambrosia steps out on stage, her eyes finding Jamie's father.

He stands alone, looks so much like his son, but older, worn dry and tired and Madge swears she can see tears start to shine in Ambrosia's eyes.

Madge pushes closer to Gale, because she knows what's coming and Ambrosia swallows, forces a smile for everyone in Panem. There's a tenseness in District Four, visible even through the television screen and Madge knows she can't be the only one holding her breath, the only one waiting for the end.

"I am truly blessed to be standing here before you," Ambrosia begins, voice carrying to each of them. "I was faced with fierce competition in the arena, none more so than your very own Seela Hennesey. She was a testament to your district's strength and determination, a true representation of all your District has accomplished over the years, of the spirit and skill we've all come to identity as characteristic of District Four."

She pauses then, takes a breath, eyes focused on Jamie's father and Madge feels anticipation squeezing her so tight she's not sure she could breathe if she tried.

"I have always admired District Four, for your tributes' tenacity, endurance and courage. They have often proved victorious in the Hunger Games and this time should have been no exception. Jamie Neptune," and her voice curls around his name with a broken sort of familiarity that rattles Madge's bones, "was brave and strong and so very, very kind. He was...unbelievable skilled, possessed an iron will and never, ever gave up. If there is anyone District Four should be proud of, it's Jamie. Jamie...who took three underdogs under his wing and tried so hard to bring us all home, Jamie who carried us when we couldn't carry ourselves, Jamie who...who was always courageous and generous, who never lost himself, who...is the only reason I'm standing here before you."

Her voice is all choked up and she stops again, to force words out around the lump in her throat.

"Jamie was a hero, is _my_ hero and always will be. I owe him everything and though he's not... _here_ anymore, I know he will live on, in each of us. He is my inspiration and I promise you, he will _not_ die in vain." Her voice hardens at the end and the peacekeepers snap to alert, because suddenly Ambrosia Hartwig has thrown all of Panem into dangerous waters.

"Jamie died for me and I'm going to make sure that a new Panem comes from his death, one where people like Jamie Neptune never have to die. He deserved better, we all d-"

The screen cuts out but Madge can't stop staring, Gale's hand clenched tight in hers. She wonders what's going on in District Four and even though she can't hear what Ambrosia might be saying, Madge can feel it in her bones.

_We deserve better._

_Stand with me against Snow, the Capitol, all of them._

_It's time we stopped letting the Capitol take from us and started taking back._

_No more._

* * *

Madge expects them to cancel the rest of the Tour but they don't, chug full steam ahead.

But of course, because Snow is still determined to have Ambrosia put out her own fire, is afraid silencing her will only make the Districts grow louder.

He's right of course, but then he's wrong that Ambrosia can stop this, because _this_ is so much more than just her, has become something no one can stop.

Rebellion is inevitable.

The only question is who wins.

* * *

The security in District Three is ludicrous as Ambrosia stumbles on stage, face slack and eyes unfocused. She reads her note cards with mechanical precision, skin pale and even buried under too much make-up, Madge can just make out the bruises the Capitol must have given her as a punishment.

The crowd is straining against itself, wants her to stoke their fires but she barely seems to register their presence, mumbles through her perfectly rehearsed speech instead. Her escort leads her away when it's over and Madge feels her stomach clench, recognizes the vacant look in Ambrosia's eyes, the slurring of her speech.

They've drugged her, to keep her docile and controlled, to force her to smother the flames of revolution.

Madge wants to be angry, sick but she isn't even surprised.

_Fuck the Capitol._

* * *

It's the same in Districts Two and One, a drugged up Ambrosia spewing out Capitol written speeches but it doesn't quell the tide of anger rushing through the Districts, makes it grow instead.

_The Capitol can't get away with this._

_They won't._

* * *

Ambrosia arrives in the Capitol to great fanfare, all its citizens unaware of how close the whole world is from bursting apart at the seams.

Ambrosia's speech is just the same as the last few she's given, but this time President Snow's smug smile can be seen in the background, smirking as if he's won. But he hasn't.

He won't.

Ambrosia's about to make sure of it.

* * *

Just as her speech should be wrapping up, the clouds in her eyes start to clear, the strength in her voice starts to return.

There's death in her eyes, violence in her lips and she may have been drugged in the other districts, but somehow, some way she isn't this time, has been faking it for Snow and his Capitol. She turns to him, his eyes wide and surprised and Madge realizes Ambrosia's won this round.

"It's time this Panem came to an end," she says, voice strong with conviction and then the screen cuts out, leaves Panem desperate for more. Madge can hear her heart pounding but then the screen snaps back on, fuzzy and not quite proper quality but it's there, showing them every moment as chaos unfolds at the Presidential Palace.

People are screaming, the peacekeepers beat Ambrosia to the ground and the screen keeps trying to short out but never quite manages it, someone forcing it to stay on.

( _rebels_ , Madge thinks, _rebels are doing this_ )

(she doesn't know how, but it doesn't matter)

(what matters is that they exist, that they _can_ do this)

Peacekeepers drag Ambrosia away, but she gets one last word in, blood dripping through her teeth as she looks at President Snow.

"You're first," she promises and the screen finally dies for good.

But that's alright, they've seen enough.

* * *

Madge and Gale wrap themselves together at night, count each other's heart beats and the end is near, so close they can taste it.

Panem is about to fall and Madge promises herself they won't fall with it. There's a new world on the horizon and they're going to see it.

They're going to live it.

* * *

(Katniss and Peeta don't say much, they can't, not with Snow listening in)

(but that's okay, they don't need to)

(the plan's going perfectly and Snow is about to lose it all)

(soon, they'll be able to say whatever they want)

(they hold each other close, let their heart beats do all the talking)

( _soon, soon_ )

* * *

All of Panem waits, eager to see what happens next.

It's Snow's move, but no matter what he does, the outcome'll be the same.

Ambrosia and the Rebels have played their hand perfectly and now, the only option Snow has left is defeat.

Panem can't wait.

* * *

(Ambrosia Hartwig is purple, black and red but she doesn't care, barely feels the harshness of Capitol punishment.

She thinks of Thistle, kind and brave, always always trying to be helpful. _I promise you Thistle, we'll have a new world, one where boys like you can be carefree and happy, won't ever get hurt._

She thinks of Dussie, sweet and so strong, caring so, _so_ much. _I promise you Dussie, Panem's going to be better, somewhere you'd be safe, wouldn't ever have to be afraid._

She thinks of Jamie, her Jamie, made of courage and warmth. _I'm sorry Jamie, I wish you could've been here, wish you'd been the one to save the world, like you saved me. Sometimes I wish you hadn't been so good, hadn't been such a hero. Then you'd be here, wouldn't have died for me. I'm not worth it, not worth your life._

She can almost hear him answer, _of course you are. I promised I'd never let anything hurt you._

She wonders if he knows that this is what hurts the most, being the reason he's not here anymore, waking every morning knowing he's dead, dead for _her_.

_I promise you Jamie, Panem is going to change. We're going to make it better, you and me. It'll be a new world, one where you could swim for as long as you wanted, where you could build that house on the beach you dreamed of, one where we wouldn't have to die for each other. It's going to be a world where love doesn't hurt, where we could've..._

Ambrosia breathes in deeply, feels stray tears on her cheeks and thinks of all of them, the three most important people in her life and knows she'll be seeing them again soon.

There are some things Snow won't let her get away with, lines she isn't allowed to cross. She knows her time is running out, but that's okay, she believes in the people of Panem, knows they'll make her dreams come true)

( _i love you_ )

* * *

There is an accident, a horrible, tragic accident.

The train carrying Ambrosia Hartwig home to District Six derails, kills everyone aboard.

No one cares or thinks of the train workers, conductors and engineers and cooks. No one spares a thought for her escort, with his hair full of stars. No one mourns Orinthia Wheeler or Alexios Schermer, mentors whose glory has long been forgotten.

But then the Capitol doesn't care either, sacrifices them all to silence one lone girl.

Ambrosia Hartwig dies in chaos and fire.

But rebellion doesn't die with her.

* * *

( _Ambrosia Hartwig spends a lifetime believing she's nothing special, knowing no one cares about her, would miss her if she died)_

_(she's never been more wrong)_

* * *

Maybe, once upon a time, losing Ambrosia, losing their symbol would have been enough to quell revolution, to put an end to insurrection.

But things are different now and martyrs can be just as powerful.

Ambrosia Hartwig lit the fire and now all of Panem will carry her torch.

* * *

(District Six lights up like a firework, bright and fierce, ready to avenge their fallen daughter.

They may not be very big or rich or strong, but they have something the Capitol never will)

(a hero)

* * *

There is yet another complete shutdown of the district following the news, not a single person allowed outside their homes. It's because the Capitol is afraid, afraid of how people will react, of what they'll do.

Madge figures that Snow hopes to keep them isolated and penned in until their rage dies down, until despair or hopelessness settles in.

But unfortunately for Snow, that's never going to happen.

Prisoners in their own homes, their rage just simmers, grows to a boil, is ready to spill out and cover all of Panem. This rebellion can't be smothered, repressed or doused. No, this rebellion has come, is ready to burst out into a war.

Snow can't stop this.

No one can.

* * *

(President Snow sits in his poison throne, tries to hold up his crumbling walls.

He has played so many games, won so many rounds, can't even fathom losing this one. Children cannot beat him, hysteric masses cannot conquer the kingdom he has built)

(if it's a war they want, it's a war they'll get)

* * *

The first thing Madge and Gale do when they're allowed out in the streets again is run straight to the Hawthornes' house. They meet them halfway, the Hawthornes having the same idea and they stand there in the middle of the street, hugging and crying.

"Thank God you're alright," Hazelle murmurs, pulls Madge close.

"We're fine, we're all fine," she replies, voice watery with tears. Gale grabs Posy and Rory, clutches them near and Madge pulls away reluctantly from Hazelle, wipes pointlessly at her eyes.

And it's a miracle, she thinks, looking at her family like this, because they _are_ all fine. They've made it through the fire (at least this time) and then Posy flings her arms around Madge, laughing with tears on her cheeks and _how did we get so lucky?_

(at least this time)

(we haven't always been lucky)

Madge wraps her own arms around Posy, her stomach wedged between them and then both girls jump in surprise. They look down at Madge's stomach then back up at each other, eyes wide.

"What is it?" Gale asks, tries to keep the alarm from his voice. Posy starts to giggle and Madge feels her mouth turn up in a smile, happy tears filling her eyes.

"The baby kicked!" she exclaims, something warm spreading through her limbs. Hazelle beams, Posy claps excitedly and Rory looks stunned, but Madge only has eyes for Gale. He's surprised but then he starts to grin, that perfect Gale grin, excitement burning in his eyes.

He rests a hand on her stomach, face nervous but sweet and then the baby kicks again, leaves Gale in awe. Madge covers his hand with her own and they share a smile, one filled with so many dreams of tomorrow.

Maybe it's luck or maybe it's not, but it doesn't matter.

Days like today, they really are miracles.

* * *

The air in Victor's Village is somber and heavy, just like always, but Madge hardly notices, too determined to make sure Katniss an Peeta are okay. Peacekeepers watch her from every direction and she can feel their gaze creeping over her like spiders but she ignores it, needs to check on them, needs both of them to be perfectly alright.

She knocks on their door, jittery and hard, wishes Gale could be here with her. But the Capitol needs their coal, cracks that whip and it's back down to the darkness for him, no chance to know if his loved ones are safe.

( _damn them)_

The wait feels like a lifetime, seconds passing in agonizing slowness. When the door finally does open, Madge practically flings herself at Peeta, engulfs him in her arms as best she can. He's startled and surprised, a bit caught off guard but Madge just clings a little tighter, so relieved he's okay.

"Hello to you too," he jokes, returns her hug. She laughs a little, gives him another squeeze and then lets go, follows him into the house. Katniss is sitting in the living room and Madge feels relief crash over her, is nearly bowled over by it. Katniss stands and Madge hurries over, grabs her best friend and tugs her close.

Katniss is a bit stiff in her arms, gingerly returns the hug and Madge pulls back in confusion, means to ask what's wrong. She gets one look at Katniss' face and _knows_ , sees the way her eyes hover over Madge's stomach. She feels a knot tighten in her gut, doesn't know what to say, how exactly to make this better.

(then again, she can't even be sure what it is Katniss is upset about)

(it's happening more and more, the deeper Katniss sinks into her lies, the farther she gets from everyone else)

But then Katniss smiles, a real smile and Madge smiles back and maybe it doesn't matter, what secrets they keep. They're best friends, nothing changes that.

Nothing ever could.

* * *

There's a broken window in the living room and Madge can't help staring at it when she visits her father. She doesn't know exactly what happened, but it couldn't have been good. What if her father had gotten hurt?

The thought terrifies her and his proximity to the Justice Building and Peacekeepers makes her sick with worry. District Twelve is dangerous and her father's right in the middle of all of it.

Someone broke his window, maybe on purpose, maybe by accident, but either way, he isn't safe, lives right in the epicentre of the chaos blowing through District Twelve. _Come live with me_ , she wants to beg but she knows he never will.

She holds his hand instead, prays and prays he'll be okay.

She's already lost one parent, she can't lose the other.

She can't.

* * *

Madge stops by to visit Leevy, feels the need to be with someone who understands just how she feels.

"The baby started kicking," she says, voice soft and Leevy smiles, dampened slightly by the worry neither of them can shake. "I was nervous, because of how stressed I was, that something might go wrong, but...feeling the baby kick, I was so _relieved_."

"I think we're all too stressed," Leevy murmurs, shadows in her eyes. "The way things are now, I'm scared something's...I'm afraid something bad'll happen to the baby," Leevy admits,  tightens her hands on the edge of her chair and Madge knows the feeling, the constant terror beating in her blood. If only the new world had already come, if only Panem wasn't teetering on the edge.

Leevy breathes in and splays her hands over her stomach, looks down at the baby she's soon to meet.

"I just...want them to be healthy. Healthy and strong."

Madge can taste her fear, has been living with the same one. She reaches forward and grabs Leevy's hand, offers her steadiest smile.

"They will be."

_They have to be._

* * *

Katniss comes over on Saturday afternoon, secrets smouldering like embers in her eyes.

Madge lets her in, tries to smile casually, tries not to do anything to arouse the suspicion of the peacekeepers positioned at either end of the street. She locks the door behind them and follows Katniss to the couch. Katniss looks around nervously, as if expecting peacekeepers or Snow to jump out from behind kitchen chairs. She finally settles her eyes on Madge, makes all her nerves tingle with anticipation.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, but I didn't believe it at first. I couldn't. But now, well, I'm sure." Madge is confused and Katniss inhales before continuing.

"Thirteen still exists."

Madge feels her eyes go wide, the whole world turning over in her head.

"Thirteen?" she whispers, can barely comprehend what Katniss is telling her. "Thirteen but...they were destroyed, in the war..."

Katniss shakes her head. "No, that's just what Snow wants us to believe. They're out there, the Capitol didn't wipe out them out all those years ago."

Madge feels like her head is spinning, because this feels so unreal. She's grown up on stories of Thirteen's destruction, the ultimate show of the Capitol's might. The last time Panem tried to rebel the Capitol obliterated an entire district.

Except they _didn't_.

The threat of that happening again, it's all a lie, another Capitol deception. Something to keep them scared, terrified of being the next district wiped off the map.

"We're going to start spreading the word, letting everyone know  that there are thirteen districts and only _one_ Capitol," Katniss says, voice determined. "This time, the odds really are in our favour."

There's a steely look in Katniss' eyes, a pounding in Madge's chest and _Thirteen! Thirteen is alive!_

The Capitol doesn't stand a chance.

* * *

Leevy gives birth to a boy, a tiny, tiny boy.

"He'll be alright," Prim says, voice firm.

Leevy blinks at him with tired, wet eyes and Thom's face is slack with awe, lips trembling slightly.

"He'll be alright," Prim repeats and they all nod.

He'll be alright.

* * *

It starts on a Sunday.

She's grading papers when it drifts through their open window, the distant sounds of shouting. Madge furrows her brow and looks at Gale, the colour starting to drain from his face. Madge is about to ask him what he thinks it is when breaking glass and gun shots join the screaming, turn her blood cold.

_Oh_

They both hurry to the window, see the night sky lit by fires and curling smoke. The terror grows louder and louder, drawing nearer and Madge wonders what started this, what prompted this riot to break out. Before she can even try to guess, screaming comes from the opposite direction, flames rising from the other side of the district and this isn't one riot, but _riots_ , springing up all over Twelve.

Janah Malleefowl comes tearing out of her house, a flash of silver in her hand and Madge wants to go running after her, drag her back home. But Janah hurries off, melds into the crowd of people rushing towards the chaos, determined to join the fray. Madge looks up at Gale, his clenched jaw and knows he's warring with himself, the urge to go, the urge to stay. She hugs her stomach, wonders if he sometimes wishes he hadn't married her, wishes he was free to fight like he wants to, didn't have to worry about her and the baby.

She'd fight beside him if she could, stand with him against Snow, his Capitol, his army of peacekeepers. She can't though, needs to keep her baby safe and she knows Gale feels the same.

"I'm sorry," Madge whispers and Gale tightens his arm around her, kisses the top of her head.

"Don't be, I wouldn't trade this for the world," he whispers back, face lit up orange and gold. Madge nods and they stand side by side at their little window, watch Twelve go to war.

_Home fires burning_ , Madge thinks, _just not at all the way you'd have imagined_.

* * *

(there are riots nearly every night after this, never quite as big, but still, violence comes with sundown, turns Twelve into a battleground)

(people disappear, homes crumble and smoke curls against the sky, a message to the world)

( _we're not afraid anymore_ )

* * *

Madge snuggles deeper into Gale's arms, keeps him safe in her embrace.

"I'd like a big garden," she whispers in the dark, "with all kinds of flowers and trees." Gale nods, hands drawing patterns on her back.

"A great big yard," he adds, "one where our kids could play."

"Maybe a treehouse?" she asks, thinks that might be fun and Gale nods again.

"Yeah. We should build it somewhere near the woods, I'd love to be able to see it from our window."

"Near water, for swimming."

They continue to plan their dream house, their dream life, the future they have to believe they'll have. It's a conversation for late nights and quiet voices, a conversation built entirely from fragile hopes.

"A swing set," Madge suggests and the baby kicks.

"I guess baby agrees," Gale grins and Madge laughs a little, wishes this moment never had to end.

They're happy, they're safe, they're together.

She just hopes they always will be.

* * *

Madge gathers her things at the end of the day, makes to leave her classroom when Mr Naysmith arrives, sweeps his eyes over her stomach, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

"A word, if you please?" he asks and she nods, feels her nerves tighten.

"You understand, Mrs Hawthorne," he begins (and he's finally started using her married name, disdain dripping from his tongue), "that unfortunately, once you've had your baby, we'll have to find someone else to fill your position here."

Madge nods until his words start to settle and she realizes what he's really saying. She'll have to take time off when the baby comes and when they replace her, it won't be temporary. Once she leaves, she can't come back.

She clenches her hands, bites her tongue and forces a smile.

"Of course, Mr Naysmith," she agrees and he gives her one last glance, turns on his heel and leaves. Madge deflates once he's gone, feels like she might cry.

This isn't fair.

* * *

She doesn't tell Gale about it, doesn't want to worry him and there _has_ to be something she can do.

She loves her job, they _need_ her job and Mr Naysmith can't just take it from her, she won't let him.

But how is she supposed to stop him? She's having this baby, will need time off and her position can't remain vacant, the students need someone to teach them.

Her baby kicks and Madge rests a hand over  it, closes her eyes.

_I'll figure something out, I promise._

* * *

The trains stop running between districts, all communication, no matter how minimal, is cut off and they must survive on their own, no help from anyone else.

Except they've always done that, have had to rely on themselves, have had to scrape by without aid. Snow wants to isolate them, stomp down any united front but it's not train lines or telephones that keep them connected, it's anger and pain, a lifetime of oppression, a great burning hope for better days.

Unlike Snow, the people of Panem are never alone.

They have each other, he's made sure of that.

* * *

Madge stops by Thom and Leevy's, always feels better after a moment spent with their son. They've called him Kolton, after Leevy's father and he's so small, so perfectly adorable.

Leevy answers the door with a tired smile, Kolton nestled in her arms and Madge feels her own exhaustion start to melt, pleasant warmth flooding her blood. She follows Leevy inside, is more than happy to hold a sleepy Kolton, can't stop staring at his little face. She's going to have one of these soon, her very own tiny baby and it' so amazing, so completely overwhelming.

 "He's beautiful," Madge murmurs, probably for the millionth time and Leevy sinks into the couch, love shining from her eyes.

"Yeah, he is."

Motherhood has always been frightening, but looking down at Kolton Oakfield, Madge thinks she could brave anything.

_I love you_ , she tells the baby inside of her, _I can't wait to meet you_.

_I really can't._

* * *

"There's talk of striking, down in the mines," Gale murmurs as he sits down heavily on the edge of their bed. Madge reaches for his hand.

"How serious?" she asks, not quite sure what she wants the answer to be.

"Pretty serious," he answers, sounds exhausted. "There's always been whispers, but they never meant much, just wishful thinking, but this time...this time I think they really mean it." Madge wraps his hand in both of hers and pulls him closer. He comes willingly, arms going around her, chin resting on her head.

She doesn't know what to say, isn't quite sure how to feel so she kisses his shoulder instead, lays her cheek on the rough material of his shirt.

_Whatever happens, we'll be okay._

It's a promise she's determined to keep.

* * *

"Can I tell you a secret?" Posy whispers, leans towards Madge with excitement in her eyes. Madge nods eagerly, leans a bit closer too. Posy bites her lip and looks around, makes sure no one else is listening.

"So there's this boy," she begins and Madge grins. "He's _really_ cute, and tall," Posy continues, cheeks turning faintly pink.

"And what's his name?" Madge asks, bumps Posy's shoulder with her own.

Posy giggles, cheeks a little darker. "Hale, Hale Hornbeam."

"Well, that's a stupid sounding name," Gale interrupts, clearly knows just what they were talking about. He settles beside Posy with a less than pleased look on his face, big brother mode fully activated. Posy pouts and Madge can't help but smirk.

"Says the man named 'Gale'," she points out, a hint of laughter in her voice. Gale frowns and shoots her an unimpressed look.

"I dunno, seems a bit weird, liking a guy whose name's only one letter away from being your brother's," Rory says from Madge's other side, leaning against the couch. Posy scrunches up her nose.

"Ew Rory, don't say stuff like that, cause then it _is_ weird." Rory shrugs, Gale nods and Posy swings narrowed eyes to him.

"And speaking of names, you know what Madge told me? You guys haven't picked out a single baby name yet!"

"We've got a few ideas," Gale tries to defend himself, but Posy shakes her head and grabs his arm, begins marching him to the kitchen.

"Ma will be appalled, we've already come up with tons of ideas. Honestly Gale, what would you do without us?"

Madge laughs as Gale rolls his eyes and Rory sits down beside her, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I don't think I'll have kids," he begins, voice soft, "but if I did, I think...I think Vick and Peony would be nice names."

Madge feels her heart squeeze, takes a hold of Rory's hand.

"I think those are lovely names."

They share a sad smile and she decides right now, it doesn't matter how many sons she and Gale have, Vick belongs to Rory.

_You'd make a wonderful Dad_ , she thinks, knows he isn't ready to hear it yet.

He's still struggling with himself, the failures haunting his dreams but Madge has hope for someday, for the day Rory can feel proud to be himself again.

She doesn't know if that future has a Vick or Peony Hawthorne, doesn't know if Rory will ever get married or have children, but that doesn't matter. What matters is Rory and the strength he shows every day, the courage in his heart.

_You'll be okay_ , she thinks and unlike all the empty promises she's made to herself over the years, she knows this one's true.

_You'll be okay._

* * *

They settle on Cirrus for a boy, after Gale's father and she thinks of naming a girl after her mother, but realizes that wouldn't be right. Her mother wouldn't want a granddaughter named after herself, she'd want it named after the sister she could never forget.  If she really wants to honour her mother, she'll name her daughter Maysilee, just like she would have wanted.

_Cirrus Hawthorne._

_Maysilee Hawthorne._

They both sound amazing.

* * *

The way to work is like walking through a ghost town, empty homes and houses with broken windows. There are doors that creak and swing in the wind, faded burn marks painted up walls and scattered pieces of someone's life, abandoned on dusty grass.

Some of the people who should live here have moved in with relatives, but some, some have disappeared, taken away by peacekeepers and Madge is sure they'll never be seen again. _Criminals_ the peacekeepers have branded them, _dangers to society_ but Madge knows that isn't true.

This is a show of force, an attempt to cow the populace with fear. It's the same old trick as always and no one's fooled anymore.

Snow is losing.

(maybe he's already lost)

* * *

There are words, angry, rebellious words painted on the sides of buildings, ugly, garish and revolutionary.

Madge doesn't know how they got there, how someone managed to do it without being caught but everyone gets to read them, every _Down With the Capitol_ and _Death to Snow_ and _the odds are never in our favour._

The district buzzes with each one, heedless of the peacekeepers' banning the subject and Madge stays on one in particular, likes it better than the rest.

_Divided We Fall, Together We Stand_

(and so they will)

* * *

Madge waddles to work, attracting stares as she shuffles down the streets.

It's nearly time, her baby nearly due and she knows she should probably be taking it easier, but she can't, needs to hold onto her job for as long as she can.

_We'll be fine, right baby?_

The baby kicks in response and Madge smiles, even though every part of her feels swollen and bloated. She turns a corner and takes a break, leans against the side of someone's house.

"Mrs Hawthorne!" someone calls and Madge looks up in surprise, eyes landing on the elderly Mrs Darrow. Madge pushes off the wall just as Mrs Darrow reaches her side, a kind smile on her lips.

"I'm so glad I caught you," she starts and Madge smiles, curiosity in her eyes. "I heard you were pregnant and clearly the baby's due any day now."

Madge nods and Mrs Darrow takes her hands.

"Well, I know how Mr Naysmith is, so I would like to fill in for you, while you're away with the baby." Madge is flabbergasted, her mouth dropping open.

"But-but Mrs Darrow, you're retired!" she splutters and Mrs Darrow smiles.

"Yes, but I wouldn't mind coming out of retirement for something like this. Mr Naysmith always does this and it's not right. You're about to start a family, you'll need the money. And from what I've heard, you're brilliant at your job, it wouldn't be fair, for you or the children, to take you away."

Madge can feel tears burn her eyes, something that seems to happen all the time nowadays, and squeezes Mrs Darrow's hands.

" _Thank you_ ," she says sincerely, wishes she knew some way to express how much this means.

"My pleasure, after all, you taking over for me let me retire a bit earlier than planned when I got sick, it's only fair that I help you out when you need it too."

Madge cries a bit more, Mrs Darrow gives her a hug and even in a place like Panem, there is kindness to be found.

* * *

It's Prim who tells her, in hushed whispers at Madge's latest check up.

"People have been attacking peacekeepers in the streets."

Madge's eyes go wide, shock and disbelief pouring through her system and Prim continues, voice barely audible.  

"The first was last Thursday. A few people just...ganged up on a lone peacekeeper, left him pretty beaten up. It's been happening ever since, one or two peacekeepers every day."

"Did they catch anyone who did it?" Madge asks, not sure she really wants to know. Prim shakes her head.

"No and it's got the peacekeepers even more on edge than usual. They're not used to being the victims."

_No_ , Madge thinks, _they wouldn't be._

_How the tables have turned._

* * *

The winds of  change blow through Twelve, through Panem and Madge can't help but dream every night, see revolution and fire and a better tomorrow.

(sometimes though, she can't help but see a _worse_ tomorrow, a world where rebellion comes and fails, leaves things worse than ever before)

* * *

Madge wakes in the middle of the night, a sharp, insistent pain coming over her in waves. The bed sheets are wet and she knows what that means.

"Gale," she says through clenching teeth. "Gale," she repeats, urgency in every breath. She shakes him awake and he blinks, mumbling to himself. She's already sitting, arms around her stomach.

"Madge?" he questions, groggy and half-asleep.

"The baby's coming."

* * *

Madge has never known pain like this, has never screamed her voice quite so raw. She is feverish and sweaty, her entire body feeling like it wants to tear itself apart.

Gale holds one hand, Hazelle the other and she can't hear their soothing words, just the encouragement in their tone. Prim and Mrs Everdeen coach her through and she tries her best to listen, even as she grows lightheaded and blurry eyed.

"Almost!" someone says, "You can do it!" from someone else.

"Push!" and she does, pushes pushes pushes, wonders if this is how it feels to die and then comes the screaming cry, high pitched and absolutely beautiful.

"It's a girl!"

* * *

Hazelle squeezes her hand and Gale kisses her head, again and again. Words tumble from his lips into her ear, _i love you, you did it, you're so amazing, i love you_.

Madge collapses back into her pillows, feels boneless and exhausted. She closes her eyes and tries to steady her breathing, lulled by Gale's voice.

"Would you like to say hello?" Prim asks and Madge struggles her eyes open, feels her heart swell and glow at the sight of her baby girl. She smiles, feels tears start to gather in her eyes and reaches out, her arms stronger than they've ever been.

Prim nestles the baby close and Madge cannot look away. She's so tiny, so fragile, so absolutely perfect. Gale puts an arm around her and leans in close, wonder rolling off of him in waves.

"She's beautiful," he murmurs, voice a mixture of awe and love. Madge nods, has never ever felt so happy.

"Hello, Maysilee," she whispers, words watery.

And if she had to pick only one moment to describe joy, she'd pick this one, this perfect, perfect moment.

_Hello Maysilee_

* * *

Their friends and family come to visit, crowd around Madge's bed and the miracle in her arms.

There are tears and hugs and rebellion, war, it couldn't seem more far off, a million miles away from their happy home.

"She's so... _small_ ," Rory whispers, sounds breathless and surprised. Posy squeezes his arm, smile wide.

"That's our _niece_ ," she points out, excitement lacing every word.

"Oh, Madge," Peeta breathes, hasn't taken his eyes off Maysilee once, "she's beautiful."

Gale nods, full of pride and  introduces her to the room. "Maysilee Hawthorne," he announces, happiness swelling in his voice. Madge glances over at her father and his reaction, sees the surprise on his face. He blinks a few times before the shock melts into a tender smile and he kisses the side of Madge's head, eyes misty.

"Your mother would have loved it," he murmurs and Madge nods, feels her own tears start to fall again. "I'm so proud of you, we both are."

Madge doesn't know what to say, leans into him instead and catches sight of Katniss hovering in the corner. Their eyes meet and there's something a little like fear in Katniss' gaze, keeping her at bay. Madge offers her a reassuring smile, tries to beckon her forward with her eyes and Katniss chews on her lips, slowly starts to creep forward, trepidation in every step. She stops by Peeta's side, fingers digging into his shoulder and peers down at Maysilee, filled with nerves and poorly hidden wonder.

"So, what do you think?" Gale asks, slings an arm over Katniss' shoulders. His grin's still huge, has only gotten bigger every second since Maysilee's birth and his enthusiasm seems contagious, a tiny smile blooming on Katniss' face.

"She's...," Katniss swallows, tries again. "She's...amazing, really."

Gale gives her a squeeze, Madge beams and this is every happily ever after come true.

* * *

(but Panem's still getting closer to the end, a country of storm clouds ready to burst)

(soon)

* * *

Madge looks down at Maysilee's sleeping face, sweet and soft and small.

There is a feeling in her chest, spreading out through her body, touching every limb and strand of hair. It feels like sunshine and starlight, like warmth and good dreams. It is more than love, more than anything Madge has ever felt before. It peels away her layers, sheds shadows, pain and hate. It is peace and bliss and faith, a promise of the future.

"I love you," Madge whispers but the words are not enough.

There is a kind of hope living in this room with them, a candle Madge will carry through her life.

_I love you_

* * *

(of course, love may not be enough)

* * *

Madge watches Gale rock Maysilee to sleep, falls in love with him all over again. Her heart wants to burst with love for these two, her perfect, perfect two. Gale holds Maysilee a little closer, eyes never straying from her face.

"The rumours are getting worse," he whispers, doesn't want to disturb Maysilee's sleep.

"About a strike at the mines?"

Gale nods, "Yeah, I really think they're, _we're_ , gunna do it."

Madge closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, worry like spikes in her veins. She moves quietly to Gale's side, slips around behind his chair and wraps her arms around his shoulders, presses her face to the back of his neck.

"Come home to us," she breathes into his skin because she would never ask him not to go, never want him not to fight for what's right.

"I'm going to keep you safe Madge, you and Maysilee, I promise. No matter what." His voice is firm and Madge nods, tightens her hold on him.

"I know you will. And I will too. I'll never let anything happen to you, either of you."

_we'll keep each other safe_

* * *

(and finally, _finally_ , that countdown, the one ticking closer and closer to Panem's final fight, hits zero)

* * *

It feels like any other morning.

Madge wakes up just a few moments before Gale, has no idea that anything at all is going to happen today.

(but _oh_ , it will)

They go about their morning routine with practised ease and Gale kisses her and Maysilee goodbye, goes off to his final day in the mines.

(not that either of them know that yet)

Madge and Maysilee head back inside, get ready for their day and this is it, the end they've all been waiting for.

(but really, who'd have imagined the world would end on a Tuesday?)

It feels like any other morning.

It isn't.

* * *

(the end is near)

(no, the end is _here_ )

(because today, rebellion ends)

(and _war_ begins)


	12. There's a Storm Breaking On Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from the ashes, we will rise

_Part 12-There's a Storm Breaking on Us_

Madge drops Maysilee off at Hazelle's and heads out to do the shopping, thinks this Tuesday will be the same as any other.

(she's wrong)

She's just finished buying all the food they can afford (which isn't much), arms laden with bags, when the clanging starts. Madge freezes, pounding heart drowned out by the alarm for the mines, the very worst sound in the world. She thinks immediately of Gale and Rory, somewhere out there in that ringing sound of death.

She spins on the spot, looks out in the direction of the mines and sees a thin plume of smoke rising into the sky, not at all like the usual choking black of mine fires burning. It's hard to think with all the noise and the fear but then a contingent of peacekeepers goes charging past, weapons drawn as they speed towards the mines and Gale's words trickle down into her ears.

_There's talk of an uprising, down at the mines...._

This is no accident.

* * *

 

Madge is still standing there when the clanging stops and gun shots fill the air instead.

A jumble of thoughts assault her mind, but above them all is a drowning fear for Rory and Gale, lost in the sea of chaos down at the mines.

_they'll be alright, they'll be alright, they'll be alright_

_they have to be_

People around her start to panic and Madge finally jolts into action, blood pumping furiously through her veins. _Maysilee_. She needs to get to Maysilee. She wheels about and runs, needs to get to the Hawthornes' before they close the streets, lock down the district. She flies down mostly empty streets, ignores the sounds of distant screaming, of chaos and carnage.

The Hawthornes' live far off from the mines, thank God, and Madge arrives in good time, slips inside without knocking. Hazelle is ashen as she stands by the window, torn between her duty as a grandmother and her duty as a mother. Madge comes up behind her and their faces reflect in the glass, a fear present in their eyes that spans all generations, takes root in every heart. Maysilee whimpers in Hazelle's hold and even though she has little time, Madge throws her arms around them both.

"Thank you," she whispers, means it with every fibre of her being.

_thank you_

* * *

 

The streets are no longer empty as she rushes home, Maysilee tucked safely in her arms. Smoke hovers over the district, people run and flee and the screams are louder now, curses and pleas blowing through the roads and between each and every house.

(Hazelle stays behind, because Posy will be on her way home and Rory will come too, because he's okay, of course he is)

(just as Madge needs to keep her Maysie safe, Hazelle needs to stay behind for her children, a safe haven they can run to)

She reaches home and sees a flash of Peacekeepers down the street. They've come, hot on the heels of miners running home and Madge locks the door, pulls shut every curtain. She sits on the edge of their bed, body thrumming with frantic energy and rocks Maysilee in her arms, tries to sing her to sleep as thoughts of Gale and Rory beat against her skull. It's a song her mother used to sing her, one heard in every house in town.

_Hush-a-bye, don't you cry_

_Go to sleep, little baby_

She closes her eyes against the growing screams, louder louder _louder_ , and the sound of splintering wood, her voice wavering on every word.

_When you wake, you shall have_

_All the pretty little horses_

She winces as the bullets fly next door, a fire fight in the Mallefowls' home.

(because she was right, a secret like that, it never stays secret)

She cannot continue, hums instead, tries to block out heartbroken cries. The screaming outside blends together, one voice united in terror and Madge hugs her daughter near, wonders if this will ever end.

But that's the thing, this, right here, this _is_ the end.

* * *

 

Madge sits on the floor, using the bed as a barrier from stray bullets that spin through the room.

Maysilee hasn't stopped crying since the window shattered, glass spilling onto the floor, a smoking bullet whizzing through the air. Everything's louder now, their thin glass barrier broken and Madge is just waiting for the moment when the peacekeepers come charging through the door, guns blazing.

And that's when the cheering starts.

It's a roar that blooms outside, rising and swelling and Madge furrows her brow, can't understand the laughter and triumphant shouts filling the room. The screaming and gun shots seemed to have stopped and Madge stands on tentative legs, confusion and hope spilling through her veins. She shuffles to the broken window, glass crunching under her feet and peeks outside, hesitant and ready to dive for cover.

But she doesn't need to.

There are no peacekeepers in sight, just her neighbours celebrating, hugging, throwing their arms up in the air. She stares, tries her best to make sense of it but can't, creeps towards the front door. She eases it open, is hit full force with happy voices and casts her eyes around the street.

It's a disaster zone and she forces herself not to linger on the bodies lying about, the people who'll never join the celebration. _But what's going on?_ Apprehension gnaws at her nerves and she doesn't feel like celebrating, feels like running instead. She finds someone she recognizes, catches them by the sleeve.

"What's going on?" she asks, her voice failing to stay level. But Acacia Fieldfare doesn't seem to notice, beams and laughs joyfully.

"They've gone! The peacekeepers ran off, we've won!" she exclaims and spins off, dancing with Mrs Caverness and Madge feels her stomach sink.

_It can't be this easy_

Something's wrong, she just knows it.

But what?

* * *

 

She doesn't have to wonder for long.

It's the middle of the day, sun bright in the sky and yet somehow, when the power shuts off, it feels like being plunged into darkness. Someone screams in surprise and a hush falls over the street, the district.

_What's happening?_ is the silent question, one no one has the courage to ask. This can't be good, has to mean something's about to happen and Madge looks around desperately, needs an answer.

Her eyes stick for a moment on what is clearly Janah Malleefowl, not yet eighteen, lying in a dark puddle of blood, silent and unmoving and Madge feels her stomach heave, feels her head spin in the worst of ways. Her legs fold up under her and she crumbles into the dirt, manages to keep Maysilee uninjured even as she loses her breakfast, retching and burning all over.

_Janah_

She huddles over Maysilee, breathing heavy, Janah's dead body seared on her eyes. Her hands are pale and shaky as she wipes at her mouth, illness still swirling through her bones. People are beginning to panic, their victory feeling less assured but Madge barely hears it, Janah clawing at every corner of her thoughts.

_she was only seventeen_

Madge can't help but think of another seventeen year old, a girl with Janah's black fire in her eyes, Ambrosia Hartwig who finally made rebellion real. And then of Peony, also seventeen, brave even in her fear, eyes wide as she swung from the tree they'd hung her from. Madge's stomach heaves again, bile crawling up her throat and she closes her eyes but it doesn't help, makes them all the more real.

They slink out of every shadow, Thistle Faulkner, torn to shreds, Dussie Blum literally falling apart, Jamie Neptune taking his own life. Its Hammil Hayes pleading for his life, Clove of District Two with her head bashed in. Little Rue run through with a spear, Merylla Inchcape's last scream cut off so very abruptly. Its nameless children, dying, dying, _always dying_ , Vick, sweet Vick, cut down before her very eyes. The world starts to blacken around the edges and Madge tries valiantly to pull herself back together, to banish the ghosts plucking at her heart.

" _Madge!_ "

Gale's voice cuts through the haze and Madge forces herself into the present. She stands on trembling legs, _can't-won't_ look at Janah's fallen form and finds him in the crowd just as a cloud blurs out the sun, a shadow settling over their fearful street. Relief pounds through her, manages to push away the mangled bodies of the Capitol's victims for a moment and she falls into his arms, tries to listen to his heartbeat to steady herself.

"Rory?" she asks, needs to know and Gale holds her a little tighter.

"Fine, I sent him to get Ma and Posy."

"Get them?" she queries, fear thickening in her blood. She looks up at him, the hardened jaw and dark eyes and suddenly everything falls into place, puzzle pieces showing the whole horrible picture.

The peacekeepers weren't retreating, District Twelve hasn't won anything at all. The rebellion ended last time when Thirteen was annihilated, wiped entirely off the map.

(except not really)

The Capitol needs a show of force, one so awful everyone will fall back into line. Twelve is the district they can afford to lose, to make a message out of. Small, useless, the peacekeepers pull out because the Capitol is coming, coming to burn Twelve down to the ground.

This is it.

The very, very end.

* * *

Madge has only one moment of hesitation before she's pushing Maysilee into Gale's arms, heart hammering in her throat.

"Madge, what-?" Gale begins but never finishes because he sees the look in her eyes, made of heartbreak and determination.

"I have to," she whispers, already backing away and he wants to stop her, drag her back to him and out of Twelve to safety. She tries to smile, feels her lips wavering and fills her mind with this image of them, Gale and Maysilee, alive and safe, makes her blood warm with it.

"I'll see you later," she promises, fills her shivering voice with all the conviction she can manage and then she's gone, tears burning down her cheeks as she runs.

_"Madge!"_ Gale shouts after her, voice like a whip of fear but Madge can't turn back, has to make sure her father knows what's going on, has to make sure he makes it out alive. She knows Gale will want to follow her but won't, will make sure Maysilee gets to safety.

_They'll be alright._

And hopefully, so will she.

* * *

 

Madge tears through town, voice thick with tears as she screams.

_Get out, get to the woods, the Capitol's coming, it's not safe, go through the fence, you need to get out!_

Fear is heavy in the air and people spill from their doors in confusion and mounting terror, flinch away from Madge's damning words.

_Get out! Get out of the district! Hurry!_

She searches every nerve wracked face for her father, her stomach tightening with every second that passes. The Capitol will be here soon, the District will crash down around their ears and she knows they can't save everyone, knows people are going to die today. It's like a hot sickness sliding through her body, a feverish sludge clogging up her veins. She knew this was coming, knew war and rebellion would inevitably mean death but now it's here and she can't bare it, looks at every face and wonders _is it you? are you going to die here when the Capitol burns Twelve to the ground?_ The fear is scalding, stumbles through her shattered nerves like burning ice and she needs to find her father, wishes she could carry each and every person she passes to safety.

Madge knows not everyone survives a war, knows rebellion always costs.

But looking into the faces of those who'll have to pay the price, she just wishes she could be sure it'll be worth it.

* * *

 

She sprints into the town square, clogged with panic and fear, people clinging to each other and stumbling around, confused and afraid.

Madge tries to make her voice heard, tries to usher them towards the meadow but no one listens, a cacophony of terror drowning her out. Desperate, frustrated tears burn her eyes because she doesn't have time to convince them, but she can't leave them either, can't abandon them to die.

This is mayhem, a district on the brink of complete disaster and Madge doesn't know what to do, how to fix this and she's wasting time, precious, precious time.

_Listen to me!_

But they won't.

They won't.

* * *

 

Her father sits on the porch swing and nurses a mug of wine. He doesn't look worried or afraid, seems almost resigned to the end of the world as they know it.

(and if Madge was afraid before, it's nothing to the fear she feels now)

"Daddy, we need to go," she starts urgently, hurries up the front steps. He looks at her with tired eyes, seems so much older than he is. She grabs his arm, fingers vibrating as they tighten on his sleeve but he doesn't move, feels like lead in her hands.

"It's alright, sweetheart," he begins and she shakes her head, because it isn't, it _isn't_. She tugs at his arm, feels time tick by, counting down to the very end of everything.

"We need to go," she pleads but he only seems to sink deeper into the porch swing, a faraway look in his eyes. He's so frail, withered and gray, wispy hair catching sunlight and shining  bright and silver. The wrinkles on his loose, washed out skin are deep, his face sad and weathered. Defeat hangs over him like a cloak and Madge feels a sob choking in her throat.

"Daddy, _please_..."

He smiles, but it's not happy or warm, feels brittle and fragile. He takes her hand, wraps bony fingers around hers.

"It's okay," he murmurs, reassuring words stitched through with a painful sorrow. "I think it's time." She blinks away tears and refuses to listen, refuses to think about what he means.

"I'll be with your mother soon," he says softly, wistfully and this is not a mutt or peacekeeper, not something she can beat back with fists or anger. This melancholia bleeding from his skin is not something she can fight and she feels desperation burn through her organs, hot and tragic. _Don't give up, please please, don't give up._

"Don't leave me," she forces out, words wobbling and pathetic but she cannot care, not now. "Maysilee needs her Grandpa and I... _I_ need you." The tears burst forth, swallowing her words and they spill down her cheeks, her heart crumbling to dust. Her legs collapse beneath her and she kneels on the porch, clutches his arm like a lifeline.

"I know you miss Mama and I know life's been hard, but _please_ Daddy, please don't leave me. _Please_ ," she begs, not a grown woman anymore, not a mother, but a daughter, just a little girl who loves her father.

_Please don't leave me._

"I'm sorry Madge, I'm so sorry." Her heart freezes because this cannot be true, cannot be the end. But then he's pulling her to her feet, his mug clattering to the ground beside her. She looks at his face and his smile's a little less broken, his eyes a little less dim.

"You're right, my granddaughter's waiting and Gale must be worrying himself sick. Let's go."

Wine spills across the porch and they're not out of the woods yet, not by a long shot, but she feels hope start to beat in her ribs, sees a possibility of tomorrow and she will not surrender, not yet.

 And so they run, hand in hand.

* * *

 

The streets are thick with bodies, fear rank in the air and they cannot wade through the crowds, cannot fight their way to safety. People sob, desperate and confused, scared and unsure and that's when Madge hears it, the distant whirring of oncoming hovercraft.

_No._

There is no way out, streets impassable but this cannot be the end, _cannot_.

Madge runs.

She drags her father along with her, far away from the crowds, from the Seam, from the meadow and the fence. She sprints as quick as she can to the only possible safe haven, grasps onto a mere hunch.

_We can't die here, we can't._

_We won't._

* * *

 

Victor's Village looms just ahead of them when the first bombs fall on District Twelve.

Screams tear through her, howls of death and pain mixed with an explosion that shakes the earth, ground bucking and shuddering beneath their feet.

_Don't fall, don't stumble, keep running._

The Capitol will need somewhere to stay when they come to investigate, to ensure that Twelve has burned away to nothing but ashes and bones. Where else but Victor's Village? It's the only place they might not destroy, the only chance they have.

(except maybe they won't spare it, maybe they'll simply burn and burn and burn, until there's absolutely nothing left)

She has to hope, has to believe, cannot admit defeat.

_We'll be alright._

_I'm coming Maysilee._

* * *

_"Madge!"_

Katniss' voice slices through the air, her screech barely audible as Hell descends on Twelve but Madge turns, sees her best friend waving frantically. They collide, shaky limbed and then Katniss drags them inside, ushers them into the basement. They trip down the stairs and there's Peeta, pale as he grabs Madge's arm in a vice, drags her into his chest for a hug that bruises. Katniss snaps shut the door and Peeta releases Madge and reaches for his wife, eyes reflecting the fear Madge can taste on her tongue.

They huddle together, Peeta, Katniss Madge and her father, and sink to the floor, arms locked tight around each other.

_please let us survive today_

_please_

* * *

 

(Madge has never known a fear quite like this, so fresh and real and _raw_ , filling every corner of her mind, knotting her every nerve. She cannot think, cannot move or blink, feels her breath trapped in her lungs, too scared to do anything at all.

She can't hear the sound of bombs and utter, _utter_ destruction, cannot see the reflections of flames painted against the walls, there is only fear, white and hot and drowning)

* * *

And then Twelve is silent, silent as the tomb it's become.

* * *

 

Madge's hunch proves true and Victor's Village alone remains when death stops raining from the sky, a final monument to the Capitol's might.

They stumble up the stairs, emerge into what could be night, the sun blotted out by smoke and ashes. They link their hands and _fly_ , their pace frantic and panicked. There's no telling when the Capitol might be back, might come down to investigate. They need to go, can't look back, can't stop, can't think about the smouldering remains of all the people left behind.

Twelve is dead.

But they won't die with it.

* * *

 

Madge cannot stop coughing, tries her best not to think about whose ashes may be clogging up her throat. Her eyes sting and water, all of their eyes do, and she can't feel relief, not even when they reach the meadow. The grass is black and burnt, the fence torn down and still, the Capitol could fall upon them at any moment.

Adrenaline is still pumping through her body, thudding through her bones and they keep running, don't stop until they're deep within the trees. They try to catch their breath but the air still tastes like death, still carries the end of District Twelve.

(and maybe, Madge thinks, it always will)

There's an eerie quiet, not a single sound of life nearby, the air stagnant and hot. They are alone, so utterly alone and they don't even know if there's anyone else alive, don't even know if anyone made it out in time.

_they must have._

They walk in silence, hands still fastened tight, trust Katniss' judgement. She and Gale use to talk of running away, of escaping into the woods and Katniss leads them there now, off in the direction she and Gale always planned to go.

_let them be there._

_please let them be there._

Madge feels like she's walking to an execution, her very own, doesn't know what she'll do if they never find them, if they lose everyone, _everything_.

_they're alive._

_They are._

Rebellion always costs, but this is one price Madge cannot, will not pay.

_they have to be okay._

* * *

 

When sounds of life reach them, they freeze, overwhelming relief mixing with crushing terror, because someone's made it but what if... _what if_?

It's her father who moves first, the first to find his courage again and he leads them forward tentatively. Madge can feel the slickness of his palm, wet with sweat but she can't be sure if it's his or hers, so sick is she with fear.

_please don't be dead._

There are people, tired, dirty and scared, huddled in clumps and they all turn when Madge and her little group step out of the trees. Haunted eyes and drawn faces snap in their direction, clearly fearing Peacekeepers, here to finish what the bombs started. Someone screams, pent up fear and brittle nerves bursting out, people leap to their feet, defensive and angry and then a blur of blonde and pastel lurches forward with a screech.

_"Katniss!"_

It's Prim, shivering, shaking Prim, blood on her hands and clothes and she flings herself on her sister, holds on for dear life. Katniss clings back, presses her face against Prim's hair and there are no words, because what words could ever be enough? They sway on the spot, exhausted and worn but still they don't let go, relief giving them strength.

Madge feels one of the weights on her heart lift, knowing Prim is alright and she casts her eyes, already wet, around the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of someone else she loves, to see all those she _needs_ to have survived.

_Where are they?_

"Madge?"

She whips around, heart beating fast as she hears her name, coming out as a croak and there's Rory, blessedly alive, blessedly alright. The tears come now without restraint and he simply stares at her, like he cannot believe what he's seeing.

"You're...you're _okay_. Gale said...but I thought... _you're okay_ ," he manages and Madge nods, hands pressed over her mouth to stem her sobs. She doesn't know who reaches for who first but then they're in each other's arms, a wet, snotty mess. She bawls into his shoulder, every horror of today finally hitting her full force.

"They're okay, Ma and Posy and Gale and Maysie, they're okay," Rory murmurs to her hair and she feels her knees go weak, relief hitting her like a train.

_My baby, my baby, my Maysie, you're okay_

She thinks she might collapse but she needs to see them, needs to hold her baby in her arms. She cannot form the words but Rory seems to know, disentangles himself and squeezes her hand, leads her on with a blotchy face, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

_I'm coming_ , she thinks, _Maysie and Gale, I'm coming._

* * *

 

Gale is rocking Maysilee in his arms, murmuring to her quietly and Madge cannot describe what she feels next, doesn't think there are words for the emotions surging through her body.

_Maysie...Gale...Oh thank God..._

"Hey, Gale," Rory calls, voice scratchy but undeniably happy, and Gale turns, weary and dirt smudged. He freezes when he sees her, eyes wide and Madge smiles through her tears.

And then he's there, arm around her, Maysilee wedged between them. Madge kisses him, kisses Maysie, wraps her arms as tight around him as she can. She laughs and cries, 'I love yous' tumbling from her lips and this is a miracle, a perfect, shining miracle.

"Madge, Madge, Madge," he breathes, mouth pressing anywhere it can reach and she nods against him, breathes in the scent of her husband and baby, her precious, precious family.

_We're okay, we're all okay._

* * *

 

Gale's body is warm against hers as they lie together that night, Maysilee sleeping soundly beside them. Madge can't quite remember ever having a day like this one, but it's over now, they're safe.

(well, not everyone)

"I was afraid you wouldn't come back," Gale whispers, breath tickling her neck and Madge knows the feeling, had been just as scared she wouldn't make it back here, back to them. She squeezes the arm wrapped around her waist, eyes still trained on her perfect, tiny daughter.

"I wasn't always sure myself, but at least I knew you'd both be safe, would get out. I can't imagine having to worry about that too."

(except she was worried, so, _so_ worried)

Gale pulls her in a little closer, body almost swallowing her up.

"All I wanted to do was run after you and drag you back," he admits, voice raw and Madge nods.

"I know, and _thank you_ , for not."

He exhales, arm snug around her, their legs intertwined.

"I don't think I could do that again. Next time the world ends, we stick together, okay?"

Madge knots her fingers with his. "Okay."

* * *

 

(for once, Madge doesn't dream about the end of the world, of blood and carnage and the deaths of the those she loves.

the end had come and they were still here, still standing.

for once, Madge dreams of what comes after)

* * *

 

Madge does what she can in their ramshackle camp, tends to the sick and injured, comforts the broken hearted and tries her very best not to take stock of all the missing faces.

She cooks a sickly looking stew with Hazelle over a whimpering fire and tries not to wonder about tomorrow, about how much longer they can live like this. The rebellion she'd imagined always involved fire and fighting, not this, a homeless people scratching by with no idea what happens next.

She resolves to stay strong, because what choice does she have? Rebellion has come, swept through Panem like a towering wave and Madge will ride it to the end.

(and she'd be lying if she said her fingers didn't twitch, itching to burn the Capitol the way they burnt her home, her friends, her family)

* * *

Three days.

That's how long their entire world hangs in the balance, waiting for what happens next. Will the Capitol find them and finish them off? Will they be rescued by rebels? Will they stay here forever, starving and dwindling?

Three days and then their answer comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lullaby lyrics used in this chapter are from a popular American lullaby, "All the Pretty Little Horses", of unknown origin.


	13. Set My Rebel Heart Aflame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so we go to war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Gadge Day!!!

_Part 13-Set My Rebel Heart Aflame_

Madge moves listlessly through the trees, heavy heart weighing her down.

She hadn't had time when they'd first arrived among the survivors of Twelve to take much stock of who was here and who wasn't, but now, on their third day of waiting around with waning hope for the future, Madge was well aware of all the people they'd lost.

Peeta is the last Mellark standing and though she'd never been particularly close to (or fond of, in his mother's case) any of them, she still aches for him, an orphan and only child in one terrible afternoon. Her neighbours the Malleefowls are all missing and again Madge thinks of Janah, bleeding in the streets and wonders if her family knew, if they died with broken hearts. Acacia Fieldfare, who she'd last seen dancing joyfully through the streets isn't here either, and Madge hopes she died spinning cheerfully, still believing they'd won, finally made the capitol pay for all they'd done. Worst of all though, the news that really shatters her is Merrie, Merrie who taught her to cook and bake, Merrie who insisted on a toast when she announced her engagement.

Merrie, who's dead.

Madge isn't numb to death and loss, even though she often wishes she was and this _hurts_ , digs deep into fond memories and happier days. She knows she should count her blessings, should focus on all the people she _didn't_ lose but she can never quite manage it, can never quite forget the faces of those she'll never see again.

(but would she ever really want to?)

She knows too, that she should be focusing on right now, on the dire straits those who escaped the fire have now found themselves in. Desperate, hungry and homeless, the survivors of District Twelve have nothing, have to scrounge from the forest around them, but pickings are slim, animals frightened away by the bombing, edible plants scarce and far between. People are tired, giving up, illness creeping in towards them. They need something, _anything_ to happen because Madge doesn't know if they can make it much longer, doesn't know if Twelve has enough spirit to last.

(she is ever thankful it isn't winter, knows things could be _so_ much worse)

Madge carries back her meagre findings of berries, forces herself not to be disappointed, to be confident for tomorrow. Hopelessness has started to settle on the survivors and part of her wonders why she keeps fighting it, but she does, has to believe their rebellion will keep going, hasn't reached its final ending.

Of course, that's when she hears the hover crafts.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, hide or run, because the answer's _run_ , run towards the sound, because that's where her family is and what's the point in hiding if she's left them behind?

* * *

Madge tears into the clearing, panic like a beating heart in her blood, but she's too late.

The hover crafts have already landed.

Her eyes flash from face to face as Twelve's final survivors are herded into the various hovercrafts, nervous worry lighting their expressions. _But where are-_

"Madge."

She jumps nearly a foot in the air and whirls around, almost shrieks in relief at Gale standing before her. She grabs hold of his arms, a hundred questions burning on her tongue but he quenches them all with an excited smile.

"You don't have to worry, it's not the Capitol. It's Thirteen. They're here to rescue us."

* * *

Madge sits wedged between Gale and Posy on the hovercraft, cannot believe this is really happening.

_Thirteen is real._

_They're here to rescue us._

She feels almost like she's dreaming until the hovercraft takes off and her stomach seems to disappear, left behind on the ground as they rise into the sky. Posy squeezes her arm, Rory looks a little queasy and Madge refuses to think of the last hovercrafts she saw, the ones that burned Twelve to the ground.

_Rebellion has come._

_It's our time to fight back._

Madge looks down at Maysilee's sleeping face and promises them both that her daughter will never have to see the things Madge saw, never have to live the life her parents did.

_You're going to have a happy life Maysie._

_I swear._

* * *

Thirteen is a maze of underground tunnels, level under level of technological marvels and Madge feels trapped and claustrophobic.

She holds Maysilee close and huddles by Gale's side, isn't used to this, has never been so far from fresh air and the sky. Everything is gray and sterile, even the people and Thirteen may have survived, but she isn't quite sure she'd call them alive.

Officials assign them compartments and then shunt them aside, Twelve's survivors too weary and confused to ask many questions. Madge and Gale, as a married couple with a baby, will have their own compartment and she turns to the Hawthornes' behind her to ask about their quarters but hesitates at the wistful look on Rory's face. He notices her gaze and turns fully to face her, a strange light in his eyes.

"Vick would've loved this," he says, a bit of a grin in his voice. "All these underground tunnels, he'd have lost it. He was always trying to convince me to dig a tunnel in the yard, our own secret base." Rory laughs a little and it's the first time he's mentioned Vick without sounding broken or miserable, the first time storm clouds haven't gathered in his eyes.

Madge smiles, feels the very beginning of tears and it feels nice, remembering Vick without that ache in her chest. Maybe Thirteen isn't quite what she imagined, but maybe that doesn't matter.

That smile on Rory's face, _that's_ what matters.

* * *

"So, this is it," Gale murmurs as they stand in their tiny little quarters, his voice a little awed.

"We're part of the rebellion now, officially," she whispers, rocks Maysilee in her arms and Gale steps over to them, holds them both against his chest.

"I love you both, more than anything," he says and Madge nods, rests her head against his heartbeat.

_This is it._

_It's really begun._

* * *

Life in Thirteen is different from anything she might've imagined.

Temporary tattoos on their wrists regiment their every hour, strictly and absolutely, everyone wears the same boring gray jumpsuits and they mingle and mix with refugees of every district, a notion entirely foreign. Victors pour into these underground tunnels too, even renegade Capitol citizens here to help them revolt.

( _together we stand_ )

War lingers in every move they make, every second that passes and she hears snatches of news from the outside world, from the battles that burst in the other districts, of victory and defeat and violent Capitol retribution.

( _if we burn, you burn with us)_

Everyone over fourteen qualifies as a soldier, so Madge is shuffled into training, spends hours every day learning how to fight, how to kill. She is so busy, only sees those she loves at mealtimes and during their thirty minute a day allotment of "downtime". She misses Maysie the most, her baby spending the daytime hours with Hazelle, whose age has left her exempt from training. Madge curls up with Gale at night, tries to catch her breath from the relentlessness of their lives now, the schedule that never seems to end.

_(you're next Snow)_

One thing she _does_ have time to notice though, is how much longer Gale's training is, Katniss and Rory's too. Theirs is more intense, more comprehensive, so much _more_ than Madge's basic sort of training. It makes her wonder, maybe makes her a little jealous, but she never asks, assumes they know as little as she does.

_(the Capitol's time has come)_

Thirteen works in mysterious ways and it doesn't really matter, does it?

They'll all be out there soon enough.

* * *

Her tattoo tells her to bring Maysilee for a check-up at exactly ten-fifteen one morning, so Madge heads to the infirmary, is glad for a bit of a break from her repetitive routine.

She smiles at Maysilee's sleeping face and then stops short at someone familiar hovering anxiously outside the infirmary doors, blocking the way in. Madge can't quite place her but she knows she's seen her before, the pale face, long, dark hair, ocean eyes. She's small but clearly older than Madge herself, worry eating at her face as she wrings her hands. Madge feels a wave of compassion and heads over to see if she's alright, wonders if someone she knows is inside in awful shape.

It hits her then, where she's seen her before. It was long ago, on a television screen. She's Annie Cresta of District Four, victor of the seventieth Hunger Games.

The mad girl, or so they say.

Before Madge can take another step, or think on it anymore, Finnick Odair comes out of the infirmary and heads straight for Annie, all the tension bleeding from her shoulders. They fall into each other and Madge feels surprise sliding over her, but then, they were both from district four, it's not all that surprising they know each other. He might have even mentored her.

But then...the way she folds into his chest, the way he presses his cheek to her hair, his arms pulling her as close as she can get, this is so much _more_ than just knowing each other. Madge feels like she's walked in on something private, even as her mind races, trying to reconcile this Finnick with the smirking one she's grown up with on TV, the one with a hundred lovers and charm oozing from every pore. She decides to come back later, feels somewhat embarrassed but backs away too quickly, knocks into a shelf.

They both look up and Madge freezes, feels her cheeks heating up red. Annie's eyes slide down to Maysilee, a strange look coming over her face as she disentangles from Finnick. Her whole body shudders as she takes a step towards Madge, reaches out a hand and Finnick turns pale, his whole body sagging.

"I had a baby once," Annie whispers, voice spidered through with ragged edges. There's a storm in her eyes, a thousand terrible memories crashing down like waves and Madge tightens her hold on Maysilee, Annie's trembling hand hanging between them. Tears spill down her cheeks, her gaze travels far away, back in time and there's a look on Finnick Odair's face, like the world's crumbling beneath his feet and Madge wonders what terrible, awful things have been done to these victors to break them so utterly.

"Annie," he croaks, voice rough and she merely shakes all over until her legs give out, leave her huddled on the floor in tears. Madge's eyes go wide and she doesn't know what to do, feels frozen inside and out. Finnick kneels down and wraps his arms around Annie, whispers something in her ear and Madge feels like she's intruding, feels like she needs to leave.

Finnick clings to Annie on the ground, holds her up just as much as she seems to be holding him up and Madge can't help but hear those words, _I had a baby once_ , echoing around her brain.

She wants to know what that means, but then maybe she doesn't.

She has a pretty good idea already.

* * *

War rages through the districts, refugees pour into Thirteen and the rebellion unleashes its newest weapon.

They call them propos, propaganda videos spliced into the Capitol's television networks, broadcast to every screen in Panem. Highlights of the Capitol's cruelty, destroyed homes, murdered children, brave soldiers calling for victory. There are victors asking for volunteers, urging courage, promising the Capitol they will pay for what they've done.

Peeta is frequently seen, spinning words like spider silk, catching everyone who hears in his web. Katniss shoots arrows into artificial flames and Beetee Latier rambles off chilling statistics while Cropper Peerenboom of District Eleven promises a better tomorrow.

Panem watches with hungry eyes, lets these propos fuel them into action. They fight back against superior weapons, superior skills, spurred on by past horrors and future possibilities.

And slowly, one by one, Panem's districts fall.

(to rebellion, to resistance, to freedom)

* * *

Madge's hands are sweaty on the gun, tremble slightly as she holds it in training.

She tries to remember shooting arrows with Katniss, tries to remember how she took aim but her mind keeps drawing a blank, everything a thousand times realer all of a sudden. This isn't shooting at targets in Katniss' yard, isn't even hunting in the woods.

One day, there'll be a person on the other end of her gun, someone with a family, with people who love them. Someone with dreams, with life flowing through their veins.

Could she really kill them?

 _I'm scared_ , Vick's voice echoes in her head, twelve years old and looking to her for reassurance as his first reaping draws near.

 _Anything for my Madge_ , comes her mother's voice, briefly lucid, freed for a moment from the prison the Capitol and their Games locked her in.

 _I think it's time_ , her father, giving up, willing to burn away with Twelve.

 _I wish I was dead,_ Rory, devastated and broken, drowning alone.

It's the haunted look in Katniss' eyes, Janah Malleefowl bleeding in the street, Merrie dead and gone.

It's the endless weariness in Peeta's face, Posy crying herself to sleep, Gale clinging to her at night.

It's Peony hanging from a tree, Jamie Neptune cutting his own throat, Vick being sent home in a coffin.

It's a mockingjay pin, passed down from an aunt she'll never meet.

Madge pulls the trigger.

* * *

Gale comes home late, later every night and Madge tries not to be frustrated, tries to keep her smile welcoming.

"Maysie missed you today," she says and alright, maybe her voice is a little more bitter than necessary.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize we'd be going so late," he explains, voice sincere and exhausted as he collapses on their bed and Madge feels bad for being snippy when he's so clearly stressed and worn out.

"They're really working you to the bone," she tries, decides she'll give him a massage to loosen his stiff muscles. She takes a step towards him and stops, a thought occurring to her.

"Wouldn't it make more sense to spread it around? I mean,  my group isn't doing nearly as much as yours is, shouldn't we be taking turns, to avoid everyone being so exhausted?" Gale doesn't answer, body suddenly tense and Madge narrows her eyes.

"What?" she asks, has always been able to tell when he's hiding something. He sits up, doesn't quite meet her eyes.

"Your group...is never going to train like mine," he begins and Madge knew it deep down, but feels her heart sink all the same.

"Why not?"

Gale shifts uncomfortably.

"Well, technically, everyone over fourteen qualifies to be a soldier, but they're not all going to fight. For some, like Prim, they're better suited to other tasks, like being a medic. And for others, like Ma, they're too old to do much rigorous fighting. They'll still be given basic training, so they can defend themselves and not be starting from scratch if they have to be called up later, but no one really intends for them to fight."

Madge nods, understands, but she isn't too old, isn't better suited for medicine.

"And me?" she asks, Gale still not meeting her eyes.

"Have you noticed that there's no kids native to Thirteen?"

She hadn't actually, but thinking about it now, she realizes he's right.

"Well, I don't think they _can_ have kids. Something went wrong, a plague maybe, but the people here are mostly infertile."

Madge gasps, can't imagine how awful that must be.

"President Coin and her people, they want to make sure the population stays up. So, when they look at people like us, young, with a kid, definitely with the possibility of more, they don't want to send us both to fight."

Madge opens her mouth to interrupt, outrage building in her lungs but Gale continues, doesn't give her the chance.

"By only sending one of us, they can maximize the chance of us both living and at worst, at least one person from every pair should survive," he finishes and Madge breathes heavily, takes a moment to gather her furious thoughts.

"So...so you're saying I have to stay here and be Coin's... _baby factory_?" Her voice shakes, her body too and Gale still won't look at her.

"Madge-"

"No, that's it, isn't it? You go off to war and I sit at home waiting, so I can pop out more soldiers for Coin's army. And if you die, what? I go find Thom, widowed after they sent Leevy, and we just...? Hook up? Make some more kids like nothing happened, so Coin can keep fighting her war? _Really_?"

"Madge-" Gale tries again but she can't stop, anger clawing its way through her veins.

"And who gets to decide this? Hmm? Who picks the one to stay home, makes this decision without even _consulting_ the people involved? _How dare they_ , they can't just-"

"It was me," Gale interrupts and Madge freezes.

"What?" she croaks and Gale closes his eyes.

"I heard them talking to Katniss, about how she'd fight and Peeta would stay back, because he's stronger in front of the camera. I asked what was going on and they explained it to me, about how one of us would have to stay home. So I told them I'd do the fighting and you'd...stay back."

Madge feels like he's hit her, punched her straight in the gut.

"How... _how could you_?" she demands, hates the betrayal in her voice. "How could you just.... _decide this_ without talking to me? Without even asking my opinion? Did you even think of me _at all_?" she nearly shouts, voice rising with the mounting pain in her chest.

"You're _all_ I think about," he retaliates, stands up and finally looks at her. " _Everything_ I do is for you and Maysie!"

"So, what? I'm just your baby making burden?" she lashes out as his face starts to darken.

"Don't be an idiot," he snaps and she wants to hit him.

"I'm an adult Gale, I can take care of myself. And I _deserve_ the chance to make my own decisions. You should've talked to me, should've... _cared_ what I had to say. But it was all about _you_ ," she accuses, has never been so angry at him.

"I...I did what was _best,_ for us," he insists, runs erratic hands through his hair.

"Did you? Well, I'm _glad_ you know what's best, Gale." She hurls the words at him, each one soaked in disdain, "I mean, talking this out together, _respecting_ my opinion, my feelings, that wouldn't have been best, right?"

He exhales loudly, struggles with what he wants to say.

"Fine, if you don't care how I might feel about my husband going to war, about me being forced to stay out of that same war, one I've wanted to fight for years, one I have _every right_ to fight, then I'll just go. You clearly don't need me here." She turns on her heel before she can reconsider and leaves, wishes they had doors she could slam.

"Madge!" he calls after her, not angry but maybe pleading, and she ignores it.

_How could you Gale?_

_how could you?_

* * *

Katniss and Peeta are closer but there's no room for her there, so she wanders all the way to the Hawthornes', knocks on the door with fire still spitting in her chest.

_how could you do this to me?_

Hazelle doesn't ask any questions and Madge is grateful, crawls into Posy's bunk feeling tired in a terrible, awful way.

_we were supposed to do this together, supposed to be a team_

The bed's a little small for them both but Posy wraps her arms around her and Madge feels a little calmer, her heart a little less stormy.

_does my opinion not matter?_

It takes her ages to fall asleep, head pounding with her words and his, and the war was supposed to be between them and the Capitol, not her and Gale.

_you should've talked to me._

_how could you not?_

* * *

Madge sits by herself at lunch, sour mood denying company and can't quite muster up an appetite. She's only had a bite of desert, a strange goopy pudding she usually loves, and can't even taste it on her tongue. The bitter well in her stomach, flooding her veins, makes it hard to enjoy even this, the thick mix of heartbreak and anger closing her throat.

She knows she can't avoid him forever, but there's still that weepy sort of betrayal lingering in her chest, makes it impossible to even _think_ about seeing him right now. She stabs at her pudding, has no idea what she's supposed to do.

_Oh Gale...why?_

"Um, ex-excuse me?" a soft voice says from behind  her and Madge startles, spins around. Her jaw almost drops at the sight of Annie Cresta, eyes downcast and fingers fidgeting. Finnick Odair hovers a little behind her and Madge blinks, entirely unsure of what's going on.

"I..." Annie swallows, "I just wanted to apologize." For a moment, Madge is confused and then the memory comes flooding back, _I had a baby once_.

"Oh, no," Madge begins, tries to wave it away, "you don't have to." Annie shakes her head, tightens her fingers in the fabric of her jumpsuit.

"Yes, I do. It must've...must've been so awful, the way I acted. I just...I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope it didn't...I hope you weren't too...I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable."

Madge feels her heart squeeze and doesn't blame Annie Cresta for being a bit broken, after all, everyone in Panem is. She looks over Annie's shoulder to see Finnick, clearly anxious, clearly wanting to stand by Annie's side but letting her do this alone, trusting that she can, respecting that she wants to and again, Madge feels her heart squeeze, but for entirely different reasons.

Madge forces a smile. "Don't worry about it, really. It's alright."

Annie meets her eyes for the first time and Madge's smile becomes a little more genuine. Annie's face seems to gain a touch of colour and she doesn't quite smile, but her face softens, warms.

"Would you two like to sit?" Madge asks, isn't quite sure where the words comes from. Annie's whole face lights up with shock and then she does smile, bright and sweet.

"Yes, we'd love to... _thank you_." There's a happiness in her words, one that suggests most people don't offer to share a table with Annie Cresta the mad girl.

But Madge doesn't see why it matters. They're all a little mad here, aren't they?

Annie and Finnick settle in across from her, sit so close their bodies touch all the way along their sides and Madge feels a little colder.

_Oh Gale..._

* * *

Madge flops back on Katniss' bed, stares up at her slate gray ceiling.

She'd come here to talk about Gale, hoped for some advice but now that she's here, all she wants to do is forget about it, talk about anything else. She doesn't know what to say, can't figure out the right words to describe how she feels, so she sighs instead, tries to sink deep into Katniss and Peeta's bed. Katniss is silent for a while, lets Madge try and form a coherent sentence, but seems to realize at her sigh that it's a lost cause.

"Peeta wants us to have lunch with the rest of the victors," Katniss offers to fill the quiet and Madge is grateful, latches onto this new subject.

"I actually just had lunch with some of them," she says, pushes herself up onto her elbows. Katniss gives her an inquisitive look.

"Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta," she clarifies and Katniss nods, mindlessly shreds paper on her lap.

"It was super weird," she continues when it becomes clear that Katniss isn't going to say anything, "I've only ever seen them on TV, they've never seemed _real_ , you know?" Katniss nods again, eyes a little distant and Madge sits all the way up.

"You don't want to sit with them?" she asks and Katniss bites her lip.

"It's not that I don't know them, or even that I don't like them. Well, some of them, anyway. It's just...I only know them because of the Capitol, because of the Games and sitting with them...it's too many bad memories."

Madge understands and scoots to the edge of the bed, just far enough to nudge Katniss' foot with her own.

"Well, I've done it once now, I could probably do it again," she offers with a smile. Katniss blinks but then smiles too, the one Madge wishes she would use more often.

"Thanks," she replies, nudges Madge's foot back. They smile at each other for a moment, the room seeming a little less gray but then Katniss' smile dims, a conflicted look on her face. She begins to chew on her lip and Madge frowns, wonders what could be on her mind. She's just about to ask when Katniss blurts it out, has clearly been holding it in since Madge got here.

"Gale looked awful today."

She doesn't say anything else, doesn't ask any questions and Madge feels her bones grow heavy, the weight she'd just managed to forget settling back in. She nods, still lost for words and knots her fingers together, stares down at her wedding ring, cold in the harsh lights.

"I don't know what to do," she manages and maybe these are the words she's been trying to force out all day, the acknowledgement that she's lost with no idea how to move forward. _Help me_ , she adds silently and Katniss stands, settles down beside Madge on the bed.

"I've never been very good with people," she starts and Madge hangs on every word, "but I do know Gale. He loves you, he really, really does."

Madge nods and it's nice to hear, but she's never really doubted that.

"I just wonder if love is enough," Madge admits, didn't realize she'd even been thinking it. Katniss doesn't seem to know what to say, puts an arm around her instead. Madge leans into it, finds words pouring out of her.

"I'm not sure anymore if he trusts me, or respects me. Or maybe I'm overreacting, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like...I don't know."

Katniss' arm tightens a little bit.

"He does. Whatever he did, he was being an idiot and I'm sure he'd be the first to agree, but even five seconds in the same room with you two and it's obvious, he does trust you, definitely respects you. You know Gale, there's a lot of good in there, but he's also stubborn and stupid, especially when it comes to keeping the people he loves safe."

Madge nods against Katniss' shoulder, exhales heavily.

_Oh Gale, how did it come to this?_

She falls back on the bed and Katniss goes with her, neither one of them saying a word. She takes strength from Katniss' warmth, makes up her mind.

_I'll talk to Gale tonight._

It's time to stop running.

* * *

Gale is sitting on their bed, head in his hands when she walks in.

He doesn't hear her come in and she lingers by the door, takes in the sight of him. His heavy posture, the lack of sleep evident in the bits of face she can see through his fingers. There's a part of her that wants to run to his side, wrap him in her arms but she doesn't, stays with her back pressed up against the door, fingers secure on the handle.

He looks up and sees her, a kind of relieved shock washing over his face. He stands, takes one step towards her but then stops, notices the warning in her eyes.

"Madge..." he breathes and suddenly everything she wanted to say drains away.

"I'm sorry," he says and she can tell he means it but regretting it now doesn't change the fact that he chose to do it in the first place. She doesn't answer, can't quite figure out how to and he nods a little sadly.

"I should've talked to you," he admits, "shouldn't have just...I shouldn't have just thought about myself. I was being selfish and stupid and..." _and?_ she wonders, feels the cracks in her chest already smoothing over just a bit.

"I...I'm going to step back, let you be the one to do the real fighting." His face is open, entirely sincere and Madge is speechless, the floor disappearing beneath her feet.

"What?" she manages to whisper and he looks directly in her eyes.

"I've always wanted to fight back against the Capitol, but if I have to choose between you and rebellion, it's not even a choice. I can't lose you Madge, I won't." Her heart stumbles, stutters and he takes a tentative step closer, tears starting to burn in her eyes.

"I would've let you go," she begins, voice a little rough. "If you'd talked to me, discussed it, I would've agreed to let you go. I wanted to fight, I always have, but I know you have too, and I know you'd be more useful out there than I ever would."

"You can't know that," he interjects and she shakes her head.

"Yes, I can. I'm not mad that you're going out there to fight, that...you'll be out there fighting a war. I'm not even upset that it's you over me, even if I am a little jealous. I'm hurt that you did it without talking to me, that you didn't...didn't even consider my opinion or how I might feel. I thought we were a team."

"We are, _we are_ ," he insists and she wants to believe it, wants to agree.

"I used to think so, but I didn't even factor into this decision. You decided, for both of us, all on your own. Something big and _huge_ like this, and I had absolutely no say."

Her eyes sting and he inhales deeply, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry. You're right, completely right and I...I wish I could go back, do it over. But I can't...I can't. I was thinking about myself, about how I wanted to be out there, _so badly_ ,  about how I couldn't bear you going out there without me and...and I screwed up. I did. And then, I always knew it, knew I fucked up, that's why I never told you. And yesterday, I...I shouldn't have been angry. I never should've been mad at you, never tried to justify it, because I knew you were right. I was guilty and I was stressed, but...that's no excuse. There is no excuse." He pauses and Madge isn't even sure she's breathing.

"I can't change what I've done, but I promise, never again. I _swear_." His eyes are a dark, desperate gray, his body pleading, his voice bleeding sincerity and Madge lets go of the door handle.

"Don't pull out," she murmurs and he furrows his brow.

"Don't pull out," she repeats, voice a little clearer. "Not for me. You were made for this Gale, and I can't, I _won't,_ take this away from you."

"Madge," he starts in frustration, "I don't care, not if it means-"

"I care. I fell in love with you for a lot of reasons, one of which was...was your drive to fight back, the anger I felt in me and...could see in you too. I've always admired that fire, Gale, and you wouldn't be you if you didn't see it through to the end. I love you," and it feels oddly freeing to say it, "and I trust you. Just please, trust me too. Don't shut me out, or cut me out."

She moves away from the door, farther into the room and Gale steps closer too, face lightening.

"I will, I promise, Madge. _I promise_."

He opens his arms and she walks into them, lets his warmth melt the ice she'd felt in her chest. She's dreamed of fighting back for so long, but life and love have always been about sacrifice. Her marriage, her family, it _has_ to be more important. She can live without fighting, won't let bitterness ruin what she holds most dear.

She doesn't need rebellion, doesn't need to strike back at Snow.

She'll be fine.

(right?)

* * *

It feels good to sleep beside Gale again, to feel secure in his arms.

She's glad she hasn't lost him, hopes she never has to find out what life would be like without him.

(there _is_ a hole though, one she ignores, a mark of something she _has_ lost)

* * *

A few days later, Katniss takes her up on her offer and so she finds herself surrounded by Victors at lunch, seated across and beside her and it feels a little surreal, eating with these people who've always seemed more legend than person.

She presses up beside Katniss, wishes she'd insisted on Gale coming with her.

_Are you sure?_

_Really, Gale, I don't mind, sit with Thom._

That had definitely been a mistake.

She tries not to stare, but victors have always been celebrities in Panem and Madge feels completely out of place. She doesn't join in on any conversations, feels like an intruder amongst these people who've known each other for years. She recognizes a few faces, doesn't recognize a few more and hopes being here is helping Katniss, wasn't just a terrible idea.

"What's that supposed to be?" Finnick asks, eyes fixed on the desert Annie's chosen and Madge startles out of her reverie. Annie shrugs.

"I'm not sure, but I was tired of that shrivelly cake," she says, scrunching up her nose at the offending desert  on Finnick's tray.

"It's pudding," Madge offers without thinking and then wishes she hadn't when everyone turns to stare at her. Her whole body heats up, too many eyes on her and Peeta takes pity, smiles reassuringly.

"It's really good," he says, draws everyone's attention and Madge nods, relieved.

"It's my favourite," she relays and Annie takes a spoonful, eyes widening.

"This is... _amazing_."

"Can I try?" Finnick asks, already leaning towards her, mouth partially open.

"No," Annie replies immediately, pulls the pudding closer to her chest and Finnick stops, a look of disbelief on his face to match his hanging jaw.

"Really?" he questions while a young woman on Annie's other side giggles.

"No way, this is way too good to share," Annie insists and Johanna Mason cackles, elbows the nearly forty-year old man beside her..

"Sucks to be you," she tells Finnick, grin wide and he scowls.

"Shut up," he retorts and settles back into his seat while Johanna continues to make fun and Madge smiles.

Victors always seemed so distant, so unreal, but here they are, not intimidating or fake, but fighting over pudding.

(how many ways has the Capitol tried and failed to divide them?)

(maybe this is how it feels to win)

* * *

Madge works harder than ever in training, pushes herself further than she ever has.

There's no real rhyme or reason to it, just a desperate sort of plea to the people watching, deciding who goes out to fight. She exhausts herself, trying her best to prove that she _can_ , that she's worth giving a chance to. It's useless, it's pointless, this is one dream she's already forfeited, but somehow she can't stop.

 _Notice me_ , her bleeding fingers scream.

 _Choose me_ , her burning lungs shout.

 _Please, let me do this,_ begs her thundering heart.

She's starting to realize letting go isn't as easy as she'd always hoped.

* * *

Katniss comes to see her during their thirty minute allotment of "downtime", _something_ hiding in her eyes. Madge doesn't ask and feeds Maysilee, knows Katniss will tell her when she's ready.

(honestly, she thought these days of secrets were over)

"They want me to make a propo," Katniss begins, plucking absentmindedly at her sleeve. Madge looks over at her in surprise, sets down Maysilee's spoon.

"Really?"

Katniss nods, fiddles with an errant string hanging from her jumpsuit.

"I think they asked all the Victors. They want us to..."air our grievances" against Snow. List all the things he's made us do, all the things he's done to us for the camera and I guess, all of Panem too."

Madge bites her lip and Katniss finally looks at her, or maybe through her, eyes distant and far away.

"I told them no," she says, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm not sure what I'd say."

_no choice in who you married, pressured to have a baby that would only be a pawn in Snow's game, having to train children to die each and every year, having your every move watched and catalogued...._

Madge could probably list more but she won't, because none of that matters. It doesn't matter how many crimes Snow's committed against her, Katniss _can't_ talk about it, isn't ready yet to tear those bandages off. Madge can understand that, has her own not-quite-healed wounds. Even still...

"Tell them to come see me," Madge offers a little bitterly, "I've got a long list of things Snow needs to answer for."

_too many_

_but you will answer for them Snow_

_I promise_

* * *

Maysilee grows a little more each day and Madge prays the war ends soon, prays her daughter won't grow up enclosed in cold, gray walls.

Rebellion was supposed to be about giving Maysilee a better life, not trading one kind of prison for another.

* * *

Madge sits tangled with Gale, breathes him in and out.

Their time together is so short, limited to group meals and brief snatches before bed, and she does her best to savour it, to drink in every second of him that she can. She listens to the steady beat of his heart and he tightens his arms around her, holding her a little nearer.

"They're sending us to Eight," he murmurs to her hair, breath warm and she stiffens, heart seizing in her chest.

"Katniss and I, we're shipping out together."

Madge closes her eyes, a thousand terrible images flooding her brain and then pulls away to look him in the eye.

"When?"

"Two days," he whispers and she opens her mouth in protest, even as no words come out.

"I would've told you sooner, but we only just found out. I'm sorry."

She stares at him, wants to demand more time, wants to fight Coin herself but then nods, because what else can she do? She takes his face in her hands, tries to fight the fear in her chest.

"Be safe," she half begs, half-orders, tears in her eyes and this could be it, one of their very last nights together. Her heart nearly bursts from her chest and she doesn't think, moves purely with instinct and drags his mouth to hers, sparks between their lips as her fingers fumble with his jumpsuit. He reacts in an instant, loosens her hair and she tries her best not to cry, frees his shoulders and arms, runs her hands over every muscle, bump and ridge. He kisses the tears on her cheeks, her jaw, down her neck and her whole body burns, heart beating out his name.

"I love you," he swears against her breasts and she wraps her arms around him, winds her legs around his hips, pulls him as close she can. _Come back to me_ , she begs silently, his mouth covering her like a canvas, her fingers dancing across every inch of his skin.

"I love you," he repeats, voice fierce as they move together and Madge tries to memorize this, the way he feels, how they fit so perfectly together. Her name tumbles from his lips like a prayer and she clutches him near, so desperate to never let go. Her thoughts fragment, only the feelings behind them left (a dizzying, endless love for him, a strangling fear of losing him) and then she comes apart beneath him, every star bursting behind her eyes.

" _I love you_ ," she murmurs to his heart, means it in her every trembling bone.

_don't die Gale, please don't die_

* * *

The next day is torture, moves far too fast.

_I'm not ready._

_Please, I'm not ready._

* * *

Madge finds Katniss right before bed, doesn't even give her a moment to breathe.

"Don't do anything stupid," she whispers fiercely into her shoulder, hugs Katniss as tight as she can. Katniss laughs a little and returns her hug.

"I won't."

It's a promise, one Madge will carry through the long days without her. They do not say goodbye, simply hug in a way that demands a next time.

Katniss will come back.

She always does.

* * *

Madge comes home in the shadows, Gale already in bed.

The room is silent, lights off and she moves quietly, leaves her jumpsuit puddled beside the bed. She crawls under the covers and wraps herself around him, presses a kiss against his shoulder blade.

"I love you," she whispers to his skin and his hands grip hers, squeeze them tight.

"I'll come home," he promises in the dark and Madge nods.

"I know."

* * *

Madge wakes up alone and presses her face into Gale's pillow, breathes in deep.

_come home to us_

* * *

She sits with the Hawthornes at lunch, cannot ignore the seats that should be filled by Gale and Katniss. Peeta holds her hand beneath the table and Madge wishes on all the stars she can't see, asks them for yet another miracle.

_bring them home to us_

Annie sits on her other side and doesn't say a word, but she doesn't need to. She quietly slips her desert onto Madge's plate, that strange gooey pudding she's taken such a fancy to and it means so much more than words ever could.

Posy does not cry and neither will Madge. There is nothing to cry about.

_They're coming home._

* * *

She waits for news of Gale in District Eight, worries herself wretched and _hates_ this.

Waiting at home while Gale goes off and fights, it's _awful_ , impossible and she needs to be out there too, needs to do _something_. She can't go on like this and she _won't_ , not anymore.

It's time to take the fight to Snow.

(Madge used to believe that violence was never the answer, but when it comes to President Snow, she's starting to think violence is the _only_ answer)

* * *

She's helping Prim sort medical supplies when Boggs, President Coin's right hand man, finds her.

It's not quite the sterling contribution she'd been imagining, but then, everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Right.

She has a lap full of bandages when she notices Boggs from the corner of her eye, face serious as he stands in the doorway. Her limbs turn into pudding, rolls of gauze tumbling from limp fingers as her heart plummets, a million terrible thoughts of Gale rushing through her mind. She tries to speak but the words die on her tongue and Prim grabs her hand, eyes sick with worry.

Boggs seems to realize he's caught their attention and moves deeper into the room, the harsh hospital lights hardening the lines of his face.

"I've been asked to bring you outside for filming," he begins and then grins a little wryly. "I hear you have a few complaints you'd like to level against Snow." Madge feels her jaw drop.

"Seriously?" she blurts and then flushes. Boggs smiles a bit more.

"Cressida thinks it might be worthwhile to have a... _normal_ perspective on what Snow's done. Give the citizens someone to relate to."

Madge nods, heart still hammering in her throat and jumps up, bandages spilling across the floor. Her eyes go wide, her face heats up and she bends down hurriedly.

"Don't worry, I've got it," Prim insists, waving her off. Madge looks at her in surprise and Prim grins.

"Go make Snow sorry."

Madge nods and squeezes her hand.

_I will._

_I promise._

* * *

Madge follows Boggs outside where they're filming and breathes in deeply, realizes just how much she's missed fresh air in all these weeks without it.

Boggs signs at her to keep quiet and she nods, moves silently behind him and catches the faint cadence of Finnick's voice as he talks. She peeks around Boggs and sees him sitting on a boulder in the middle of a clearing, cameras and spotlights pointed right at him. He looks too pale in all the bright lights and Annie Cresta hovers nearby, anxiety clear even from a distance. Madge wonders what he's saying, what terrible crimes Snow's committed against him and she strains to listen, catches faint snatches as they drift back towards them on the wind.

_...any desirable tribute...._

_...sell myself...._

Madge stops, feels frozen to the spot, horror caught in her throat.

_....paid in secrets...._

_...poisoned his rivals...._

She doesn't believe what she's hearing, _cannot_ , and her hands cover her mouth, muffle her appalled gasp.

_...use my loved ones as leverage...._

Snow used Finnick like a prostitute? Used any victor he wanted?

_Katniss...Peeta...please no...._

She can't help thinking back to all those years of watching Finnick schmooze his way through the Capitol, of hearing of his many exploits and now she knows the truth, feels like she may vomit.

_he's been using them like slaves_

Boggs turns and beckons at her to keep following and she moves in a daze, Snow's depravity beyond words.

_how could anyone be so awful?_

_oh Finnick...._

Boggs comes to a stop and Madge hovers beside him, eyes fixed on Finnick, his expression flat. She wants to block out his words, cannot believe Snow could be even worse than she'd imagined but Finnick keeps talking, airs all the dirty laundry he's collected in so many years of forced service.

_Snow can't get away with this_

_he can't_

_he won't_

Finnick finishes and stands, his revelations ringing in Madge's bones. She follows him with her eyes and he goes straight to Annie, his hands finding her shoulders, hers moving to his waist. He whispers into her hair and she nods, her fingers knotting in his shirt. He kisses her forehead, lingers against her skin and Annie nods again, limbs shaking as she pulls away. She smiles, tender and sad and squares her shoulders, heads over to Cressida. Finnick watches her go, a muted sort of fear rooted deep in his eyes and Madge can hardly stand it.

She steps around Boggs and up to Finnick's side, wishes she could find words worth saying. He doesn't acknowledge her presence, his hands tightening into fists as Annie takes her place before the camera and Madge turns away from his clenched jaw to peer at Annie, wonders what awful secret she's about to share. Annie clears her throat a bit nervously, looks anywhere but at the camera as she fidgets her fingers in the folds of her skirt.

"I.." she begins and falters, swallows and breathes deep, eyes closed. "I fell in love with Finnick years ago," she whispers, voice soft and aching. "For a moment, everything awful that had happened, the nightmares, they all just...vanished. I'd finally found something to be happy about after so long of being lost in the dark." Annie's eyes grow glassy, a tremor rising in her throat.

"I couldn't close my eyes without seeing Seamus, seeing his head, spinning through the air, without...feeling his blood, so hot, all over me. It was like all my nightmares were real, kept happening while I was awake, they were hiding in every corner, _screaming_ as they drowned, as the dam broke and they couldn't swim." Her voice rises a bit, an edge of hysteria lacing through it and Finnick seems to strain against himself, desperate to go to her.

"I kept thinking I shouldn't have won, that I wished I hadn't, that it would be _better_ if I hadn't." Madge feels her heart clench, wishes she could wrap Annie in her arms. "But Finnick and Mags, they...they made living seem worth it, made being alive okay." She closes her eyes again, melancholy buried deep in every word. "Snow wouldn't let us be happy though, made sure we paid for our victory. Finnick had to be whatever Snow told him to be and that didn't include me, silly broken stupid little mad girl, I ruined everything." Her breathing's a little erratic, Finnick's whole body shaking.

"Finnick and I, we had to be a secret, had to stay hidden or Snow promised he'd punish us, _me_ , he'd punish me and through me he'd hurt Finnick. That's what I'd be, a weapon to use against Finnick, to hurt him, to force him to do evil things. I shouldn't have won."

Madge doesn't know who to look at, Finnick or Annie, feels her heart break in half. Annie looks down at the ground, wraps her arms around her stomach.

"I was pregnant," she breathes and Madge feels her heart stop, Annie's words trickling back to her, _I had a baby once_ and Madge can feel a hot sort of horror creep over her skin.

_please no_

"I should have been happy, _we_ should have been happy. Except, we couldn't have a baby, Finnick Odair couldn't have a baby, especially not with me. I knew Snow would take it away, wouldn't let me keep them, my baby."

There are tears shining in her eyes and she's lost, drowning in a sea of memories. Finnick digs his nails so deep into his palms he draws blood and he's gone too, eyes sinking in yesterday's horrors.

"I waited, every day, for Snow to do something, to punish us. But he didn't, he didn't. I began to believe that maybe he wouldn't, that our baby would be a tool, just like I was, allowed to live as long as it could be used to keep Finnick in line. I started to hope, started to let myself be happy, to believe that maybe, this time, we _could_ be happy." Annie pauses, shakes her head, tears spilling over her cheeks and Madge peeks at Finnick, sees guilt and silent tears swimming in his eyes.

This is one wound time hasn't healed.

(won't ever heal)

"I was eight months along, _one month_ away from holding my baby in my arms when Finnick went to the Capitol...I was alone. All alone." She inhales sharply and Madge closes her eyes, can't bear to watch Annie and Finnick fall apart.

"That's when they came, an army of peacekeepers. They broke down our door, bruised my arms, threw me into the street. They dragged me outside and Argie, Argie Swill, another victor, who lived across the street, tried to stop them and they...I still hear him, the sounds of him breaking apart in their hands, his children crying, his wife screaming...I begged them to stop, promised to go with them, just please, please stop, let Argie go, _please_."

Finnick sinks to his knees and Madge goes with him, dreads what comes next.

"They took my baby, _stole_ them from me, ripped my baby from my body. They...didn't even knock me out, kept me awake, held me down as I begged them not to, sobbed and cried and screamed but they didn't stop, _wouldn'_ t stop.  They _murdered_ them, my baby, _my_ baby. They laughed, told me this is what happens when you defy the Capitol...my baby, my baby, _my baby_. They pushed the little body into my arms, dead and bloody and I couldn't keep them safe, I couldn't, I'm sorry, my baby, _please not my baby_." Annie covers her face with her hands, pain still unmistakeable as she continues. "They let us hope, let us believe we'd be safe and then they killed my baby, just because they could. Snow...Snow is a monster and he needs to be stopped, he...he can't keep doing this, not...my baby, oh please no, please not my baby, I'll do anything, just please _don't_."

Annie breaks off, sobs overcoming her words and Madge covers her mouth with her hands, sickness and horror crashing through her body and rattling her bones. _how could he? how could he do this? how could anyone be so evil?_

Madge looks around and can see it in everyone's eyes, the devastation, the desire to stop, to never hear another word. There's the knowledge too, that this is over, that Annie has reached her breaking point. She's always been fragile and they've pushed too far, have lost her to demons and horrors and loss.

(but then, who could blame her?)

(Madge is getting lost just hearing about it)

But Annie doesn't fold up and fall, doesn't break or bend or collapse. She wipes at her red-red eyes and looks steadily at the camera for the first time, because she is a victor, a survivor and they've all underestimated her, just as they've always done.

(she's always been the crazy girl, the one Finnick just barely manages to keep sane)

(but who do you think's been keeping _him_ sane all this time?)

(bravery comes in all shapes and sizes and today it comes shaped like Annie Cresta)

"We need to stop Snow," she declares, the wobble in her tear soaked voice making her conviction sound that much stronger, "Him and his Capitol, because they've hurt so many people, done so many terrible things. We did nothing wrong, _my baby_ did nothing wrong but he still took them away, just as he's done to all our children, for decades, because he can. No more. No more," she whispers, louder than a hundred screams, " _no more_."

No one moves, speaks and Madge looks at Finnick, his face open and raw and _shattered_ and she doesn't know what to say, doesn't think there's anything she _could_ say, so she simply takes his hand, hopes actions really do speak louder than words. Finnick doesn't look at her, keeps his eyes focused on Annie but he grips her fingers tight, a thousand unsaid words knotted between their palms.

It's not enough, nothing ever could be, but it's _something_ and maybe that's what matters.

(because even after everything the Capitol's thrown at them, they're still standing)

(and that means more than anything else ever could)

* * *

There's a moment, right before Madge takes her place in front of the camera, when she _knows_.

She's going to _fight_.

She doesn't know when, doesn't know how, with all the rules Thirteen has set in place, but she _will_.

Medical supplies, propos, they're important, more that important, but Madge burns a little hotter, blood thick with rage and she's tired of sacrifice, tired of giving up.

Madge Hawthorne is going to war.


	14. Sing Me Your War Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge's time had come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long and it doesn't go nearly as far as I wanted, but life has been hectic and not always pleasant and I really wanted to post something for you guys, so I hope you enjoy!

_Part 14-Sing Me Your War Song_

Madge's throat feels dry as she sits down in front of the camera, a thousand bright lights making her blind.

"Go ahead," Cressida says softly and Madge swallows, feels prickles beneath her skin. Everything she imagined she'd say seems to evaporate, mind going blank and she closes her eyes, _I can't do this_ ringing in her ears.

But then she sees Rory and Vick and her mother, Posy, Peeta, Prim and Katniss. She sees her father and Peony, Gale and sweet little Maysie. She sees her house ransacked by Peacekeepers, sees the Hob in flames, sees whipping after whipping. She sees the Malleefowls, sees Merrie, sees Jad Foxwaith giving her flowers. She sees her face in the mirror, bruises and fingerprints tattooed across her skin.

Madge opens her eyes.

* * *

 

"I never went to the Hunger Games. I was never reaped, I never even had to take out tessarae. I know I was lucky. And _that's_ what makes me angry, that after everything, after all the horrible things the Capitol's done, _I'm_ one of the lucky ones.

I was the Mayor's daughter and I grew up in the nicest house in Twelve, always with enough to eat. I had an allowance, a cook, a housekeeper. I had new shoes, pretty dresses, a life no one else in Twelve could ever even dream of.

And they _hated_ me for it.

I spent most of my life alone, no friends, no one at all to talk to. I was miserable and lonely, wished for someone, _anyone_ to look past my father and see _me_.

It took over a decade before someone could.

For so long, _too long_ , I was hated for what I couldn't control, for what the Capitol had done to our district. It was their fault Twelve was so poor, their fault everyone was starving. I was just a little girl and I was _despised_. I cried myself to sleep, wished on every star for a friend but because of the Capitol, it took fifteen years before one came.

They took my childhood from me.

My aunt was reaped before I was born and my mother never recovered. My whole life, she was broken, seeing ghosts and suffering from hideous migraines. She'd get confused, forget where she was, even who _I_ was. It got worse, every day, she'd wake up screaming, she'd stop eating, there stopped being moments where she was okay. There was nothing I could do and I just watched her wither away, completely shattered by the Capitol and their Hunger Games. She stopped being my mother, my Mama, became nothing but a ghost drowning in nightmares.

And then, one day, she died. I came home and she was gone, her body finally giving out like her mind had long ago. The Capitol ruined her, before I was even born and now she was gone for good.

They stole her from me, _my mother_.

My best friend, my first and only friend, was reaped when we were sixteen. I watched her every day on screen and prayed for her every night, helpless and useless. There was nothing I could do for her and so I watched as she paid for the crimes of people who died long before we were even alive. I watched her loved ones despair, suffering because of the Capitol's cruel idea of keeping order.

She won, came home to us against all odds but that wasn't the end, wasn't enough for the Capitol. They controlled her every action, her every word. They decreed who she could spend time with, who she married, ordered her to have children. They listened in on her every moment, forced her to go back to the Capitol every year and relive her nightmares. I watched her as she wasted away, as she sank deeper and deeper into lies and secrets. I watched as they stripped her down, broke her apart and no matter what I did, it was never enough.

They ripped my best friend away, against her will and mine.

They reaped my brother-in-law too, when he was only fourteen. He was scared, so terrified and I couldn't save him, couldn't even help him. I watched from home as he died, as he was betrayed by someone he trusted. His name was Vick and I loved him, loved him so much but it didn't matter, didn't mean _anything_ in the end.

He was a _fourteen_ year old boy who'd never done a single thing wrong and the Capitol killed him. He was just a boy, a good, sweet, funny boy and they _killed_ him, just to show that they could. He'll never grow up, never get to do so many things he dreamed of. He'll never meet his niece, never get the chance to fall in love or have a job, never..never _anything_.

He was fourteen and the Capitol killed him.

And when he died, my whole family fell apart. They were devastated, destroyed and the Capitol did this to them, to keep them in line. He was sacrificed so the Capitol could stay in power, so Snow could stay on his bloody throne. I watched my mother-in-law start to fade, a widower and now a mother who'd lost a son. I sat there, desperate to help, but unable to, as my sister-in-law begged for her brother to come home. She was ten years old and the Capitol ripped her family apart for the second time, took her brother just like they took her father. I held my husband, the love of my life, as he mourned the little brother he couldn't save, as he fractured in my hands. My heart bled as my other brother-in-law blamed himself, _hated_ himself, sunk so deep he wanted to _die_.

This was my family and the Capitol _shattered_ it.

I could go on. I could tell you of how they bombed District Twelve to the ground. How I watched it burn, terrified for my life and knowing people were dying, so many good, innocent people. My neighbours, my co-workers, my friends. All dead. 

I could tell you about my father trying to stay behind to die with Twelve, so beaten down he was ready to give up. I could tell you about the people I lost that day, the things too, all the memories I'll never get back.

I could tell you about all the whippings I saw before the end, of the one my husband suffered through. I could tell you about how tight money became, how we could barely feed ourselves or about my house being ransacked, about curfews and unsafe working conditions.

I could talk about being beaten by peacekeepers to within an inch of my life, how I still dream of it sometimes, still taste the blood in my mouth. I could talk about being unable to breathe every time I passed one on the street, about the nightmares I still haven't shaken.

I could talk about the pain, the fear, the trauma. About fires, broken windows, riots and gunshots. I could talk about punishment and death and the stress that nearly killed me. I could, but I won't. You don't need me to.

This isn't just my life, it's _all_ of ours.

The Capitol did all of this to me, to you, to all of us and I think it's time we finally put a stop to it. I can't change the past, can't erase what they've already done, but I have a daughter, a baby girl and I can make sure that she never goes through what I did.

Together we can give our children a better future.

Together, we can give _ourselves_ a future.

The Capitol had their turn, and now, it's _ours_."

* * *

 

(she wonders if Snow will see this

will watch her

hear her

and know they're coming for him)

(she wonders if he's finally the one who's afraid)

* * *

 

The announcement comes at breakfast.

Madge is sleepily eating what could be porridge, Posy feeding Maysie beside her when the television screens mounted on every wall fizzle into life, President Coin's heavily lined face flickering from every side of the room.

"I wondered what she wants," Posy murmurs, a hint of sourness colouring her words as Coin begins her usual speech about the long road they all walk, about the evils of Snow and her conviction that they'll one day prevail. Madge shrugs and looks around the room, sees Posy's discontent hovering over everyone present.

Thirteen isn't the haven most thought it would be, this war isn't the glorious, glamorous revolution everyone imagined and Coin, well, Coin isn't exactly the champion anyone dreamed of. The strictness of their lives here, the separation from the outside world, the never ending battles, it's draining the life right out of their rebellion, sucking out the fuel from their fire. The longer this war drags on, the more Coin's popularity wanes, the more people seem to forget just what it was they started this fight for.

(something big needs to happen, something to breathe life into this resistance)

(and here it is)

"...official confirmation that District Eight has fallen to us, the free people of Panem! Only District Two and the Capitol remain in Snow's grasp and soon, they too shall join us in our liberation!"

Coin's voice rings through the cafeteria, every person present stunned into silence and Madge's spoon slips from her fingers, clatters onto the table top.

_they've taken Eight_

Cheers rise up around her, the entire room rejuvenated and Posy turns back to her with a smile, her whole face glowing like the sun.

_Katniss...Gale..._

This is the victory they needed, the burst of confidence, of morale to carry them through the far more difficult tasks ahead.

_they're coming home_

Just District Two and the Capitol stand between the people of Panem and the freedom they've craved for generations.

_(if they're still alive)_

Finally, finally, the end is in sight.

* * *

 

Madge rocks Maysilee in her arms that night, whispers her a different sort of lullaby.

"Daddy and Auntie Katniss, they're coming home. And soon, soon we'll be free of Snow, of the Capitol. Soon, Maysie, soon."

Madge won't think of the fact that they might lose in the end, that Katniss and Gale might not be coming home. They _will_ win, they _are_ coming home. She will accept nothing else.

She's held onto hope for a lifetime, she's not giving it up now.

* * *

 

"Wuff, that was brutal, huh?" Thom asks, rolling his shoulders as he and Madge make their way to supper after their daily dose of training. Madge nods and wipes sweat from her forehead, wonders when the survivors from the liberation of District Eight will be coming home. It's been a few days since the announcement and anxiety beats louder in Madge's brain every day.

"And to think, Gale and Leevy were doing even tougher than this..." he trails off and Madge nods again, only half listening. It's been harder and harder to focus on anything other than Gale and Katniss, Leevy too, the homecoming that _has_ to be coming.

"Speaking of, have you heard anything?" Thom asks, voice  lowering unconsciously. Madge meets his eyes, sees her own worry in his face and shakes her head, wishes she had better news to share.

"Well, they'll be okay," he says and Madge nods, "they're tough. I bet they'll-"

"Oakfield? Hawthorne?"

Madge and Thom turn as one to the voice behind them, find a severe woman with a clipboard. She looks at them with narrowed eyes and Madge feels her throat drying up.

"Thom Oakfield, married to Leevy Oakfield?" she asks, doesn't even introduce herself and Thom nods a little jerkily, his hand clamping onto Madge's.

"She's fine," the woman reports in a clipped voice, like she'd rather be doing anything else. "Once she's done with her de-briefing, she'll be cleared to return to your quarters."

Thom's hand goes limp in Madge's, eyes shining and the woman turns to Madge, lips tightened in annoyance. Madge feels her heart beat quicken and Thom looks like he wants to run off, probably to chase down Leevy. Madge feels his fingers slipping from hers.

"Madge Hawthorne, married to Gale Hawthorne?" the woman asks, tone unimpressed and Madge nods numbly, tongue entirely useless. Thom suddenly stops moving, hangs motionless for a moment and then squeezes her hand. Madge looks at him in question and he smiles, a promise to stay with her through the news. Her lips tremble as she smiles back.

"Gale Hawthorne is reported amongst the casualties, he is being treated in the infirmary. That's all I'm allowed to report," the woman rattles off before turning away to track down more relatives and Madge feels like she's falling through a black hole.

_Gale Hawthorne is reported amongst the casualties_

_Gale Hawthorne_

_casualties_

_Gale_

_CASUALTIES_

"Casualties doesn't have to mean anything bad," Thom reminds her, voice slicing through her fog of horror, "he's probably just a little beat up." His grip on her tightens, helps steady her and Madge tries to repeat his words, tries to feel them in her heart.

_he's fine_

_he's being treated, that means he isn't dead_

Thom begins to walk, tugs Madge along with him and she realizes through a daze that they're headed to the infirmary. Thom has Leevy, is probably dying to see her and yet, he doesn't let go of Madge, heads purposefully towards Gale. Madge looks at him, the worry around his eyes, the nerves in the corner of his mouth and feels a little less afraid.

It's hard, finding good friends and there was a time Madge thought she never would, and yet...

Madge tightens her fingers around Thom's.

Maybe good friends weren't so hard to find after all.

* * *

 

The infirmary is packed full of people, chaotic and buzzing and Madge looks around frantically for Gale, needs him to be alright.

"Madge!" a voice calls through the din and she turns, head whipping around painfully. Katniss waves at her from the far side of the room, dirty and bandaged. Madge feels her heart leap and then tug her forwards, dragging her to Katniss. Thom stumbles along behind her, Madge's pace hectic as she dodges and squeezes past people and tables and beds. She and Katniss collide in a hug, Madge's arms tying themselves in knots around Katniss' waist. She pulls back without letting go and Katniss smiles, but it's tired and far too worried and Madge can feel _Gale Gale Gale_ pounding through her bones.

"Is he..." she begins but can't finish as Thom finally catches up to them, offers Katniss a tremulous smile in greeting. Katniss squeezes Madge's arms in an attempt to be reassuring but there's a haunted look on her face, one that tells Madge more than words ever could.

"He's fine. Well, mostly fine. He blew up."

" _What_?" Thom squawks, Madge beyond words and Katniss' eyes go wide, seems to realize she's said exactly the wrong thing.

"I mean," Katniss insists hurriedly, "he got caught in an explosion, banged up his leg pretty bad, but he didn't actually blow up. Not at all. He still has all his...bits." She winces and Madge exhales loudly.

"Where is he?" she asks, voice low and Katniss gives her arm another squeeze. She leads them farther back into the infirmary, everything smelling of death and disinfectant and all three of them hold hands, don't let go, _can't_. Madge wants to run but also wants to stop, needs to see him, is terrified of what she might find. _He has to be okay,_ she tells herself, _he has to be_.

(but what if he isn't?)

They see Prim first, blood smeared and clearly exhausted, bending over someone in a bed and Madge feels her heart crawl up into her throat. She stops, knees shaking and _this is it_. She inhales deeply and then peeks hesitantly around Prim, afraid of what she might see.

_please, please be okay_

It's Gale, filthy dirty, looking like he crawled through a sewer or a gutter, or maybe both.   _Her_ Gale, clearly in pain, face pinched and teeth clenched. Madge feels her chest squeeze, feels tears sting her eyes and then, somehow, it gets worse. She gasps, her stomach turns upside down and his leg is mangled and horrible, black and red with blood, leaking through the bandages and oozing onto the sheets.

_oh Gale...._

Prim turns at the sound of her gasp, smiles as warmly as she can.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks," she reassures her and Madge tries to nod, but panic still flutters in her chest. Gale opens his eyes, scrunched shut from the pain and attempts to grin, ends up grimacing instead.

"Not quite the homecoming I had in mind," he tries to joke and Madge feels her throat burn, sick sadness crawling its way up.

"Shit," Thom whispers, face pale.

"Yeah," Gale agrees, " _shit_."

Madge steps forward and Gale reaches out a hand. Madge takes it, holds it against her chest and wishes she could keep her crying in check.

"I'm okay," he tells her, voice soft and she nods, blinking furiously.

"It's his own fault," Katniss butts in, folds her arms over her chest.

"You're right," Gale agrees, "next time I'll just let you explode instead of pushing you out of the way. Totally not worth it." He grins, Katniss rolls her eyes, worry lines still clear on every inch of her skin and Madge smiles, heart warming even as it stutters in her chest.

"You're an idiot," she murmurs and Gale nods happily.

"I think the word you're looking for is 'hero'," he jokes and Madge kisses his hand, is too overjoyed she has him here, with her, for words.

"Smooth," Thom snorts and Gale tries to retort only to wince as Prim bathes his leg in something green and smelly. His nails dig into her skin but Madge doesn't mind, tries so hard not to think about how close she came to losing him. Gale bites his lip to keep down a shout as Prim continues to peel soiled bandages from his wounds and Madge feels like her legs might give out.

_they're okay_

_yes, but he almost wasn't_

_but he was_

_maybe this time, but what about next time?_

It's a question Madge is afraid to think about.

* * *

 

Madge crawls into bed beside Gale that night, silently thanks Prim for pretending not to notice.

She rests her head on his chest, breathes in time with the steady _thump thump_ of his heart, proof that he's still here, still alive, that she hasn't lost him.

( _yet_ , whispers the voice in her head)

His fingers curl around her hand as she tightens it in his shirt and she was so close to losing him, to never, _ever_ seeing him again.

"I'm okay," he murmurs in her ear and she nods, knows he is, but that's not what has her terrified and sick, it's the fact that he almost wasn't, that he was so, so close to being gone forever. She always knew this war would be dangerous, always knew what they were risking and she'd never ask him to give up the fight, to stay behind when they march on District Two.

But still, Madge is _afraid_.

She closes her eyes, breathes him in and all she can do is have faith in Gale, in Katniss, in Thirteen and their rebellion.

(if only faith were enough)

(it isn't, not for Madge)

* * *

 

Maysilee isn't allowed to come visit, children's health prioritized over all else but the other Hawthornes all stop by, crowding in around Gale and his bed. Madge wishes Maysie could be here too, knows Gale is dying to see her but Coin's rules are always absolute, so she stays with Madge's father instead of her own.

Madge sits by Gale's side, hasn't let go of his hand since she got here and she doesn't do much talking, lets Gale and the Hawthornes have this moment. All three of them try and act like it's no big deal but Madge can see their terror, the thought that they almost lost another brother, another son.

(Madge hates this, hates that they already know this pain, have tasted this fear for far too long)

Hazelle is quiet, touches Gale's cheek with a fond _I'm glad you're alright_ and then merely sits back and watches him, takes in the sight of him, still alive, still here.

(Madge can understand that, doesn't think she'll ever look away)

Rory tries to make jokes, tries to recapture the Rory of old, who always had a snarky line or quip for everything, but they fall flat, his own fear chewing at the edges of every laugh. Posy nearly climbs on top of Gale to lecture him about reckless behaviour, sounds like a fussy grandmother and Madge would laugh except for the sharp edge of terror hugging every one of Posy's words, the hint of tears in every sentence.

Madge is sure Gale can see it, hear it, too but he never mentions it, lets his family pretend they aren't teetering on the edge of panic. This is their life now, the only hope is that it won't be for long, that soon this nightmare will end.

It's only at their goodbyes that their fronts starts to crumble. Hazelle lingers in her hug, murmurs something in Gale's ear and he tightens his grip on her, kisses her cheek. There's something in their eyes, something that passes between them that makes Madge ache, her heart throbbing. Rory tries to give Gale an awkward pat on the arm and Posy huffs as Gale rolls his eyes.

"Don't be a butt Rory, give him a hug, he nearly _died_." Posy's voice almost snaps clean in half on that word and she looks embarrassed to have said it, eyes unnaturally bright. Gale's face softens all over and no one speaks, the silence deafening with what could have been.

Rory takes a shaky breath, old scars fresh on his skin and nearly folds into Gale, holds him in a quick, desperate hug that speaks volumes more than any words he could have said. Posy falls into him next, admonishments tumbling for her lips as she squeezes Gale tight and he laughs faintly.

"Be more careful next time," Posy mumbles, eyes starting to drip and Gale holds both her hands.

"Promise," he replies and they share a wobbly smile.

Madge sits on the edge of Gale's bed as the Hawthornes walk away, arm in arm and she prays this is one promise he'll keep.

The Hawthornes have lost too much, they can't lose Gale too.

(neither can she)

* * *

 

Gale is discharged a few days later and Madge expects him to be frustrated at being sidelined, at being forced to stay in their quarters while he heals. He can't train, can't prepare for war but he never seems to mind, looks relaxed in a way she's never seen.

"I'll be better someday," he tells her when she asks him about it, "but until then, I don't mind taking a break. I finally get to spend time with Maysie," he murmurs, eyes soft. Madge takes his hand and he laughs.

"And it's nice, finally getting a full night's sleep."

He does spend his days with Maysie and Madge feels her chest constrict, because how close was Maysie to losing her father, how close was Gale to never seeing her grow up? Madge watches them at night, watches Gale lift her above his head, both of them giggling and she prays this won't become a memory, will still be a part of their future.

(prayers and faith, they seem to be the only thing keeping this rebellion going)

* * *

 

Katniss comes to visit when she can and there's still a haunted look in her eyes, one that speaks of the lingering memory of Gale nearly dying for her.

Gale tries to keep the conversations light, quizzes her about training, jokes about Peeta but the tension doesn't subside, Katniss still floundering in guilt. Madge wishes she could help but doesn't know how, knows this is something Gale and Katniss have to work out on their own.

(she hates that, hates that she can't be helpful, hates that she's useless)

(but no matter how much she hates it, she still is)

* * *

 

Madge overhears talk of the people who died in Eight and counts every blessing that Katniss and Gale survived, had never realized just how many they'd lost.

They'd won and still the death toll was painfully high, the cost of success far too heavy for Madge's liking.

They might well triumph over the Capitol, achieve victory, but how many will actually live to see it?

Madge is afraid to find out.

* * *

 

Gale has nightmares sometimes, wakes up sweaty and panting, eyes wild.

Madge holds him until the shaking stops, until his heart beat starts to slow and whispers every reassurance she can think of. She remembers her own nightmares, remembers Gale's arms warm around her and knows it was never quite enough, knows monsters are so very hard to fight away. Still, Gale always made things easier, made darkness a little brighter, made demons a bit less scary.

Madge hopes she can do the same for him.

* * *

 

Madge yawns and rubs at a knot on her shoulder, exhausted after a hard day of training. She reaches their quarters with a sigh of relief but as she opens the door she is assaulted with the sounds of an argument, Katniss and Gale's voices clashing.

"You nearly died Gale and it was my fault!" Katniss nearly shouts and Madge wavers, stays hidden in the doorway, just out of sight of them both.

"That's not true," Gale replies and Madge can't see them either but she doesn't need to, can imagine their expressions.

"Yes it is! You would've _died_ for me Gale and-"

"You're right, I almost died for you-"

"Exactly-"

"And I'd do it again. A thousand times over."

There's a stunned silence and Madge hugs herself, wishes she could hug them both instead.

"How could you say-"

"You're my best friend Katniss, saving you's more reflex than anything else. You'd do it for me, wouldn't you?'

"I...yes, of course, but-"

"But nothing. That's what happens when you love someone Catnip, you're just going to have to accept it."

"No, I don't. You can't die for me Gale, you _can't_ ," Katniss nearly begs and Gale's voice softens.

"Trust me, I'd rather we both made it out of this but I'm always going to have your back, nothing's going to change that."

There's another pause and Madge wonders what they're thinking. They've been friends for so long, know each other so well, fought through Snow to keep this friendship and Madge can't believe this will be enough to beat them.

"I hate you," Katniss eventually murmurs, voice wet with tears.

"That's really sweet, you're a real charmer," Gale teases, warmth running through his words.

"I'm not going to let you die," Katniss says firmly, brokers no argument and Madge smiles a bit, knows they'll keep each other safe.

"Ditto. Now come hug me, you grump."

Madge takes her chance and peeks around the doorframe, sees them holding each other near. They're both a little teary, clutch each other tight and Madge feels her belief in the both of them reignited a hundred fold.

Katniss and Gale have always been an unstoppable team.

(and they always will be)

* * *

 

The whole District comes alive with frenetic, frantic energy, the upcoming invasion of Two thrumming through every hallway.

Madge can feel it sizzling in her veins and feels that old stirring in her bones, that desperate, throbbing need to fight. She trains with a newfound vigour, determination firing her blood and this is her call to war. She comes home at night, sits beside Gale and feels sparks still dancing across her skin, every cell electrified. Two is the final stop before the Capitol and Madge can taste desperation in her mouth, the burning desire to be a part of it sliding over her tongue.

Gale won't be able to go, body still not healed and Madge watches him, expects to see bitter disappointment swimming in his eyes. Instead, she finds him watching her back, words hovering just on the tip of his tongue.

"You really want to go, don't you?" he asks one night and she nods, organs singing with it. Gale hums softly in thought and she wonders why he's asking, Coin's decrees have already been passed, Madge already chosen to stay behind.

(there's that brief moment, that brief flicker of rage again, but she smothers it, drowns it quick as she can)

She won't be going, no matter how much she wants to, Coin has made that clear.

(or so she thought)

* * *

 

Madge settles beside Gale one night, body weary and there's a pensive look on his face, a bit of worry tightening his skin. She snuggles up beside him and his arms come around her, eyes flicking down to meet hers. There's something in his gaze, something she can't quite place and she looks at him in question, wonders what secret he's keeping. He nods, swallows and tries to smile, lips not quite managing it.

"I  made a request," he begins and Madge squeezes his side, hopes to encourage him onwards. "I can't fight in Two, that's obvious. Since I'll be staying behind, I requested that you be sent instead."

Madge cannot answer, mouth open but wordless.

"They said they'd give you a chance, see how you performed in training and then make a decision. You'll be doing twice as much work as everyone else, because you need to catch up with people like Katniss, who've been training harder this whole time and there's no guarantee they'll even take you, but...I know how much you wanted this and...I'm still sorry about choosing you to be the one who stays home."

Madge still can't speak and Gale seems to take her silence as condemnation.

"If you've changed your mind, I'm sorry, I'll tell them I made a mistake, it's just...I wanted you to have the chance, since I'm the one-"

Madge does not let him finish, kisses him instead.

She will never be grateful Gale got hurt, wishes so badly they could be doing this together but still, Madge's time has finally come.

Madge Hawthorne is going to war.

* * *

 

She is officially a soldier now, but truthfully, she's always been one.

Just like everyone else in Panem.

* * *

 

Madge puts her everything into training, knows this is the only chance she'll get.

She needs to be good enough, needs to prove to Coin that she can handle going into battle. Gale may have recommended her but she knows that's no guarantee, knows they'll only send her if they believe she'll be useful. And she knows that if she doesn't convince them now, she'll never get a second chance. It's now or never and Madge has never pushed herself so hard, desperate to catch up to those who've been training harder since the beginning. She comes home exhausted, bruised, stretched to her limit but she won't give up, won't abandon the dream she's been holding onto for years.

She will fight Snow and his peacekeepers.

_She will._

* * *

 

Prim patches her up when she injures herself in training and they don't talk, exchange more in silence than they could in speech.

There is encouragement in Prim's hands as she bandages and cleans and disinfects, a promise of faith and strength, a vow to stand together through the storm to come.

Again, Madge wonders if Snow realizes what he's done, that by sharing his cruelty amongst the districts, he's given them their strength in numbers.

He is his own undoing.

(Madge likes the poetry in that)

* * *

 

Madge comes home from training one day, her heart beating in her throat.

Gale is rocking a drowsy Maysie, singing an off key lullaby and Madge feels a desperate fondness for both of them well up inside of her.

_i love you i love you i love you_

She sinks down onto their bed as Gale puts Maysilee to sleep, words pounding in her bones. Gale sits beside her, arm warm around her shoulder and she leans into him, knows she just needs to get it over with, get the words out before they burn her alive.

"I'm going to Two."

They hang between them for a moment and then Gale pulls her into a hug, holds her as close as he can. She rests her head on his chest, listens to his heartbeat, the panicked rhythm matching her own.

"I love you," he whispers and Madge can hear everything he isn't saying in those words.

_be careful, be safe, come back to me, i believe in you, stay strong_

(and more, feelings that can't be expressed, sentiments that can't be said in words)

"I love you, too," she murmurs back, knows he understands everything else she's trying to convey.

_i'm coming home, i'll be careful, it'll be okay, this is not goodbye, stay strong_

(and more, of course more, years of love that can't be said, bleeding through her skin to his)

_i love you_

* * *

 

Time runs ahead of her, drags her along with it and soon her fifteen days before shipping out become only one.

One day until she goes to war.

Just one.

* * *

 

Madge sits with her family at dinner, tries to smile at each and every one of them.

She wants to remember this, remember _them_ , smiling, happy, together, to have this to hold onto when she leaves tomorrow. Madge has never been to war but she she's no idiot, knows the horrors out there waiting for her and she'll need Hazelle's smile, her father's laugh, the feel of Posy's hand in hers if she's going to stay strong and make it through. She catches Rory's eye across the table and he's doing just what she is, trying to etch this moment deep into his memory.

(they'll be going together, her and Rory and Katniss)

(it's terrifying at the same time that it's comforting)

"Hale Hornbeam sat next to me in class today, and you know why?" Posy asks her, eyes shining bright. Madge shakes her head, smile widening and it's so easy to forget sometimes that Posy's only thirteen ( _almost fourteen!_ Posy's voice insists in her head), because they've all had to grow up so fast, act so much older than they really are. Moments like these, moments when Posy can be a thirteen year old girl ( _nearly fourteen!_ ) are so few, but so precious, make Madge happy in ways she can't explain.

"He said it was because he heard a rumour we were going to have to partner up today and he wanted to make sure he got a good partner. I'm a good partner!" Posy cheers and Madge laughs, squeezing Posy's hands.

"Still on Hale? Didn't we already decide it was weird to be interested in a guy whose name is only a letter different from your brother's?" Rory butts in, nose wrinkling. Posy sticks out her tongue.

"It's only weird cause you keep bringing it up. Speaking of, I've noticed a certain Peri Overwhill seems to have taken quite the interest in you, Rory."

Rory makes a face, one that leaves no doubt as to his feelings for Peri Overwhill.

"Not your type?" Gale laughs and Rory shoots him a scowl.

"Only if I hated myself," he retorts and Madge feels something glow in her heart, because she  remembers when he _did_ hate himself.

"Oh, I see, got a little love/hate thing going on," Gale teases, Rory's frown deepening.

"Not in a million years. Ask Prim, Peri's a nightmare. There aren't even words for how not interested I am."

"That's what they all say," Gale throws back and Madge feels that glow expand, filling her every corner. She remembers sitting in the Everdeens' living room, Vick, Gale, Posy and even Prim teasing Rory rotten about marrying Peony and for the first time in so long it doesn't feel like it's a part of another lifetime, feels like it's belongs to this one instead.

(it's a bittersweet feeling though, because Vick and Peony aren't here, will never be again)

(still though, bittersweet's an improvement)

"Seriously," Rory insists, eyebrows scrunched together in frustration, "I think I'd rather marry you," he tells Gale in annoyance, tone suggesting marrying Gale is the worst possible fate he could ever imagine.

"Sorry, but he's taken," Madge joins in, feels alive in a way she hasn't in a very long time.

"Not that I have any idea why," Rory responds and Gale flicks what could be a carrot at his brother's head.

"I'm a hell of a catch and you know it," Gale replies and they're acting like children, but then they're only twenty and twenty six, they should be allowed to be idiots sometimes. Hazelle shakes her head in exasperated fondness and Madge's father grins a bit and if she ever needed a reminder of what she was fighting for, well, here it is.

* * *

 

Madge sings Maysie to sleep, strokes a finger down the softness of her daughter’s face.

“I love you,” she whispers, means it more than she has ever meant anything in her life.

Gale comes up behind her, arms hugging her close, his lips on the back of her neck and she feels her eyes mist over, the enormity of what is coming settling on her shoulders. Maysilee sleeps soundly and Madge tries to memorize this, tries to take heart at the sight of her beautiful Maysie, her greatest reason to venture out and fight. Gale is warm against her back, his murmured words setting off sparks in her blood and she doesn’t know how to say goodbye, doesn’t know if the words even exist.

She turns in his arms, hands finding his face and she could look at him for years, never get tired of his eyes, his nose, his cheeks and chin, forehead, eyebrows, the curve of his jaw. _You’re the love of my life_ she had sworn in their vows and she has to believe that life will continue, that this isn’t the end of their forever. She kisses him and tastes all their yesterdays and all their tomorrows, the days that _will_ come, decades of them.

Madge does not say goodbye.

* * *

 

The lights go out and Madge is alone, awake as what could be her final day crawls closer and closer.

Gale sleeps beside her, steady and strong but Madge feels something lodged in her ribs, something tight and painful, throbbing with every passing second. The clock ticks ominously, never stopping and she knows what this feeling is, the oppressive, unstoppable force pulsing through her blood.

“I’m afraid,” Madge whispers into the dark, voice like a knife with ragged edges. There is no answer from the shadows and she folds herself into Gale’s warmth, wishes it were enough to banish the fear and death tugging at her every cell.

_This could be the end, my very last night._

Madge does not suffer nightmares, for she does not sleep. Her monsters are real, linger in her eyelids, press against her chest, heavy hands holding her heavy heart. Gale and Maysie breathe, soft and faint and Madge counts each one like sheep, weaves a lullaby form the sound of their lives.

Courage is a fragile thread, dangling in the dark and Madge hopes she can keep it strong, hopes it won’t snap in the face of blood and death and enemy soldiers. _Be brave_ , she tells herself, words hollow and weak, but she says them again, again and again and again, until they sound like a hurricane, loud enough to shatter windows and bring down cities.

Madge will never be a fearless warrior. Her heart pounds with terror and her stomach ties itself in knots, but still, Madge never thinks of quitting, of trying to find some way to escape. She _is_ afraid, so sick she might puke, but she has never lost her determination, her _need_ to fight. Madge knows she may die, but still, she cannot back down.

The Capitol needs to be defeated.

It’s always been as simple as that.

(after all, courage has never been about the absence of fear)

* * *

 

They leave early, long before dawn and Madge creeps out of bed, kisses Gale and Maysie both goodbye with an aching in her chest. She lingers in the doorway, wants to perfectly capture her last sight of them.

She'll need it to carry her through the coming fight.

She meets up with Katniss on the way to the hovercraft and they don't say a word, simply fall in step beside each other, shoulders brushing as they walk. Rory and Bristel join them, and then more and more, an army marching off to war and Madge grabs Katniss' hand.

_this is it_

_this is really it_

Madge fingers a gold pin in her pocket, remembers Katniss coming home with it on her jacket, remembers Vick dying in it, remembers the symbol it had started to become.

The Capitol has taken too much.

Finally, _finally_ , it's Madge's turn to take back.


	15. Our Hearts Beat Like Drums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> be brave, little soldier girl

_Part 15-Our Hearts Beat Like Drums_

Madge tries to keep her breathing regular as the hovercraft carries them to Two, her heart hammering in her ears. She holds onto Katniss and Rory, fingers knotted with theirs and _please let us make it out of this okay._

Leevy sits across from her, grim faced and steely eyed, Rory whispers to himself, a litany of reminders and Katniss fidgets, her leg bouncing up and down.  The air in the hover craft is tense, talk hushed and Madge runs through her training, attempts to reassure herself.

_we can do this_

_we can_

* * *

 

Theirs is one of the first hovercrafts to arrive, landing in a clearing just on the outside of town. They're met by stern looking soldiers who hurry them towards a makeshift camp hidden by the side of a cliff. The ground is rough and uneven but their pace doesn't slow, a tinge of fear in every step they take. Their guides' eyes flicker to and fro, as if expecting trouble and Madge gives up trying to calm her racing heart.

"Hurry up, this way," the man in front of them urges, herding them beneath the relative shelter of the cliff. The sky is pale, sun nearly white and illuminating pearly clouds and Madge tries to find courage in daylight, but she's old enough now to know monsters don't just hide in the dark. More hovercrafts continue to land, the morning air humming with the sound but then another noise, impossibly loud, shatters the day. It's gunfire, except not, cannon fire but worse, _anti aircraft guns!_ someone shrieks and _oh_.

"Get down!" comes a scream and Madge drops, huddles by a tent pole and it's like the end of Twelve all over again, the whole world coming apart at the seams. She covers her ears with her hands and forces her eyes open, needs to make sure Rory and Katniss are nearby. Instead, Madge watches one of their hovercrafts explodes, burning in the sky like a new sun and the sound it makes is beyond words, horror settling in her stomach like a cold stone. And then another and another, hovercrafts painting the sky like fireworks and she can feel terror flowing through her, hot and scalding.

_no_

How many people were aboard those hovercrafts? How many people have died without even stepping foot on the battlefield?

And still the hovercrafts come, some managing to land even amidst the barrage of death but most blooming into great clouds of fire, raining ashes and debris down on District Two. She can't hear any screaming, at least not with her ears, but she can feel it in her bones, an endless screech of fear and pain. Someone grabs her arm, fingers tight enough to bruise but Madge barely registers it, body numb with panic.

"We're all going to die," someone wails or maybe that's the voice in Madge's head, but it doesn't really matter.

She's pretty sure they're right.

* * *

 

("So much for the element of surprise," someone grumbles and Madge almost vomits)

(people, _so many_ _people_ , are dead)

(you'd never know from the way some of these soldiers are reacting)

(maybe Snow’s winning after all)

* * *

 

Their commanding officer, Lyme, is a tall, imposing woman.

Madge feels like a little girl in her presence, a kid afraid of being scolded. Commander Lyme prowls in front of them, pacing back and forth and Madge tries her best to stand up straight, keep her spine stiff instead of wilting under the commander‘s stern eyes.

“District Two is our gateway to the Capitol. This battle will be more important than any we’ve had so far,” Commander Lyme declares as she casts shrewd eyes over each of them and stops her pacing. “Remember your training; do not bend to the Capitols machine of fear. Panem will soon be ours again, believe that.”

 _I do_ , Madge can’t help but think, _I do._

* * *

 

There’s a buzzing in Madge’s ears, a rising hum of panic she forces as far down as she can. They’re moving out, finally, marching off to their positions for the siege of Two and Madge feels like her legs will give out with every quivering step.

 _be brave, be brave, be brave_ she tells herself, but still her nerves shiver and shake. Rory walks beside her, hushed voice running with constant reminders and tips, preparations for the terror to come and she remembers when she first met him, remembers it like a distant dream. He was so young, still is, and she wants to drag him home, hide him away somewhere safe. But that’s why they’re here, Rory, her brother, that little boy who’s grown up too much, too fast and her, because there is nowhere safe, not in Snow’s Panem.

Katniss stands by her other side, face drawn and eyes dark and Madge wonders if winning this war will lighten those shadows, carry away some of the weight on her shoulders. So many terrible things have already happened; can victory really wash them all away?

(she’s pretty sure she knows the answer)

They come to a stop on the southern outskirts of Two and slowly file into position to await the signal to attack. They crouch down, hidden by a natural sloping of the ground and Madge’s hands are already slippery with sweat. The grass here is sparse and yellow, the sky a dull sort of blue and Madge runs through everything she knows of District Two. They’re a mining district just like Twelve. They’re the main supplier of peacekeepers to the Capitol. They‘re the district that has always been closest to Snow, the one with the tightest binds of loyalty. Two is sure to put up a major fight and Madge swallows, her throat dry. She peeks out over their little hill, takes in the sight of The Fringe, District Two’s version of The Seam. Ramshackle wooden houses with dirty windows, scraggly lawns and chipping paint, she could almost be home.

(but home is gone, burnt away by the Capitol)

(Madge tries not to think about what she’s doing here, waiting to burn these homes to the ground, to do just what the Capitol did to her)

She prays the battle will be quick, hopes Two will surrender without much war and bloodshed. Madge isn’t very confident in that, but even so, she’s never been one to give up on hope, no matter how foolish.

* * *

 

They wait for days or minutes or years for a signal to come, but it never does.

(that soldier from earlier was right, they’d lost the element of surprise)

(and now they’d pay for it)

The only call to action they get is a hail of gunfire, spitting out from behind them. People scream, panic, run and Katniss shoulders Madge to the ground, bullets burying themselves in the hill above her. Dirt rains down on her head and Rory is shouting, voice lost in the cacophony of chaos. Their squad splinters, scrambling off in opposite directions and Madge claws her way up, knows they need to find better cover. She looks around wildly, but there’s nowhere to go, nothing but peacekeepers and open fields.

_The Fringe!_

The thought springs to her mind and of course, _of course_. There’ll be plenty of cover there, a much higher chance of losing the peacekeepers. There might be civilians though and the thought makes her wilt, but no, they don’t have a choice. She hadn’t noticed a single sign of life when she’d been watching, has to believe all the people have been evacuated.

Madge lurches upwards, driven by adrenaline and grabs the strap across Rory’s shoulder, knows he’ll never hear her if she tries to speak. She tugs hard to get his attention and gestures towards the Fringe, mouths the word _run_. He frowns, shakes his head, probably wants to argue but they don’t have time for that. She grabs a hold of the pack on his back with both hands and yanks, the unexpectedness of the move nearly knocking him off his feet.

“Go!” she yells and ducks down as more gunfire sprays over them. She crawls on her stomach over to Katniss, hooks a finger in the leg of her pants and pulls. Katniss flicks an eye in her direction and Madge jerks her head towards the Fringe, her lips moving in words even she can’t hear. Katniss bites her lip but then nods, sliding down so she’s level with Madge.

“Toss a grenade for cover and we’ll climb over the hill and make a run for it,” Katniss tells her, yelling but sounding like a whisper. Madge nods and reaches for one, Katniss still firing at their attackers. Madge pulls the pin and throws it, refuses to think of the people she may be catching in the blast. The explosion nearly deafens her, the ground shaking but Katniss is already standing, hauling Madge after her. They clamber over the hill and down the other side, Madge’s whole body made of pudding. Rory is waiting for them and Madge doesn’t know who says “ _Run!_ ” but someone does and they’re all running, angry shouts and bullets hounding their footsteps.

The gunfire grows louder, like it‘s just behind them and Madge feels fear tighten in her chest. _Just don’t stop running._ Rory reaches the Fringe first and ducks between two narrow houses, Madge turning the opposite way down the main road. They’ll have to split up and find their way back to each other, can‘t risk all going the same way and having the Peacekeepers follow after. She can’t hear herself over her jackhammer heart and her body moves on instinct, dodging this way and that, hoping to lose anyone that might be tailing her.

_Rory, Katniss, we’ll find each other again._

_I know we will._

* * *

 

Madge whips around a corner and stops, presses her back against the wall of a nearby house. She peeks quickly back the way she came but can’t see any pursuers, may finally have shaken them off. She takes a moment to catch her breath and then pushes off, has to track down the others.

She creeps through Two, her hands clenched around her gun. Peacekeepers might be anywhere and she has to stay alert, feels like her every pore is on fire. Adrenaline is like liquid lightning, jolting through her at a million miles per second. _Stay focused, stay calm, find Rory and Katniss._ She hears gunfire in the distance and freezes, but then forces herself to go on. _Be brave._

She walks with no sense of time, no idea how long it’s been. _Where are you?_ she wants to scream but can’t, needs to keep looking. Hyper alert ears hear the sound of feet on gravel and Madge stops, flattening herself against the nearest wall. She quiets her breathing, eyes trained on the direction those feet are coming from and she aims, trains her weapon on the narrow opening between two houses. _Who is it?_ Training plays on a loop in her head, every lesson running a marathon through her brain. _It’s going to be okay, you can do thi-_

Madge almost screams at the sight of him, not words, just sounds strangled by feeling. Instead she tumbles towards him, feet crunching over rocks and broken glass. Rory mouths her name but is smart enough not to say it and they meet in a cloud of kicked up dust, her eyes stinging from dirt and tears. It’s not so much a hug as it is a mushing of bodies, lumpy gear jabbing each other painfully. It’s quick because time is always running so far ahead of them and they hurry for cover, fingers knotted in each other’s sleeves.

Rory finds a door with a broken lock and they sneak inside someone’s hollow home, all shadows and left behind memories. They move without having to plan it out loud, Rory dragging a springless sofa in front of the door, Madge closing ratty curtains. Rory sits on the couch, sinks low into the cushions and Madge is sure the peacekeepers will trace them by the thunder beat of her heart. She shuffles over to sit beside him, the seat wilting beneath her weight and she looks at him, a smudged coal drawing in the dark.

“What’s the plan?” he whispers and Madge pushes her tongue against her teeth. _What_ is _the plan?_

“Any idea how many peacekeepers are out there?” she eventually responds, the silence a bit too much like a noose. He shakes his head. Madge drums her fingers on her leg. _What’s the plan?_ She stands and peeks out a window at the street, notes the narrow alleys at either end.

“Okay,” she starts, turning back to Rory with determination weighing in her bones. “We have a good vantage point from these windows for each end of the street. If we can lure the peacekeepers here, they’ll bottleneck and we might be able to pick them off, or at least thin them out.”

Her words are sure but her throat is dry and Rory nods, tongue running over his lips. Of course, how exactly they’re going to lure the peacekeepers is another question. Rory gives her a thoughtful look.

“How do you feel about explosions?”

* * *

 

“Ready?” Rory asks, not bothering to whisper anymore. After all, they want the peacekeepers to find them now. Madge looks at him and his face is shiny with sweat, there’s dirt beneath her nails but _we can do this._ She nods.

The blast rocks the street and Madge grits her teeth, crouched behind the furniture they’d pushed against the walls as extra cover. With her ears still ringing, she jumps up and pops open her window, trusts that Rory is doing the same. She trains her gun on her end of the street and tries to calm her hectic breathing. She fails.

“So now we wait,” comes Rory’s voice and Madge nods.

Now they wait.

* * *

 

They arrive on Rory’s side first.

Madge nearly jumps out of her skin when he opens fire and forces herself to stay focused on her side of the street. Her ears shake and shudder with the sounds of death and gunfire, her teeth biting down into her lip. _Stay focused, don’t look._ Sweat slides over her skin, stretched so tight it might snap apart any minute.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Rory swears and Madge almost turns, is half a second from going to help when peacekeepers start to file in from her side of the street. Panic, so hot it’s almost cold, spills from her head into the rest of her, filling her up from top to bottom. She pulls the trigger with slick fingers and the kick back rattles her organs. Madge has never shot a real person before, tries not to focus on the fact that she’s killing someone’s child, sibling, parent, spouse. There’s a loud, angry lion roar in her ears, drowning out the world and she remembers Janah Malleefowl and a smoking gun, tries not to remember her body in the street.

The peacekeepers return fire and Madge ducks, bullets piercing weak wooden walls and lodging in her furniture barricades. Then she’s up, firing, taking cover and up again. A few bullets come so close she can feel their heat and even a few peacekeepers creep near, but she refuses to think about that, does what she needs to make it out alive. She moves like a machine, her training working without conscious thought. _Don’t think, just do._

She pulls the trigger and nothing comes out, her gun empty and she drops down to her knees, tries to numb the fear in her blood as she reloads. When she stands there’s a peacekeeper so close to her window she could reach out and touch him, the white of his armour glowing in the midday sun. For a second Madge is blind from both the glare and the memory of peacekeepers in the sun, fists and boots tattooing her skin. She’s saved only because the peacekeeper in front of her didn’t expect her to stand so suddenly, isn’t quite ready to fire. Madge pulls the trigger and her bullet buries deep in his armour (his and all of theirs, all those peacekeepers she can never forget), blood spraying out and she can taste it in her mouth. Her stomach roils with heat but she doesn’t have time for that right now.

_Win, you have to win_

* * *

 

She could have been there for years when the last peacekeeper falls, her gun nearly slipping from trembling hands. It takes her a minute to hear it over the _bang, bang, bang_ of her heart against her ribs but Rory’s stopped shooting too. Madge turns to him with a quivering smile, relief like water over burnt skin. _We did it!_

But Rory isn’t smiling as he turns and time seems to slow down, seconds stretching into hours. There’s a frown on his face, red, red, _red_ spreading across his shirt and... _no_.

Madge would scream but can’t, words choked in her throat.

Rory’s been shot.

* * *

 

She can’t breathe and Rory wavers as he touches his wound, fingers coming away scarlet. He slumps sideways, shoulder knocking into the wall and slides down to the floor. Madge trips towards him, her knees cracking angrily against the floor. She ignores the pain and crawls over to him, her hands shaky as she grabs his elbow, curls one hand around his wrist.

“Rory,” she murmurs, doesn’t know what to say.

“How...how bad is it?” he mumbles, voice rising and fading. Madge swallows. She can’t tell through all his clothes, can only see the blood, so, so much blood.

“Here,” she whispers, taking his hand, “put pressure on it. I’m going to see if I can find any first aid supplies.”

Madge stands on quaking legs and has to take a moment to breathe, to relax. _It’s going to be okay. Rory’s going to be okay._ She goes to the bathroom first, the house here laid out similar to her own. She ignores the homesickness as she grabs every clean towel she can find, has to stay focused on Rory. They don’t seem to have any bandages or disinfectant, but Madge can’t tell if they never did or took it with them when they left. She shakes her head. _Not that it really matters, what matters is there’s none._ She goes to the kitchen and fills a bowl with water from the sink, needs something at least to clean him up. She settles down beside him again and can’t really tell in the gloom, but she thinks he may be getting paler.

“So?” he asks as she pulls away his hand, his fingers already stained red.

“Don’t move, I’m going to have to cut away some of your shirt.”

He nods weakly and Madge feels her rib cage tighten. She pulls out her knife and forces her hand to steady as she cuts the fabric around the gunshot wound. His blood is thick and dark, oozing steadily out of him and Madge feels a little like puking. She uses her hands to tear his shirt a bit more and then exhales loudly, the whole bloody mess exposed. It’s on his left side, just missing where she thinks his kidney should be. She puts a hand on his shoulder and gently leans him forward, but sees no exit wound on his back.

“I think the bullet’s still inside you,” she tells him, that thought like a boulder in her gut.

Rory laughs painfully. “Well, shit. You’ll have to...take it out.”

Madge shakes her head quickly, a panicky feeling filling her lungs.

“I can’t, I’ll make it worse.”

“I’ve been shot, I’m not sure...it gets worse.”

Madge bites her lip. _You could die_ , she thinks but doesn’t say. She inhales a shaky breath and places a clean towel in his hand.

“Keep up the pressure,” she tells him and he watches her through half closed eyes. Her whole body trembles as she goes to the sink to clean her knife. She scrubs at her fingers, her nails, her knife with dish soap, eyes welling with tears. She’s no surgeon, knows only the most basic first aid and they need Prim, someone, _anyone_ , who could save Rory. _What if I make it worse?_ She grabs a wooden spoon on the way back and kneels in front of him smelling strongly of lemons. She takes a few deep breaths in the hopes of steadying herself. It doesn’t work.

“Are you sure about this?” she asks and he nods weakly.

“I’m not...gunna lie, I’ve forgotten most of what Prim taught me about emergency first aid, but...I’m pretty sure leaving the bullet in there’s not a good idea...And hey, if this goes terribly wrong and we should have left it in, you can...totally blame me. My bad,” Rory says and tries to smile but Madge can’t return it. He nods again and removes the towel from his wound, Madge flinching at the sight of it. She squeezes the handle of her knife, doesn’t even know where to begin.

“It’s okay,” Rory whispers, “I know...you can do it.”

Madge swallows.

“Here,” she mumbles, placing the spoon between his teeth and for the first time, she can see the worry bright in his eyes. She bends down to get eye level with his wound and leans in close, feels sick as she tries to see the bullet. It’s too far in, not to mention too dark and she leans back, stomach rolling. She scoots in closer and Rory closes his eyes, unable to watch.

“Ready?” she asks, grabbing his shoulder to steady him and he nods jerkily. Slowly, carefully, she inserts her knife into his wound, hoping she’ll hit the bullet with the blade. It’s probably a terrible idea, but she has no idea what else to do. Rory tenses under her fingers, teeth digging into the spoon. He grunts in obvious pain, eyes screwed up and nose wrinkled but Madge keeps going, can’t stop now. And then finally, she feels it.

“Got it,” she breathes in triumph and pulls out the knife, Rory wincing. “Got it,” she repeats and figures she’ll give him a minute to recover. He’s breathing heavily and she realizes there’s no way she’ll be able to dig out a bullet from his wound, it’s too small and narrow. She bites her lip.

“If you want me to take it out, I’ll have to make the opening bigger.”

He exhales loudly and leans his head back.

“Do it.”

Madge nods. She takes his shoulder again and Rory clenches his teeth around the spoon. Her knife is steady even if her heart isn’t when she starts to cut into his skin, widening the bullet wound. Rory groans, hands tightening into fists. _I’m sorry_.

She puts down her knife, the first part of her job done and closes her eyes for a moment. _You can do this._ She looks at his face, his grimace of pain and then plunges two fingers into his side. He yelps around the spoon and she frowns in sympathy, _sorry_ running over and over through her mind. He is warm and wet, or at least his insides are and Madge fights down the rising tide of bile.

_Rory needs me._

She feels it then, fingers grasping at the bullet slippery with Rory. It tries to get away from her but she doesn’t give up, forces it to come out and Rory hisses as her fingers leave his body. The bullet, so tiny but so dangerous, slips from her fingers to the floor as Rory spits out his spoon.

“Fuck” he moans, “fuck fuck fuck”.

“I’m sorry,” she says around a sob, mopping at his wound with a wet towel. There are tears in the corners of his eyes and his breath hisses out of him like steam. She takes another towel, this one clean and dry and places his hand over it.

“Come on, we need to keep up the pressure and stop the bleeding.”

Rory nods and pushes down on the towel with shaking fingers.

“Thanks,” he breathes, voice so very faint. “That fucking sucked. Don’t...don’t ever try it.”

Madge half-laughs, half-sobs.

“I won’t.”

_I hope._

* * *

 

(the battle for District Two wages on, peacekeepers overwhelmed by the sheer number of rebels, all ready to die for their freedom)

(Snow receives dispatches in his Capitol, of rebel footholds, of dead peacekeepers and defectors, Two’s citizens who aren’t so keen to fight for a king they’ve never met)

(resistance members are slaughtered in droves but still they come, cannot, _will not_ give up)

(it is a war heavy on casualties, but slowly, Two falls)

* * *

 

The sun travels to the other side of the house, casting them in even deeper shadows and Madge pulls her gaze away from a collection of family photos on the wall to check on Rory.

He’s bled through his towel again and she feels helplessness strangle her heart, because she has no idea what she’s supposed to do. She gives him a fresh one and he offers her a fragile smile, his skin graying.

“I’m...good,” he answers her unspoken question and she doesn’t believe it for a second. She touches his cheek and he coughs violently, his whole body convulsing. Madge grabs him and holds him, his horrible hacking echoing in her ear. His forehead leans on her chin and she keeps him close, tries to keep him together through the spasms. He flops backwards when he’s done, nearly boneless and Madge looks down to find almost-black blood clots in her lap.

She blinks and then stands on unsteady legs, hurries over to the bathroom. The vomit comes quick and hot, scalding its way up her throat. She grips the edge of the toilet bowl as she heaves, her insides seeming determined to be on the outside. She stays like that for a moment after she’s done and then forces herself up. Rory needs her to hold herself together and she turns on the faucet, ignores her reflection as she scrubs away his blood.

_Someone’s going to find us soon, they have to._

The sun burns orange through a window as Madge makes her way back into the living room, nausea swirling in her gut. She goes to kneel beside Rory and _something’s wrong_. His hand is no longer applying pressure, lies useless instead, his whole body mostly limp. His head lolls a bit to the side, breathing shallow and Madge feels fear start to burst in her brain.

“Rory, hey, wake up, don’t fall asleep. Stay with me,” she begs, grabbing his shoulders and his eyelids flutter but don’t quite open. Madge almost panics but forces it down and threads her fingers through his and pushes down, won’t let him bleed out on the floor.

“Talk to me Rory, tell me a story,” she insists and he gurgles a little. She squeezes his hand and moves up against his side, presses herself as close to him as she can. “Please, Rory, talk to me,” she whispers against his ear.

“I’m o...kay” he manages, voice thin but there and Madge buries her face in his shoulder. She can feel his every shuddery breath and places a hand over his heart, needs to feel it beating. She needs to keep him awake, needs to keep him conscious.

“Keep talking, you need to keep talking, okay?”

He nods and forces his head upright, the strain clear in all his muscles.

“Sor...ry. What should I...say?” he asks, sounding exhausted.

“Anything. A secret, something nobody else knows.”

He pauses and Madge is almost afraid he’s passed out when “Birds,” he mumbles and Madge blinks.

“Birds?”

“Bi...rds freak me...freak me out,” he forces past his lips and Madge feels her eyebrows go up.

“I’ve never...never told anyone, could you...could you imagine if Vick found out?  He’d never’ve....let that go...right?”

Madge nods, a small smile touching her lips.

“He and Gale...hah, they’d have loved to know....I’d never hear the...end of it...”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she promises.

“I...I told Peony,” he admits and Madge squeezes his fingers again. “I always, always wanted to...go out into the woods with Gale, but...fuck, those birds. They were...just so... _creepy_. She didn’t laugh though...she was _terrified_ of...fish, can you believe it? Fish.”

He takes a pause to catch his breath, body rattling and Madge tightens her grip on him.

“I took her...to the pond when...when we were fifteen, I...I think. She spent...a half hour or something, just...standing at the edge, afraid she’d see one. She got...knee deep and then... _screamed_ , sure she’d felt one...I’ve never...never seen someone move so quick. Fuck...she’d be so pissed I told you...”

Rory smiles a little bit and Madge feels her own widen.

“Vick...Vick would be so angry right now. He and Posy...they’d give me so much shit for getting...shot like this. Hah...they’d be so mad...”

Madge’s eyes sting with tears, her whole body sagging.

“And Peony...and Prim, they used to...do one hell of a...of a tag team. I’d be in so much...trouble...”

Madge sniffles and sits up to get a new towel, the current one soaked through with blood. Rory inhales a few times, the sound of it wet and rattling.

“I wish...I wish they were here to...yell at me,” he admits quietly, eyes downcast and Madge squeezes the towel in her hands. “I...miss them. Vick and...and Peony. I miss them...”

“I know,” she whispers, tries to stem the blood flow with a clean towel. “I know you do.”

He nods, breathing so laboured Madge can barely hear _it_ , but she does, just, just manages to. There’s something, someone, _many_ someones outside, footsteps carefully stepping on the dirt street. She tenses, fingers tightening on her gun but then deflates like an old balloon.

The door opens and standing there, lit up like a superhero by the setting sun, is Katniss.

Madge bursts into tears.

* * *

 

Medics swarm over Rory like buzzing bees and Madge leans against a wall with weak knees. _He’ll be okay now, they’ll make him okay._ Katniss comes to stand beside her and doesn’t say anything, just places a hand on Madge’s shoulder and squeezes. Madge wipes at a few tears still dribbling down her cheeks and puts her hand on top of Katniss’. _We’re all okay._

“That’s one hell of a graveyard out there,” Katniss says and Madge had nearly forgotten about all the peacekeepers she’d killed, had been so entirely wrapped up in Rory. She doesn’t know what to say, so she just nods instead, wonders if it made any difference in the grand scheme of things.

“Most of Two is ours,” Katniss continues and Madge feels a little lightheaded. “The remaining enemy forces have gone to hide in the mines.”

Madge closes her eyes.

“Do we have any ideas how to get them out?” she asks and Katniss shrugs.

“I’m sure the people in charge are figuring it out. We’re just grunts, no one tells us anything.”

Madge nods again and peeks over in Rory’s direction. She can only make out his left foot, everything else blocked by busy medics but that foot’s enough. _He’s okay_ she tells herself again, desperate for the reassurance.

_He’s okay._

* * *

 

The next morning Rory is sent away to an impromptu hospital while Madge and Katniss march back to war, ready to stamp out the last of Two’s defenders. The rebel forces converge on the “Nut” the mining mountain where their enemies have taken refuge and Madge hopes they’ll surrender without a fight, but she isn’t holding her breath.

The columns of soldiers shift restlessly and Commander Lyme steps forward, a megaphone clamped firmly in her fist. A tense hush falls over the crowd and Madge can feel her heart pounding, beating up in her throat.

“This is Commander Lyme, representing President Coin and the United Army of Panem. We have no further wish for bloodshed and so, we are willing to offer amnesty to each one of you. Surrender now and come out without your arms and you will not be harmed. I myself am from District Two, and I promise you, I have no wish to spill anymore of our blood.”

Her words echo around the district and no one breathes, waiting for Two’s response.

“This is your last chance, if you do not come out, we will use force and show no mercy. Surrender now.”

Again, her words are met by only silence and Madge feels tight all over, her every nerve about to snap. They wait a few moments, just in case, and then Commander Lyme shakes her head. She lowers her megaphone and steps back, a grim expression on her face. Madge can feel apprehension gnawing at her, lowering over her shoulders like a blanket.

“Brace yourselves!” Commander Lyme suddenly bellows and Madge looks at Katniss in question. _Brace ourselves? For what?_

(for the very end of district two)

* * *

 

The Nut erupts like a volcano, fire shooting from all directions.

Madge screams and she isn’t the only one, the ground bucking beneath their feet. Dirt and rocks burst into the sky, raining down on the soldiers cowering outside, their pale faces making it clear none of them saw this coming. Blast after blast demolishes the Nut, anyone and _everyone_ inside and _no mercy_ Commander Lyme had said and clearly, she’d meant it.

Hovercrafts rumble in the sky, dropping more death on the Nut while bombs somehow hidden inside continue to go off, President Coin’s war machine taking no chances. Dust clouds and pebbles shower down on her and Madge can’t scream anymore, feels numb as the explosions continue, reducing the mountain to rubble and destroying the Capitol’s last allies in the Districts.

She watches fire kiss the clouds, imagines the screams of those burning away inside their sanctuary turned tomb. _That’s enough_ she wants to wail, but doesn’t, maybe isn’t as compassionate as she wants to believe.

( _that’s enough, but is it? Is it?_ asks the darkness in her heart)

(Madge doesn’t listen for the answer)

* * *

 

District Two is done, they’ve won and Madge is hard and cold all over.

She can’t imagine victory is meant to feel like this.

* * *

 

The so-called hospital smells like so many things Madge wishes she could ignore, lights dim and grimy. It’s understaffed, underequipped but it’s better than nothing and that’s what she keeps telling herself as she sits by a slumbering Rory’s bedside, his limp fingers clammy in hers. She’d love to sleep too, feels like she could for a whole year, but she’s afraid to close her eyes, afraid of what she might wake up to. The medics had patched him up as best they could, but he’s still breathing heavy, his skin far too pale. She kisses his grimy knuckles and _please be okay Rory, please, please be okay._

“I found Leevy,” Katniss reports, coming up behind her and Madge sighs with relief.

“Is she okay?”

Katniss comes around to the end of Rory’s bed and nods. “She broke her arm, but otherwise, she’ll be okay.”

They both stare down at Rory, the struggling rise and fall of his chest.

“I heard a rumour too,” Katniss begins and Madge tears her eyes away from Rory.

“About what?”

Katniss manages a smile, tired and a little rough in the corners. “That we’ll be going home soon.”

_Home_

Madge feels her tiredness start to melt away.

_We’re going home._

* * *

 

Madge holds Rory’s hand the whole way back to Thirteen, promises she‘ll never ever let go.

* * *

 

Everyone is herded to Thirteen’s overcrowded infirmary when they arrive, no matter how many times they protest they’re alright. Madge has no injuries that need tending, she just needs _home_ , but no one listens. She shuffles alongside those in desperate need of care and daydreams of a shower, her own bed, her family.

Medics, nurses and doctors are waiting for them as they reach the infirmary and quickly begin sorting through them. Madge and Katniss are pushed off to one side, no immediate threats to their health while Leevy and Rory are pulled another way, in need of proper medical attention. Madge sinks to the floor between a box of bandages and a table covered in sterilized tools and leans her forehead on her knees, tired like she’s never been before. She can see Maysie against her eyelids, Gale, her father, Prim and the Hawthornes. _Soon,_ she thinks to herself, _soon we’ll be together again._

Time moves or doesn’t, Madge can’t quite be sure. Eventually nurses come to examine them, make sure they really are alright. There’s no available beds so they do their work right there in the corner and Madge keeps her eyes closed as she waits for her turn. _I hope Rory’s doing alright._

“Madge,” Katniss hisses, kicking her in the ankle and Madge’s head pops up, assuming it’s her turn. But the nurse is still two people away and then Madge follows Katniss’ line of sight and feels her chest burn suddenly hot.

_Gale_

He’s standing in the midst of a flurry of activity, her heart pounding out his name. He says hers and she hears it even though he’s much too far away, feels invigorated and refreshed at just the sight of him. She stands and keeps her eyes locked with his, never once looks away and the whole world around them seems to blur, no longer mattering. She walks to him and straight into his embrace, folds into his chest like she’d never left.

“You’re back,” Gale whispers and Madge smiles into his shoulder.

_I’m back._

* * *

 

Holding Maysilee is better than any medicine, salve or balm, soothes and reassures Madge like nothing else ever could. She feels alive again as she holds her daughter, feels courage and strength pounding through her blood.

“I love you,” she whispers though her tears and this is why she fights, why she has to win.

For Maysilee, Madge thinks she could do anything.

Anything at all.

* * *

 

There’s a heap of clothing on the floor and Madge lies on her back in bed, eyes closed and body humming. Gale lies on his side beside her, propped up on an elbow and she can feel him looking at her, kissing her all over with his eyes. The room is dim, her breathing slow and home is not so much a place as a feeling, like a fire boiling her blood.

 “They started planning the Capitol invasion the second they heard Two had fallen,” Gale whispers, goose bumps following his fingertips across her skin.

“You’re going,” she murmurs, opening her eyes. Gale nods and his hands stop, a burning hot trail remembering where they’d been.

“This is it,” he tells her and she knows it, feels it like a storm in her chest. She reaches for his face and pulls him down to her, fills herself with Gale, entirely and completely. _This is it_ his voice echoes as he touches her inside and out, _this is the end_ her heart whispers back.

_Soon, this will all be over._

(but for who?)

* * *

 

Her father stops by before breakfast the next day, eyes wet and shining.

“Madge,” he breathes when she opens the door and she smiles, her own eyes starting to fill with tears.

“Daddy.”

Neither one of them says anything else, they simply fall into each other’s arms and hold each other tight. Madge laughs into his shoulder as he squeezes her and there’s something magical in this moment, something bright and warm and right.

_Are you watching Mama? Us Undersees, we’re going to be okay. We’re going to make it, I promise._

And if she listens with her heart instead of her ears, she’s pretty sure she can hear her mother say _I know._

* * *

 

Madge has to settle back into her regular routine and it feels so strange, because everything is different now, but also just the same. She works and trains, nightmares nibbling at her mind, memories and could-have-beens lodging in her chest and freezing her all over like ice. Gunfire and blood, Rory’s gray skin, explosions rattling her bones, they’ve taken root inside her but outside everything goes along as it has for months and months, monotonous and never changing. Coin’s daily briefings greet them in the mornings, schedules dictate their every waking hour and everybody just plods along, even as Madge’s whole world tilts a bit on its axis.

 _Maybe nothing’s changed,_ she thinks as she stirs her pudding at dinner, _maybe I’m the only one who’s different._ It’s a bit disorienting, a bit like drifting out to sea but every time she needs an anchor to keep her steady, there’s Maysie tottering on unsteady legs across their room, Gale’s body warm against hers in bed, Posy’s excited whisper at supper, Prim’s gentle hands, her father’s tender smile, Katniss’ steely determination, Peeta’s silly jokes, Hazelle’s comforting eyes, Annie greeting her at breakfast with a breathless “I’m so glad you’re alright”.

There’s a storm raging inside but Madge knows it will pass, the people she loves like sunshine peeking through clouds.

_We’re going to be okay._

Deep down in her heart, she believes it. That’s something not even going to war can change.

* * *

 

Madge goes with the Hawthornes to visit Rory, feels an odd sort of fear pooling in her gut. She knows he’s okay, on the road to recovery and still it builds, weighing down her limbs. Posy charges ahead of them, barging into the infirmary with determination blazing in her eyes and Hazelle follows after. Madge lags a bit behind with Gale, that odd worry chewing on her skin.

“Something wrong?” Gale asks and she shakes her heads, even as acid crashes against the walls of her stomach. _Why am I so nervous?_ They head inside and the place is crowded with patients and their families, the cost of Two’s liberation a heavy one.

“Looking for Rory?”

Madge turns around and Prim stands behind her, eyes shadowed with exhaustion. She’s pale too, hair dull and Madge thinks she needs a break, but then, they all do. Gale turns too and smiles at Prim.

“Yeah, hope he hasn’t been causing you too much trouble.”

Prim laughs thinly, her eyes not lighting up like they used to.

“He’s been great. Well, aside from constantly trying to convince everyone he’s fine to go home that is.”

Gale grins.

“That definitely sounds like him. So, where is the menace?”

Prim’s smile is weak as she points to their right.

“He’ll be along the wall over there. I’d go with you, but I’ve got so much work to do...”

Madge squeezes her arm.

“When are you off?”

“Umm, I don’t know, uh...I haven’t gone home in two days, but we lost so many in Two...” Prim trails off and Madge pulls her in for a quick hug.

“Get some rest Prim,” she pleads and Prim nods against her shoulder.

“I’m okay, really. Now go on, Rory’s waiting.”

Madge and Gale watch Prim as she slouches off into the crowd, hearts heavy.

“She’s an Everdeen, they’re tough. She’ll be okay,” Gale says and Madge nods, wishes she could believe it. They head in the direction Prim pointed, past so many beds of injured men and women, before they see the Hawthornes. Rory is sitting up in bed, colour back in his cheeks and Madge feels some of her tension ease. But she still can’t shake the image of him, limp and nearly lifeless in her arms. She tries to shake her head to clear it and Hazelle pulls Rory in for a hug, holds him so long it’s like she’ll never let go.

“I’m alright, Ma, really. Prim’s taken good care of me.”

Hazelle nods and releases him, except his hand, kept tight in hers. Posy glares at Rory, arms folded across her chest.

“You’re a jerk,” she pronounces and Rory grins.

“Ah, just the homecoming I dreamed of.”

“Really,” Posy insists, fighting the gathering tears in her eyes. “I’d never, ever forgive you if you got yourself killed.”

Rory’s smile softens and he reaches his hand out to hers, squeezes her fingers. “I know.”

Posy nods and bites down on her bottom lip. Her eyes blur with tears and then she flings herself on him, blubbering on his shoulder in a snotty mess.

“Ah come on Posy, I’m okay,” Rory says, patting her back.

“Shut up,” she replies and sits back, rubbing furiously at her eyes. Hazelle wraps an arm around Posy’s shoulders and Rory takes note of Gale and Madge.

“Posy’s right, you are a jerk,” Gale says shaking his head, a small smile on his lips.

“Hey, you got blown up. I don’t think this is quite as bad as that,” Rory counters with a smirk and Madge feels a knot in her chest start to loosen. This is the Rory she remembers, the one they’d missed for so long. Gale rolls his eyes and sits in a chair by Rory’s bedside.

“So, what? Every time I complain about someone doing something, you guys are gunna throw that in my face?”

“Duh.”

Posy giggles a little, Hazelle’s eyes shine and Madge feels a little like she’s floating. Rory looks over at her and smiles warmly, less the little boy who lost everything, and more the handsome young man he should’ve been allowed to be.

“I’m glad you were there with me,” he says, taking her hand and Madge feels tears build in her eyes. She wishes she didn’t always cry but this is one habit she can’t seem to break.

“Me too,” she mumbles and Rory grins, that old, old Rory grin, full of mischief and good cheer.

“My hero,” Rory teases with his voice, his eyes bright and sincere and then Madge grabs him, sobbing ridiculously into his chest. Gale laughs and then his arms are around them both, Posy and Hazelle soon joining in.

(and with her eyes closed, she could swear Vick was here too)

* * *

 

Preparations begin in earnest, plans drawn up for the final siege.

A manic energy infuses the walls of District Thirteen, breathes life into the people hemmed in underground.

( _soon, soon_ )

* * *

 

“So, I’ll be going to the Capitol instead of Leevy,” Thom tells them with a grin over lunch a few days later, Leevy, her arm bound up in a sling, nodding along. Gale sighs dramatically.

“Guess we should say our last goodbyes now,” he tells Madge and Thom rolls his eyes.

“You’re the one who blew up last time,” he retorts, words softened by a grin. Gale opens his mouth to reply but Leevy gets there first.

“How about you watch each other’s backs,” she says and Madge can’t help but nod.

_Bring each other home._

_Please._

* * *

 

Days tick down into hours, their day of reckoning creeping ever closer.

 _Soon, soon_ is the promise roaring in the walls of Thirteen, their rebellion ready for its final test.

_Soon_

* * *

 

Gale holds Maysilee in his arms, whispers softly to her and Madge leans against him, presses her cheek to his shoulder. Maysie sleeps soundly and Gale's voice is tender as he talks to her, reassurances and promises in every word.

_...when this is over, I'll teach you to swim, to lay the perfect snare..._

_...we'll go home to Twelve, you'll love the woods..._

_...I'll remind you when you're older, but always listen to your Nana's advice. You can ignore Uncle Rory and Aunt Posy though..._

_...I love you..._

Madge sighs into his skin, wants to stretch this night out for years. Instead, they have only a handful of hours before he's gone and she closes her eyes, lets the sound of him soothe her ragged edges. He is promising Maysie a million tomorrows and Madge will hold him to it, believes in him and his coming home.

They have only tonight and then the rest of their lives, days and months and years upon years.

Madge believes that.

(she has to)

* * *

 

Madge and Gale are quiet as she walks him to the hovercraft, hands linked and bodies brushing.

They’d dropped Maysie off with Hazelle, he’d said all his last goodbyes and now there’s just this walk, this one walk before he’s gone, off where she can’t follow. There are other people walking the same way but Madge barely notices them, is entirely focused on Gale and every last second she has with him.

They reach the hangar bay and families mill about, exchanging kisses and final farewells. She can see Peeta and Katniss nearby, whispering in each other’s ears and then Gale turns to face her, hands resting on her waist. She wraps hers around his neck, hands playing with the hair at the back of his head and tries to smile. Words crowd up inside her and Gale presses his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” he murmurs and Madge tilts her head up, lips ghosting over his.

"Come back to me," she breathes into him and he tightens his hold on her waist, their hearts pressed together and beating in tandem. She kisses him with breathless abandon and _this is not goodbye._

She can taste a thousand words on his tongue, passed silently between their lips. He _will_ be back and Madge gathers her courage around herself like armour as he starts to pull away. His fingers catch hers and she squeezes slightly, burns the feel of him into her flesh. She inhales and watches him walk away, off to join the others and Peeta comes up beside her, slips his arm around her shoulders. She slides hers around his waist as they watch their soldiers head off to war, the final battle of them all.

 _I love you_ Madge thinks to their backs, _i love you i love you i love you._

Gale turns back for a moment and Madge smiles, wants what could be his final look at her to be something worth remembering. Leevy comes up on her other side, hand finding hers and this is it.

The end is here.

(please, _please_ let it be the Capitol's end)

(not ours)

( _please_ , not ours)

* * *

 

(the end is here, not only in the Capitol but in Thirteen too)

(the Rebellion is launching their last strike but so is Snow)

(and this time, it really is winner take all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left!! Thank you so much for sticking with me through this, you guys are the very best!! :)


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